(no subject)
i read my sis's entry i think yah that is good what there doing, sometimes i wish that that was how brian and i did it. him supposedly loving me yet not wanting to be with me. one day he'll realize that he was better off with me than without, i dont know about me yet, i know i loved him more than i ever thought i could love anyone in my life and they say its better to have love and lost than to never loved at all btu somehow i dont believe it, i mean the only thing goog is that one day ill have memories i can look back on and smile but i dont want that, i want to live those memories and others like them for the rest of my life but i cant and i cant dwell on those things eihter. but in a way i wish that i never loved like that, because no one should have to love someone like i did and have to let it go. i gave him that chance, the chance for him to have time away, i mean really away, hundreds of miles away, to decide if i was what he wanted, i left nothing in the dark, he knew all of me and he knew he had all of me, yet he decided to stay. then, he broke my heart and all my dreams that i had spent dreaming of and left me with nothing but i fucking dvd player and several pairs of his boxers briefs. he gained more experience than im sure he ever had dreamed of having and an ego boost that could kill an elephant if it wasnt to stubborn and idiotic to realize that that was all it was a boost and it would be gone as soon as he let his gaurd down. and that fuckin elephant could probably spell better with a fuckin jack hammer up its ass than brian ever could. but what can i say? he graduated fron sk. but im out peace to my niggas out there