small bump (iii/?)
Title: small bump
Author: alifeofourown
Pairing: Louis Tomlinson/Eleanor Calder, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Liam Payne
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 3,102
Summary: Each time Harry hears one of their fans or one of the interviewers gush about how perfect Louis and Eleanor look together there’s a part of him that just wants to be torn to shreds before he explodes because it’s just so painful to watch the way that Louis’s face lights up and he mentions that he’s quite possibly found the perfect girl.
Warnings: Potential drama, sad Harry and...spoilers?
Dedication: For the Anon on the kink meme who requested this, also for lifeisafantasy2 because you know, I rarely ever have fics that aren't dedicated to her...
Disclaimer: I assure you if One Direction belonged to me I'd be far too busy hanging with them to write fic.
Author Notes: This fic is based off of this prompt that basically states that Louis can't choose between Harry and Eleanor and loves them both but Harry finds out Eleanor's pregnant and isn't telling Louis because she doesn't know if she wants to keep the child or not. He backs off but it's terribly hard to do and only Liam picks up on it. This fic is completely unbetaed and all errors are my own. If you found this and it's about you or someone you know stop and turn around right now please.
Morning comes all too quickly in Harry’s opinion. He’s been rooming with Liam for three days now and it still feels weird, uncomfortable even, to wake up and not have Louis curled up against him or something of the sort. It’s not like he gets much sleeping done anyway, but what little he manages tends to be interrupted by the sound of Liam shuffling around the room to prepare for the day, attempting to be quiet but failing miserably as he crashes and bangs around the room. Harry now sees why Niall tends to room with Zayn when offered the option.
This time, though, Harry’s not woken up by the sound of Liam getting ready for the day. Instead, he wakes up to the smell of waffles and a weight on the edge of his bed. It takes a moment or two before Harry opens his eyes and finds Liam staring at him, a small smile on his face. “Good morning, Harry. I ordered you breakfast.”
Harry half-heartedly mumbles a ‘no’ in response and rolls over in the bed but Liam’s clearly not having that. “Harry, you’ve barely eaten and you clearly haven’t been sleeping much-”
“So let me sleep then,” Harry responds quietly as he curls up against a pillow, pressing his face into it as he tries to ignore the grumbles his stomach is making at the smell of the waffles. He’s not in the mood to be weighed down by both his emotions and food. Besides, it’s their day off. Why can’t he just spend it moping around in bed?
“Harry, get up,” Liam says before he squeezes Harry’s ankle tightly. “Get up and eat right now.” Harry grumbles and Liam squeezes tighter, refusing to let up until Harry rolls back over in the bed and glares at Liam beneath his mop of curls-turned-waves. “You need to eat, Harry.”
“Fine,” Harry responds before he sits up in the bed, rubbing away whatever what was left of the sleep that he was desperately trying to cling to. “Whatever, Liam. Fine.” He reaches forward and roughly grabs the tray away from him, trying to ignore the look on Liam’s face that is trying and failing to mask the upset at Harry’s outburst of anger. “God I-…what is this?”
In the moment that follows, Liam doesn’t answer him and Harry fears that he’s really pissed Liam off too now. That’s the last thing that he needs on top of all of this. “A spinach & feta omelet and waffles. Your favourite.” Liam stands and Harry instantly feels guilty so he reaches out and grabs Liam by the wrist, clinging tightly.
“I’m sorry,” he tells Liam, shame clearly showing in his voice. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’ve just…”
This time, Liam cuts Harry off. “You’ve been having a few rough days, Harry. I understand.” He looks at Harry and smiles gently at him before gently prying his wrist out of the boy’s grip. “Go on, eat up. I’m taking you out today.”
Harry opens his mouth to protest but he stops himself before he can. He’s already snapped at Liam once this morning and he really doesn’t want to do it again, but going out has not been in his plans at all. The protest dies on his lips and he closes his mouth for a moment before nodding at Liam. “Okay,” he mumbles and Liam flashes a smile at him before he disappears off to the bathroom to shower, leaving Harry alone to eat.
The first bite’s the hardest. To Harry, the smell is just so appetizing and his mouth is watering at the mere concept of being fed, but he’s hesitant. Food is a comfort and he knows that once he starts he won’t stop until the entire plate is gone and that’s not what he wants to do. He wants to be able to savour the meal, to enjoy what Liam went out of his way to have prepared for Harry (because he’s sure that they do not serve waffles and omelets together on one plate) without gorging because he can or avoiding it because he’s too overwhelmed to eat. It takes him a minute or two of just staring at the piece of egg that he’s cut up and stuck on the fork before he’s able to stick it in his mouth, chew and swallow.
