(no subject)
Wow! I had a lot of catching up to do with reading everyone's journal. Now here's my rant:
I am quite irritated right now. I thought I got past this, but now I have anger again! Gar! I hate it when people get blindsided. They only see what they choose. They think that they are so smart, better than you. Because they go to what seems to be a fairly good school. Well, you don't know my school. Who are you to judge if you are better than ANYONE. No matter the race, nationality, or EDUCATION. Mary, I know you know exactly what I am talking about. I do know that I learned a lot this summer. I learned that things can change. People hide, and other's appear, and you realize who is there for you, and who you can be there for. But you can only be there for those you let you. One of my co-worker's this summer inspired me a lot. She is 22, married and is on her way to having her third kid. That boggles my mind. I can't imagine living in her place. She alone supports the ENTIRE family. She is really an amazing person. And I think she is one of the smartest people I know. And one day she told me that no matter what, I should never look down on anyone, or think I am better because I have an education and they don't. And I hope I can do that. Because it already pisses me off when I witness someone else doing it.
Back to relationships. A relationship is a two way street. Don't expect someone to listen if you don't talk. And don't forget that they may want to talk also. Just because they haven't been there, doesn't mean that they didn't want to be.
I was tired of calling and being rejected. I felt unwanted. I almost stopped trying. And then, suddenly I got a response. But the response felt like an obligation. 'i'll do this if you do this'. Fine princess. Miss cinderella. I don't want to cart around this memory of a relationship. Its a ghost. Not the same person. You'll see me before or after, but not during? If it is such a good thing that you are doing, don't a few people that have shared memories with you get to share that too? I thought it all meant more than that.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I have been blindsided. Maybe I am way too involved in my own life. But this is how I feel. And I hate it. But I don't know what to do anymore. I tried. I tried to understand, but obviously I didn't get the clue. But then again, was the clue ever dropped?
I am quite irritated right now. I thought I got past this, but now I have anger again! Gar! I hate it when people get blindsided. They only see what they choose. They think that they are so smart, better than you. Because they go to what seems to be a fairly good school. Well, you don't know my school. Who are you to judge if you are better than ANYONE. No matter the race, nationality, or EDUCATION. Mary, I know you know exactly what I am talking about. I do know that I learned a lot this summer. I learned that things can change. People hide, and other's appear, and you realize who is there for you, and who you can be there for. But you can only be there for those you let you. One of my co-worker's this summer inspired me a lot. She is 22, married and is on her way to having her third kid. That boggles my mind. I can't imagine living in her place. She alone supports the ENTIRE family. She is really an amazing person. And I think she is one of the smartest people I know. And one day she told me that no matter what, I should never look down on anyone, or think I am better because I have an education and they don't. And I hope I can do that. Because it already pisses me off when I witness someone else doing it.
Back to relationships. A relationship is a two way street. Don't expect someone to listen if you don't talk. And don't forget that they may want to talk also. Just because they haven't been there, doesn't mean that they didn't want to be.
I was tired of calling and being rejected. I felt unwanted. I almost stopped trying. And then, suddenly I got a response. But the response felt like an obligation. 'i'll do this if you do this'. Fine princess. Miss cinderella. I don't want to cart around this memory of a relationship. Its a ghost. Not the same person. You'll see me before or after, but not during? If it is such a good thing that you are doing, don't a few people that have shared memories with you get to share that too? I thought it all meant more than that.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I have been blindsided. Maybe I am way too involved in my own life. But this is how I feel. And I hate it. But I don't know what to do anymore. I tried. I tried to understand, but obviously I didn't get the clue. But then again, was the clue ever dropped?