last updated: 17 weeks ago
Yet again, my plan to update this stopped working! I fail. Maybe its cause its not such a big thing anymore.. I go through fads. Looking back at old entries, I like to have a record of what a twat I was. Well not really, I was a teenager, what more do you expect?
Anyway, life isn't perfect, but it is good! Things ae going well.
Firstly, I can see an end to uni. I handed in my first 2 assignments and are pretty happy with them. I haven't been attending all the lectures cause I am lazy/tired/ill etc but I think I can handle it with lecture notes and suggested reading.
In fact the real reason I don't want to go to lectures is probably embarrassment. I don't know anyone there, and for some reason I lack the confidence to approach groups of strangers. I've done group tasks with the closest people to me before, and a couple of the girls I worked with were nice, but I was hardly making friends. I guess I don't need to make friends. The friends I do have, I don't see enough of, sadly. I wish I did. But despite all this lack of socialising, I think I can get the work done. Which is the main thing. This makes me relatively happy.
Secondly, I have some people in my life that make me happy. A cat and a boyfriend! The cat, Bally (so named because of his large *ahems*, just turned up one day and decided he lived here, I didn't want him at first, but we bonded. I don't know what I'd do without him now, I love him so much. My boyfriend, Andy is also amazing. He understands a lot of the issues I have and rather than seeing them as a barrier like past partners have, he is very supportive and helpful and just wants me to be ok. I need someone like that, as other people have made me feel worthless before. Of course we have our problems, I get hurt by a few of his actions and have said a few mean things myself, and I have my natural level of "he'll cheat on me!" paranoia, but thats something I need to try and not think about. I really want this one to work out 'cause I honestly think he's the one. We've only been together 3 months, but we've liked eachother a lot longer than that, it just took me a long time to tell him how I felt. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't, but I want nothing more. I feel as if I am rushing things, like we are talking about moving in with eachother net year, but it feels right. I guess the time scale of things like this are not set in stone.
Christmas is coming... great.. that always depresses me, lets hope that my perky mood continues!
Anyway, I will try to update some more soon!
Anyway, life isn't perfect, but it is good! Things ae going well.
Firstly, I can see an end to uni. I handed in my first 2 assignments and are pretty happy with them. I haven't been attending all the lectures cause I am lazy/tired/ill etc but I think I can handle it with lecture notes and suggested reading.
In fact the real reason I don't want to go to lectures is probably embarrassment. I don't know anyone there, and for some reason I lack the confidence to approach groups of strangers. I've done group tasks with the closest people to me before, and a couple of the girls I worked with were nice, but I was hardly making friends. I guess I don't need to make friends. The friends I do have, I don't see enough of, sadly. I wish I did. But despite all this lack of socialising, I think I can get the work done. Which is the main thing. This makes me relatively happy.
Secondly, I have some people in my life that make me happy. A cat and a boyfriend! The cat, Bally (so named because of his large *ahems*, just turned up one day and decided he lived here, I didn't want him at first, but we bonded. I don't know what I'd do without him now, I love him so much. My boyfriend, Andy is also amazing. He understands a lot of the issues I have and rather than seeing them as a barrier like past partners have, he is very supportive and helpful and just wants me to be ok. I need someone like that, as other people have made me feel worthless before. Of course we have our problems, I get hurt by a few of his actions and have said a few mean things myself, and I have my natural level of "he'll cheat on me!" paranoia, but thats something I need to try and not think about. I really want this one to work out 'cause I honestly think he's the one. We've only been together 3 months, but we've liked eachother a lot longer than that, it just took me a long time to tell him how I felt. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't, but I want nothing more. I feel as if I am rushing things, like we are talking about moving in with eachother net year, but it feels right. I guess the time scale of things like this are not set in stone.
Christmas is coming... great.. that always depresses me, lets hope that my perky mood continues!
Anyway, I will try to update some more soon!