Come they told me, pa rum pa pum pum.
So i'm on facebook chatting to History Friend, and then she flips her status to this:
History Friend is excited for Omaha Steaks tomorrow night. Thank's to Fetus Fajita's mom we will be eating like royalty for awhile.
ALISA VALLEY: ok, so when you flipped your status, it says that you did it -20373116323 minutes ago.
ALISA VALLEY: im not sure how thats even possible.
HISTORY FRIEND: hahaha
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AIM FRIEND
1:09pm on September 15th, 2008
Oscar: Hey, where's Dwight?
Creed: You didn't hear? Decapitated. Whole big thing. We had a funeral for a bird.
Jim: I'm pretty sure none of that is real.
Creed: You're not real, man!
ps i miss you lets hang out!
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ALISA VALLEY:
1:40pm on September 15th, 2008
Dwight: Jim, Tell Andy that bears can climb faster than the can run. Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy... nah, too far.
Dwight:... Damn you.
i miss you too. we should hang out.
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ALISA VALLEY:
1:18pm on September 23rd, 2008
The eyes are the groin of the head. just wanted to let you know that.
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AIM FRIEND:
10:37pm on September 23rd, 2008
i cut a chunk out of my penis for nothing.
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ALISA VALLEY:
10:40pm on September 23rd, 2008
i think we should burn Utica to the ground.
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AIM FRIEND:
11:02pm on September 23rd, 2008
no! nothing with the eyes!
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ALISA VALLEY:
11:51pm on September 23rd, 2008
when i tell people where i work, they think i sell mufflers. or muffins. or mittens. which all sound better than paper, so i let it slide.
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AIM FRIEND:
8:28pm on September 24th, 2008
Alisa, i've always been your biggest flan.
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ALISA VALLEY:
8:37pm on September 24th, 2008
I hit myself on the head with the phone today. Also, everytime i typed my name into the computer, it said "diapers" and by the end of the day, my desk was two feet closer to the copy machine.
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AIM FRIEND:
10:26pm on September 24th, 2008
it's a simple macro.
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ALISA VALLEY
10:34pm on September 24th, 2008
while you were typing that, i searched every database in existance and learned every fact about everything. and mastered the violin. and sold more paper.
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AIM FRIEND
10:38pm on September 24th, 2008
what is a jim?
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ALISA VALLEY
10:40pm on September 24th, 2008
i assume you can read binary code, so why dont you 0-1-1-1-1-1-1-0-1-1-0-1?
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AIM FRIEND
10:53pm on September 24th, 2008
oh, hello mudder. good news: I've married. tell fadder.
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ALISA VALLEY
11:29pm on September 24th, 2008
In the gang world, we use something called "Fluffy Fingers"
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AIM FRIEND
12:19am on September 25th, 2008
You resemble a Tolkien character.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:27am on September 25th, 2008
I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
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AIM FRIEND
12:39am on September 25th, 2008
ever since i was a little kid, like eight or nine, i could sort of control things with my mind.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:48am on September 25th, 2008
Ryan used me as an object.
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AIM FRIEND
12:57am on September 25th, 2008
save the cheerleader. save the world.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:54am on September 25th, 2008
you're switching shows! thats not fair! i only watched half of season 1!
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AIM FRIEND
10:08am on September 25th, 2008
okay fine.
i hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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ALISA VALLEY
10:42am on September 25th, 2008
The worst thing about prison was the dementors.
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AIM FRIEND
3:43pm on September 25th, 2008
all of yours make me laugh so hard, haha.
you have no idea the physical toll three vesectamies can have on a person.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:22am on September 26th, 2008
I have a really nice comforter and several cosy pillows. i usually read a chapter of a book and it's lights out at 8:30. THAT is how i sleep at night!
Is it me, or was Weight Loss the best Season Opener ever? Also, best Andy episode ever... 3 out of his 4 talking heads cracked me up. Also, they should find a way to make Amy Ryan stay on the show.
