Full Circle Moment (2/3) continued
Full Circle Moment (2/3) continued
Kris almost needed his ear plugs again a few days later when the tour hit Arkansas. The cheers he received on stage and outside the venue were deafening.
Not only that, but all his friends and family had turned out to see him. As he sat hanging out with them at the hotel after the show, Kris knew he should have been feeling on top of the world. He was the American Idol champion, he’d just brought down the house at the local venue he’d been to so many times and he’d made his loved-ones proud.
But he couldn’t help feeling miserable. Things had been awkward with Adam ever since the night out in Dallas. And with Katy being around, it had been hard to get any time alone to talk to him.
He looked at his watch, noticing it was gone midnight. Yet he still wasn’t tired, despite his lack of sleep. He’d spent the last few nights lying awake worrying that he and Adam were drifting apart, that they’d lost that special bond, that Adam thought he was a narrow-minded jerk, that Adam wanted nothing to do with him any more.
Over a misunderstanding. If Adam knew why Kris had really been so disgusted at the kiss, he wouldn’t be ignoring him.
Kris finished the last of his drink, unable to spend another night tormenting himself in his head. He needed to find Adam and talk.
Alone, with no interruptions.
‘Honey, can I borrow the keys?’ he asked Katy. ‘I want to go for a drive.’
‘A drive? But it’s late!’
Kris managed a smile and stroked her hand as she passed him the car keys. ‘I know, but it’s been such a big night for me I need some time to myself. You go to bed, I’ll join you later.’
Once he’d said goodbye to everybody, Kris made his way out to the parking lot and climbed into his car. With trembling hands, he sent a text message to Adam, praying he’d still be awake.
Five minutes later, Adam was sitting in the passenger seat.
‘Want to see the sights of my home town?’
Adam shrugged and gave a half-smile. ‘Is there much to see?’
Kris started the ignition and started driving towards Conway. ‘My church, my local grocery store...’
‘The AT&T store that caused all that drama?’
Kris laughed, glad Adam was back into joking mode with him. ‘Sure, why not.’
They drove down the freeway in silence for a few moments, just the sound of the car radio playing softly in the background. Kris kept glancing over at Adam, trying to read his expression. ‘How are you finding Arkansas so far?’
‘It’s a cool place,’ Adam replied. ‘I wasn’t sure what to expect after the whole voting fiasco, but the people here have shown me so much love.’
Kris nodded, glad he hadn’t been given a hard time by the locals. ‘Well, here we are. Conway, Arkansas.’
As they pulled off the freeway into Kris’s home town, Kris slowed down so he could show Adam the sights. ‘There’s my church... and coming up in a moment is my local mall.’
‘Awesome,’ Adam nodded. ‘So where’s the infamous AT&T store then?’
‘You really do want to go there, don’t you?’ Kris laughed, turning the car around in the deserted street to head towards the phone store.
They arrived at the store and parked up. ‘Here it is,’ Kris laughed nervously, turning the ignition off and opening the door.
They climbed out of Kris’s car and walked up to the entrance. ‘Do you really think the staff gave people power-voting lessons?’ Adam joked, peering in the window of the dark, deserted store.
‘Who knows,’ Kris laughed.
They stood in the moonlit street for a few moments, neither really knowing what to say.
‘Look, I’m sorry about what happened in Dallas,’ Kris blurted out, looking at Adam sincerely. ‘It’s just... I was really... I-I-I...’
Adam placed his hands on Kris’s shoulders and looked into his eyes. ‘Relax, Kris. It’s cool. You don’t have to explain.’
‘I just.. I-I-I,’ Kris stuttered. ‘I just don’t want you thinking I’m some narrow-minded jerk like some of the folk around here. Far from it. Look at us, Adam. We’re both from completely different backgrounds, have completely different beliefs, yet none of that matters. We just click.’
Adam gazed back at Kris, nodding slowly. ‘We do,’ he agreed. ‘The whole world wanted us to be at war, in competition, but we didn’t give them that.’ He eyed the store where all the drama had taken place. ‘Everything that went on in the past, during the competition, it doesn’t matter now.’
