(no subject)
I haven't gotten my certificate for my class yet, so I e-mailed the teacher and asked what's up. He says that he has them ready, but because of the holidays he has yet to be able to catch the adjudicator to have him sign off on the certificates. He was working on it and would get them soon.
*sighs*
So my teacher then goes... "So, are you going to be joining the small sword class I'm starting at the end of the month?"
Me: "I want to, but I can't afford it."
Teacher: "That's a shame. Well, let me know if you change your mind and want to work out a payment plan."
So here I am now, whimpering because I actually DO want to take the course (another certification, another weapon I don't know yet, weekly excercise and it was FUN!) but I KNOW I won't have the $300 for the class. I have to save up money for London in June, Brother's wedding in October, plus other things I would like to eventually get like a couch and a laptop. Maybe even think about a real bed beyond a twin.
If I did a payment plan, it would be either $100 a month, or $30 a week (class is 10 weeks). And plus going to that class adds about $30 a month more in gas as well as $25 in tolls for the whole session to get to the studio in Virginia. So I'd need around $400 in total to pay for class and expenses related to it.
I just... I just don't have that kind of money. My tax return is going into my trips and starting to pay back my aunt and uncle the money I owe them from what they lent me in August and October.
I think I hate society.
Most of my debt is related directly back to college, be it the loans, the credit cards, etc. In society, you're now told that if you don't have a college education, you can not expect to succeed. You aren't going to be able to have a good job, a career, anything. My brother knew he wasn't book smart, so he went into the military, like our father, grandfather, and uncles. It was his way.
My mother was a phone operator when she graduated high school. She worked at AT&T during the days, and went to the bars with her friends at night. She met dad in a bar. Married and two kids in a two bedroom apartment just outside of NYC. Dad left the military after Vietnam, became a truck driver. Mom raised the kids until I was in 4th grade, then went back to work as a teacher's aide in a school because she didn't have really any job skills that would get her a job beyond knowing how to handle kids.
So when I was in high school... I wanted to write. Hell, it started in 7th grade. 1992. 15 years now folks I've had this dream. My teachers loved it, supported me. They wanted to see me succeed, and knew I had the talent.
My folks? Find a career. We can't afford to send you to college, but you're going. They will give you loans. You can pay it later. You need this if you want to get anywhere.
So yeah. I went to college. Decided to get a degree in teaching english because if the whole author thing failed, I could at least help foster some creativity in the next generation, right? Well, NU I loved, but the teaching department? Not so much. And I couldn't afford to go to a state school because well, while mom and dad weren't paying anything into my schooling, I was 17, and they made too much for me to get assistance to a SUNY. That's why I had to go to a private school.
I wanted to change into the theatre department, but was told that if I did, the little support I WAS getting... cut off. goodbye don't come home. So I was guided to the communications department instead.
I love my degree. I love my years in college. It helped make me who I am now. But why does this piece of paper cost me so much? And why is it that now... it's the wrong degree?
I have so much debt from student loans and credit cards used to buy my books and such in college that it's so hard for me to not be afraid of myself. There is so much that I want, but I'm so afraid to reach for it because I know that it'll spiral me down into a hole of debt so deep that I will never dig myself up out of it.
It took me 7 years to dig myself out enough to be able to afford to move OUT. More much more digging will I need to do to get myself free from fear of trying to go after my dreams? And why is it that I'm stuck in this hole to begin with? I just wanted a future... I wanted this dream that every person is supposed to be able to have, right? I want my career that I love. And yet, here I am, 15 years later afraid to even try for it because I might lose everything I have now.
I've been tempted to declare bankruptcy, but that's a big hole to dig, and also... pride refuses to let me. I am making my bills. I am making it on my own for the first time in 7 years. I am making my tiny dent in the big world, and I don't want to lose that.
But I want my dream too. I want to be able to write. I want to be able to do things I enjoy, like this class, and not have to sit down and figure out how I could maybe stop eating for 3 months to pay for it.
Is it really worth it, in the end? Getting a college degree, but having to sell away the best years of your life after college to be able to pay for it?
