Oct 16, 2006 00:48
this weekend was over all very bad.
this past week, i've been in a lot of pain and its really frustrating to deal with. i'm up half the nigth because I can't sleep. theres nothing anyone can do or say that will make it go away. its a battle that i'm fighting alone and it's extremly scary. and sometimes, i just want to talk but usually, everyones busy. thats college though. maybe someday it will change.
so this weekend, i didnt do anything that i wanted to. i really wanted to see katie but i guess it just didnt work out. not having a car blows. and then i realized that i dont want to be in college anymore. i dont want to be a doctor. i have no idea what i want to be. i hate this feeling. everyone that comes here loves it and i'm not even content. maybe if i wasnt sick, but i have to stop blaming everything on this. its taking control of my life again.
still over one month until i go to the doctor. i'm scared. they always tell me the same thing. this would be so much easier if friends were here. atleast just on the weekends to go out and goof around. lay around and watch movies. just be. thats what i miss the most. it was my cure. hopefully someday, we can just be again.
and then i remember to look on the bright side. i have a wonderful life. i know my friends will be there if i really need them to be. i'm getting fairly good grades. i'm attending a good school. i'm not messed up with drugs. i have all my five senses. my teeth are straight. my door looks pretty sweet. and i've had awesome times with friends and my walls remind me of that. it keeps me going, little by little.
college. i thought it would be different. i thought everyone would talk more. i thought a lot of things but i was wrong. maybe i'll clear those thoughts and everything will be better. ..