(no subject)
I was suppose to hangout with Mick after work yesterday, but I guess he slept in later then he had planned too and I didnt feel like waiting for him to bus from shoreline, so instead I texted Jack telling him to come get me. Colin and Jack picked me up and we went to Dicks cause I hadn't eaten yet. After Dicks we drove around a little then went to the Crown Hill graveyard, we ran around reading out really good people's names. We then went to the liqour store and picked up a fifth of Platium vodka and went back to Colins house. Colin painted some pieces of wood that his mom asked him too while shes out of town, Jack and I drank and facebooked. After a few hours Jack and I finished the fifth minus like 2 shots that Colin drank, Mike and his girlfriend came over [I think her name is Krista?] they brought beer and we watched lots of superjail, Rome joined us shortly after Mike, Rome brought even more beer. Rome is really nice! Every time I've been around him he's always seemed like a weird too odd kind of guy, but he kept me company while Jack and everyone smoked outside. We started to watch some weird black and white motorcycle gang movie then Colin came in, grabbed the remote and changed it. Honestly, I really dislike Colin. 99.9% of the time I wish he wasnt around, picking me up and the fact he's 21 and is always willing to buy beer/booze are the only pluses. Everytime I see him I hate him just ever so slightly more. He's annoying, and only complains, and makes me feel bad about myself. The other night at Justins we were all drunk and Jack was passed out, so I was left alone with Colin, who went on a fucking rant to me about how "I see myself as a higher being" and that "All I do is laugh at him" wtf? I'm purposely very nice to Colin so he'll continue to drive me around. But, I've figure out if I say things like "Hey Colin, stop being a debbie downer" or "Please stop being stupid." it usually works, beside the fact I try as hard as possible to NEVER ever be alone with him. He also gets really pissed when Jack and I flirt, so sometimes I do things then see how he reacts, like he wouldnt look at me when we saw that I was laying on Jack, and left the room when we started holding hands and cuddling. For some reason, he talks to Craig about me like he has a chance with me. Pssh. Yea fucking right. Not only is he way too short/fat he's one of the biggest douchebags I've ever met. I wish he wasnt at Justins so much, I have such a better time playing rockband and getting drunk when Colin isnt there.
Rosie is dying, on a different note, I honestly doubt she'll be alive when I wake up to go to work tomorrow. She's been shoving her head into corners and then stands againist the wall and makes this weird cackling sound, imagine a zombie demon parrot going Ah-ha-haaa Ah-ha-haaa over and over again, I didnt even know dogs could make such a demonic sounding noise. She also isnt responsing to her name, and wont even wag her tail when you pet her, plus if she gets surprised at all she starts to growl and then starts biting air. We think she has a brain tumor. Mom says if shes still alive tomorrow she's going to go get put to sleep. :( I know its for the best, cause you can tell that Rosie is very upset and scared, but I still dont want it to happen. Mom's afraid shes going to hurt Lottie, Boris or Jeeves, she tried to attack Lottie earlier.
Speaking of my mother, I cant stand her. I think she's doing a lot of coke, cause shes going insane. We got into a fight tonight cause I wouldnt give her weed, I gave her weed two nights ago, and a few days before that. I dont mind giving her weed, the problem is, I know if I start shes going to start asking for it all the time. She came into my room and asked for "a hit" and I said no, then she asked again, and again, I continued to say no and she got really mad. She told me I was a "Lazy selfish bitch." One, I work 36 hour weeks, she does not. I also come home and clean, she does not. I take Josi places to go get dinner cause she is too "lazy" to go to the store and buy food for dinner, she does not. I told her I dont wanna feed her addiction, then she told me I was the addict cause I had weed, even though I have the same dub I bought from katie a week ago. I've barely smoked half of it. I NEED to move out, I cant stand living here. I'm at the point where I would almost rather live on the streets then here. She controls everything I do, even now, shes telling me to get off so Gary wont see me on the computer when he gets home. The thing is, I couldnt care less what Gary thinks, I'm 18, I work, and I pick up after myself, if I wanna stay up all fucking night and facebook/livejournal I should be able too. She also tired to ground me earlier, and told me I wasnt allowed to do anything till I cleaned the bathroom. My mom literally does NOTHING, she sleeps, eats gross food that GARY cooks, drinks, snorts coke, smokes my weed, yells at me and josi to clean, and goes to the bar. She doesnt even pay bills, Gary does. I dont see why she thinks thats ok. I keep trying to tell her that normal 50 year old women still work, and if they dont work, they stay home and pick up the house, cook dinner, maybe walk the dogs? But she does none of those things. I just, cant understand her, why does she think its ok to yell at your kids constantly and be a rude bitch? I cant wait till I move out, I'll probably sob in joy when it happens, I'm also going to tell her all the things that I cant say for the fear of actually being kicked out. Like "Mom, you're a trashy, coke-head, worthless cunt, who should have never opened her whore legs." If I ever turn out even kinda like my mom, I will kill myself, I dont plan on having kids till I'm actually married and stable, I dont plan on ever going to a bar so much that I'm known as a "regular", I dont plan on marrying for money, I dont plan on being bi-polar and if I am I will seek help and treatment, I dont plan on getting blacked out drunk in front of my children, or ever doing coke [again].
SHES DOING COKE RIGHT NOW. Gawwwwh. How can she call me selfish when shes the selfish one. What kind of person would rather buy drugs then buy her daughter food? A selfish one. I plan on basically taking Josi with me when I move. I guess at first she'll just have to stay with me on weekends, till she starts highschool. I feel so bad for josi, I hate that she has to be rasied in such a shitty situation. [My mom is doing coke, again].
Lately I've realized my whole childhood was a lie. I used to think all the fighting between my parents was caused by my drunk/drugged up dad, but when I think about all the fights I had to see, and all the times the police were at my house, I've realized it was just as much my moms fault as my dads, I'm sure she was just as drunk as him and drugged up. I really dont like that she used to tell me all these horrible things about my father, when she was doing them too. I might go live with my dad for like a month or two while I save money. He works, and offered to help me get a license, which is more then I can say for my mom. Plus hes so much more chilled out then my mom, and he doesnt drink or do drugs since he had to get his liver fixed. I think I might call him tomorrow ans ask him to pick me up from work. Maybe go get lunch and talk about me moving there. I just wish it wasnt so far away. The location is 100% the reason I dont already live there. Its only sandpoint, but still. I guess if I get a car it wont be so bad.