interesting reality
Alone
Blood flows through my heart no more
Only a slow blowing icy wind
Veins frozen over
Mind is numb
I strain to see
But my eyes are gone
Only gaping holes left, reflecting my spirit
Try to walk, to free my body
Legs wont carry me
Like my emotions wont support me
To all the world im dead on the outside
To myself im dead inside
No hope
No chance
I concede defeat to my creator
If the point of playing the game isnt to win, but to learn a lesson
Then I ask one question
What should i have learned
Because i feel more empty now then when i started.
Well i dont understand it. It must be my time fo the month. Even when hanging with the ppl who are making life fun rite now, im still ina mood. I think its my own issue of being alone. Everythign would be fine if i just had someone to hold at nite. Otherwise each day, each morning, feels so empty. Im sick of it i geuss. Its been almost a year of being alone.. fun at first.. not so much now. I dont care about my job or anythign else cuz im not content in my personal life. As for finding myself, i think im pretty found. Ive narrowed down what i want as to need. I know I want Derek, however im also posative it could never werk and he wouldnt in the end fill my needs. Interesting how fine a line it is and how the justification doesnt make me feel any better at all. I kinda just wanna spend each waking moment sleeping you kno? Anyway fuk it, im gunna go to bed. Derek mentioned again tonight how he doesnt want me getting attached, i made him fully aware i kno theres no chance, yet i find he has ot kepe pointing it out. Phenominal amounts of flirting with anythign that walks, talks whoeyer than anything ive ever herd.. and then reminds me im not enough, like i dont kno. Im not enouhg for anythign, as long as they have their 5 sences anyway. Geuss i gotta start looking toward the handicapped. A blind perosn or deaf or sumthin. On the plus at least i can get that shirt "I wanna fuck retarded people, yyou know, for charity or something", Id smile. Either way, constant rejection and the reminder of.. suxors. Envy Dave n Shane, break or not, and Gabe and Brian, young and in love, so rare.. so missed :( Doesnt seem to matter how well i cna cook or clean, take care of or support, be romantic and sensative, caring and compasionate, fun and thoughtful, cuz im still unatractive overall. Few things left out there to reject me. Life is next i spose.
Blood flows through my heart no more
Only a slow blowing icy wind
Veins frozen over
Mind is numb
I strain to see
But my eyes are gone
Only gaping holes left, reflecting my spirit
Try to walk, to free my body
Legs wont carry me
Like my emotions wont support me
To all the world im dead on the outside
To myself im dead inside
No hope
No chance
I concede defeat to my creator
If the point of playing the game isnt to win, but to learn a lesson
Then I ask one question
What should i have learned
Because i feel more empty now then when i started.
Well i dont understand it. It must be my time fo the month. Even when hanging with the ppl who are making life fun rite now, im still ina mood. I think its my own issue of being alone. Everythign would be fine if i just had someone to hold at nite. Otherwise each day, each morning, feels so empty. Im sick of it i geuss. Its been almost a year of being alone.. fun at first.. not so much now. I dont care about my job or anythign else cuz im not content in my personal life. As for finding myself, i think im pretty found. Ive narrowed down what i want as to need. I know I want Derek, however im also posative it could never werk and he wouldnt in the end fill my needs. Interesting how fine a line it is and how the justification doesnt make me feel any better at all. I kinda just wanna spend each waking moment sleeping you kno? Anyway fuk it, im gunna go to bed. Derek mentioned again tonight how he doesnt want me getting attached, i made him fully aware i kno theres no chance, yet i find he has ot kepe pointing it out. Phenominal amounts of flirting with anythign that walks, talks whoeyer than anything ive ever herd.. and then reminds me im not enough, like i dont kno. Im not enouhg for anythign, as long as they have their 5 sences anyway. Geuss i gotta start looking toward the handicapped. A blind perosn or deaf or sumthin. On the plus at least i can get that shirt "I wanna fuck retarded people, yyou know, for charity or something", Id smile. Either way, constant rejection and the reminder of.. suxors. Envy Dave n Shane, break or not, and Gabe and Brian, young and in love, so rare.. so missed :( Doesnt seem to matter how well i cna cook or clean, take care of or support, be romantic and sensative, caring and compasionate, fun and thoughtful, cuz im still unatractive overall. Few things left out there to reject me. Life is next i spose.