million and ten thoughts
as tired as i am, i cannot sleep. i've been laying in bed for an hour now and can just cry and think, and think and cry. i have so many thoughts racing through my head. i feel like im going to explode. the moment i came downstairs to the computer, my roommate got up and left. not a single word, like it has been for days now. i can't stand it any more. i don't know what i did for him to hate me so much. it's as if i dont even come close to existing. i'm just an unacknowledged ghost. this is exactly how i felt when i lived with my dad and step mom. lifeless. i wish my heart would just stop beating.
i need to get out of here as soon as i possibly can. i just have no idea where i'm going to go. i can't go to mom's. nor can i ask her to help me financially again. my credit still is not fixed and it's going on two years now. i need to push them to clear it. it's the only way im going to be able to get a place on my own. yay for the slums of fresno. i dont care though. anything to get out of here. i cannot express how deeply hurt i am. i cannot express the constant pain i feel. this is just my life. the ongoing story of ali's life. my shitty life. i wish my heart would just stop beating.
i need to get out of here as soon as i possibly can. i just have no idea where i'm going to go. i can't go to mom's. nor can i ask her to help me financially again. my credit still is not fixed and it's going on two years now. i need to push them to clear it. it's the only way im going to be able to get a place on my own. yay for the slums of fresno. i dont care though. anything to get out of here. i cannot express how deeply hurt i am. i cannot express the constant pain i feel. this is just my life. the ongoing story of ali's life. my shitty life. i wish my heart would just stop beating.