[/rant]
So yeah. Anyone wanna spot me a few hundred?
*sighs*
So my teacher then goes... "So, are you going to be joining the small sword class I'm starting at the end of the month?"
Me: "I want to, but I can't afford it."
Teacher: "That's a shame. Well, let me know if you change your mind and want to work out a payment plan."
So here I am now, whimpering because I actually DO want to take the course (another certification, another weapon I don't know yet, weekly excercise and it was FUN!) but I KNOW I won't have the $300 for the class. I have to save up money for London in June, Brother's wedding in October, plus other things I would like to eventually get like a couch and a laptop. Maybe even think about a real bed beyond a twin.
If I did a payment plan, it would be either $100 a month, or $30 a week (class is 10 weeks). And plus going to that class adds about $30 a month more in gas as well as $25 in tolls for the whole session to get to the studio in Virginia. So I'd need around $400 in total to pay for class and expenses related to it.
I just... I just don't have that kind of money. My tax return is going into my trips and starting to pay back my aunt and uncle the money I owe them from what they lent me in August and October.
I think I hate society.
Most of my debt is related directly back to college, be it the loans, the credit cards, etc. In society, you're now told that if you don't have a college education, you can not expect to succeed. You aren't going to be able to have a good job, a career, anything. My brother knew he wasn't book smart, so he went into the military, like our father, grandfather, and uncles. It was his way.
My mother was a phone operator when she graduated high school. She worked at AT&T during the days, and went to the bars with her friends at night. She met dad in a bar. Married and two kids in a two bedroom apartment just outside of NYC. Dad left the military after Vietnam, became a truck driver. Mom raised the kids until I was in 4th grade, then went back to work as a teacher's aide in a school because she didn't have really any job skills that would get her a job beyond knowing how to handle kids.
So when I was in high school... I wanted to write. Hell, it started in 7th grade. 1992. 15 years now folks I've had this dream. My teachers loved it, supported me. They wanted to see me succeed, and knew I had the talent.
My folks? Find a career. We can't afford to send you to college, but you're going. They will give you loans. You can pay it later. You need this if you want to get anywhere.
So yeah. I went to college. Decided to get a degree in teaching english because if the whole author thing failed, I could at least help foster some creativity in the next generation, right? Well, NU I loved, but the teaching department? Not so much. And I couldn't afford to go to a state school because well, while mom and dad weren't paying anything into my schooling, I was 17, and they made too much for me to get assistance to a SUNY. That's why I had to go to a private school.
I wanted to change into the theatre department, but was told that if I did, the little support I WAS getting... cut off. goodbye don't come home. So I was guided to the communications department instead.
I love my degree. I love my years in college. It helped make me who I am now. But why does this piece of paper cost me so much? And why is it that now... it's the wrong degree?
I have so much debt from student loans and credit cards used to buy my books and such in college that it's so hard for me to not be afraid of myself. There is so much that I want, but I'm so afraid to reach for it because I know that it'll spiral me down into a hole of debt so deep that I will never dig myself up out of it.
It took me 7 years to dig myself out enough to be able to afford to move OUT. More much more digging will I need to do to get myself free from fear of trying to go after my dreams? And why is it that I'm stuck in this hole to begin with? I just wanted a future... I wanted this dream that every person is supposed to be able to have, right? I want my career that I love. And yet, here I am, 15 years later afraid to even try for it because I might lose everything I have now.
I've been tempted to declare bankruptcy, but that's a big hole to dig, and also... pride refuses to let me. I am making my bills. I am making it on my own for the first time in 7 years. I am making my tiny dent in the big world, and I don't want to lose that.
But I want my dream too. I want to be able to write. I want to be able to do things I enjoy, like this class, and not have to sit down and figure out how I could maybe stop eating for 3 months to pay for it.
Is it really worth it, in the end? Getting a college degree, but having to sell away the best years of your life after college to be able to pay for it?
[/rant]
So yeah. Anyone wanna spot me a few hundred?