(no subject)
Yesterday I got into an unpleasant discussion with another LJ user on the topic of Child Protection Agencies and the removal of children from their homes wither upon the determination of, or while the situation is being investigated whether the child is safer being removed from the parents or the current place of residence.
Based on my experience working with children who have been temporarily or permanently removed from their homes and working within the system of special education, and in particular with children with emotional trauma, I claimed that it is a no-brainer that children should be taken out of situations in which they are abused, neglected or harmed in any way, and provided with medical and psychological help to make it possible for them to become functioning members of society. To the claim that separation from parents is a traumatic experience that should be examined in its own right, and might not be worth the damage to the family, I responded that if such a dramatic action is required, the trauma of separation in almost cases is diminished by the trauma sustained by leaving the situation in the present condition. To that reply came demands for statistics, insults about the quality of my arguments, and not so veiled insinuations that I am a brainless minion in a system I don't understand who is just following orders. I was also told that I am in no position to judge or be involved in any situation that concerns the separation of children from parents because I do not have children of my own.
After that I was directed to a discussion in which the author, and numerous others, elaborately explored their fears, concerns and terror in the face of loosing their own children to a brainless, medieval organization whose sole purpose is to break up families and tear children away from their parents for no reason whatsoever, or because of some freak accident. (my favorite suggestion was "why can't we let the POLICE handle those kinds of situations"). They saw CPS as a huge looming monster peeking into windows and making stealthy Stalinist reports on innocent people who are unable to protect themselves from the system, and have no one to turn to for help if they are "targeted to be next". It took me a while to pinpoint exactly what was so grotesque about that position, but I think I got it -
To all concerned and terrified parents, parents-to-be, conscientious objectors and other "innocent" bystanders - THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, and it is not even about YOUR rights.
This is about the children who are starved, beaten, raped, burned, tied up, put away in cages, poisoned, frozen, made ill, molested, left alone for hours, not treated for illness, given drugs or alcohol, and psychologically abused by threats or screaming, or kids who have to live in dirty and dangerous shelters because the parents are too drunk, too sick, too incompetent, or too absent to even acknowledge having a child. This is about the three year old who has her head held down in the a toilet full of feces for misbehaving by her mother, and at the age of 11 still has a pathological fear of water to the point that she will only drink things that are not clear.
This is not about the child who comes in with a few bruises and a social worker investigates your family. NOT ONLY SHOULD YOU NOT BE TERRIFIED if that ever happens - you should be grateful for the fact that such a system is in place - because your child could be getting those bruises from bullies on the way from school - or from a teacher - or from a family member - and is too scared to tell either you or the teacher about it - and next month those bullies will drag him into a dark alley and rape him. Then you can explore the nature of fear for the rest of your life if your kid actually has evidence of being hurt and you find out about the incident - but most likely he'll follow the normal path of being ashamed and hiding it at all costs, and if you wonder why he suddenly turned into a violent depressed dysfunctional shadow of himself, you should think about whether or not you took too much upon yourself when you deemed your rights as parents holy and impenetrable, because you knew better than anyone else. And if you accidentally drop your child and he breaks his arm and the doctor calls DSS - someone SHOULD talk to you and determine whether you ARE COMPETENT enough to care for that child - because if you are not, and you drop him again, you are not anyone any favors.
This is about the children who, if they came to your playground, you would grab you kids and run - because these are the children that hit, and bite, and steal, and lie, and in almost all cases it is a direct result of trauma to which they were exposed to either by their primary caretakers or because of neglect on the part of their primary caretakers - and they only way to give them a fighting chance of survival is if I do something about it. Even it's something small, like being their teacher, and believing that they have a right and the ability to learn things in school just like regular kids, even if they are sitting there replaying the scene of their drugged out mother falling out of a five story window over and over again in their head for the seventh year in a row. And it's going to happen within the framework of the imperfect but definitely functioning system, that really doesn't care about you or your privileged spawn shivering with terror of being separated, or proudly marching down the street waving the red flag of statistics. It's going to happen within a system that will go through changes slowly but with the sole purpose of finding the best ways of protecting children at risk, and doing it to the best of their ability (and not worrying about you).
And yes, there are clear guidelines about when and how and for what reasons things are done the way they are done. In many situations parents who are doing the damage to the child do not see the whole picture - either because they are limited, or stupid or incompetent. If does not need to be deliberate harm. But it does not mean that the child does not need someone to advocate for him.
As far as the cost of mistakes, or taking things too far - those are difficult issues and they are right to be raised. Good, nurturing parents should not have to fear outside intervention into their lives and the lives of their children. But demands for scrapping the existing system at the expense of children who are being saved by it, is not only irresponsible and selfish, it is grotesque. This is a system that can only be made better by support and intervention by concerned parties who know and understand how things work, what is at stake, and who primarily worry about others before themselves. And it should be done on the other 355 days of the year, not when a controversial event is happening that lets you scream and point fingers make demands, and point out faults and imperfections.
If you want to help, help. This IS a delicate and vulnerable world, in which a huge amount depends on luck, and love, and understanding, and hope, and of course, tried and true practical actions. This is a system that to a large part runs on "those who care" and "do what they can". Mostly, because no one outside of the system wants to touch it with a twenty foot pole, and those who are in it, do it because they care, and not about themselves. If you want to help, even if to take time out of your busy schedule to compile any missing statistics, which I am sure would be extremely helpful for any objective evaluations, that would be great. If you don't want to help, with all due respect, stuff it.
