The Baffled King Composing Hallelujah
So here it is. The final fic in the Belle Series and more than likely the final fic I will have ever written. It took a month. I am not sure what to say here. If this gets reads, then thank you so much for patiently waiting three years for a fic that had the chance of never coming. This fic is an end to the series, but does not have a totally happy happy joy joy ending. I did not feel I could end it that way. Also, the song lyrics intersperced through it really don't make a whole heck of a lot of sense, but they were what I had in my head while writing this, and they inspired some of it. They are from kd lang's version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. I don't own them.
As always, I don't own Doctor Who, Ten, Donna, Wilf, Sylvia, Ianto, Jack, Gwen, or the TARDIS. The BBC does. Thank you again for all your support in the years I had been writing, and your encouragement to finish this one. I love you all.
Please read and enjoy...
~It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah~
The Doctor sat on the pilot seat watching Donna and Jack move around the console following the pattern of lights that would take the TARDIS to Chiswick. And he couldn’t move. The time rotor rose and fell, the engines made their whirring sounds, the TARDIS shook as she moved. And he couldn’t move. The TARDIS landed. And he couldn’t move. Donna went to his side, stroked his face, and kissed his lips lightly. He wanted to reach for her hand, and he wanted to kiss her back. But he could do neither. She stepped away, and ran out of the TARDIS followed by Jack, Ianto, and Gwen. He wanted to follow. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. “Donna,” he whispered. “Come back.” But she didn’t hear. She was already gone.
He sat for a few more minutes in silence, for even the TARDIS’ presence in his mind had diminished. Perhaps she hated him too, as the others did. Though if Donna hated him, why had she kissed him? A last kiss before leaving? His hearts stuttered, and his blood ran cold. Would she leave him? Would she leave him and take Belle as well? She should. He’d screwed up immensely. Perhaps that’s why Jack, Ianto, and Gwen had gone with her. Perhaps they were hatching a plan for Donna to take Belle and leave. He slumped, feeling his legs begin to shake a little. He began to slide to the floor. By the time his bottom had graced the grating, his mind had clamped firmly to the notion that Donna and Belle would be leaving. It was no less than he deserved. And not even the TARDIS shrieking her denial of that thought in his mind would dislodge it.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf went out the kitchen door, and headed for the TARDIS, sitting in her usual spot between Sylvia’s herb garden, and the vegetable garden. He heard Donna say something about going with him, but Sylvia stopped her and told her to let him take care of it. The Doctor would hopefully be receptive to Wilf. Wilf hoped so too. He remembered when the Doctor had told him he would be proud if Wilf were his father. Well, Wilf was certain it would be an honor to have the Doctor as a son. That man was a great man. The things he’d done not just for Earth, but the universe in general spoke to that. Then there were the things he’d done for Wilf’s precious granddaughter. Donna knew her own self worth now. The Doctor made her better. And now he would help the Doctor get better.
~*~*~*~*~
The Doctor got up from where he sat and left the console room, heading for the medbay. The TARDIS whispered into his mind knowing what he planned, the Doctor; though he knew the TARDIS had told him she’d forgive him, also knew she shouldn’t. He didn’t deserve to even have that special telepathic bond with her, so he carefully withdrew his mind from hers, studiously ignoring her mental wail. Once in the medbay, he went to the drawer marked “Medicines Safe for Human Consumption” and pulled out a small white bottle. He stared at it, reading the label over three times, before grasping it tightly and leaving the medbay.
He wandered down several corridors before getting to a tall ornate door made of the wood of the trees of Gallifrey, which had gold writing in Gallifreyan on it. No one save for him knew what it said. He opened the door and went inside, heading directly for an open space. Once there, he stood and looked out over where he was. He fingered the bottle still in his hand. Sighing he sat himself down facing the twin suns. How fitting was it that the Time Lord race would become extinct on the only surviving piece of its world? He opened the bottle and shook out two pills.
“You sure you want to do that?” a voice startled him into dropping both the pills and the bottle and he twisted his head around to see Wilf standing there watching him.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf entered the TARDIS only to hear footsteps fading away down one of the many corridors leading out of the console room. He instantly realized the background hum of the timeship had increased. A monitor on the console was flashing and he felt a slight nudge to go over to it. Touching the back of his head as if someone had pushed on it, Wilf went over to the monitor. Immediately images flashed across it, of the Doctor’s initial breakdown, Donna and Jack piloting the TARDIS, Donna kissing the Doctor, and then she, Jack, Ianto and Gwen leaving the TARDIS. He watched as the Doctor slid to the floor with a look of utter despondency on his face. He touched the screen, but then a ferocious blast of cold air went over him, and the louder hum, increased to an almost scream. Lights flashed in one corridor.
Wilf took that as the TARDIS telling him to go somewhere, and he followed the lights. He didn’t have to go far it seemed before he came across a beautifully crafted wooden door with gold markings along the top. It swung open and he entered a room that had red grass, trees with silver leaves that reflected, he stared in startled surprise, the light from two suns making them seem as though on fire. A tangy citrus smell permeated the air. Wilf went forward until he found himself in what he could only describe as an open meadow, and there sitting in the middle of it was the Doctor. He walked up behind him, and his heart nearly stopped at the sight of an aspirin bottle in the Doctor’s left hand, with two pills in his right.
“You sure you want to do that?” he asked seeing the Time Lord jump and drop the bottle and pills, then turn and look at him, standing up.
Wilf looked into the Doctor’s eyes, seeing not the despair he’d seen on the video the TARDIS had shown him, but a flat emotionless stare instead. He walked forward, his hands outstretched to take the hands of the Time Lord, but the Doctor pulled them back, and with a curl of his lips, he turned, picked up the bottle and the pills and raised them to his mouth. “What does it matter if I do?” he snarled, moving to put them in his mouth. A sudden gust blew them away, and the Time Lord looked up to at the projection of sky. “You too?” he asked. “You want to stop me? Why?” he whirled back around to Wilf, anger and desperation in his eyes. “I told you!” he roared. “I told you! I’ve lived too long. My time should be over. Ruining lives and making decisions that do what I’ve just been shown means I’ve been here too long. I’ve overstayed my welcome. My wrongs outweigh the rights. Let me go.” he took more pills out of the bottle, but yet again, a gust blew them away. The Doctor screamed, and flung his arms out, dropping the bottle of aspirin. Wilf snatched it from the ground, and shoved it into the pocket of his trousers.
