Spread Eagle
Trevor is my friend. He happens to be gay. One day we were discussing how much we hate and fear vaginas. He, after some experience with them in high school, thinks that they are the creepiest, weirdest smelling things since guinea pigs. I, after (thankfully) no experience with them and despite no bad experiences with my own, think that if presented with a vagina, would shoot it until it was dead and run away while vomiting. I know a lot of you love them and Allah bless you for that, but we simply cannot share that sentiment.
After one discussion about the gruesome intricacies of the female organ, I teased Trevor by telling him that one day, when he least expects it, he will walk into his room and find himself face to face with my vagina.
Cut to a couple years later, when Trevor least expects it....
Yep. Spread eagle. Completely naked.....
WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Along with his blood-curdling scream, he attempted to scramble out of the room, getting caught in the door frame during his wild attempt at escape. I was hyperventilating with laughter. I laughed and laughed all night. I didn't even think that he might want revenge...
Cut to later that night, revenge time. I'm watching Trevor perform in a lil play called Naked Boys Singing. No false advertising there, they were naked and they were singing. I'd rather call it Naked Men Singing but whatever.
One naked young man steps onto the stage to sing his song but before he begins, he makes a little announcement...
"One of our cast members, Trevor Efinger has a friend in the audience. Alison Barrett, where are you?!"
"Oh my God." I yell, because I have some inkling now of what I am in for. Humiliations galore.
"Hey, there you are," as everyone in the theater turns to look at me. "I hear you traumatized our little friend tonight. Gave him a little of this," as he spread his legs. "He tells us you have a lovely Brazilian wax."
By now I'm hyperventilating and probably breaking out in hives and generally freaking out because guess what? An entire Off-Broadway audience is thinking about MY scary vagina.
Needless to say, this means war.
After one discussion about the gruesome intricacies of the female organ, I teased Trevor by telling him that one day, when he least expects it, he will walk into his room and find himself face to face with my vagina.
Cut to a couple years later, when Trevor least expects it....
Yep. Spread eagle. Completely naked.....
WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Along with his blood-curdling scream, he attempted to scramble out of the room, getting caught in the door frame during his wild attempt at escape. I was hyperventilating with laughter. I laughed and laughed all night. I didn't even think that he might want revenge...
Cut to later that night, revenge time. I'm watching Trevor perform in a lil play called Naked Boys Singing. No false advertising there, they were naked and they were singing. I'd rather call it Naked Men Singing but whatever.
One naked young man steps onto the stage to sing his song but before he begins, he makes a little announcement...
"One of our cast members, Trevor Efinger has a friend in the audience. Alison Barrett, where are you?!"
"Oh my God." I yell, because I have some inkling now of what I am in for. Humiliations galore.
"Hey, there you are," as everyone in the theater turns to look at me. "I hear you traumatized our little friend tonight. Gave him a little of this," as he spread his legs. "He tells us you have a lovely Brazilian wax."
By now I'm hyperventilating and probably breaking out in hives and generally freaking out because guess what? An entire Off-Broadway audience is thinking about MY scary vagina.
Needless to say, this means war.