(no subject)
It's amazing how easy it is for me to be alone. Not in the negative sense. I am happy to be alone, but I love being with people I love. Remember the feeling of shock without really being shocked about anything? That's turning out to be a common state for me. My talk Thursday night left me so confused--I really didn't know what to do, which option to choose, and for a second there I really wanted to choose the harder one. But I've realized that this is just how I am, I can't ever decide what I really want, but I really want it all, it's just a matter of sorting out which ones have all I need. I felt horrible about even considering it, but who wouldn't? Consider it I mean.
I feel so removed from everything now. I feel like I've screwed up, and my friends won't forgive me, even if they say they do. Only some of them. And I know it's my fault for not making more of an effort to stay connected. But I can't help it if I'm comfortable by myself, I just don't think other people see that my absence isn't permanent or ill-intentioned. Blah Come back.
I feel so removed from everything now. I feel like I've screwed up, and my friends won't forgive me, even if they say they do. Only some of them. And I know it's my fault for not making more of an effort to stay connected. But I can't help it if I'm comfortable by myself, I just don't think other people see that my absence isn't permanent or ill-intentioned. Blah Come back.