Kris smiled and reached out to stroke Adam’s bare arm. ‘That’s right.’
Adam let out a laugh. ‘Listen to us, getting all corny and sappy! So, big night for you tonight, huh? How did it feel performing to your local crowd?’
‘Good,’ Kris shrugged, wishing they could go back to the corny, sappy stuff instead of their regular small talk. ‘It was awesome to see my family and friends.’
‘And Katy?’
Kris hesitated before nodding. ‘Uh, yeah. Must have been great for you to see Drake last week?’
Adam was also hesitant with his reply. ‘I guess...’ he trailed off.
Kris edged closer and looked at Adam’s frowning face. ‘I thought you’d be psyched to spend time with him...’
‘Yeah, don’t get me wrong, it was great to hook up for a couple of days... but it’s not like we’re in love or anything.’
Kris looked up in surprise. ‘You’re not?’
‘Hell, no,’ Adam laughed. ‘Love is... something more than that. Something rare, something I’ve never had returned to me.’
Kris felt his heart sinking as Adam said those words with pain in his eyes. ‘But everyone loves you, Adam!’ Kris exclaimed. ‘All those fans throwing bras at you, every single person we’ve met on the road, your family...’
‘I mean love,’ Adam emphasised, looking down at the ground. ‘I’ve had my heart broken more than once, Kris,’ he confessed quietly. ‘Unrequited love is all I’ve known. It’s like a never-ending cycle. I fall for a guy, we get close, I tell him I’m in love... and he doesn’t feel the same.’
Kris started back at Adam’s sad expression, tears forming in his own eyes. ‘But... but... I don’t get it! How can anyone not love you back, Adam?’
‘That’s life,’ Adam laughed.
Kris grabbed Adam’s shoulders and moved in closer. ‘But Adam, you’re amazing on every level. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone like you. How could anyone not love you?’
They stood silently for a few seconds, eyes locked together. Kris felt his breathing getting shallower and his heart pounding as he stared back at Adam, knowing this was their moment...
He wanted to show Adam he was loved. That his love was no longer unrequited.
Kris leant in, trying not to tremble as his lips got closer and closer to Adam’s.
As their lips brushed together, Kris closed his eyes, taking in the taste and the warmth of Adam’s lips.
He waited for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity for Adam to respond.
Slowly, Adam began to part his lips, the taste of his saliva sweet to Kris’s mouth as he slowly edged his tongue inside.
Kris felt Adam’s arms wrap tightly around him as they began making out, tongues moving slowly together.
He moaned in ecstasy as Adam pushed his tongue in harder and faster, grabbing on tightly to Adam’s shoulders as he felt his legs going weak.
Adam pushed him up against the glass of the shop front and leaned into Kris as they continued to kiss, neither wanting to stop.
As Adam’s groin pressed into his, Kris found himself getting harder. He slid an arm down Adam’s back and started tugging at his jeans, trying to slip a hand down.
Adam pulled away from the kiss and gasped for air. ‘Man, you are horny,’ he breathed, his eyes transfixed on Kris’s.
Kris grabbed onto Adam’s arm to steady himself and leant in to kiss him again.
‘Not here,’ Adam said, taking his hand and leading him back to the car.
Kris nodded, knowing it was too risky to be doing this in public, in his home town of all places. ‘I know where we can go.’ They got into the car and Kris fumbled franticly for the ignition.
The car screeched around the corner and back onto the freeway. Kris ran a couple of red lights and knew he was breaking the speed limit, but he didn’t care. The touch on Adam’s hand gentle stroking his knee was making him more and more desperate to get to their destination and have some privacy.
A million thoughts were racing through Kris’s mind as they drove on. He knew what he was doing was wrong on every level, but he didn’t care. As he glanced over at Adam’s face, those lips curled into a smile and that glint in his eyes, he knew it was what he wanted right now.
They reached their destination and Kris flung open the door. ‘Well, here we are. My apartment,’ he whispered, certainly not wanting to wake up the neighbours.
Adam tiptoed behind him at they made their way to the front door. With shaking hands, Kris put the key in the door, barely able to breathe as he thought about what was going to happen next.