Also, the #1 cause of death in America is shotgun weddings.
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AIM FRIEND
12:51am on September 26th, 2008
omg i almost read that whole comment and i haven't seen the season premiere yet.
omgomgomgoooosh. that wouldhave been awful. i would have cried.
after i've seen it i'll read your comment. haha.
their bread is very good.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:54am on September 26th, 2008
how could you have not watched it yet whilst i've already seen it twice!?! tsk tsk.
its a bridal shower for guys. its a guy shower. an hour long shower with guys.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:56am on September 26th, 2008
also, try to avoid my status. it's from the premiere. you just need to watch it like now.
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AIM FRIEND
1:06am on September 26th, 2008
noted.
how have you waytched it twice?!?! it doesn't get posted on nbc.com until like 2:30 and i'm exhausted so i don't know if i'll be able to stay up for it. :(.
and i didn't ge tto watch it because i worked. dumb thursday night closing shift. i'll probably be doing it from now until eternity. siigh.
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AIM FRIEND
1:07am on September 26th, 2008
oops and, we all have a hero in our heart.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:16am on September 26th, 2008
my tv auto records it. so i could watch greys first, and then afterwards play back the office. and then watch it again because it was awesome and i wanted to get my favorite quotes down so you and i could have a quotes match, but that didn't really work out the way i planned.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:17am on September 26th, 2008
absolutely i do.
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AIM FRIEND
1:25am on September 26th, 2008
ah well you're lucky. i'm lucky if my tv even turns on without blinding me. long story.
give me until tomorrow and we can have a quotes off THEN :).
Michael came in one day complaining about a speedbump on the highway....I wonder who he ran over then.
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AIM FRIEND
1:58pm on September 26th, 2008
summer's going great. Just spent two hours listenign to michael clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that i'm convinced is an ulcer. my girlfriend lives in new york and i haven't seen her in ten days. how's your summer?
just watched it! and it WAS the best season premiere i think. totally better than gay witch hunt, although i liked fun run mostly because of jam.
but what was wrong with meredith's face during the first few weeks??? maybe it will be in a deleted scene or something. and ppooooor toby, he hasn't even seen the beach yet. and andy was really good in this episode too. "it's where my parents decided not to get divorced."
what made you laugh the hardest? for me it was absolutely hand down when dwight was hammering the peach into the vending machine. i can't even think about it without loosing it. hahahahahaa.
You're always saying something's wrong with society, but maybe it's you.
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ALISA VALLEY
2:07pm on September 26th, 2008
Wasn't it great? it was great! i LOVED angela's talking head. "THATS how i sleep at night!" God, she's such a hussy! I love her. Andy made me laugh so hard during this episode
Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.
And wasn't the Jam proposal sweet as hell? awwwwwww!!
Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, i guess. Im not really sure about the whole story but it's something about a guy that used to work here.
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ALISA VALLEY
2:10pm on September 26th, 2008
oh, and poor toby!! that made me sad, but i loved how he was watching entourage in spanish... hahaa.
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AIM FRIEND
2:40pm on September 26th, 2008
Andy Bernard does not lose contests, he wins them, or he quits them because they aren't fair.
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ALISA VALLEY
2:53pm on September 26th, 2008
I dont really know Ronnie, but i'm sure i'll get to know her very well in the next few years. and eventually declare my love for her.
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AIM FRIEND
2:58pm on September 26th, 2008
kelli: i swallowed a tape worm last night, it grows up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so i don't get fat and then after three months i take some medicine and i pass it.
Creed: that wasn't a tape worm.
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ALISA VALLEY
:07pm on September 26th, 2008
Dwight: One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you cant swallow it.
Jim (to michael): Really? Nothing?
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AIM FRIEND
3:25pm on September 26th, 2008
I have a fiancee I very much like.
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ALISA VALLEY
3:54pm on September 26th, 2008
I'd marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snow storm on top of a monsoon.
