i'm alright, i'm just fine and you're a tool
Ah this song. Someone remind me within in the next week to do a big looking back post. I've been very nostalgic recently about the past year. It's been a strange one don't you agree.
I've perked up from the other day. This week hasn't been my favourite for many reasons, but now it's over I think things will be better. Yes yes.
I don't know if I mentioned but I stopped taking my drugs. I don't even know if I mentioned I was on them. But I was taking Citalopram, and anti-depressant for like 6 months but I've been doing good so when I ran out of drugs (and ahem sorta lost a prescription from a while back that I got too soon) I decided to stay off them. I'd been missing them for a while and surviving so I thought that was the best time to try. It's not been entirely smooth but I think it's mostly life right now. It's awkward. If it gets bad again I'll go back on them but until them I want to try things on my own. This week has been a worry, but like I said, I think it's mostly because it's a strange place.
Okay I think this is turning into the post I said I should write up there!
A year ago it was the summer holidays. I had not long quit my university course and had faced my first period of job seeking, and also a summer without my then boyfriend Matt. I almost wrote 'my beloved Matt' but I don't think the internet portrays sarcasm correctly. Haha. September was average as far as my life goes. But then there is October. Several key events. Matts actual birthday was a lovely coupley evening. I was on top form as a boyfriend. Matt's night out birthday, arguement starts thanks to my depression but him being a bit of a dick. A week later we break up. The end.
My relationship with Matt is a strange one. At the time it was everything I wanted but it's thanks to my depression that I realise it wasn't as great as I thought. There were so many faults there. I mean Duncan has his faults, but not like Matt did. He had big faults about stuff like the future.
But we broke up. Cue the worst month of my life ever. It's funny that the break up itself wasn't the issue that plagued most of that month, it was the position it left me in. I got over Matt quicker than most crushes (see: Ryan and Jamie) but the effect of feeling like I have no ties to the world other than a family and a couple of friends felt like not enough back then.
And what saved me? Boredom, Sally, Tom, Phil and the Kami Lounge. Way back at the end of November I was bored of home. I was been reassigned there almost permanently after a brief visit lead to me realising I couldn't cope on my own. But Telford is boring. I mean my family work all day and then in the evening not much happens (though I did see Mamma Mia in this time, giving it another significance point) and so I yearned for my friends in Coventry, leading to a weekend.
I got the train over and ended up coincidentally bumping into Pam, Ty and Tegan and so we did lunch and gossiped. The Saturday night could have turned ugly but my sheer determination to have a good weekend paid off despite Matt maintaining his 'oh we broke up, it MUST be awkward' stance (which continues to this day). But I ranted to Fran to get it out of my head. I can't remember what I did that Sunday. I might have seen Sally or something... I'll go check the archive... apparently 'Sunday I had a relaxing day in'. I don't quite know what that means, but either talking to Jenny or watching a film or something. And then came Monday. I was leaving Coventry Monday at 7pm, picked up by my dad. The Pride social runs 4 to 6pm on Monday so thats why I was leaving then, and thought I'd see a few friends. And so Sally, one of my best friends I've made to be honest, and Phil and Tom, with input from others had a great social, leaving me with the urge for more.
And so December happened. I was going up for the last week of term for the party bits... and one invitation lead to another (nights out, days in, coffees, meals and so forth...) and I ended up staying until just a couple of days before Christmas. But of course there's two major factors: my friends and of course Duncan. And I owe them so much. They made December amazing and opened up the life I have now.
There have been less defining moments of this year like I can lay out of the last. But of course Duncan is the major factor in my life. Over the last year I have battled with my mental health, my employment (or lack of it), my social situation and life in general. And so I've reached here.
I mean it's not all okay. I'm not stupidly optimistic. But I'm okay. That's the important thing. I have so many friends, and so many who care. And then there's Duncan. What relationships should be. We've had our odd issue which I've never really expressed, but I've never really expressed them because they've never really mattered when compared to the rest. I love this man and next week I will be living with him.
A comparison with Matt was always inevitable at the beginning. My friend Niki, even warned me not the compare the two. But the thing was, Duncan won all accounts. He was more attractive and we were immediately more similar and then there were superficial things like he was always going to be in Coventry, and he had his own circle of friends, and didn't need to share mine. It was good. And in the long run the comparison held true. I can't think of a thing that Matt trumps Duncan on except being more ginger, or living further north. I am so happy with Duncan I can't express.
Of course this year has held another personal surprise in the start of something. That something is my comic. I've had artistic aspirations since I was a child, and even when I've reached the internet we've seen The Life of Gary (a stick figure production...), Neopets comics, Random Thoughts, an untitled failed attempt, Made of Awesome and then we reach now. Currently titled 'The Duck and Pie' I have produced 13 (and a half) webcomics and still fully intend to publish them on my own website. They are already on Facebook and have several fans much to my joy. And maybe it won't take off, but right now I'm looking towards the sky with it, and hoping. It's going to happen it will!
These are my two biggest accomplishments of the year. The (almost) 9 month relationship of Duncan and my comic. But there are a million joys of this year. I can never list them all just because there are so many.
But the biggest joy is that I have joy.
That sounds as cheesey as hell, but hopefully you'll have context to this. My life has never been the greatest but this year has giving me so many joys I never though I'd have. I don't think I could thank people enough. About three people will read this, but I hope to spread the love that's been given to me back out to everyone I love over time.