The second the door closed behind them, Kris grabbed onto Adam and pressed his lips against his, groaning with pleasure as Adam pushed him against the door and caressed his arms.
He moaned out as Adam pressed his body into Kris’s, feeling Adam just as hard as he was under his jeans as they grinded together.
‘Yes, yes,’ he gasped as he felt Adam’s hand sliding under the waistband of his pants. ‘Yes, keep going,’ he begged.
Kris broke away from the kiss to let out a gasp as Adam’s fingers wrapped around his dick, getting harder by the second.
‘In here,’ Kris breathed, pulling Adam in the direction of the bedroom and collapsing onto the bed.
Once lying down, Kris wriggled out of his pants and pulled Adam towards him. ‘Please keep going,’ he whimpered.
Adam lowered himself onto the bed, pausing a few inches above Kris’s body. ‘Are you sure?’ he whispered.
Hardly able to speak, Kris simply nodded, his eyes wide with desire.
Adam shook off his jeans and climbed into bed next to Kris, pulling him into a tight embrace. ‘What would you like me to do?’ he whispered into Kris ear, stroking his hair softly.
‘I want us to make love,’ Kris whispered back hoarsely, putting emphasis on the word love.
With Adam, it wasn’t just sex. Yes, he was wildly turned on by Adam and could barely contain himself, but it was far, far more than that. He’d never felt this strongly about anyone.
Kris had fantasised about this moment for months, and now he finally had Adam, alone and to himself, lying naked on his bed, asking Kris what he wanted to do to him.
Adam looked back at him for a few moments, before nodding and slowly sliding his hand up Kris’s thigh, making him writhe yet again. ‘Oh, Kris,’ he whispered. ‘I want to show you just how much I love you.’
Kris sighed happily as Adam said the words he’d been dreaming of hearing and lay blissfully waiting for what was coming next.
***
The July morning sunlight streamed through the blind a few hours later as Kris opened a bleary eye.
He felt tired, he felt rough, he felt... painful. Scratching his head in confusion, he eyed the familiar bedroom, wondering why he was back in Conway and not on the tour bus.
‘You awake?’ he whispered, feeling a heavy arm wrapped around his chest.
Kris’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped open as he turned his head to see Adam sound asleep beside him, a peaceful smile on his face. No way... he didn’t..?
Kris jerked upright, his heart racing as he realised what he’d done the night before. He looked around the bedroom, feeling sick with nerves and guilt. He’d seduced Adam in a deserted street outside the AT&T store of all places, driven him back to the apartment he shared with his wife, who was probably sick with worry about where he’d been all night, and had slept with Adam.
Kris looked down at his shaking hand and toyed with his wedding ring, remembering the vows he’d made not even a year ago.
It was all so, so wrong.
He looked at Adam’s sleeping figure, overcome with guilt. Yes, he loved Adam and had enjoyed every single second of their night together... but it couldn’t continue. He had a wife. Adam had a partner too.
He looked at his watch and cursed, realising the bus was leaving for Memphis in under an hour and they still had to get back to the hotel.
And hide all the evidence. And try and make up an excuse to Katy.
Kris dashed to the bathroom and showered, his mind all over the place. ‘What have I done?’ he questioned, hot angry tears threatening to flow from his eyes.
Once he was dressed, Kris grabbed the used condoms from the floor and pushed them to the bottom of the trash can and shoved some detergent into the washer, hoping Katy wouldn’t ask too many awkward questions.
Kris paused in the doorway as he watched Adam stir from his sleep. ‘Kris..?’
‘We have to go,’ Kris urged, ripping the bed sheets off before Adam had a chance to sit up. ‘We’re driving to Memphis in a minute, we have to go!’
Adam pulled on his clothes and watched blankly as Kris bundled the bed sheets towards the laundry room.
Kris scanned the room one last time for evidence before grabbing his car keys and leading Adam outside. ‘Katy can’t know about this,’ he mumbled as they climbed into the car.
Adam nodded silently as they headed back onto the freeway towards Little Rock, his eyes downcast.
Kris took his eyes off the road for a moment and glanced at Adam, his heart sinking as he noticed his expression. ‘Adam, I can’t... I-I-I...’
