Where do I go from here?
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, as usual... I've mostly been thinking about my relationships. Like everyone, I've had that one nasty break up, but all the other ones were from me running away. I look back, and I was running from being happy. How fucked up am I?? It's almost like It's too good, and you know its only going to get better or worse. It's not like I can't handle a challenge in any other aspect of my life, but when it comes to love, I haven't been able to defeat the challenge yet. Is there really a reason there has to be a challenge within yourself? Why can't I just be happy and see where things go? Probably because I'm emotionally retarded. In defense of myself, I have a lot of shit going on in my life. I don't have time to try to "fix" or "grow" a relationship. See, though, the only argument that I have for myself, is that most of the relationships I've been in don't need fixing when I leave. I can't open up enough, I believe. I don't know how, because I'm a very independent person, and opening up has never been something that came to me naturally. If you still think about somebody after a few months, does that mean you do love that person? That maybe love is real, and you can fuck it up for no apparent reason? I think it's actually easier to learn to love somebody, than to learn how to be loved...