I guess that it's the world that we live in, and it's never too late for anything. Thank you life for this great existence.
I've perked up from the other day. This week hasn't been my favourite for many reasons, but now it's over I think things will be better. Yes yes.
I don't know if I mentioned but I stopped taking my drugs. I don't even know if I mentioned I was on them. But I was taking Citalopram, and anti-depressant for like 6 months but I've been doing good so when I ran out of drugs (and ahem sorta lost a prescription from a while back that I got too soon) I decided to stay off them. I'd been missing them for a while and surviving so I thought that was the best time to try. It's not been entirely smooth but I think it's mostly life right now. It's awkward. If it gets bad again I'll go back on them but until them I want to try things on my own. This week has been a worry, but like I said, I think it's mostly because it's a strange place.
Okay I think this is turning into the post I said I should write up there!
A year ago it was the summer holidays. I had not long quit my university course and had faced my first period of job seeking, and also a summer without my then boyfriend Matt. I almost wrote 'my beloved Matt' but I don't think the internet portrays sarcasm correctly. Haha. September was average as far as my life goes. But then there is October. Several key events. Matts actual birthday was a lovely coupley evening. I was on top form as a boyfriend. Matt's night out birthday, arguement starts thanks to my depression but him being a bit of a dick. A week later we break up. The end.
My relationship with Matt is a strange one. At the time it was everything I wanted but it's thanks to my depression that I realise it wasn't as great as I thought. There were so many faults there. I mean Duncan has his faults, but not like Matt did. He had big faults about stuff like the future.
But we broke up. Cue the worst month of my life ever. It's funny that the break up itself wasn't the issue that plagued most of that month, it was the position it left me in. I got over Matt quicker than most crushes (see: Ryan and Jamie) but the effect of feeling like I have no ties to the world other than a family and a couple of friends felt like not enough back then.
And what saved me? Boredom, Sally, Tom, Phil and the Kami Lounge. Way back at the end of November I was bored of home. I was been reassigned there almost permanently after a brief visit lead to me realising I couldn't cope on my own. But Telford is boring. I mean my family work all day and then in the evening not much happens (though I did see Mamma Mia in this time, giving it another significance point) and so I yearned for my friends in Coventry, leading to a weekend.
I got the train over and ended up coincidentally bumping into Pam, Ty and Tegan and so we did lunch and gossiped. The Saturday night could have turned ugly but my sheer determination to have a good weekend paid off despite Matt maintaining his 'oh we broke up, it MUST be awkward' stance (which continues to this day). But I ranted to Fran to get it out of my head. I can't remember what I did that Sunday. I might have seen Sally or something... I'll go check the archive... apparently 'Sunday I had a relaxing day in'. I don't quite know what that means, but either talking to Jenny or watching a film or something. And then came Monday. I was leaving Coventry Monday at 7pm, picked up by my dad. The Pride social runs 4 to 6pm on Monday so thats why I was leaving then, and thought I'd see a few friends. And so Sally, one of my best friends I've made to be honest, and Phil and Tom, with input from others had a great social, leaving me with the urge for more.
And so December happened. I was going up for the last week of term for the party bits... and one invitation lead to another (nights out, days in, coffees, meals and so forth...) and I ended up staying until just a couple of days before Christmas. But of course there's two major factors: my friends and of course Duncan. And I owe them so much. They made December amazing and opened up the life I have now.
There have been less defining moments of this year like I can lay out of the last. But of course Duncan is the major factor in my life. Over the last year I have battled with my mental health, my employment (or lack of it), my social situation and life in general. And so I've reached here.
I mean it's not all okay. I'm not stupidly optimistic. But I'm okay. That's the important thing. I have so many friends, and so many who care. And then there's Duncan. What relationships should be. We've had our odd issue which I've never really expressed, but I've never really expressed them because they've never really mattered when compared to the rest. I love this man and next week I will be living with him.
A comparison with Matt was always inevitable at the beginning. My friend Niki, even warned me not the compare the two. But the thing was, Duncan won all accounts. He was more attractive and we were immediately more similar and then there were superficial things like he was always going to be in Coventry, and he had his own circle of friends, and didn't need to share mine. It was good. And in the long run the comparison held true. I can't think of a thing that Matt trumps Duncan on except being more ginger, or living further north. I am so happy with Duncan I can't express.
Of course this year has held another personal surprise in the start of something. That something is my comic. I've had artistic aspirations since I was a child, and even when I've reached the internet we've seen The Life of Gary (a stick figure production...), Neopets comics, Random Thoughts, an untitled failed attempt, Made of Awesome and then we reach now. Currently titled 'The Duck and Pie' I have produced 13 (and a half) webcomics and still fully intend to publish them on my own website. They are already on Facebook and have several fans much to my joy. And maybe it won't take off, but right now I'm looking towards the sky with it, and hoping. It's going to happen it will!
These are my two biggest accomplishments of the year. The (almost) 9 month relationship of Duncan and my comic. But there are a million joys of this year. I can never list them all just because there are so many.
But the biggest joy is that I have joy.
That sounds as cheesey as hell, but hopefully you'll have context to this. My life has never been the greatest but this year has giving me so many joys I never though I'd have. I don't think I could thank people enough. About three people will read this, but I hope to spread the love that's been given to me back out to everyone I love over time.
I guess that it's the world that we live in, and it's never too late for anything. Thank you life for this great existence.