Merp. Merp, Merp!
Idiot move #1:
Yesterday at the store, I looked at a package of peanuts of peanuts that said, "Raw Peanuts," actually read these words, and then thought to myself, "Oh, good, Unsalted Dry Roasted Peanuts. Perfect."
Idiot move #2:
This morning I endeavor to roast the peanuts myself and, in accordance with the directions on the Virginia Peanut Association Website put them into a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes. Feeling very on top of myself, I go downstairs to the kitchen to check on them a few minutes early and, sniffing the air, think to myself, "Who's the asshole who burned the popcorn?" I opened the oven to find two trays of blackened peanuts. I always have to be the asshole. I'm never trusting Virginia again.
Also:
Last night I dreamt that Bina had a sweet radio show at some supersecret place (obviously stemming from my insecurities about being the "lame" kid in the family, now amplified by her recent badassery) and as a direct result of this, I was bitten on the index finger of my right hand by a small hippo (not a pygmy hippo, mind you, but a small version of a standard sized hippo) who had escaped from the supersweet radio show headquarters.
And furthermore, Jenny:
As soon as you put that play in my hands, I had every intention of reading it almost immediately, which (obviously) means that I haven't read it yet. Can't you just get the actors to come up here and put the play on for me? I do sew lahv the theatah...
Yesterday at the store, I looked at a package of peanuts of peanuts that said, "Raw Peanuts," actually read these words, and then thought to myself, "Oh, good, Unsalted Dry Roasted Peanuts. Perfect."
Idiot move #2:
This morning I endeavor to roast the peanuts myself and, in accordance with the directions on the Virginia Peanut Association Website put them into a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes. Feeling very on top of myself, I go downstairs to the kitchen to check on them a few minutes early and, sniffing the air, think to myself, "Who's the asshole who burned the popcorn?" I opened the oven to find two trays of blackened peanuts. I always have to be the asshole. I'm never trusting Virginia again.
Also:
Last night I dreamt that Bina had a sweet radio show at some supersecret place (obviously stemming from my insecurities about being the "lame" kid in the family, now amplified by her recent badassery) and as a direct result of this, I was bitten on the index finger of my right hand by a small hippo (not a pygmy hippo, mind you, but a small version of a standard sized hippo) who had escaped from the supersweet radio show headquarters.
And furthermore, Jenny:
As soon as you put that play in my hands, I had every intention of reading it almost immediately, which (obviously) means that I haven't read it yet. Can't you just get the actors to come up here and put the play on for me? I do sew lahv the theatah...