“Give them to me,” the Doctor hissed advancing on the old man, teeth bared, and face red with rage.
“No.” Wilf backed away.
“Give them to me now!” the Doctor stepped forward, his hands outstretched. Wilf continued to back away, and the Doctor’s advances increased until the old man was against the wall of the garden room. “Give them to me,” the Time Lord whispered, his face mere inches from Wilf’s.
~*~*~*~*~
There was a slight creaking noise, that neither one noticed, as the door to the garden swung fully open, Donna and the others, against Wilf’s wishes, stood in the doorway looking in.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf took a deep shuddering breath and shook his head. “No,” he shook as the Doctor put his hands on either side of his head. After a moment, one of his hands slid down the wall, and reached for Wilf’s pocket. Wilf clapped his hand over the Doctor’s and shook his head again. “No,’ he said softly. “No.” His hand closed over the Doctor’s, his thumb rubbing the back of it in what he hoped was a bit calming if not comforting. He watched the Time Lord’s face, and saw it marginally relax. The anger in his eyes, remained though. After a moment, the Doctor took a short breath. “Why?” he asked. “Why won’t you help me? Look what I’ve done, I’m sure they’ve told you. They hate me, rightfully so. My own ship, the last true Gallifreyan, besides myself hates me, also rightfully so. Why should I prolong the torment. The destruction. Everything. Let me go. It’s my time. Let Donna, the others, and maybe even my brother go on,” he backed away from Wilf, pulling his hand back. Now Wilf advanced on him, backing him into a tree.
“No, son. I won’t do that. I don’t believe it’s your time. Yes, you’ve done some wrongs. No doubt about that. And leaving your brother on that parallel world was pretty bad. But you’ve also done a heck of a lot of rights. I don’t pretend to know what was in your mind when you decided Rose should stay, but I imagine the fear of being alone was a part of it. No one, no man, alien, whatever, could imagine how truly alone you were at the end of that war. Can’t blame you for latching onto whatever company you had,” Wilf placed his hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. The Doctor stood silent, his gaze focused on the ground below.
“It was so quiet,” Wilf jumped at the sudden sound of the Doctor’s voice, soft in volume, his eyes distant. “All my life, there’d been Time Lords and Gallifreyans in my mind. Always the pull of my planet. We were billions of years old, our civilization. So old, and so developed, that even in enormous distances, our planet itself could be felt in our minds, calling us, calming us, linking us to Home. To lose that, meant insanity in most cases. The harshest punishment for a criminal on Gallifrey was to lose all mental contact with our species and planet,” the Doctor lowered himself and sat carefully against the tree, his fingers going to pluck at the red grass around him. “There were three Great Time Wars. The first two were resolved quickly, and without a lot of destruction. The third one, the Last Great Time War…well that one was…destructive. Whole civilizations were wiped out. The Daleks and the Time Lords fighting across the universe. And soon, we were just as bad as the Daleks. It had to stop. We had to be stopped.
I stopped it with the intention of being destroyed, I and my TARDIS were supposed to be destroyed, we were prepared. But we were thrown free of the explosions. Thrown out of the Time Lock. We survived, in a manner of speaking. I was regenerating. I didn’t want to, but it was inevitable. I couldn’t leave my poor TARDIS alone to drift. I regenerated, woke up, and the silence that fell into our minds was deafening. We were alone. So alone. Not even the feel of our planet to comfort us. Chaos reigned in my mind, and shortly after I met Rose. Her presence kept my mind from falling apart, and after she brought the Reapers, I kept her because the chaos scared me.” The Doctor sighed heavily, and looked to start to cry.
“Son,” Wilf said, reaching his hand out, but the Doctor waved it away. He stared forward at some unknown place whether in his mind or in the garden room. He took a breath and started again. “I sent her home from the Game Station. She would have died if she stayed, and I didn’t want that. She was supposed to stay home. The TARDIS was able to return on her own, if need be, but part of me was hoping she wouldn’t, because as soon as Rose was gone, the chaos began, and death was what I wanted. But Rose ripped open my TARDIS, she came back, and she had the whole of the Time Vortex in her head. I did die, but I regenerated, and my mind was further in chaos. It was a bad regeneration. And I felt Jack, or rather the thing that I didn’t realize was Jack and it hurt. I had to get away. I had to. Jackie took care of me when we got back to Earth. I was sick from the regeneration and she took care of me,” the Doctor sucked in a breath. He turned towards Wilf. “I kept Rose still. I can’t say why, I don’t know why.”
He stood up, and glared at the older man. “I can see it so clearly now, why couldn’t I then? Why? Why did I keep her? Why?” he repeated, his head hanging.
“Trauma,” Wilf’s voice was soft. “Seen it before in wartime and the aftermath of wartime,” he held up his hands at the look on the Doctor’s face. “I know, son, I know. No Earthly war could ever match up to that Last Great Time War. But your mind, m’boy. Your mind was traumatized. You latched on to the first person to show you…well perhaps not kindness, but something. Acknowledgement that you existed perhaps. Lesser men than you have made the same mistakes. But you know…after she was in the parallel world, Pete’s World as you call it, she was not your responsibility. Not her choices not her actions. None of it. You can’t control what she does over there. You still can’t. You need to stop beating yourself up over that.”
The Doctor nodded, listening to Wilf’s words. His shoulders straightened a bit. But then he sighed, and whispered “Alexander.”
“Lex, your brother as it were,” Wilf nodded. “Not to raise your ire, but do you know why you left him in the parallel world with Rose?”
“Actually,” the Time Lord breathed in a shuddery breath. “I’m not sure I intended to leave him with Rose, I think I meant to leave him with Jackie.”
“Jackie? Rose’s mum? Why?”
“Jackie took care of me after I regenerated and I was sick. Metacrises are an unknown. They usually die or become violent and have to be executed. But Alexander wasn’t violent, a bit hyper yes, but I didn’t see violence in him. But I wasn’t sure how long that would continue or if it would be permanent. And I was scared. Donna was dying, and my mind was…foundering. I thought there was no way I could keep Alexander here, and stay sane, especially if Donna died. The only think I could think of was to leave him with Jackie, in the hopes she might take care of him,” he stopped and looked at Wilf. “I should have known Rose would do what she did. I should have known,” his head hung again. “Rose did what she did, means Jackie wasn’t able to, or couldn’t take care of him.”
“I’m guessing since you said you thought you meant to leave Alexander with Jackie, that you didn’t actually ask her to care for him,” Wilf said.
“No. I was in a hurry. Donna was dying, I could feel it. I had to get her home, I had to save her, and yes I know wiping her mind was not the choice I should have made, but damn it, I couldn’t think straight,” the Doctor stood straight again, and looked up at the projection of the Gallifreyan sky. “You knew that, you did!” he shouted. “You were connected to me and you knew! You knew my mind was faltering!” he suddenly grabbed his head and wailed. “No! You can’t, I won’t let you, I will die, let me die! No one else need be hurt because of me anymore.” he whirled around to Wilf, yanked at the old man’s trouser pocket, pulled the bottle of aspirin out, and just before he downed the pills, before Wilf could get himself together to stop him, a small voice sounded.
“You saved me,” the Doctor stopped and paled at the sound of Belle’s voice. “You are not all bad. If you were all bad, I would still be where you found me. Maybe I would die there. I don’t know. But you and Donna came. You brought me with you, you took me places so I could see again, hear again. A bad person would not do that, I think,” she stepped into the garden room and inhaled. “It smells like orange marmalade here.”
“Belle,” the Doctor started, his voice small. “Belle you shouldn’t be here.”
“Loud Yellow Hair,” Belle said.
“What?”
“Loud Yellow Hair. That is what Miss Tardis calls the person you call Rose. You do call her Rose? Miss Tardis told me about her. She is a bad person. She is your Annie.”
“Annie?” Wilf asked. “And who might that be?”
“Annie was a person on that colony world of Belle’s that “helped” her. More like conned her,” the Doctor said.
“You never mentioned an Annie,” Wilf told Belle.
“Why would I? She is not here. She is still on that colony. Loud Yellow Hair is like Annie I think. Annie would say she knew where food was, and make me go get it. Annie would make trouble and I would have the consequences. But I could not tell Annie to go away. Annie was the only person who said I existed. I was not alone with Annie. But then you and Donna came. I am not alone anymore, and I can see in a way, and hear now. I can talk,” Belle walked toward the shimmer she knew was the Doctor and touched his arm. “I don’t remember having a Papa, I sort of remember having a Mama, but not really. I like to think that maybe you and Donna are like my Papa and Mama. Please do not go away.”
Wilf stepped forward too, and placed his hand on the Doctor’s other arm. “Yes, son. Don’t go away. Don’t leave us. Don’t you leave my Donna.”
The Doctor looked to either side of himself, on one side, Wilf’s face, eyes hopeful yet sad, on the other side, Belle’s face, her eyes straight ahead, yet her face a shifting visage between sadness, hopefulness, and here his breath stuttered; abject fear. He looked at the bottle of aspirin and then back to Belle’s face. His breathing sped up, his throat choked up, his eyes filled with tears, his fingers suddenly felt nerveless, and the bottle dropped to the ground. His legs failed him next, and he crumpled to the ground, great gasping sobs bursting forth.
Wilf did his best to catch him, but the Doctor hit the ground unceremoniously, and he curled in on himself. There was a sound of indrawn breath from the doorway, Wilf looked over and glared as he saw Donna, Sylvia, Jack, Gwen, and Ianto all standing there. His face softened at Donna’s look of concern, and he quickly waved her over. When the others made like they would come in, he waved them off, and the TARDIS even put up a force field of sorts to keep them out.
Donna hurried over to Belle, and led her to the Doctor’s side. Together, they wrapped themselves around him, crooning to him, and other wise just holding him waiting for the storm to pass. When it did, the Time Lord’s body gave in to exhaustion, and he fell into a deep sleep. Donna and Belle tried to separate themselves, but he whimpered and clutched on to them. Wilf extricated Belle, she couldn’t stay there, but Donna elected to stay, and mentally thanked the TARDIS when blankets and pillows appeared as well as a small box with tea and sandwiches.
~*~*~*~*~
Several hours later, during which Donna has also fallen asleep, holding the Time Lord, they both slowly started to awaken. The Doctor awoke fully first, and saw he was entwined with Donna. Believing he didn’t deserve this…this comfort, he sat up, backed away, and leaned against a nearby tree. He whimpered, and shut his eyes as pain lanced through his skull from the continued mental cut off he’d done with the TARDIS.
“Let her in,” Donna’s voice sounded suddenly making him jump and open his eyes to see her sitting up and looking at him. She scooted forward, he flinched and forgetting he was back against a tree, tried to scoot away further. “No you don’t, “ Donna went to him, and sat cross legged in front of him. She reached out and took his hands.
“Let me go,” his voice was soft and pleading. Any regret of his desire to end his life, gone, all memory of Belle’s fear and sadness at the thought of him dying, gone. In its place a frantic need to make things right and in his mind, making things right was him dying.
“No.”
“Please.”
“No,” her grip got tighter. “I won’t let you go. I will not let you alone to do something so stupid as to kill yourself.”
“Why not? It’s no less than I deserve,” he looked into her eyes, and she paled at the sudden glint of mania, felling his hands slip out of hers. “You do it, then. You kill me. Kill me in revenge for Alexander,” he looked around, saw the dropped bottle of aspirin and reached for it. A crack was heard and a branch from the tree they were sitting under fell, nearly hitting the Doctor. “Stop it!” he shouted up at the ceiling. He tried to reach around the branch, poking, grabbing, and then getting up on his knees. A stinging slap to his face brought him back, and he looked into Donna’s pale face, and wide terrified eyes. Eyes that were quickly turning furious.
“I will not!” she screamed. “Don’t you ever dare ask me to do that again. I. Will. Not.”
“But…” he choked out as soon as he could speak. “Alexander.”
“I don’t give a damn about Alexander right now. What he wants, what he needs, damn him right now,” she sobbed out the last words. “I care about you, and your needs. You need us right now. Hell, you need us all the time. I told you when we first met, and I’ll tell you again and again until you hear me and it sinks in that thick Time Lord skull of yours. You need someone,” she scooted closer, took his hands in hers once more. “Let us be the someones. Let me be that someone.”
He looked at their linked hands. His hands, with long thin fingers, the skin not as smooth as a younger person’s, mind this body was younger than ones he’d had in his past, but still, there were signs of youthfulness past. Her hands, small, and like his, not the smoothness of youth, but certainly not old hands. They were soft, and he loved those hands. When they touched him, when they cradled his face. He squeezed them and looked up, and upon seeing her face, he almost burst into tears again. Such pain, such fear, such…he searched her face and eyes…such love. He opened his mind a bit to hers, and felt her love. He pushed back a small wave of love to her, and she smiled the tiniest smile.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, I need you, and I can’t…I can’t lose you.”
He reached up and wiped the tears now flowing freely from her eyes, and he drew her close to him. “Belle needs you and loves you too,” she murmured. “Gramps, and Mum as well,” she buried her face in his chest, circling her arms around his waist. He in turn dropped a kiss to the top of her head, rested his chin on her head, and opened his mind fully to both her and his timeship. He jumped, making Donna squeak, when the TARDIS song burst forth in his mind.
“I’m sorry, Old Girl,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. Have I lived too long? Is it worth it to go on if people are hurt? If bad things keep happening? Do I deserve a continued existence?”
“You are the last Time Lord,” the TARDIS’ voice was light in his head, and from the connection he had with Donna, he knew she could hear it as well. “You have a job to protect the universe. It is a hard job, and impossible job, and there are choices to be made, some terrible. But, I believe your time is not yet done. We must all consider our feelings regarding choices you’ve made. Perhaps we’ve been hasty in our thoughts of your actions. Perhaps we should accept the wise counsel of Grandfather of Kind Ginger Lady. You could not and cannot control the actions of Loud Yellow Hair in the Universe of the Others. And Mother of Loud Yellow Hair would have taken care of Other Thief very well.
And I know your loneliness after Home Gallifrey was gone. I know the chaos that controlled your mind, and why you kept Loud Yellow Hair. I should not have judged so harshly. I will not apologize for showing you all Loud Yellow Hair had done. But I see that the intensity of feeling it, was too much and too far. I will apologize for that. It is not just us who need to forgive you, it is also you who needs to forgive us. In time, this will happen. But it cannot if you cease your life. I ask you, Kind Ginger Lady asks you, we all ask you. Please do not follow the path to death that you’re on. Come back to us. Come live with us. Come love with us.”
When the TARDIS stopped whispering in his mind, he kept holding Donna, and his mind was deep in thought. Respectfully, Donna pulled her mind back a bit to give him a modicum of privacy. After several minutes, maybe an hour, he pulled back and Donna looked up at him expectantly.
“I’m not well,” he said. “My mind is chaotic, my emotions are everywhere, and I can’t promise you I’ll never have these thought of ending my life again. But for you, for Belle, for the others, the TARDIS, and yes, for myself I will try. I will try to get back my life. I’m broken. We all are to a certain extent. Will you help me get put back together?”
Donna only needed a second, before she leaned forward, pressed her lips to his, and held him close.
“Yes.”
~I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Our love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah~
A small black car pulled up in front of the Noble house. The windows were dark, and tinted, lights were off, and really there was no indication there was anyone in the car. It just seemed to show up. People looked out of their windows and watched the car, but then oddly felt compelled to look away.
A window rolled down, and a man looked out over the house, and saw the object of his search behind a fence, in a backyard, yet to the side enough to be visible to the street, if one knew what to look for. “Perception filter, brother? Wise, I suppose. I can make use of that,” the man murmured. A rustle of fabric was heard and the gurgle of a waking infant. The man reached back and touched a carseat, with one hand, and rubbed his forehead with the other. “S’alright Susie. You’re fine, “ Lex cooed at the infant. He couldn’t see her, as the seat was rear facing, but he felt her presence in his mind and felt her calm.
He sat for several minutes debating on whether or not he wanted to do this. In just the few hours it had taken the train to get to London from Cardiff, and the car to get from the train station to this house in Chiswick, the headache had doubled. He took two pills he pilfered from the TARDIS before he’d been left in the parallel world. The headaches were the start. More things would happen as his systems shut down, and he figured he had a few months at most left.
He had the Doctor’s mind in his somewhat, or at least his memories. He knew as a metacrisis, his life would be cut severely short. He also knew the Doctor probably hadn’t quite realized that in the state that he was in when Lex was left in the parallel world. The train journey had not lessened Lex’s anger towards the Doctor, nor had it made him inclined to forgive him. But it had afforded him time to think. And he had. He’d realized as he looked back that the Doctor had been a bit frazzled when sending folks home, and he knew Donna had been dying. As he was now. Donna would have been quicker though. Lex was more Gallifreyan than human, he could live this way longer. He supposed he should forgive Donna, and perhaps since he was dying, and he was hoping Donna and the Doctor would raise Susie, he should forgive the Doctor too.
Yes. He was going to leave his baby girl with them. He knew the TARDIS could heal his mind, at least from the metacrisis. And he knew she could and would help Susie. Susie wasn’t a full metacrisis, but as she had been fathered by one, she too would be sentenced to a short life span, and die young. The TARDIS could fix that.
Lex, however would not be letting the TARDIS fix him. He wasn’t suicidal by any means, he did not want to be in an environment with Donna and the Doctor. That environment would end up being toxic for Susie to be raised in. He felt he could forgive Donna in time, possibly the Doctor, but he did not think he could erase the hatred he had for his brother. He did not want Susie to grow up with that. But he did want Susie to grow up. So to that end, he would leave her with Donna and the Doctor, and live out whatever the rest of his life would be travelling the Earth.
Coming fully to this decision, Lex inhaled and reached out his mind to the timeship in the Noble’s backyard. He felt her connect with him, and he projected his request to her. Flinching at her sadness and desire to fix him, he gently refused, but told her he loved her, and to please come get his baby girl.
The TARDIS door opened, and a bright golden ribbon of energy flowed out and stretched towards the car. Lex got out of the car, and undid the straps of the carseat, and the energy swept into the back seat. It caressed the infant, lulling her into a sleep, before lifting her out to float in it next to her father. Lex bent his head and kissed her forehead, whispering in her mind in Gallifreyan that he loved her, that he wanted her to grow up happy, and safe. He wanted her to know that though her conception was horrific, her life was a miracle and she was destined to do great things.
He touched her cheek with his finger one last time, before whispering that he loved her again, then he turned away, asking the TARDIS to take her home. He felt the energy touch him for a brief moment, then it retreated with the baby in its grasp. He sat back in the car, and gave one last look towards the timeship, just in time to see the energy slip back inside and the door shut. It was then he heard voices and he saw Donna with her arm in the Doctor’s walking towards the TARDIS, followed by Wilf, Sylvia, Jack, Gwen and Ianto, walking with Belle. He slunk down on his seat when Jack turned his head, towards the car. Once they were inside, he started the car, and drove slowly away. He didn’t know where he was going, but wherever it was, he was on his way.
Relief coursed through him, as when he let go of the mental link with the TARDIS, he’d felt her show the others his baby girl, and he knew she would be safe and cared for. The car slipped away into the night.
~It’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not someone who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah~
As always, I don't own Doctor Who, Ten, Donna, Wilf, Sylvia, Ianto, Jack, Gwen, or the TARDIS. The BBC does. Thank you again for all your support in the years I had been writing, and your encouragement to finish this one. I love you all.
Please read and enjoy...
~It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah~
The Doctor sat on the pilot seat watching Donna and Jack move around the console following the pattern of lights that would take the TARDIS to Chiswick. And he couldn’t move. The time rotor rose and fell, the engines made their whirring sounds, the TARDIS shook as she moved. And he couldn’t move. The TARDIS landed. And he couldn’t move. Donna went to his side, stroked his face, and kissed his lips lightly. He wanted to reach for her hand, and he wanted to kiss her back. But he could do neither. She stepped away, and ran out of the TARDIS followed by Jack, Ianto, and Gwen. He wanted to follow. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. “Donna,” he whispered. “Come back.” But she didn’t hear. She was already gone.
He sat for a few more minutes in silence, for even the TARDIS’ presence in his mind had diminished. Perhaps she hated him too, as the others did. Though if Donna hated him, why had she kissed him? A last kiss before leaving? His hearts stuttered, and his blood ran cold. Would she leave him? Would she leave him and take Belle as well? She should. He’d screwed up immensely. Perhaps that’s why Jack, Ianto, and Gwen had gone with her. Perhaps they were hatching a plan for Donna to take Belle and leave. He slumped, feeling his legs begin to shake a little. He began to slide to the floor. By the time his bottom had graced the grating, his mind had clamped firmly to the notion that Donna and Belle would be leaving. It was no less than he deserved. And not even the TARDIS shrieking her denial of that thought in his mind would dislodge it.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf went out the kitchen door, and headed for the TARDIS, sitting in her usual spot between Sylvia’s herb garden, and the vegetable garden. He heard Donna say something about going with him, but Sylvia stopped her and told her to let him take care of it. The Doctor would hopefully be receptive to Wilf. Wilf hoped so too. He remembered when the Doctor had told him he would be proud if Wilf were his father. Well, Wilf was certain it would be an honor to have the Doctor as a son. That man was a great man. The things he’d done not just for Earth, but the universe in general spoke to that. Then there were the things he’d done for Wilf’s precious granddaughter. Donna knew her own self worth now. The Doctor made her better. And now he would help the Doctor get better.
~*~*~*~*~
The Doctor got up from where he sat and left the console room, heading for the medbay. The TARDIS whispered into his mind knowing what he planned, the Doctor; though he knew the TARDIS had told him she’d forgive him, also knew she shouldn’t. He didn’t deserve to even have that special telepathic bond with her, so he carefully withdrew his mind from hers, studiously ignoring her mental wail. Once in the medbay, he went to the drawer marked “Medicines Safe for Human Consumption” and pulled out a small white bottle. He stared at it, reading the label over three times, before grasping it tightly and leaving the medbay.
He wandered down several corridors before getting to a tall ornate door made of the wood of the trees of Gallifrey, which had gold writing in Gallifreyan on it. No one save for him knew what it said. He opened the door and went inside, heading directly for an open space. Once there, he stood and looked out over where he was. He fingered the bottle still in his hand. Sighing he sat himself down facing the twin suns. How fitting was it that the Time Lord race would become extinct on the only surviving piece of its world? He opened the bottle and shook out two pills.
“You sure you want to do that?” a voice startled him into dropping both the pills and the bottle and he twisted his head around to see Wilf standing there watching him.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf entered the TARDIS only to hear footsteps fading away down one of the many corridors leading out of the console room. He instantly realized the background hum of the timeship had increased. A monitor on the console was flashing and he felt a slight nudge to go over to it. Touching the back of his head as if someone had pushed on it, Wilf went over to the monitor. Immediately images flashed across it, of the Doctor’s initial breakdown, Donna and Jack piloting the TARDIS, Donna kissing the Doctor, and then she, Jack, Ianto and Gwen leaving the TARDIS. He watched as the Doctor slid to the floor with a look of utter despondency on his face. He touched the screen, but then a ferocious blast of cold air went over him, and the louder hum, increased to an almost scream. Lights flashed in one corridor.
Wilf took that as the TARDIS telling him to go somewhere, and he followed the lights. He didn’t have to go far it seemed before he came across a beautifully crafted wooden door with gold markings along the top. It swung open and he entered a room that had red grass, trees with silver leaves that reflected, he stared in startled surprise, the light from two suns making them seem as though on fire. A tangy citrus smell permeated the air. Wilf went forward until he found himself in what he could only describe as an open meadow, and there sitting in the middle of it was the Doctor. He walked up behind him, and his heart nearly stopped at the sight of an aspirin bottle in the Doctor’s left hand, with two pills in his right.
“You sure you want to do that?” he asked seeing the Time Lord jump and drop the bottle and pills, then turn and look at him, standing up.
Wilf looked into the Doctor’s eyes, seeing not the despair he’d seen on the video the TARDIS had shown him, but a flat emotionless stare instead. He walked forward, his hands outstretched to take the hands of the Time Lord, but the Doctor pulled them back, and with a curl of his lips, he turned, picked up the bottle and the pills and raised them to his mouth. “What does it matter if I do?” he snarled, moving to put them in his mouth. A sudden gust blew them away, and the Time Lord looked up to at the projection of sky. “You too?” he asked. “You want to stop me? Why?” he whirled back around to Wilf, anger and desperation in his eyes. “I told you!” he roared. “I told you! I’ve lived too long. My time should be over. Ruining lives and making decisions that do what I’ve just been shown means I’ve been here too long. I’ve overstayed my welcome. My wrongs outweigh the rights. Let me go.” he took more pills out of the bottle, but yet again, a gust blew them away. The Doctor screamed, and flung his arms out, dropping the bottle of aspirin. Wilf snatched it from the ground, and shoved it into the pocket of his trousers.
“Give them to me,” the Doctor hissed advancing on the old man, teeth bared, and face red with rage.
“No.” Wilf backed away.
“Give them to me now!” the Doctor stepped forward, his hands outstretched. Wilf continued to back away, and the Doctor’s advances increased until the old man was against the wall of the garden room. “Give them to me,” the Time Lord whispered, his face mere inches from Wilf’s.
~*~*~*~*~
There was a slight creaking noise, that neither one noticed, as the door to the garden swung fully open, Donna and the others, against Wilf’s wishes, stood in the doorway looking in.
~*~*~*~*~
Wilf took a deep shuddering breath and shook his head. “No,” he shook as the Doctor put his hands on either side of his head. After a moment, one of his hands slid down the wall, and reached for Wilf’s pocket. Wilf clapped his hand over the Doctor’s and shook his head again. “No,’ he said softly. “No.” His hand closed over the Doctor’s, his thumb rubbing the back of it in what he hoped was a bit calming if not comforting. He watched the Time Lord’s face, and saw it marginally relax. The anger in his eyes, remained though. After a moment, the Doctor took a short breath. “Why?” he asked. “Why won’t you help me? Look what I’ve done, I’m sure they’ve told you. They hate me, rightfully so. My own ship, the last true Gallifreyan, besides myself hates me, also rightfully so. Why should I prolong the torment. The destruction. Everything. Let me go. It’s my time. Let Donna, the others, and maybe even my brother go on,” he backed away from Wilf, pulling his hand back. Now Wilf advanced on him, backing him into a tree.
“No, son. I won’t do that. I don’t believe it’s your time. Yes, you’ve done some wrongs. No doubt about that. And leaving your brother on that parallel world was pretty bad. But you’ve also done a heck of a lot of rights. I don’t pretend to know what was in your mind when you decided Rose should stay, but I imagine the fear of being alone was a part of it. No one, no man, alien, whatever, could imagine how truly alone you were at the end of that war. Can’t blame you for latching onto whatever company you had,” Wilf placed his hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. The Doctor stood silent, his gaze focused on the ground below.
“It was so quiet,” Wilf jumped at the sudden sound of the Doctor’s voice, soft in volume, his eyes distant. “All my life, there’d been Time Lords and Gallifreyans in my mind. Always the pull of my planet. We were billions of years old, our civilization. So old, and so developed, that even in enormous distances, our planet itself could be felt in our minds, calling us, calming us, linking us to Home. To lose that, meant insanity in most cases. The harshest punishment for a criminal on Gallifrey was to lose all mental contact with our species and planet,” the Doctor lowered himself and sat carefully against the tree, his fingers going to pluck at the red grass around him. “There were three Great Time Wars. The first two were resolved quickly, and without a lot of destruction. The third one, the Last Great Time War…well that one was…destructive. Whole civilizations were wiped out. The Daleks and the Time Lords fighting across the universe. And soon, we were just as bad as the Daleks. It had to stop. We had to be stopped.
I stopped it with the intention of being destroyed, I and my TARDIS were supposed to be destroyed, we were prepared. But we were thrown free of the explosions. Thrown out of the Time Lock. We survived, in a manner of speaking. I was regenerating. I didn’t want to, but it was inevitable. I couldn’t leave my poor TARDIS alone to drift. I regenerated, woke up, and the silence that fell into our minds was deafening. We were alone. So alone. Not even the feel of our planet to comfort us. Chaos reigned in my mind, and shortly after I met Rose. Her presence kept my mind from falling apart, and after she brought the Reapers, I kept her because the chaos scared me.” The Doctor sighed heavily, and looked to start to cry.
“Son,” Wilf said, reaching his hand out, but the Doctor waved it away. He stared forward at some unknown place whether in his mind or in the garden room. He took a breath and started again. “I sent her home from the Game Station. She would have died if she stayed, and I didn’t want that. She was supposed to stay home. The TARDIS was able to return on her own, if need be, but part of me was hoping she wouldn’t, because as soon as Rose was gone, the chaos began, and death was what I wanted. But Rose ripped open my TARDIS, she came back, and she had the whole of the Time Vortex in her head. I did die, but I regenerated, and my mind was further in chaos. It was a bad regeneration. And I felt Jack, or rather the thing that I didn’t realize was Jack and it hurt. I had to get away. I had to. Jackie took care of me when we got back to Earth. I was sick from the regeneration and she took care of me,” the Doctor sucked in a breath. He turned towards Wilf. “I kept Rose still. I can’t say why, I don’t know why.”
He stood up, and glared at the older man. “I can see it so clearly now, why couldn’t I then? Why? Why did I keep her? Why?” he repeated, his head hanging.
“Trauma,” Wilf’s voice was soft. “Seen it before in wartime and the aftermath of wartime,” he held up his hands at the look on the Doctor’s face. “I know, son, I know. No Earthly war could ever match up to that Last Great Time War. But your mind, m’boy. Your mind was traumatized. You latched on to the first person to show you…well perhaps not kindness, but something. Acknowledgement that you existed perhaps. Lesser men than you have made the same mistakes. But you know…after she was in the parallel world, Pete’s World as you call it, she was not your responsibility. Not her choices not her actions. None of it. You can’t control what she does over there. You still can’t. You need to stop beating yourself up over that.”
The Doctor nodded, listening to Wilf’s words. His shoulders straightened a bit. But then he sighed, and whispered “Alexander.”
“Lex, your brother as it were,” Wilf nodded. “Not to raise your ire, but do you know why you left him in the parallel world with Rose?”
“Actually,” the Time Lord breathed in a shuddery breath. “I’m not sure I intended to leave him with Rose, I think I meant to leave him with Jackie.”
“Jackie? Rose’s mum? Why?”
“Jackie took care of me after I regenerated and I was sick. Metacrises are an unknown. They usually die or become violent and have to be executed. But Alexander wasn’t violent, a bit hyper yes, but I didn’t see violence in him. But I wasn’t sure how long that would continue or if it would be permanent. And I was scared. Donna was dying, and my mind was…foundering. I thought there was no way I could keep Alexander here, and stay sane, especially if Donna died. The only think I could think of was to leave him with Jackie, in the hopes she might take care of him,” he stopped and looked at Wilf. “I should have known Rose would do what she did. I should have known,” his head hung again. “Rose did what she did, means Jackie wasn’t able to, or couldn’t take care of him.”
“I’m guessing since you said you thought you meant to leave Alexander with Jackie, that you didn’t actually ask her to care for him,” Wilf said.