Adam nodded sadly, his eyes unable to meet Kris. ‘I know. You don’t have to explain. You’re married. You’re straight. You can’t get involved. It’s OK.’
Even though Adam had said it was OK, Kris could tell from his voice that it wasn’t.
The conversation from the previous night and the talk of unrequited love all came flooding back and Kris felt like punching himself. He’d hurt Adam He’d led him on. He’d put him though yet more pain.
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ he whispered, fighting the urge not to cry.
Adam stroked his shoulder and let out a sigh. ‘Don’t be,’ he insisted. ‘Look, if it makes it easier all round, let’s forget last night ever happened. I won’t mention it again if you don’t, I promise.’
Kris nodded in agreement, knowing it was for the best, but feeling his heart sinking.
***
A couple of weeks on, and Adam had stuck to his word and not mentioned that night again.
Kris sat backstage passing the time on his laptop before one of their many New York shows, watching Adam out of the corner of his eye. Both had been trying to act ‘normal’ over the past couple of weeks and still tried to laugh and joke around together as they always had, but it had been a struggle for them both.
As he sat composing an email to his parents to give them a tour update, Kris couldn’t concentrate, his mind constantly wandering back to the Adam issue. Kris had never been so confused, or so torn.
Part of him felt full of guilt for being unfaithful to Katy, going against all his moral and religious beliefs, and hurting Adam.
But the other part of him wanted Adam more than ever now he’d had a taste and knew that Adam felt the same. Each night while trying to sleep, he’d constantly replay the events of that night again, reliving the conversations, the kisses, the sex, only to open his eyes and realise he was alone in his bunk, Adam sleeping inches above him probably feeling just as tormented, yet neither of them could do anything about it.
Kris tried to wipe the thoughts from his mind and concentrate on writing his email. There were plenty of funny stories from the tour to write home about. Despite the issue with Adam and the tiredness, he was having the time of his life on tour and every day was a new adventure. He opened his photo folder and clicked on some of his latest additions to forward to his parents. He was always taking goofy photos with the other Idols to pass the time backstage and on the bus.
He laughed as he looked at some photos he’d posed for with Adam earlier in the tour, both making goofy faces.
He missed that. Sure, they still laughed and joked together, but he felt there was some kind of invisible barrier up between them now, put up to stop either of them getting too close and revisiting the feelings they both shared for one another.
‘Hey Adam, well done!’ he heard Matt call out as he walked in the room. ‘Teen Choice Award, nice!’
Kris smiled, happy for Adam that he’d won his first of what was sure to be many awards. Opening Twitter, he typed a congratulatory message of his own.
Hey @adamlambert ! Congrats on the award. I do wanna take a ride in your surf board some time
He pressed the submit button, biting his lip as he worried maybe he’d pushed it a bit far considering the recent events between them. Before, they’d both made jokes and innuendos without any thought, but now..?
Kris watched Adam across the room, who was also on his laptop, iPod on and in his own little world. ‘Is this going to go on for another five weeks?’ Kris wondered to himself. The past two weeks had been hard enough. Again, he’d never felt so torn. Half of him wanted to go home now and get out of the situation, the other half wanted to cherish every second on the road together.
Kris shut down his laptop and walked over, sick of the awkwardness and determined to keep things as normal as possible. ‘Hey, I heard about your award,’ Kris smiled, patting Adam’s shoulder as he took a seat on the couch.
Adam looked up and smiled back, although it wasn’t a typical Adam smile. Kris could tell when he was faking it. ‘I know, I just read your tweet.’
Kris let out a nervous laugh, then stopped when he realised Adam wasn’t laughing back. ‘Uh, yeah... I’ve always wanted to learn how to surf...’ he trailed off, looking down at the floor.
Adam didn’t respond, instead just staring blankly at his laptop screen, his eyes clouded with sadness.
Kris felt like kicking himself again. He knew Adam really liked him, and that the jokey, flirty comments like that must be painful. He’d already led Adam on once, and this wasn’t helping.
He slipped away from the couch and left Adam in silence, feeling just as confused as before.
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