And all at once the flavours overstimulate him. In that moment as he concentrates on the food, Harry doesn’t feel like everything’s crashing down around him in regards to the Louis situation. He doesn’t feel like he’s about to quit his entire life over this and for right now he actually feels kind of happy about the whole situation. It takes Harry a moment before he comes down from the feeling and starts inhaling his breakfast with a vigor that he’s been definitely lacking the past few days.
Harry’s at that point where he’s actually happy enough that he’s willing to crawl out of the bed and get dressed without having to be told to do so. It’s like there’s a ray of hope there and Harry’s standing under it willingly despite the fact that he knows it will fade away soon.
By the time Liam’s out of the shower, Harry’s dressed, the breakfast tray is outside in the hall so that someone will pick it up and he’s curled up in bed, the happiness having faded from him already. “You’re dressed,” Liam comments as he dries his hair with the towel, dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. “One less thing I have to tell you to do.”
“Yeah,” Harry mumbles and Liam’s joking attitude fades away just as quickly as it appeared. “Whenever you’re ready to drag me around to wherever…”
“Look, Harry.” Liam sits down on his bed and he looks at Harry, watching as he slowly uncurls himself from his little ball of comfort. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and I haven’t asked because you know I wouldn’t, but whatever’s going on has clearly put you in a foul mood and I don’t like it. I just…I want to see you be happy again, and I’ll do whatever I have to make sure that that happens, understand?”
Harry doesn’t really understand because he doesn’t see what importance it has with Liam but he nods anyway. “Thanks, Liam,” he mumbles because that’s genuinely all he can come up with right now without turning the morning into a full-on Harry drama session.
Liam’s expression softens and he reaches out and takes Harry’s hand, gently squeezing it. Harry hesitates for a moment before he squeezes back, forcing a hint of a smile onto his face so that they can at least pretend for a moment that everything’s alright again.
~
Liam drags Harry out shortly afterwards and Harry finds himself kind of clinging to Liam’s hand because he’s not sure he can handle being out in public right now as he tries to handle his emotional withdrawal from everything that is Louis. Liam’s grip on his hand is Harry’s lifeline and he can’t help but constantly squeeze Liam’s hand to make sure that he’s still there and that this isn’t just a nightmare where he’s going to run into a group of fans and they’re all going to turn into Louis and tell him that he’s never had any feelings for him whatsoever.
It’s happened before and Harry woke up from that one with a scream trapped in his throat. He really doesn’t want that to happen in real life too.
“Where are we going, Liam?” Harry asks for the seventh time and Liam just smiles patiently at him because he knows that Harry’s antsy and that running into a fan or even a crowd of them is going to set him off on a possible panic attack.
“We’re almost there,” Liam responds gently and his voice soothes Harry’s nerves for a few seconds before they’re back and he’s jittery again. Liam squeezes Harry’s hand gently to reassure him that everything’s going to be okay and Harry responds quickly by moving closer to Liam and god when did he become such a mess?
Liam stops them at a small park and Harry can’t help but wonder how they found a park in the middle of a city and more importantly how it’s been that a fan hasn’t recognized them yet. They have on beanies and sunglasses but still, people tend to recognize them the second they get out of their hotel. Harry chalks it up to the fact that it’s still early but he knows that isn’t it. Maybe they just have security tailing them and he doesn’t know it. In the end, Harry doesn’t really care. He just finds it strange.
“What are we doing here?” Harry asks and he sees the smile on Liam’s face before he untangles his hand from Liam and pokes him. “Going to answer, Daddy Direction?”
Liam pulls a face and he lets out one of those sighs that Harry knows is his ‘I’m not really frustrated but I am’ sighs. “I know I’m seen of the responsible one but I hear that enough from the fans, Harry. Please…” He then smiles and Harry knows that it’s all okay again. “You seem like you needed a pick-me-up and I just figured that getting out of the hotel and actually getting some fresh air would be good.”
