and you let me way down every time
what can i say, i adore you.
he was supposed to be different. he was supposed to sweep me off my feet and never put me down. he was supposed to be my prince charming party kid with deep eyes and a deeper heart.
i operate in a linear world. problem, solution. if you would tell me what i'd done wrong, i would fix it.
we played out in the street all summer long. we were oblivious to the rest of the world. both sides would cheat. strange men would stop their cars at the curb. they'd have their dick out in their hands and sick little sneer. here we go again. ok, this time you win. i would feel dirty. i would feel ashamed. but i wouldn't let it stop my game.
when you loved me i felt like nothing else mattered. my past didn't matter. my scars didn't exist. i was pure light and joy and a smile. for the first time i was truly happy. and your gaze was all i needed. your arms were always there, strong and warm and mine. i thought we could do it all. i thought we were doing it all.
but then the drugs seeped in. we were strung out and i was so scared. the fires were blazing and i couldn't fight. i found my way out but you're still burning. have been on fire for years.
i was terrified and you apologized. and i didn't hate you like i'd hated all the others. we were warm again. but everyone is a fucking napolean. you came and you conquered. you played my like a game you had to win. a badge you would show the world.
and i was the ultimate girlfriend. i would cook and cuddle and give you the space that i could. but i needed you. i'll admit it. i need you. there is nothing in this world i need more. you are my air. my water. my blood. without you i can't breathe and i can't think.
you're doing everything you can to push me away. you've said so in your own cryptic way. i don't mean to be there all the time. but where else would i go? who else can love me like you can? when i'm in your eyes i feel like a goddess. i feel beautiful and desirable and able. able to do it all.
but when you look away i feel like garbage left on the curb. kicked into the gutter to be forgotten. left to rot. and i feel your hands on my thigh. i feel disgusting. i want to puke on your body naked and waiting. how could you want someone who is so disgusting? i'm no heroine. i'll lay down and accept you. because all i know is you. i was put here to love you. and i love so completely. but is it true what they say? can i love you, when i hate myself? these are not my laws, these are not my rules. i hate myself because when i've been cast aside you can't even smell the blood. i swore i wouldn't bleed anymore. but you don't fight your addiction. why should i fight mine? you relish in yours. i hide mine in plain sight.
i'll be here waiting. don't leave me here.
why did you have to be like the rest?
he was supposed to be different. he was supposed to sweep me off my feet and never put me down. he was supposed to be my prince charming party kid with deep eyes and a deeper heart.
i operate in a linear world. problem, solution. if you would tell me what i'd done wrong, i would fix it.
we played out in the street all summer long. we were oblivious to the rest of the world. both sides would cheat. strange men would stop their cars at the curb. they'd have their dick out in their hands and sick little sneer. here we go again. ok, this time you win. i would feel dirty. i would feel ashamed. but i wouldn't let it stop my game.
when you loved me i felt like nothing else mattered. my past didn't matter. my scars didn't exist. i was pure light and joy and a smile. for the first time i was truly happy. and your gaze was all i needed. your arms were always there, strong and warm and mine. i thought we could do it all. i thought we were doing it all.
but then the drugs seeped in. we were strung out and i was so scared. the fires were blazing and i couldn't fight. i found my way out but you're still burning. have been on fire for years.
i was terrified and you apologized. and i didn't hate you like i'd hated all the others. we were warm again. but everyone is a fucking napolean. you came and you conquered. you played my like a game you had to win. a badge you would show the world.
and i was the ultimate girlfriend. i would cook and cuddle and give you the space that i could. but i needed you. i'll admit it. i need you. there is nothing in this world i need more. you are my air. my water. my blood. without you i can't breathe and i can't think.
you're doing everything you can to push me away. you've said so in your own cryptic way. i don't mean to be there all the time. but where else would i go? who else can love me like you can? when i'm in your eyes i feel like a goddess. i feel beautiful and desirable and able. able to do it all.
but when you look away i feel like garbage left on the curb. kicked into the gutter to be forgotten. left to rot. and i feel your hands on my thigh. i feel disgusting. i want to puke on your body naked and waiting. how could you want someone who is so disgusting? i'm no heroine. i'll lay down and accept you. because all i know is you. i was put here to love you. and i love so completely. but is it true what they say? can i love you, when i hate myself? these are not my laws, these are not my rules. i hate myself because when i've been cast aside you can't even smell the blood. i swore i wouldn't bleed anymore. but you don't fight your addiction. why should i fight mine? you relish in yours. i hide mine in plain sight.
i'll be here waiting. don't leave me here.
why did you have to be like the rest?