The Fork
I am at a fork in the road. Each path leads to misery. Which one will be worse? That, my friends, is a matter of perception...and as we all know, To Perceive Is To Suffer.
PATH ONE: SOLITUDE
Solitude. I go my own way.
PROS: --> I can't hurt anybody but myself.
--> I still have intermediate friends that are there for me but I am not that close to ... Nick, Jackie, Steve, Shaun.
--> Maybe I will be able to let go...of August 2005, of good memories...why are the good ones the ones that are haunting me?
--> I think I am addicted to being miserable...so the miserable part of this will probably be a payoff...I am so much like Gregory House that it is simply pathetic.
CONS: --> I am alone. Khrys, Jeff, Bri, they are still friends, but never as close as we once were. Being alone is the worst feeling of my life.
--> I fear the solitude will cause me to hate myself more and do bad things....not the extreme stuff, i just mean be more depressed...but it is better to hurt me than them.
PATH TWO: RESURRECTION PHOENIX
Mutual best friends with the people I owe my life to. The bad blood of the past months is cleansed and we hang out as best buds again.
PROS: --> I get to be around my 3 favorite people.
--> I feel a sense of belonging, I am around the people that at one point cared about me more than anyone else did.
--> Perhaps a revised Phoenix will be the thing to rid some of my depression and I will go back to Summer Derek...long shot but who knows
CONS: --> Do I really need to say it again? I will hurt them, all of them, like I already have, and who knows, maybe much worse. This one con seems to outweigh any positives at all. Do I sacrifice my happiness for the happiness of my three best friends? Answer: Yes, in a second, I dont care about any of my bullshit when it comes to them. Whether or not they believe I would die for them or not has now become a pointless wonder to me, and it is only important that I know I would...the unfortunate part is this means I put themselves over me at any time. So this habit of me caring about everybody more than myself might lead me to choosing Path One of Solitude.
I need to think. I love you all too much to hurt you again, willingly or not. I need to think. Cook Hill it is.
PATH ONE: SOLITUDE
Solitude. I go my own way.
PROS: --> I can't hurt anybody but myself.
--> I still have intermediate friends that are there for me but I am not that close to ... Nick, Jackie, Steve, Shaun.
--> Maybe I will be able to let go...of August 2005, of good memories...why are the good ones the ones that are haunting me?
--> I think I am addicted to being miserable...so the miserable part of this will probably be a payoff...I am so much like Gregory House that it is simply pathetic.
CONS: --> I am alone. Khrys, Jeff, Bri, they are still friends, but never as close as we once were. Being alone is the worst feeling of my life.
--> I fear the solitude will cause me to hate myself more and do bad things....not the extreme stuff, i just mean be more depressed...but it is better to hurt me than them.
PATH TWO: RESURRECTION PHOENIX
Mutual best friends with the people I owe my life to. The bad blood of the past months is cleansed and we hang out as best buds again.
PROS: --> I get to be around my 3 favorite people.
--> I feel a sense of belonging, I am around the people that at one point cared about me more than anyone else did.
--> Perhaps a revised Phoenix will be the thing to rid some of my depression and I will go back to Summer Derek...long shot but who knows
CONS: --> Do I really need to say it again? I will hurt them, all of them, like I already have, and who knows, maybe much worse. This one con seems to outweigh any positives at all. Do I sacrifice my happiness for the happiness of my three best friends? Answer: Yes, in a second, I dont care about any of my bullshit when it comes to them. Whether or not they believe I would die for them or not has now become a pointless wonder to me, and it is only important that I know I would...the unfortunate part is this means I put themselves over me at any time. So this habit of me caring about everybody more than myself might lead me to choosing Path One of Solitude.
I need to think. I love you all too much to hurt you again, willingly or not. I need to think. Cook Hill it is.