Harry wants to laugh at the way that Liam thinks that this is what he needs to get over putting his feeling last but he just can’t because it’s Liam and Liam lives to make everything better for the rest of them so he can’t justify laughing. Instead he just looks at Liam and cracks a smile. “Thank you, Liam. It’s nice,” he admits and Liam grins in the way that only Liam can; in the way that relaxes Harry more than he has been in the entire week that he’s pulled away from Louis.
“I just want to see you happy again, Harry,” Liam admits and Harry can’t help but notice how relieved Liam looks when he realises that Harry’s smiling and somewhat okay with his mood rather than the miserable ball that’s been buried beneath blankets whenever possible. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Harry feels like this is supposed to have a deeper meaning but whatever it is he misses it completely because picking up on the fact that Liam is absolutely and utterly enamoured with making sure that Harry is happy is not something that’s on his to do list. Instead he just slips his hand back into Liam’s and squeezes gently before deciding that’s not enough.
They seem to come to the conclusion at the same time and Harry’s just about to hug Liam when Liam wraps his arms around Harry’s body and he pulls him close, ruffling his hair with his hand as he does so and it’s just so affectionate that Harry can’t possibly even be bothered to think of how upset he is about the fact that he has to leave Louis so that Louis can be happy with Eleanor. All he can think about is Liam.
When the finally pull back, Liam’s beaming and Harry’s got this sort of half-grin on his face that is actually really honest and true. He’s not faking smiles this time for the sake of trying to keep everyone together and it actually feels really good to be able to smile for real. It makes him feel like everything’s not breaking inside whenever he thinks about Louis.
“Thanks, Liam,” he tells him again and when Liam childishly drags him over to the swings and they end up trying to push each other as high as possible he doesn’t even complain. It feels wonderful and perfect and Harry can’t be happier. He even laughs when they finally return to the hotel and Paul lectures them on leaving without security.
~
Eleanor leaves that afternoon, back off home to, no doubt, make arrangements to talk to her mates about being pregnant and what she should do and if she should keep it or not. Harry can’t insert his opinion because he’s not supposed to know about the whole thing, but if he were allowed to he’d tell Eleanor that he’d back off of Louis completely if it meant making him happy. Louis’s always wanted a son and he’s often mentioned this to the boys whenever they talk about their siblings.
Harry even remembers one night when they were curled up together, Louis’s face pressed into Harry’s curls, that Louis mentioned that if they ended up spending the rest of their life together that Harry ought to be prepared to adopt an army of children. The mentions of being together forever was something that lifted Harry’s spirit so much that he spent the entire rest of that night thinking of baby names in between the thoughts about how much he loved Louis and wanted to be with him forever.
Harry’s mulling over a mug of tea between their interview and concert when Louis approaches him and he knows that he’s just said goodbye to Eleanor and that she’s heading home right now. That’s the part that he focuses on; Eleanor and the baby inside of her that belongs to Louis. It’s all he can think about and it’s the only motivator to keep this stupid plan going because he knows exactly what’s going to happen now.
“Hey Haz,” Louis says as he drops down on the couch next to Harry and slings an arm around his shoulders. Harry mutters a brief hello before he continues to sip at his tea. “It’s been ages since we talked.”
“We talked not even an hour ago, Louis,” Harry replies and he can’t help the slightly pained tint that his voice is displaying because he’s trying so hard to keep from just blurting out that Eleanor’s pregnant and that’s why he can’t be with Louis anymore despite the fact that he’s so in love with Louis that everything feels off-balance without him around.
“I know, but we haven’t talked much the past few days.” Louis looks at Harry before he kidnaps the cup of tea from his hand and sips at it, not even complaining about the fact that there’s sugar in it, something that he chastises Niall about constantly. “So Eleanor’s gone.”
“I noticed you saying goodbye to her,” Harry replies and he locks his eyes on the mug, wondering if he can steal it back or at least keep all of his focus on it so that he doesn’t think about how warm Louis is pressed against him or how red he can make Louis’s lips and how much more he could mess with that impossible hair of his if he had his way. God, if he had his way Louis wouldn’t even be able to find his clothing by the end of all of it.
Louis leans in and stares at Harry until he has to look away from the mug because Louis’s just so close now. “Does that mean you’re going to move back in with me for the rest of tour?” he asks and Harry hesitates. He knew this was coming. He’d known this was coming since the second Louis stepped over to him and the entire time he’s been trying to decide what to do. If he moves back in with Louis everything will probably go back to normal and that’s not what Harry wants. There’s too much on the line for Louis right now and he can’t be the one to take that away from him.