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AIM FRIEND
11:03pm on September 26th, 2008
Michael: Men from Scranton are handsome and they know how to show a woman a good time.
Dwight: not that guy who murdered his mother, he was not so handsome, eh. Also, Kevin.
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ALISA VALLEY
11:10pm on September 26th, 2008
I really wanna have washboard abs the first time angela sees me naked.
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AIM FRIEND
11:20pm on September 26th, 2008
I wonder what people like about me? Probably my jugs.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:05am on September 27th, 2008
Is there any way our first dance could be to my favorite song, "The Little Drummer Boy?"
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AIM FRIEND
10:27am on September 27th, 2008
WET tuna!
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ALISA VALLEY
1:01pm on September 27th, 2008
When Michael told us Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe he was the father. by telling us he was the father.
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AIM FRIEND
4:50pm on September 27th, 2008
Remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess who's candle's they used for the vigil....
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ALISA VALLEY
6:04pm on September 27th, 2008
Friends dont talk about other friend's butts.
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AIM FRIEND
11:27pm on September 27th, 2008
Her butt refuses to quit!
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ALISA VALLEY
1:16pm on September 28th, 2008
I wrote you this really long poem. i left it back in the building. The last word was "seagulls"
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ALISA VALLEY
1:23pm on September 28th, 2008
PS. did you see the deleted scenes yet? it explains Meredith's face. Also, i think all of them should've been kept in. one hour is just not enough.
also, watch the office again, and then it wont be the worst day ever... just the 2nd to last worst day ever. :D
(her status was "Aim friend is worst day ever")
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AIM FRIEND
5:35pm on September 28th, 2008
i did see t he deleted scenes, and dwight kicking the stack of paper jim was using as a chair may have been the funniest thing since the excersize ball popped. ican't believe they didn't leave that in. hahah.
Beer me five!
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ALISA VALLEY
6:13pm on September 28th, 2008
We also got our first official Jam "I Love You" in that scene too... jim says "i love you too." which means, pam had to have said I love you first. Awww... and in that scene, did you hear michael's silent "thats what she said?" haha! Love it.
i really started laughing out loud with the Kelly and Darryl scene.
K:She manipulates you.
D: You're going to make this right, or we cant be right.
K: I never know when your kidding.
haha!
ohoh, and oscars gay abs? hahaa.
-----------------
AIM FRIEND
11:37pm on September 28th, 2008
you've read the twilight books right? well i just finished the series, and i'm soooo bummed. not because everything didn't end perfectly, but because it's over. i haven't felt this kind of loss over a book since harry potter. and at least then i knew i'd be sad.
and i know they're making movies, but i really don't like cedric diggory ( i know he has a real name but i just don't care), and i don't think he's edward. and if it wasn't for the half smile i saw in the preview i'd have nothing positive to say about him. siiigh. i miss twilight :(.
i hope you have read the books otherwise this would be confusing, or possibly spoilerish if you haven't finished them. ooops.'
By the way, I'm making a list of everyone whose wronged me so that when I get back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made my list.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:26pm on September 29th, 2008
Of course i read the series! It's amazing isn't it? um yes. I'm kind of worried about the movie too, but i fyou try to view it as a separate entity from the book then it should be hard to disappoint... like the HP movies. I cant watch them and expect them to be like the books were anymore, they are simply just movies with similar content as the books to me . Also, if you go into the movie believeing it will certainly disappoint, then you might like it much better than if you went into it with high expectations. I tend to REALLY like movies i expect to disappoint me.
I actually started reading the books because i had heard the movie was being made and that Robert Pattinson (Cedric Diggory) was playing the main character, so i kind of went into the books with him ingrained into my brain... so, needless to say, i think he's perfect for the role. haha.
to be continued because facebook has character limits.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:31pm on September 29th, 2008
So i have to ask, what part of Breaking Dawn didn't you like? Everyone seems to have different opinions about it. I did think it felt different from the others, but i really liked it up until the "fight" scene... because it didn't turn into a fight scene. Bummer. But doesn't it make you like yearn for more?
also did you read the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun that will never be completed? it's amazing. I cried because there will never be any more. it's at stephenie meyer.com fyi.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:40pm on September 29th, 2008
also, who is that woman in Michaels office with the feet?
