lately.. ive made a mess
im better from being sick. went back to school and finished up my half ill week. that was rough. i didnt want to be there and didnt feel the whole go to class thing. but yeah, teachers were understanding. once the weekend hit a party at deans was nice because getting out of the house from being a sick person to feeling like a real person is always nice. mild drama but that was that. school the next week was not so great because monday i went all day.. tuesday i didnt make it to fourth period because eric and i decided it was 'too hot' so we went to the mall and ran into britt. christopher and jeremy and got a puppy at the pet store to play with. then wednesday i made it to only first period then zach and i decided the rest of the day wasnt necessary and smoking pot and watching the snorks and jeopardy and other things was a better idea. went home to be aunt sarah. then i did make it to work which was nice because i was doing the last day of training with the lovely amanda. after work we walked out, i lit up a cigarette and zach met amanda and i in the parking lot. we decided to go smoke and chill out so we did. we sat around and we were crazy and it was a lovely way to end the day. those kids are the best. thursday i made myself stay all day but had some explaining to do to my teachers. hmph. then there was work, blah blah. kim picked me up after work and we went to barns and noble and drank some coffee. headed up to the mall to visit pat and rick and i got fries. hah. friday i got to go to group. that made my day. staying in school was tuff though. friday night i hung out with kimber and we visited davey at work. i talked to scott. announced that it's okay, i was sober. too bad i dont remember that other conversation? oh well. we ended up meeting up with richie and shawn and we all picked up a movie and i started to watch it and cell phones had to ring. people had to start drama. fuck that. i ended up calling it a night and deciding not to even go to the bar for aaron's show. i slept. woke up for work at 8:00 and was supposed to work till 6 and got off at 5 instead. thank god because it was so busy it took me 3 hours to eat a bagel. aaron picked me up from work and we decided pot was necessary. we went and bought an eigth. headed to doug's, ryan was there too and we all smoked and watched seinfeld. interesting. then we decided that we wanted to do test out some other stuff. so we all headed out to jason's and he was there and some of his roomates and other random guys kept showing up. he had a variety of choices and it was lovely. best taste. then boys being boys dared to see who could clear the sobe. it was a killer. thennn i headed up to cms and ran into emanuel, caleb, nate, emily, becky, and hannah. so randomly. but we all smoked. geeked. lovely times. then met up with tom and mike and breanne who was in town and that was so nice to run into her. eventually headed home. chatted with my sister and caught up on some much needed sleep. i woke up late this morning with my mother calling my house telling me that my father was on his way... opps. i over slept. threw some clothes on and ran out the door. we ended up going to friendly's which wasnt such a friendly setting. oh well. tension. yuck. we sat and he talked and i held back tears. i felt stuck. i felt like getting up out of myself and walking away. i didnt. i took it all and allowed myself to feel so bad. perhaps i deserved it. then he opened the envelope. placed two things down on the table. it ought to have been a gun and a bullet, it wasnt but the same power was in both. i cant win. i can sleep. i came home and anna tried to cheer me up makin faces and tickling me. i walked straight to bed. she opened all my windows and is blaring music. im blaring mine over hers though. that's all there is to be said. im going now. cancer sticks are calling my name.