I'm doing so well with this whole updating thing...
For now at least...
Well, I was like half done with this entry and my comp rebooted on me. *frowns* I'll try to re-write this now. Okay, as anyone who read Amanda's journal knows, Me and Josh are through. It's kind of a long story which I think I got into a bit on my last rant, I mean update. Well, here's the long and short of it, or at least the short.
Last night me and Leesy went up to Schleswig to say hi to Amanda and stuff. We decided to stop at Cheetah's to get my mom food and to say hi to Josh. Mostly the latter of the two. He refused to come over to the little window where we were. He's just all, "Oh, I'm doing dishes!" So we kinda relayed messages through Jeff and...well basically we just yelled back to him.
We asked Jeff to see if Josh wanted to go get drunk. (We didn't think we should yell that back to him.) Then Jeff yells quite loudly, "JOSH! DO YOU WANNA GO GET FUCKED UP TONIGHT??" To which Josh replied even louder, "WOOOOOOO!" Lol. When he found out it was me and Elyse with whom he would be getting "fucked up", he didn't seem too thrilled. He kept telling us that he had to go home or his parents would get mad. Finally he agreed to come over around 2 or so. I got sick of not being able to talk to his face so I just went back to the grill area (dunno what it's actually called at a bar, but that's what we called it at McDonald's) of the bar to talk to him. Here's how our "conversation" went:
Alissa: Hey...*pokes Josh's tummy* Are you done being pissed?
Josh: *sigh* Yeah, I think so.
Alissa: Good. Can I have a hug? I've been awfully Josh deprived this last week or so. *tries best to look cute*
Josh: *hugs Alissa*
Then we left and for some reason I actually thought everything was gonna be okay again. Wow, I suppose there is a bit of optimism beneath all my deppressive-like dramatics. The gyst of it is, Josh didn't show up. Nor did he call. Then here comes the big thing...I called him this morning and his mom answered. I almost wet my pants because she downright scares me. Here's that conversation:
Alissa: Hi, is Josh there?
Darla: Who is this?
Alissa: Alissa.
Darla: What do you want?
Alissa: I just needed ta talk to Josh for a few.
Darla: You do do know he's back with Amber, don't you?
Alissa: *silence*
Darla: He didn't tell you? (she sounded entirely too satisfied about this)
Alissa: No...long story, but that does explain a lot of stuff for me. Thanks, buh bye! *hangs up quickly*
Yeah...so my dad was basically crap from then on. (I DID get to go to Schleswig to eat a brownie or 2 at Manda's) Kayla called into work so I was pretty much alone from 1-9:30 at work. That was entirely too much time to think. Can you guess what I was thinking about? Haha.
I've been listening to Senses Fail-Choke On This on repeat. I even put in the CD while I was cleaning up at the Donna Reed and blared that. (Very cool because of the theater worthy surround sound.) Here's the song:
Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash
That infests my sheets
Can't make a wife out of a whore
Don't want your skin on me
And you're
You're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain
I gave you these roses now
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a dusty shelf
So this love's been worn down
Like songs on a tape
The sex has lost all of its fun
Like gum loses taste
And you're
You're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain
I gave you these roses
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a shelf
I'm here lying in your bed, babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my James Dean
I'll be your sweet queen."
I said that you were my first
But you weren't even close now
Like a fram in a movie
You're just one of many
Can you grant one last wish?
Play Russian Roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me
I gave you these roses
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a shelf
I know most of it really doesn't apply to me, but I love it anymore. The part that's bold and underlines is like my all time favorite lyric now. *nod me* Also, I wrote a poem. Well, I found a poem that I'd started and tried to finish it. As I read over it now I realize that it's shit. I think I'm gonna stick to short stories and what not, they're not AS horrible. Lol. Here's the poem-thing.
Sprinkle this dust
Let it fall to the floor
Make a meaningful wish
Fullfilled dreams and so much more
It glitters in the sunlight
Like pixies fluttering about
I silently hope for those wishes
Afraid to move or make a sound
I know it's silly to believe
My dreams could ever come true
I let out a defeated sigh
What the hell did I think this would do?
Did I think things would be different?
Nope, everything's the same
There's no knight in shining armor
No small slice of fame
But there's a flash of light
And when it fades away
There you are, my savior
My rainbow on a rainy day
Life with you seems wonderful
You're everything I need
But something is amiss
Though their advice I do not heed
Over time I realize
I've made a big mistake
These feelings aren't real at all
Everything's been fake
I see the error in my ways
The one thing my wish lacked
Though I wanted someone to love
I never said they had to love me back
And now it's getting late and I'm tired. I dunno what I'm gonna do. *sighs* Goodnight, cruel world! *throws hand to forehead dramatically* (I still got it!)
--Alissa
Can you grant me one last wish? Play Russian Roulette as we kiss. I'll be your cheap novelty. Blow your brains out on me.