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AIM FRIEND
4:23pm on September 29th, 2008
well about breaking dawn, i was really mad about the whole pregnancy thing, while she was pregnant, but then afterwards i thought "aww, that's great". but that's probably because we were in jacob's head during that whole period and i looooooooove jacob. i was totally team jacob the whole way through. until, you know he imprinted, then i was team nessa.
and i felt similarly about the fight scene, kind of anticlimatic, but if they had fought, so many people would have died that i would have been miserable, so in a lot of ways i'm glad what happened happened.
and i might just have to read midnight sun, i hope she ends up finishing it regardless. or starts a whole new series like twilight. i have faith in her. have you read her book "The Host"? i think i'm going to.
You guy's are all gigantic loser's.
-------------------
ALISA VALLEY
9:17pm on September 29th, 2008
I think we were supposed to be mad at the whole pregnancy thing because then when we learn how amazing Nessie is, we just like, fall crazy in love with her... i know i did. The first moment she touched Bella's cheek, i was like "I LOVE HER!!"
You're on Team Jacob?! You're the first person i know to be. I like Jacob, but i felt like after he turned into a werewolf, he became kind of a jerk. Not to say that Bella doesn't have her moments (...like several in a single scene), but it kind of put me off occassionally. I still cant believe he imprinted on Reneesme. Just weirdness.
And i haven't read The Host... for some reason i've been avoiding it. Maybe because i'm afraid it'll be too far out for me... or that i wont love it as much as i love Twilight. I'm not sure. I'm flirting with the possibility of reading it. I dont know. You read it and tell me how it is.
H: i'm not actually a lesbian. i dont know why i said that. i was joking.
O: whats the joke?
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AIM FRIEND
1:11am on September 30th, 2008
i was totallllly team jacob. i couldn't get over that edward left bella, that was just not acceptable at all. and i know he was a jerk, but he was just in so much pain! i felt bad for him. and i wasn't suprised that he imprinted on renesme, i was disappointed that i didn't see it coming! she probably had quil imprint on claire so that we wouldn't be as shocked or think it was a creepy kind of thing. i was really excited when he did, because i knew he'd never get bella, so in the last two books i was just hoping from him to imprint on someone. siiigh.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I haven't had a very hard life.
--------------------
ALISA VALLEY
7:29pm on October 4th, 2008
hey, can you turn the girl off please? i'm trying to work.
aaand... this was going to comment on your last wall post to me, but i remember nothing of it... except it was twilight related, and twilight rules. yay!
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AIM FRIEND
5:52pm on October 5th, 2008
Michael: okay, okay. first name is Tom... you go on a...
Jan: no names. no sound-alikes. no rhyming. you actually have to give clues.
Michael: okay, you're flustering me. first name is blank. you go on a... Cruise.
Angela: i don't know.
Jim: Katie Holmes.
Michael: no, but that's his wife!
Jim: Dawson's Creek.
Michael: it has to be a real person, Jim. Forget it. Pass...Um... Rhymes with Blahnold Slarzeneger.
Jan: no rhyming.
Jim: not really a rhyme..
Angela: i need another clue.
Michael: he's the governor of California. The Terminator.
Angela: those aren't helpful.
Jim: Tom Cruise.
Andy: TIME!
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ALISA VALLEY
9:17pm on October 6th, 2008
this is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out.
ps... i miss you.
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AIM FRIEND
11:52pm on October 7th, 2008
exactly how much pot did you smoke, alisa?!
--------------------
ALISA VALLEY
2:04pm yesterday
Aim friend, if this is it for me, promise me something. Host the Dundies.