“I’m not sure,” Harry finally admits as he takes his mug of tea back from Louis and sets it down on the coffee table. “It’s been refreshing, rooming with Liam.” He doesn’t miss the way Louis’s face completely falls at the response or the way that the arm around his shoulders has disappeared since he leaned forward to deal with the mug.
They sit there silently for a moment, something that’s so uncharacteristic for the both of them that it feels like something’s about to break. Only when Harry’s itching to say something in order to just continue the conversation does Louis actually start to speak again. “I miss you, Haz,” he admits quietly and Harry can feel like something’s being torn up inside of him and his guts start to twist up in so much pain that he can’t even handle it anymore.
It’s like someone just decided to throw him in a shredder and turn it on because that’s what Louis does to him without even realising it. “I know,” Harry responds softly and he doesn’t look at Louis as he stands up and tugs his shirt down from where it was starting to ride up. He doesn’t need this right now. He doesn’t need to hear the way Louis’s voice kind of cracks as he admits that he misses him because that’s just something that’s overwhelming and painful and utterly heartbreaking to Harry.
“I’ve gotta go get changed,” he barely manages to get out before he’s bolting from the room so that Louis can’t break his heart any more than he already has. He runs into Niall as he leaves and Niall cheerfully chirps a hello at Harry before the happiness completely fades.
“Is something wrong, Harry?” he asks and Harry just shakes his head before he moves to push past Niall. But Niall’s not having any of that. He stops Harry and grabs him gently by the shoulders before shaking his head. “Something’s wrong. If you want to talk-“
“I’ll find you,” Harry blurts out before he slips out of Niall’s grip and around him. It’s not even conscious to him but he realises when he ends up standing in front of the door that he knows has Liam behind it. He doesn’t even think to knock. He just opens the door, spots Liam and grabs onto him before the boy can even say a word about the state of Harry.
Zayn’s there, talking to Liam about something or another but he stops the second Harry appears and just watches the way that Liam wraps an arm around Harry’s back and Harry presses his face into Liam’s chest. “I’ll leave you be,” he tells them softly and exchanges a look with Liam that’s rather unreadable before he stands and exits the room, leaving Liam to try and comfort Harry before they end up on stage in front of all of their fans.
Author: alifeofourown
Pairing: Louis Tomlinson/Eleanor Calder, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Liam Payne
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 3,102
Summary: Each time Harry hears one of their fans or one of the interviewers gush about how perfect Louis and Eleanor look together there’s a part of him that just wants to be torn to shreds before he explodes because it’s just so painful to watch the way that Louis’s face lights up and he mentions that he’s quite possibly found the perfect girl.
Warnings: Potential drama, sad Harry and...spoilers?
Dedication: For the Anon on the kink meme who requested this, also for lifeisafantasy2 because you know, I rarely ever have fics that aren't dedicated to her...
Disclaimer: I assure you if One Direction belonged to me I'd be far too busy hanging with them to write fic.
Author Notes: This fic is based off of this prompt that basically states that Louis can't choose between Harry and Eleanor and loves them both but Harry finds out Eleanor's pregnant and isn't telling Louis because she doesn't know if she wants to keep the child or not. He backs off but it's terribly hard to do and only Liam picks up on it. This fic is completely unbetaed and all errors are my own. If you found this and it's about you or someone you know stop and turn around right now please.
Morning comes all too quickly in Harry’s opinion. He’s been rooming with Liam for three days now and it still feels weird, uncomfortable even, to wake up and not have Louis curled up against him or something of the sort. It’s not like he gets much sleeping done anyway, but what little he manages tends to be interrupted by the sound of Liam shuffling around the room to prepare for the day, attempting to be quiet but failing miserably as he crashes and bangs around the room. Harry now sees why Niall tends to room with Zayn when offered the option.
This time, though, Harry’s not woken up by the sound of Liam getting ready for the day. Instead, he wakes up to the smell of waffles and a weight on the edge of his bed. It takes a moment or two before Harry opens his eyes and finds Liam staring at him, a small smile on his face. “Good morning, Harry. I ordered you breakfast.”
Harry half-heartedly mumbles a ‘no’ in response and rolls over in the bed but Liam’s clearly not having that. “Harry, you’ve barely eaten and you clearly haven’t been sleeping much-”
“So let me sleep then,” Harry responds quietly as he curls up against a pillow, pressing his face into it as he tries to ignore the grumbles his stomach is making at the smell of the waffles. He’s not in the mood to be weighed down by both his emotions and food. Besides, it’s their day off. Why can’t he just spend it moping around in bed?
