Writing for dummies...or how I decided to make a drinking game
I haven't been online in a while. And with good reason. But that will be left for another entry. I was recently trolling random journals because I was bored...and ignoring the fact that English essays and projects were looming. Low and behold I found a monstrosity of a paragraph. This man called it his FAVORITE PASSAGE EVER. I swear, a friend of mine read it and fell over...I think from severe I.Q leakage. (Her words, not mine).
Here it is, for your perusal. But first a warning for all you English majors or anyone withany clue about writing. If you are eating anything, spit it out first. If you have anything breakable in hand, put it down in a safe place. I don't want you choking or breaking something precious.
The new arrivals stood at the entrance to the parlour, the decor of which, should a person be of the mind who are taught that if nothing positive might be said, nothing should be said at all, the less said the better; but if one were so inclined to maintain a dedication to the truth, whether that truth be something one is willing, even proud, to admit, or instead an unattractive admission to be made under the most reluctant of circumstances, then it must be pointed out - for the benefit of such a reader, it is devoutly wished to be understood, and not through any ill will directed at the occupants of the woebegone and weatherbeaten UP House - that the furnishings had long since passed their prime, and in fact had been allowed to fall into such a state of disrepair that to call them furnishings at all required the most extraordinary leap of faith and imagination; that the decor might be without argument described as lacking in refinement; and that the overall state of the UP House was mediocre at best and might be more accurately described as decrepit. Any readers beholden to the philosophy previously mentioned, of holding one's tongue when nothing of positive reinforcement might be said, should feel free to abstain from reading the preceding descriptive passage and return once more to the narrative.
...alright. I'm sorry I had to do that.
Now, onto the drinking game.
1) Everytime you see a comma, take a shot.
2) Everytime you see a hyphen, take a shot.
3) Everytime you see a semi colon, finish your drink.
4) Everytime you see a redundancy in the sentence, chug.
5) Everytime you see a cliche, take two drinks.
6) Everytime you see a mangled cliche, take three drinks.
7) Everytime you see a period, go to the bathroom...because you probably need it by now.
Example from talyesin's post(shots/drinks in brackets)
The new arrivals stood at the entrance to the parlour, (+1) the decor of which,(+1) should a person be of the mind who are taught that if nothing positive might be said,(+1, +chug) nothing should be said at all,(+1) the less said the better;(+1, +3) but if one were so inclined to maintain a dedication to the truth,(+1) whether that truth be something one is willing,(+1) even proud,(+1) to admit,(+1) or instead an unattractive admission to be made under the most reluctant of circumstances,(+1, +chug) then it must be pointed out -(+1) for the benefit of such a reader,(+1) it is devoutly wished to be understood, (+1 +chug) and not through any ill will directed at the occupants of the woebegone and weatherbeaten UP House -(+1, +chug refill chug) that the furnishings had long since passed their prime,(+1) and in fact had been allowed to fall into such a state of disrepair that to call them furnishings at all required the most extraordinary leap of faith and imagination;(+1, +3, +chug) that the decor might be without argument described as lacking in refinement;(+1) and that the overall state of the UP House was mediocre at best and might be more accurately described as decrepit(+chug). (Pass out, hopefully after going to the bathroom and/or throwing up, not necessarily from the amount of alcohol consumed.)
Grand total 22 drinks/shots and 6 chugs... for ONE sentence?!
WARNING!!!!!
- This game may cause severe acohol poisoning and/or brain damage.
- Consult a physician and English major before commencing play.
Note: You may wish to have a liver donor (or two) standing by.
Have fun ^_^
Here it is, for your perusal. But first a warning for all you English majors or anyone withany clue about writing. If you are eating anything, spit it out first. If you have anything breakable in hand, put it down in a safe place. I don't want you choking or breaking something precious.
The new arrivals stood at the entrance to the parlour, the decor of which, should a person be of the mind who are taught that if nothing positive might be said, nothing should be said at all, the less said the better; but if one were so inclined to maintain a dedication to the truth, whether that truth be something one is willing, even proud, to admit, or instead an unattractive admission to be made under the most reluctant of circumstances, then it must be pointed out - for the benefit of such a reader, it is devoutly wished to be understood, and not through any ill will directed at the occupants of the woebegone and weatherbeaten UP House - that the furnishings had long since passed their prime, and in fact had been allowed to fall into such a state of disrepair that to call them furnishings at all required the most extraordinary leap of faith and imagination; that the decor might be without argument described as lacking in refinement; and that the overall state of the UP House was mediocre at best and might be more accurately described as decrepit. Any readers beholden to the philosophy previously mentioned, of holding one's tongue when nothing of positive reinforcement might be said, should feel free to abstain from reading the preceding descriptive passage and return once more to the narrative.
...alright. I'm sorry I had to do that.
Now, onto the drinking game.
1) Everytime you see a comma, take a shot.
2) Everytime you see a hyphen, take a shot.
3) Everytime you see a semi colon, finish your drink.
4) Everytime you see a redundancy in the sentence, chug.
5) Everytime you see a cliche, take two drinks.
6) Everytime you see a mangled cliche, take three drinks.
7) Everytime you see a period, go to the bathroom...because you probably need it by now.
Example from talyesin's post(shots/drinks in brackets)
The new arrivals stood at the entrance to the parlour, (+1) the decor of which,(+1) should a person be of the mind who are taught that if nothing positive might be said,(+1, +chug) nothing should be said at all,(+1) the less said the better;(+1, +3) but if one were so inclined to maintain a dedication to the truth,(+1) whether that truth be something one is willing,(+1) even proud,(+1) to admit,(+1) or instead an unattractive admission to be made under the most reluctant of circumstances,(+1, +chug) then it must be pointed out -(+1) for the benefit of such a reader,(+1) it is devoutly wished to be understood, (+1 +chug) and not through any ill will directed at the occupants of the woebegone and weatherbeaten UP House -(+1, +chug refill chug) that the furnishings had long since passed their prime,(+1) and in fact had been allowed to fall into such a state of disrepair that to call them furnishings at all required the most extraordinary leap of faith and imagination;(+1, +3, +chug) that the decor might be without argument described as lacking in refinement;(+1) and that the overall state of the UP House was mediocre at best and might be more accurately described as decrepit(+chug). (Pass out, hopefully after going to the bathroom and/or throwing up, not necessarily from the amount of alcohol consumed.)
Grand total 22 drinks/shots and 6 chugs... for ONE sentence?!
WARNING!!!!!
- This game may cause severe acohol poisoning and/or brain damage.
- Consult a physician and English major before commencing play.
Note: You may wish to have a liver donor (or two) standing by.
Have fun ^_^