Well, I was like half done with this entry and my comp rebooted on me. *frowns* I'll try to re-write this now. Okay, as anyone who read Amanda's journal knows, Me and Josh are through. It's kind of a long story which I think I got into a bit on my last rant, I mean update. Well, here's the long and short of it, or at least the short.
Last night me and Leesy went up to Schleswig to say hi to Amanda and stuff. We decided to stop at Cheetah's to get my mom food and to say hi to Josh. Mostly the latter of the two. He refused to come over to the little window where we were. He's just all, "Oh, I'm doing dishes!" So we kinda relayed messages through Jeff and...well basically we just yelled back to him.
We asked Jeff to see if Josh wanted to go get drunk. (We didn't think we should yell that back to him.) Then Jeff yells quite loudly, "JOSH! DO YOU WANNA GO GET FUCKED UP TONIGHT??" To which Josh replied even louder, "WOOOOOOO!" Lol. When he found out it was me and Elyse with whom he would be getting "fucked up", he didn't seem too thrilled. He kept telling us that he had to go home or his parents would get mad. Finally he agreed to come over around 2 or so. I got sick of not being able to talk to his face so I just went back to the grill area (dunno what it's actually called at a bar, but that's what we called it at McDonald's) of the bar to talk to him. Here's how our "conversation" went:
Alissa: Hey...*pokes Josh's tummy* Are you done being pissed?
Josh: *sigh* Yeah, I think so.
Alissa: Good. Can I have a hug? I've been awfully Josh deprived this last week or so. *tries best to look cute*
Josh: *hugs Alissa*
Then we left and for some reason I actually thought everything was gonna be okay again. Wow, I suppose there is a bit of optimism beneath all my deppressive-like dramatics. The gyst of it is, Josh didn't show up. Nor did he call. Then here comes the big thing...I called him this morning and his mom answered. I almost wet my pants because she downright scares me. Here's that conversation:
Alissa: Hi, is Josh there?
Darla: Who is this?
Alissa: Alissa.
Darla: What do you want?
Alissa: I just needed ta talk to Josh for a few.
Darla: You do do know he's back with Amber, don't you?
Alissa: *silence*
Darla: He didn't tell you? (she sounded entirely too satisfied about this)
Alissa: No...long story, but that does explain a lot of stuff for me. Thanks, buh bye! *hangs up quickly*
Yeah...so my dad was basically crap from then on. (I DID get to go to Schleswig to eat a brownie or 2 at Manda's) Kayla called into work so I was pretty much alone from 1-9:30 at work. That was entirely too much time to think. Can you guess what I was thinking about? Haha.
I've been listening to Senses Fail-Choke On This on repeat. I even put in the CD while I was cleaning up at the Donna Reed and blared that. (Very cool because of the theater worthy surround sound.) Here's the song:
Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash
That infests my sheets
Can't make a wife out of a whore
Don't want your skin on me
And you're
You're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain
I gave you these roses now
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a dusty shelf
So this love's been worn down
Like songs on a tape
The sex has lost all of its fun
Like gum loses taste
And you're
You're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain
I gave you these roses
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a shelf
I'm here lying in your bed, babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my James Dean
I'll be your sweet queen."
I said that you were my first
But you weren't even close now
Like a fram in a movie
You're just one of many
Can you grant one last wish?
Play Russian Roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me
I gave you these roses
But I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you on a shelf
I know most of it really doesn't apply to me, but I love it anymore. The part that's bold and underlines is like my all time favorite lyric now. *nod me* Also, I wrote a poem. Well, I found a poem that I'd started and tried to finish it. As I read over it now I realize that it's shit. I think I'm gonna stick to short stories and what not, they're not AS horrible. Lol. Here's the poem-thing.
Sprinkle this dust
Let it fall to the floor
Make a meaningful wish
Fullfilled dreams and so much more
It glitters in the sunlight
Like pixies fluttering about
I silently hope for those wishes
Afraid to move or make a sound
I know it's silly to believe
My dreams could ever come true
I let out a defeated sigh
What the hell did I think this would do?
Did I think things would be different?
Nope, everything's the same
There's no knight in shining armor
No small slice of fame
But there's a flash of light
And when it fades away
There you are, my savior
My rainbow on a rainy day
Life with you seems wonderful
You're everything I need
But something is amiss
Though their advice I do not heed
Over time I realize
I've made a big mistake
These feelings aren't real at all
Everything's been fake
I see the error in my ways
The one thing my wish lacked
Though I wanted someone to love
I never said they had to love me back
And now it's getting late and I'm tired. I dunno what I'm gonna do. *sighs* Goodnight, cruel world! *throws hand to forehead dramatically* (I still got it!)
--Alissa
Can you grant me one last wish? Play Russian Roulette as we kiss. I'll be your cheap novelty. Blow your brains out on me.