“Harry, get up,” Liam says before he squeezes Harry’s ankle tightly. “Get up and eat right now.” Harry grumbles and Liam squeezes tighter, refusing to let up until Harry rolls back over in the bed and glares at Liam beneath his mop of curls-turned-waves. “You need to eat, Harry.”
“Fine,” Harry responds before he sits up in the bed, rubbing away whatever what was left of the sleep that he was desperately trying to cling to. “Whatever, Liam. Fine.” He reaches forward and roughly grabs the tray away from him, trying to ignore the look on Liam’s face that is trying and failing to mask the upset at Harry’s outburst of anger. “God I-…what is this?”
In the moment that follows, Liam doesn’t answer him and Harry fears that he’s really pissed Liam off too now. That’s the last thing that he needs on top of all of this. “A spinach & feta omelet and waffles. Your favourite.” Liam stands and Harry instantly feels guilty so he reaches out and grabs Liam by the wrist, clinging tightly.
“I’m sorry,” he tells Liam, shame clearly showing in his voice. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’ve just…”
This time, Liam cuts Harry off. “You’ve been having a few rough days, Harry. I understand.” He looks at Harry and smiles gently at him before gently prying his wrist out of the boy’s grip. “Go on, eat up. I’m taking you out today.”
Harry opens his mouth to protest but he stops himself before he can. He’s already snapped at Liam once this morning and he really doesn’t want to do it again, but going out has not been in his plans at all. The protest dies on his lips and he closes his mouth for a moment before nodding at Liam. “Okay,” he mumbles and Liam flashes a smile at him before he disappears off to the bathroom to shower, leaving Harry alone to eat.
The first bite’s the hardest. To Harry, the smell is just so appetizing and his mouth is watering at the mere concept of being fed, but he’s hesitant. Food is a comfort and he knows that once he starts he won’t stop until the entire plate is gone and that’s not what he wants to do. He wants to be able to savour the meal, to enjoy what Liam went out of his way to have prepared for Harry (because he’s sure that they do not serve waffles and omelets together on one plate) without gorging because he can or avoiding it because he’s too overwhelmed to eat. It takes him a minute or two of just staring at the piece of egg that he’s cut up and stuck on the fork before he’s able to stick it in his mouth, chew and swallow.
And all at once the flavours overstimulate him. In that moment as he concentrates on the food, Harry doesn’t feel like everything’s crashing down around him in regards to the Louis situation. He doesn’t feel like he’s about to quit his entire life over this and for right now he actually feels kind of happy about the whole situation. It takes Harry a moment before he comes down from the feeling and starts inhaling his breakfast with a vigor that he’s been definitely lacking the past few days.
Harry’s at that point where he’s actually happy enough that he’s willing to crawl out of the bed and get dressed without having to be told to do so. It’s like there’s a ray of hope there and Harry’s standing under it willingly despite the fact that he knows it will fade away soon.
By the time Liam’s out of the shower, Harry’s dressed, the breakfast tray is outside in the hall so that someone will pick it up and he’s curled up in bed, the happiness having faded from him already. “You’re dressed,” Liam comments as he dries his hair with the towel, dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. “One less thing I have to tell you to do.”
“Yeah,” Harry mumbles and Liam’s joking attitude fades away just as quickly as it appeared. “Whenever you’re ready to drag me around to wherever…”
“Look, Harry.” Liam sits down on his bed and he looks at Harry, watching as he slowly uncurls himself from his little ball of comfort. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and I haven’t asked because you know I wouldn’t, but whatever’s going on has clearly put you in a foul mood and I don’t like it. I just…I want to see you be happy again, and I’ll do whatever I have to make sure that that happens, understand?”
Harry doesn’t really understand because he doesn’t see what importance it has with Liam but he nods anyway. “Thanks, Liam,” he mumbles because that’s genuinely all he can come up with right now without turning the morning into a full-on Harry drama session.
Liam’s expression softens and he reaches out and takes Harry’s hand, gently squeezing it. Harry hesitates for a moment before he squeezes back, forcing a hint of a smile onto his face so that they can at least pretend for a moment that everything’s alright again.