Based on my experience working with children who have been temporarily or permanently removed from their homes and working within the system of special education, and in particular with children with emotional trauma, I claimed that it is a no-brainer that children should be taken out of situations in which they are abused, neglected or harmed in any way, and provided with medical and psychological help to make it possible for them to become functioning members of society. To the claim that separation from parents is a traumatic experience that should be examined in its own right, and might not be worth the damage to the family, I responded that if such a dramatic action is required, the trauma of separation in almost cases is diminished by the trauma sustained by leaving the situation in the present condition. To that reply came demands for statistics, insults about the quality of my arguments, and not so veiled insinuations that I am a brainless minion in a system I don't understand who is just following orders. I was also told that I am in no position to judge or be involved in any situation that concerns the separation of children from parents because I do not have children of my own.
After that I was directed to a discussion in which the author, and numerous others, elaborately explored their fears, concerns and terror in the face of loosing their own children to a brainless, medieval organization whose sole purpose is to break up families and tear children away from their parents for no reason whatsoever, or because of some freak accident. (my favorite suggestion was "why can't we let the POLICE handle those kinds of situations"). They saw CPS as a huge looming monster peeking into windows and making stealthy Stalinist reports on innocent people who are unable to protect themselves from the system, and have no one to turn to for help if they are "targeted to be next". It took me a while to pinpoint exactly what was so grotesque about that position, but I think I got it -
To all concerned and terrified parents, parents-to-be, conscientious objectors and other "innocent" bystanders - THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, and it is not even about YOUR rights.
This is about the children who are starved, beaten, raped, burned, tied up, put away in cages, poisoned, frozen, made ill, molested, left alone for hours, not treated for illness, given drugs or alcohol, and psychologically abused by threats or screaming, or kids who have to live in dirty and dangerous shelters because the parents are too drunk, too sick, too incompetent, or too absent to even acknowledge having a child. This is about the three year old who has her head held down in the a toilet full of feces for misbehaving by her mother, and at the age of 11 still has a pathological fear of water to the point that she will only drink things that are not clear.
This is not about the child who comes in with a few bruises and a social worker investigates your family. NOT ONLY SHOULD YOU NOT BE TERRIFIED if that ever happens - you should be grateful for the fact that such a system is in place - because your child could be getting those bruises from bullies on the way from school - or from a teacher - or from a family member - and is too scared to tell either you or the teacher about it - and next month those bullies will drag him into a dark alley and rape him. Then you can explore the nature of fear for the rest of your life if your kid actually has evidence of being hurt and you find out about the incident - but most likely he'll follow the normal path of being ashamed and hiding it at all costs, and if you wonder why he suddenly turned into a violent depressed dysfunctional shadow of himself, you should think about whether or not you took too much upon yourself when you deemed your rights as parents holy and impenetrable, because you knew better than anyone else. And if you accidentally drop your child and he breaks his arm and the doctor calls DSS - someone SHOULD talk to you and determine whether you ARE COMPETENT enough to care for that child - because if you are not, and you drop him again, you are not anyone any favors.
This is about the children who, if they came to your playground, you would grab you kids and run - because these are the children that hit, and bite, and steal, and lie, and in almost all cases it is a direct result of trauma to which they were exposed to either by their primary caretakers or because of neglect on the part of their primary caretakers - and they only way to give them a fighting chance of survival is if I do something about it. Even it's something small, like being their teacher, and believing that they have a right and the ability to learn things in school just like regular kids, even if they are sitting there replaying the scene of their drugged out mother falling out of a five story window over and over again in their head for the seventh year in a row. And it's going to happen within the framework of the imperfect but definitely functioning system, that really doesn't care about you or your privileged spawn shivering with terror of being separated, or proudly marching down the street waving the red flag of statistics. It's going to happen within a system that will go through changes slowly but with the sole purpose of finding the best ways of protecting children at risk, and doing it to the best of their ability (and not worrying about you).
And yes, there are clear guidelines about when and how and for what reasons things are done the way they are done. In many situations parents who are doing the damage to the child do not see the whole picture - either because they are limited, or stupid or incompetent. If does not need to be deliberate harm. But it does not mean that the child does not need someone to advocate for him.
As far as the cost of mistakes, or taking things too far - those are difficult issues and they are right to be raised. Good, nurturing parents should not have to fear outside intervention into their lives and the lives of their children. But demands for scrapping the existing system at the expense of children who are being saved by it, is not only irresponsible and selfish, it is grotesque. This is a system that can only be made better by support and intervention by concerned parties who know and understand how things work, what is at stake, and who primarily worry about others before themselves. And it should be done on the other 355 days of the year, not when a controversial event is happening that lets you scream and point fingers make demands, and point out faults and imperfections.
If you want to help, help. This IS a delicate and vulnerable world, in which a huge amount depends on luck, and love, and understanding, and hope, and of course, tried and true practical actions. This is a system that to a large part runs on "those who care" and "do what they can". Mostly, because no one outside of the system wants to touch it with a twenty foot pole, and those who are in it, do it because they care, and not about themselves. If you want to help, even if to take time out of your busy schedule to compile any missing statistics, which I am sure would be extremely helpful for any objective evaluations, that would be great. If you don't want to help, with all due respect, stuff it.