For oncoming_storms Something life changing, and creative_muses November 1-3
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.” - David Russell
She felt him approach rather than heard him. He was trying to be quiet, but maybe she was just too attuned to how everything felt in this place. She didn’t move from her contemplation of the bay.
“Tosh?” The question was loaded with so much more than just checking she was alive and functioning. There was ‘are you okay’ there, with a hint of ‘what the hell are you doing out here, it’s freezing’ and a dash of ‘this is odd behaviour for you’. She could hear it all so clearly. “It’s late.”
She turned her head to look at her boss - her friend, perhaps? They were never sure at times how Jack felt about them. Yes, he would probably do anything to protect his team, but it always felt like it was a one way deal. Jack never gave anything of himself in return, or else it was just tiny snippets - not enough to get hold of anything substantial. No matter how much they wanted to protect him in return, they couldn’t. “I know,” she said.
“Owen was worried about you,” Jack said, coming to sit down next to her. “Especially as you haven’t been back to work in, oh, six hours?”
“I needed time to think it through,” she said, not looking at him. “A lot has happened.”
“I know,” Jack replied. “But you did the right thing.”
“Did I?” she suddenly snapped, turning on Jack. “Did I? I encouraged him to go back to what, his death? He was terrified, Jack, and it hurt. It hurt me so much to see him like that. All he wanted to do was to stop fighting. The fact that we still have wars today - it was all futile to him. It’ll never be stopped. Tommy is going to die for nothing.”
“Tosh. He wanted to go back,” Jack said softly.
“No, he didn’t. He chose to, but he didn’t want to. We didn’t exactly give him much choice, did we? Stay, and watch the whole world unravel, or go back and die. I loved him, and I sent him to his death.”
“It’s done though, Tosh. We grieve, we move on, it’s all we can do.”
“Is that what’s left, Jack? Giving everything up, everytime, so that Cardiff, the UK can carry on with their sordid little lives?”
“Yeah. It is. It’s tough for us, but you knew the risks.”
Tosh sighed, going back to her contemplations of the Bay for a moment. “Five years yesterday,” she said suddenly.
Jack blinked, thinking. “Wow. Yeah, it is. Time flies.”
“I want out, Jack.”
“What?” Jack turned and stared at her.
“I want out. I can’t take it anymore, the way Torchwood takes everything, corrupts it. Retcon me, let me get some kind of normal life back. That was the deal, wasn’t it? All that time ago, in prison. Five years. I’ve given them, and willingly. Now... I want normal.”
Jack was silent for a moment. “What about your family? Your mother. You know I can’t retcon her, and it’ll be difficult for you.”
“Plant memories. Make me think she’s dead. Have me in a coma for five years...” Tosh turned to look at Jack. “I want out, before it kills me, or worse.”
Jack looked at the ground, then slowly nodded. “Sleep on it tonight,” he said. “We’ll talk in the morning.”
“My decision won’t change.”
“We’ll talk then.”
Toshiko Sato
Torchwood
Word Count: 568
Start of an AU verse exploring if Toshiko had decided to leave Torchwood after her five years. Jack Harkness isn't binding to any muse.
She felt him approach rather than heard him. He was trying to be quiet, but maybe she was just too attuned to how everything felt in this place. She didn’t move from her contemplation of the bay.
“Tosh?” The question was loaded with so much more than just checking she was alive and functioning. There was ‘are you okay’ there, with a hint of ‘what the hell are you doing out here, it’s freezing’ and a dash of ‘this is odd behaviour for you’. She could hear it all so clearly. “It’s late.”
She turned her head to look at her boss - her friend, perhaps? They were never sure at times how Jack felt about them. Yes, he would probably do anything to protect his team, but it always felt like it was a one way deal. Jack never gave anything of himself in return, or else it was just tiny snippets - not enough to get hold of anything substantial. No matter how much they wanted to protect him in return, they couldn’t. “I know,” she said.
“Owen was worried about you,” Jack said, coming to sit down next to her. “Especially as you haven’t been back to work in, oh, six hours?”
“I needed time to think it through,” she said, not looking at him. “A lot has happened.”
“I know,” Jack replied. “But you did the right thing.”
“Did I?” she suddenly snapped, turning on Jack. “Did I? I encouraged him to go back to what, his death? He was terrified, Jack, and it hurt. It hurt me so much to see him like that. All he wanted to do was to stop fighting. The fact that we still have wars today - it was all futile to him. It’ll never be stopped. Tommy is going to die for nothing.”
“Tosh. He wanted to go back,” Jack said softly.
“No, he didn’t. He chose to, but he didn’t want to. We didn’t exactly give him much choice, did we? Stay, and watch the whole world unravel, or go back and die. I loved him, and I sent him to his death.”
“It’s done though, Tosh. We grieve, we move on, it’s all we can do.”
“Is that what’s left, Jack? Giving everything up, everytime, so that Cardiff, the UK can carry on with their sordid little lives?”
“Yeah. It is. It’s tough for us, but you knew the risks.”
Tosh sighed, going back to her contemplations of the Bay for a moment. “Five years yesterday,” she said suddenly.
Jack blinked, thinking. “Wow. Yeah, it is. Time flies.”
“I want out, Jack.”
“What?” Jack turned and stared at her.
“I want out. I can’t take it anymore, the way Torchwood takes everything, corrupts it. Retcon me, let me get some kind of normal life back. That was the deal, wasn’t it? All that time ago, in prison. Five years. I’ve given them, and willingly. Now... I want normal.”
Jack was silent for a moment. “What about your family? Your mother. You know I can’t retcon her, and it’ll be difficult for you.”
“Plant memories. Make me think she’s dead. Have me in a coma for five years...” Tosh turned to look at Jack. “I want out, before it kills me, or worse.”
Jack looked at the ground, then slowly nodded. “Sleep on it tonight,” he said. “We’ll talk in the morning.”
“My decision won’t change.”
“We’ll talk then.”
Toshiko Sato
Torchwood
Word Count: 568
Start of an AU verse exploring if Toshiko had decided to leave Torchwood after her five years. Jack Harkness isn't binding to any muse.