~
Liam drags Harry out shortly afterwards and Harry finds himself kind of clinging to Liam’s hand because he’s not sure he can handle being out in public right now as he tries to handle his emotional withdrawal from everything that is Louis. Liam’s grip on his hand is Harry’s lifeline and he can’t help but constantly squeeze Liam’s hand to make sure that he’s still there and that this isn’t just a nightmare where he’s going to run into a group of fans and they’re all going to turn into Louis and tell him that he’s never had any feelings for him whatsoever.
It’s happened before and Harry woke up from that one with a scream trapped in his throat. He really doesn’t want that to happen in real life too.
“Where are we going, Liam?” Harry asks for the seventh time and Liam just smiles patiently at him because he knows that Harry’s antsy and that running into a fan or even a crowd of them is going to set him off on a possible panic attack.
“We’re almost there,” Liam responds gently and his voice soothes Harry’s nerves for a few seconds before they’re back and he’s jittery again. Liam squeezes Harry’s hand gently to reassure him that everything’s going to be okay and Harry responds quickly by moving closer to Liam and god when did he become such a mess?
Liam stops them at a small park and Harry can’t help but wonder how they found a park in the middle of a city and more importantly how it’s been that a fan hasn’t recognized them yet. They have on beanies and sunglasses but still, people tend to recognize them the second they get out of their hotel. Harry chalks it up to the fact that it’s still early but he knows that isn’t it. Maybe they just have security tailing them and he doesn’t know it. In the end, Harry doesn’t really care. He just finds it strange.
“What are we doing here?” Harry asks and he sees the smile on Liam’s face before he untangles his hand from Liam and pokes him. “Going to answer, Daddy Direction?”
Liam pulls a face and he lets out one of those sighs that Harry knows is his ‘I’m not really frustrated but I am’ sighs. “I know I’m seen of the responsible one but I hear that enough from the fans, Harry. Please…” He then smiles and Harry knows that it’s all okay again. “You seem like you needed a pick-me-up and I just figured that getting out of the hotel and actually getting some fresh air would be good.”
Harry wants to laugh at the way that Liam thinks that this is what he needs to get over putting his feeling last but he just can’t because it’s Liam and Liam lives to make everything better for the rest of them so he can’t justify laughing. Instead he just looks at Liam and cracks a smile. “Thank you, Liam. It’s nice,” he admits and Liam grins in the way that only Liam can; in the way that relaxes Harry more than he has been in the entire week that he’s pulled away from Louis.
“I just want to see you happy again, Harry,” Liam admits and Harry can’t help but notice how relieved Liam looks when he realises that Harry’s smiling and somewhat okay with his mood rather than the miserable ball that’s been buried beneath blankets whenever possible. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Harry feels like this is supposed to have a deeper meaning but whatever it is he misses it completely because picking up on the fact that Liam is absolutely and utterly enamoured with making sure that Harry is happy is not something that’s on his to do list. Instead he just slips his hand back into Liam’s and squeezes gently before deciding that’s not enough.
They seem to come to the conclusion at the same time and Harry’s just about to hug Liam when Liam wraps his arms around Harry’s body and he pulls him close, ruffling his hair with his hand as he does so and it’s just so affectionate that Harry can’t possibly even be bothered to think of how upset he is about the fact that he has to leave Louis so that Louis can be happy with Eleanor. All he can think about is Liam.
When the finally pull back, Liam’s beaming and Harry’s got this sort of half-grin on his face that is actually really honest and true. He’s not faking smiles this time for the sake of trying to keep everyone together and it actually feels really good to be able to smile for real. It makes him feel like everything’s not breaking inside whenever he thinks about Louis.
“Thanks, Liam,” he tells him again and when Liam childishly drags him over to the swings and they end up trying to push each other as high as possible he doesn’t even complain. It feels wonderful and perfect and Harry can’t be happier. He even laughs when they finally return to the hotel and Paul lectures them on leaving without security.
~
Eleanor leaves that afternoon, back off home to, no doubt, make arrangements to talk to her mates about being pregnant and what she should do and if she should keep it or not. Harry can’t insert his opinion because he’s not supposed to know about the whole thing, but if he were allowed to he’d tell Eleanor that he’d back off of Louis completely if it meant making him happy. Louis’s always wanted a son and he’s often mentioned this to the boys whenever they talk about their siblings.
