depression seeps in..
Somehow, this always tends to happen. There is no real reason, I think. It might have something to do this time with me giving myself WAY too many things to do at once. Sad thing is, in order to take a break from doing something, I do something else, which also needs to be finished. Its like some neverending circle of perfectionism where I can't stop until I've done all I can and then I have to move back to perfecting what I was doing before.
My father's vague presence, and by vague I mean miniscule, in my life is driving me into a small hole in my subconscious. My dreams reflect it.
Then again, there's that sinking feeling that I won't be able to stand up and finish the beginning of the rest of my life without wasting precious time. Maybe that's part of the reason I fell in love with a younger guy? I don't know.
I hope tonight the Gods decend into my subconscious and push my spirit into a wall of sense so that, for once, things will be momentarily clear.
My manic is acting up again, I know it. I feel not just a flush of lonliness, but I feel as though I'm being singled out in the infinite universe. The thing is, I know I'm very wrong, but somehow.. the feeling just lingers there in my heart, making it tremble like a terrified kitten without its mother.