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ALISA VALLEY
1:59am
you should watch this, it's awesometastic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm3xlJ0yQOE
i am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love. Babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly, and collapse on myself like a dying star.
-----------------
AIM FRIEND
9:29am
alisa is ... kind of a btich.
and funny video. the one on my myspace is still my fav of all time.
---------------
ALISA VALLEY
3:58pm
when i saw aim friend, i realized how stupid and petty all of those pranks i pulled on her were. and then she spoke.
---------------
AIM FRIEND
11:04pm
:( i had to work through the office again tonight. i think i'm going to have to quit because this is not okay. :(.
i miss alisa. congratulations universe, you win!
----------------
ALISA VALLEY
11:07pm
dont worry. i had to miss the office too, because Cox Cable is a stupid bitch. I dont even know whats going on, but regardless it says it had "no data" and didn't record the office. so i have to wait until tomorrow to watch it online. boo.
i've got fifteen new clients that i've inherited from aim friend and each file is password protected with a different mythical character.
---------------
AIM FRIEND
11:09pm
Jim
Is Jim
My name is Jim
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ALISA VALLEY
11:11pm
Determined.
Worker.
Intense.
Good Worker.
Hard Worker.
Terrific.
Magnificent worker.
-------------
AIM FRIEND
11:29pm
Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Alisa Valley.
--------------
ALISA VALLEY
11:33pm
I worked in Scranton for a really long time and... I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because aim friend sold the building for some magic beans.
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AIM FRIEND
11:36pm
You look cute today, Alisa.
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ALISA VALLEY
11:37pm
Aim friend found half a joint in the parking lot yesterday. It turns out Aim friend finding drugs is more dangerous than someone doing drugs.
---------------
AIM FRIEND
11:42pm
I want to clamp Alisa's face in a George Foreman grill.
-----------------
ALISA VALLEY
11:44pm
The next award goes to someone who really lights up the office... they just cant stop bringing it and i know a lot of us just can't keep our eyes off of her... "Hottest in the Office" Award goes to... Aim friend the temp!
--------------
AIM FRIEND
11:45pm
Oompa loompa, doompadee dawesome, Alisa is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was she gone, she was such a nice guy. No, she was not, she was a total douche. Doompadee doo.
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ALISA VALLEY
11:46pm
i ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so aim friend started calling me Big Tuna. I dont think any of them actually know my real name.
------------
AIM FRIEND
11:49pm
Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Alisa was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed her so badly.
-------------
ALISA VALLEY
11:53pm
Has aim friend said the word "Immunity" yet? if i somehow can get her to talk about immunity, this might be the greatest day of my life.
--------------
AIM FRIEND
11:55pm
I have been Alisa's number two for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. She’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Alisa is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
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ALISA VALLEY
11:56pm
In the Valley family we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "Check out the slut"
-----------
AIM FRIEND
12:01am
Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
------------
ALISA VALLEY
12:04am
for some reason, there are a lot of yeast infections in this county. probably because we're down-river from a bread factory.
-----------
AIM FRIEND
12:06am
Will Alisa become a loser, slacker like Jim or will she join the Aim Friend Army of Champions?
------------
ALISA VALLEY
12:13am
You cant fire me, Aim Friend, just because Michael's not here.
-----------
AIM FRIEND
12:25am
I'm looking for a gay nerd named alisa valley.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:34am
Oh God no, Aim Friend is not my friend.
Oh my God. Aim Friend is kind of my friend!
-------------
AIM FRIEND
12:44am
This is our receptionist, Alisa. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple of years ago!
ps. i'm starting to write ones i've already written,s o i'm going to bed. :) expect a bunch of comments after i watch the episode in the morning.
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ALISA VALLEY
12:46am
ditto here. i'm now searching for ones and i'm having a hard time. we'll have a quotes off tomorrow.
about 40 times a year Aim Friend gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned