The Best Monty Python Skit EVER!
Customer walks into a pet shop carrying a cage with a bird - dead - inside.
Customer: I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Shopkeeper: No, no, it's resting, look!
Customer: Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Customer: Resting?
Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable bird teh Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
Customer: The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead!
Shopkeeper: No, no - it's just resting!
Customer: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up! Customer removes bird from cage and proceeds to shout in its ear. Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper: Reaches forward and pushes the bird. There, it moved!
Customer: No, he didn't! That was you pushing the cage ... Hello Polly! Polly bangs it against the counter Polly Parrot, wake up! Polly! throws it up in the air and lets it fall to the floor Now, that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.
Customer: Look, my lad ... I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fiords.
Customer: Pining for the fiords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well, of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and VOOM.
Customer: Look matey, this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it! It's bleeding demised!
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining!
Customer: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot! ...
... If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.