“No. I was in a hurry. Donna was dying, I could feel it. I had to get her home, I had to save her, and yes I know wiping her mind was not the choice I should have made, but damn it, I couldn’t think straight,” the Doctor stood straight again, and looked up at the projection of the Gallifreyan sky. “You knew that, you did!” he shouted. “You were connected to me and you knew! You knew my mind was faltering!” he suddenly grabbed his head and wailed. “No! You can’t, I won’t let you, I will die, let me die! No one else need be hurt because of me anymore.” he whirled around to Wilf, yanked at the old man’s trouser pocket, pulled the bottle of aspirin out, and just before he downed the pills, before Wilf could get himself together to stop him, a small voice sounded.
“You saved me,” the Doctor stopped and paled at the sound of Belle’s voice. “You are not all bad. If you were all bad, I would still be where you found me. Maybe I would die there. I don’t know. But you and Donna came. You brought me with you, you took me places so I could see again, hear again. A bad person would not do that, I think,” she stepped into the garden room and inhaled. “It smells like orange marmalade here.”
“Belle,” the Doctor started, his voice small. “Belle you shouldn’t be here.”
“Loud Yellow Hair,” Belle said.
“What?”
“Loud Yellow Hair. That is what Miss Tardis calls the person you call Rose. You do call her Rose? Miss Tardis told me about her. She is a bad person. She is your Annie.”
“Annie?” Wilf asked. “And who might that be?”
“Annie was a person on that colony world of Belle’s that “helped” her. More like conned her,” the Doctor said.
“You never mentioned an Annie,” Wilf told Belle.
“Why would I? She is not here. She is still on that colony. Loud Yellow Hair is like Annie I think. Annie would say she knew where food was, and make me go get it. Annie would make trouble and I would have the consequences. But I could not tell Annie to go away. Annie was the only person who said I existed. I was not alone with Annie. But then you and Donna came. I am not alone anymore, and I can see in a way, and hear now. I can talk,” Belle walked toward the shimmer she knew was the Doctor and touched his arm. “I don’t remember having a Papa, I sort of remember having a Mama, but not really. I like to think that maybe you and Donna are like my Papa and Mama. Please do not go away.”
Wilf stepped forward too, and placed his hand on the Doctor’s other arm. “Yes, son. Don’t go away. Don’t leave us. Don’t you leave my Donna.”
The Doctor looked to either side of himself, on one side, Wilf’s face, eyes hopeful yet sad, on the other side, Belle’s face, her eyes straight ahead, yet her face a shifting visage between sadness, hopefulness, and here his breath stuttered; abject fear. He looked at the bottle of aspirin and then back to Belle’s face. His breathing sped up, his throat choked up, his eyes filled with tears, his fingers suddenly felt nerveless, and the bottle dropped to the ground. His legs failed him next, and he crumpled to the ground, great gasping sobs bursting forth.
Wilf did his best to catch him, but the Doctor hit the ground unceremoniously, and he curled in on himself. There was a sound of indrawn breath from the doorway, Wilf looked over and glared as he saw Donna, Sylvia, Jack, Gwen, and Ianto all standing there. His face softened at Donna’s look of concern, and he quickly waved her over. When the others made like they would come in, he waved them off, and the TARDIS even put up a force field of sorts to keep them out.
Donna hurried over to Belle, and led her to the Doctor’s side. Together, they wrapped themselves around him, crooning to him, and other wise just holding him waiting for the storm to pass. When it did, the Time Lord’s body gave in to exhaustion, and he fell into a deep sleep. Donna and Belle tried to separate themselves, but he whimpered and clutched on to them. Wilf extricated Belle, she couldn’t stay there, but Donna elected to stay, and mentally thanked the TARDIS when blankets and pillows appeared as well as a small box with tea and sandwiches.
~*~*~*~*~
Several hours later, during which Donna has also fallen asleep, holding the Time Lord, they both slowly started to awaken. The Doctor awoke fully first, and saw he was entwined with Donna. Believing he didn’t deserve this…this comfort, he sat up, backed away, and leaned against a nearby tree. He whimpered, and shut his eyes as pain lanced through his skull from the continued mental cut off he’d done with the TARDIS.
“Let her in,” Donna’s voice sounded suddenly making him jump and open his eyes to see her sitting up and looking at him. She scooted forward, he flinched and forgetting he was back against a tree, tried to scoot away further. “No you don’t, “ Donna went to him, and sat cross legged in front of him. She reached out and took his hands.
“Let me go,” his voice was soft and pleading. Any regret of his desire to end his life, gone, all memory of Belle’s fear and sadness at the thought of him dying, gone. In its place a frantic need to make things right and in his mind, making things right was him dying.
“No.”
“Please.”
“No,” her grip got tighter. “I won’t let you go. I will not let you alone to do something so stupid as to kill yourself.”
“Why not? It’s no less than I deserve,” he looked into her eyes, and she paled at the sudden glint of mania, felling his hands slip out of hers. “You do it, then. You kill me. Kill me in revenge for Alexander,” he looked around, saw the dropped bottle of aspirin and reached for it. A crack was heard and a branch from the tree they were sitting under fell, nearly hitting the Doctor. “Stop it!” he shouted up at the ceiling. He tried to reach around the branch, poking, grabbing, and then getting up on his knees. A stinging slap to his face brought him back, and he looked into Donna’s pale face, and wide terrified eyes. Eyes that were quickly turning furious.
“I will not!” she screamed. “Don’t you ever dare ask me to do that again. I. Will. Not.”
“But…” he choked out as soon as he could speak. “Alexander.”
“I don’t give a damn about Alexander right now. What he wants, what he needs, damn him right now,” she sobbed out the last words. “I care about you, and your needs. You need us right now. Hell, you need us all the time. I told you when we first met, and I’ll tell you again and again until you hear me and it sinks in that thick Time Lord skull of yours. You need someone,” she scooted closer, took his hands in hers once more. “Let us be the someones. Let me be that someone.”
He looked at their linked hands. His hands, with long thin fingers, the skin not as smooth as a younger person’s, mind this body was younger than ones he’d had in his past, but still, there were signs of youthfulness past. Her hands, small, and like his, not the smoothness of youth, but certainly not old hands. They were soft, and he loved those hands. When they touched him, when they cradled his face. He squeezed them and looked up, and upon seeing her face, he almost burst into tears again. Such pain, such fear, such…he searched her face and eyes…such love. He opened his mind a bit to hers, and felt her love. He pushed back a small wave of love to her, and she smiled the tiniest smile.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, I need you, and I can’t…I can’t lose you.”
