Chemo.
Finally today I got results from the scans of last week. It's bad news.
The liver mets have grown. The bone mets have spread and grown.
I knew something was wrong. All that fatigue getting worse.
Dr D informed me I can't use any hormonals any more. I've used up all the different types there are, and the cancer is now resistant to them. That only leaves chemo
What, I asked Dr D, would happen if I do no chemo?
Basically, you'll go into a decline and then die.
What does that look like? I asked.
You'll get weaker, you'll feel more fatigue, you'll need more and more rest, you'll be nauseous, you'll lose weight, your appetite will go, and then you'll be bedridden, then one day you'll go into a coma and die.
How long would that take?
From a couple of months to a few more months.
Oh.
Or, you could decide to die right now, and it would take a couple of weeks.
Not going to happen, I said. I don't want that yet.
Then it's chemo.
Right. Crap.
He explained there are two main chemos to consider. Taxane, or Xeloda. Taxane has a higher response rate. But it's a nastier chemo and I'd need a port put in for the infusions. That's not easy to achieve given it's Xmas now. The side effects are:
I asked him which he recommends for me, and he said to try the Xeloda over Xmas, take a blood test and see how it goes when he comes back from leave on 8 January.
If I'm responding I can stay on it. I like the idea of no infusions, and he said the Xeloda symptoms are generally milder, even though the list seems as long most people have fewer of them.
So, I start tomorrow.
The thing that really threw me for a loop was that if I don't do these chemos, I will die, really quickly. It brought home to me what's happening with a hard horrible force that can't be denied.
Also, the extensive bone mets. The ones in my arms and legs are particularly worrying so he sent me for xrays to see if the outer coating of bone has been affected. If it has then I need radiation to prevent my bones from fracturing.
Afterwards I kept my hair appointment, cut and colour, on the basis that I don't want to look like a shaggy regrown hair tragic even for a month.
Julian, Sue and I went to dinner and sat there numb and shocked. I've read over and over about others suffering from this changing treatment but I hadn't appreciated how it feels.
Without this treatment, I die. With it, I feel like crap. I'll have to see what the tradeoff really is.
My God, this is horrible.
The liver mets have grown. The bone mets have spread and grown.
I knew something was wrong. All that fatigue getting worse.
Dr D informed me I can't use any hormonals any more. I've used up all the different types there are, and the cancer is now resistant to them. That only leaves chemo
What, I asked Dr D, would happen if I do no chemo?
Basically, you'll go into a decline and then die.
What does that look like? I asked.
You'll get weaker, you'll feel more fatigue, you'll need more and more rest, you'll be nauseous, you'll lose weight, your appetite will go, and then you'll be bedridden, then one day you'll go into a coma and die.
How long would that take?
From a couple of months to a few more months.
Oh.
Or, you could decide to die right now, and it would take a couple of weeks.
Not going to happen, I said. I don't want that yet.
Then it's chemo.
Right. Crap.
He explained there are two main chemos to consider. Taxane, or Xeloda. Taxane has a higher response rate. But it's a nastier chemo and I'd need a port put in for the infusions. That's not easy to achieve given it's Xmas now. The side effects are:
- Fluid retention with weight gain, swelling of the ankles or abdominal area.
- Peripheral neuropathy (numbness in your fingers and toes) may occur with repeated doses.
- Nausea
- Diarrhea
- Mouth sores
- Hair loss
- Fatigue and weakness
- Infection
- Nail changes (Color changes to your fingernails or toenails may occur while taking docetaxel. In extreme, but rare, cases nails may fall off. After you have finished docetaxel treatments, your nails will generally grow back) (see skin problems).
- These side effects are less common, meaning they occur in 10-29 percent of patients receiving docetaxel:
- Vomiting
- Muscle/bone/joint pain (myalgias and arthralgias)
- Low platelet count (This can increase your risk of bleeding)
- Increases in blood tests measuring liver function. These return to normal once treatment is discontinued. (see liver problems).
- Diarrhea,
- nausea, vomiting,
- mouth and throat sores
- abdominal pain, upset stomach
- constipation
- loss of appetite
- dehydration
- Hand-and-Foot syndrome (pain, swelling or redness of your hands or feet that prevents normal activity)
- dry, itchy or discolored skin,
- rash
- nail problems
- some hair loss
- Tiredness, weakness
- dizziness, headache
- fever, pain (such as chest, back, joint, and muscle)
- difficulty sleeping
- taste problems.
I asked him which he recommends for me, and he said to try the Xeloda over Xmas, take a blood test and see how it goes when he comes back from leave on 8 January.
If I'm responding I can stay on it. I like the idea of no infusions, and he said the Xeloda symptoms are generally milder, even though the list seems as long most people have fewer of them.
So, I start tomorrow.
The thing that really threw me for a loop was that if I don't do these chemos, I will die, really quickly. It brought home to me what's happening with a hard horrible force that can't be denied.
Also, the extensive bone mets. The ones in my arms and legs are particularly worrying so he sent me for xrays to see if the outer coating of bone has been affected. If it has then I need radiation to prevent my bones from fracturing.
Afterwards I kept my hair appointment, cut and colour, on the basis that I don't want to look like a shaggy regrown hair tragic even for a month.
Julian, Sue and I went to dinner and sat there numb and shocked. I've read over and over about others suffering from this changing treatment but I hadn't appreciated how it feels.
Without this treatment, I die. With it, I feel like crap. I'll have to see what the tradeoff really is.
My God, this is horrible.