Harry even remembers one night when they were curled up together, Louis’s face pressed into Harry’s curls, that Louis mentioned that if they ended up spending the rest of their life together that Harry ought to be prepared to adopt an army of children. The mentions of being together forever was something that lifted Harry’s spirit so much that he spent the entire rest of that night thinking of baby names in between the thoughts about how much he loved Louis and wanted to be with him forever.
Harry’s mulling over a mug of tea between their interview and concert when Louis approaches him and he knows that he’s just said goodbye to Eleanor and that she’s heading home right now. That’s the part that he focuses on; Eleanor and the baby inside of her that belongs to Louis. It’s all he can think about and it’s the only motivator to keep this stupid plan going because he knows exactly what’s going to happen now.
“Hey Haz,” Louis says as he drops down on the couch next to Harry and slings an arm around his shoulders. Harry mutters a brief hello before he continues to sip at his tea. “It’s been ages since we talked.”
“We talked not even an hour ago, Louis,” Harry replies and he can’t help the slightly pained tint that his voice is displaying because he’s trying so hard to keep from just blurting out that Eleanor’s pregnant and that’s why he can’t be with Louis anymore despite the fact that he’s so in love with Louis that everything feels off-balance without him around.
“I know, but we haven’t talked much the past few days.” Louis looks at Harry before he kidnaps the cup of tea from his hand and sips at it, not even complaining about the fact that there’s sugar in it, something that he chastises Niall about constantly. “So Eleanor’s gone.”
“I noticed you saying goodbye to her,” Harry replies and he locks his eyes on the mug, wondering if he can steal it back or at least keep all of his focus on it so that he doesn’t think about how warm Louis is pressed against him or how red he can make Louis’s lips and how much more he could mess with that impossible hair of his if he had his way. God, if he had his way Louis wouldn’t even be able to find his clothing by the end of all of it.
Louis leans in and stares at Harry until he has to look away from the mug because Louis’s just so close now. “Does that mean you’re going to move back in with me for the rest of tour?” he asks and Harry hesitates. He knew this was coming. He’d known this was coming since the second Louis stepped over to him and the entire time he’s been trying to decide what to do. If he moves back in with Louis everything will probably go back to normal and that’s not what Harry wants. There’s too much on the line for Louis right now and he can’t be the one to take that away from him.
“I’m not sure,” Harry finally admits as he takes his mug of tea back from Louis and sets it down on the coffee table. “It’s been refreshing, rooming with Liam.” He doesn’t miss the way Louis’s face completely falls at the response or the way that the arm around his shoulders has disappeared since he leaned forward to deal with the mug.
They sit there silently for a moment, something that’s so uncharacteristic for the both of them that it feels like something’s about to break. Only when Harry’s itching to say something in order to just continue the conversation does Louis actually start to speak again. “I miss you, Haz,” he admits quietly and Harry can feel like something’s being torn up inside of him and his guts start to twist up in so much pain that he can’t even handle it anymore.
It’s like someone just decided to throw him in a shredder and turn it on because that’s what Louis does to him without even realising it. “I know,” Harry responds softly and he doesn’t look at Louis as he stands up and tugs his shirt down from where it was starting to ride up. He doesn’t need this right now. He doesn’t need to hear the way Louis’s voice kind of cracks as he admits that he misses him because that’s just something that’s overwhelming and painful and utterly heartbreaking to Harry.
“I’ve gotta go get changed,” he barely manages to get out before he’s bolting from the room so that Louis can’t break his heart any more than he already has. He runs into Niall as he leaves and Niall cheerfully chirps a hello at Harry before the happiness completely fades.
“Is something wrong, Harry?” he asks and Harry just shakes his head before he moves to push past Niall. But Niall’s not having any of that. He stops Harry and grabs him gently by the shoulders before shaking his head. “Something’s wrong. If you want to talk-“
“I’ll find you,” Harry blurts out before he slips out of Niall’s grip and around him. It’s not even conscious to him but he realises when he ends up standing in front of the door that he knows has Liam behind it. He doesn’t even think to knock. He just opens the door, spots Liam and grabs onto him before the boy can even say a word about the state of Harry.
Zayn’s there, talking to Liam about something or another but he stops the second Harry appears and just watches the way that Liam wraps an arm around Harry’s back and Harry presses his face into Liam’s chest. “I’ll leave you be,” he tells them softly and exchanges a look with Liam that’s rather unreadable before he stands and exits the room, leaving Liam to try and comfort Harry before they end up on stage in front of all of their fans.