He reached up and wiped the tears now flowing freely from her eyes, and he drew her close to him. “Belle needs you and loves you too,” she murmured. “Gramps, and Mum as well,” she buried her face in his chest, circling her arms around his waist. He in turn dropped a kiss to the top of her head, rested his chin on her head, and opened his mind fully to both her and his timeship. He jumped, making Donna squeak, when the TARDIS song burst forth in his mind.
“I’m sorry, Old Girl,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. Have I lived too long? Is it worth it to go on if people are hurt? If bad things keep happening? Do I deserve a continued existence?”
“You are the last Time Lord,” the TARDIS’ voice was light in his head, and from the connection he had with Donna, he knew she could hear it as well. “You have a job to protect the universe. It is a hard job, and impossible job, and there are choices to be made, some terrible. But, I believe your time is not yet done. We must all consider our feelings regarding choices you’ve made. Perhaps we’ve been hasty in our thoughts of your actions. Perhaps we should accept the wise counsel of Grandfather of Kind Ginger Lady. You could not and cannot control the actions of Loud Yellow Hair in the Universe of the Others. And Mother of Loud Yellow Hair would have taken care of Other Thief very well.
And I know your loneliness after Home Gallifrey was gone. I know the chaos that controlled your mind, and why you kept Loud Yellow Hair. I should not have judged so harshly. I will not apologize for showing you all Loud Yellow Hair had done. But I see that the intensity of feeling it, was too much and too far. I will apologize for that. It is not just us who need to forgive you, it is also you who needs to forgive us. In time, this will happen. But it cannot if you cease your life. I ask you, Kind Ginger Lady asks you, we all ask you. Please do not follow the path to death that you’re on. Come back to us. Come live with us. Come love with us.”
When the TARDIS stopped whispering in his mind, he kept holding Donna, and his mind was deep in thought. Respectfully, Donna pulled her mind back a bit to give him a modicum of privacy. After several minutes, maybe an hour, he pulled back and Donna looked up at him expectantly.
“I’m not well,” he said. “My mind is chaotic, my emotions are everywhere, and I can’t promise you I’ll never have these thought of ending my life again. But for you, for Belle, for the others, the TARDIS, and yes, for myself I will try. I will try to get back my life. I’m broken. We all are to a certain extent. Will you help me get put back together?”
Donna only needed a second, before she leaned forward, pressed her lips to his, and held him close.
“Yes.”
~I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Our love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah~
A small black car pulled up in front of the Noble house. The windows were dark, and tinted, lights were off, and really there was no indication there was anyone in the car. It just seemed to show up. People looked out of their windows and watched the car, but then oddly felt compelled to look away.
A window rolled down, and a man looked out over the house, and saw the object of his search behind a fence, in a backyard, yet to the side enough to be visible to the street, if one knew what to look for. “Perception filter, brother? Wise, I suppose. I can make use of that,” the man murmured. A rustle of fabric was heard and the gurgle of a waking infant. The man reached back and touched a carseat, with one hand, and rubbed his forehead with the other. “S’alright Susie. You’re fine, “ Lex cooed at the infant. He couldn’t see her, as the seat was rear facing, but he felt her presence in his mind and felt her calm.
He sat for several minutes debating on whether or not he wanted to do this. In just the few hours it had taken the train to get to London from Cardiff, and the car to get from the train station to this house in Chiswick, the headache had doubled. He took two pills he pilfered from the TARDIS before he’d been left in the parallel world. The headaches were the start. More things would happen as his systems shut down, and he figured he had a few months at most left.
He had the Doctor’s mind in his somewhat, or at least his memories. He knew as a metacrisis, his life would be cut severely short. He also knew the Doctor probably hadn’t quite realized that in the state that he was in when Lex was left in the parallel world. The train journey had not lessened Lex’s anger towards the Doctor, nor had it made him inclined to forgive him. But it had afforded him time to think. And he had. He’d realized as he looked back that the Doctor had been a bit frazzled when sending folks home, and he knew Donna had been dying. As he was now. Donna would have been quicker though. Lex was more Gallifreyan than human, he could live this way longer. He supposed he should forgive Donna, and perhaps since he was dying, and he was hoping Donna and the Doctor would raise Susie, he should forgive the Doctor too.
Yes. He was going to leave his baby girl with them. He knew the TARDIS could heal his mind, at least from the metacrisis. And he knew she could and would help Susie. Susie wasn’t a full metacrisis, but as she had been fathered by one, she too would be sentenced to a short life span, and die young. The TARDIS could fix that.
Lex, however would not be letting the TARDIS fix him. He wasn’t suicidal by any means, he did not want to be in an environment with Donna and the Doctor. That environment would end up being toxic for Susie to be raised in. He felt he could forgive Donna in time, possibly the Doctor, but he did not think he could erase the hatred he had for his brother. He did not want Susie to grow up with that. But he did want Susie to grow up. So to that end, he would leave her with Donna and the Doctor, and live out whatever the rest of his life would be travelling the Earth.
Coming fully to this decision, Lex inhaled and reached out his mind to the timeship in the Noble’s backyard. He felt her connect with him, and he projected his request to her. Flinching at her sadness and desire to fix him, he gently refused, but told her he loved her, and to please come get his baby girl.
The TARDIS door opened, and a bright golden ribbon of energy flowed out and stretched towards the car. Lex got out of the car, and undid the straps of the carseat, and the energy swept into the back seat. It caressed the infant, lulling her into a sleep, before lifting her out to float in it next to her father. Lex bent his head and kissed her forehead, whispering in her mind in Gallifreyan that he loved her, that he wanted her to grow up happy, and safe. He wanted her to know that though her conception was horrific, her life was a miracle and she was destined to do great things.
He touched her cheek with his finger one last time, before whispering that he loved her again, then he turned away, asking the TARDIS to take her home. He felt the energy touch him for a brief moment, then it retreated with the baby in its grasp. He sat back in the car, and gave one last look towards the timeship, just in time to see the energy slip back inside and the door shut. It was then he heard voices and he saw Donna with her arm in the Doctor’s walking towards the TARDIS, followed by Wilf, Sylvia, Jack, Gwen and Ianto, walking with Belle. He slunk down on his seat when Jack turned his head, towards the car. Once they were inside, he started the car, and drove slowly away. He didn’t know where he was going, but wherever it was, he was on his way.
Relief coursed through him, as when he let go of the mental link with the TARDIS, he’d felt her show the others his baby girl, and he knew she would be safe and cared for. The car slipped away into the night.
~It’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not someone who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah~