Gods and Shadow Creatures - Brightsoul
More experimenting in my Gods and Shadow Creatures universe. Trigger warning for allusions to [click]rape.
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As Nico entered the living room with his cup of coffee, he saw the room already had an occupant. Breccan sat on the couch, sipping from his own coffee. Gloom settled around the redheaded man, and Nico didn’t know if he should approach or drink his coffee in the kitchen.
Breccan spotted Nico standing in the doorway and staring. “You can join me,” he muttered, “though I won’t be very good company, I’m afraid.”
If he had an invitation of sorts, Nico was happy to join the man. He always wanted to spend time with his friend, even if he knew Breccan would never feel the way he did.
“Why not?” Nico murmured as he took a seat on the couch.
The man let out a long, sad sigh and glanced at the ceiling. “I attended a matchmaking party last night,” he muttered.
Nico’s eyes widened -- he hadn’t expected Breccan to go to such a gathering, or, perhaps he just didn’t want to think of the man going to things like that. While Nico had done all he could to assure Breccan the freedom to chose his own partner, he didn’t like the idea of seeing him with someone else. As much as he hated the thought, Nico would never put another “claim” on Breccan -- as a god, he had the power to “claim” any human he wanted and assure no other mortals would want them. It was an evil power, and Nico refused to use it. After what he’d learned about Breccan, though, he knew it wouldn’t matter.
“It didn’t go well?” Nico said, already knowing the answer.
Breccan shook his head. “Not so much as a single offer to dance at the party itself and certainly no invitations to spend time together afterwards. I even got up the courage to ask a few men to dance, and every last one of them said no. So many colorful decorations and people at the party, and I had to be the dullest thing there,” he muttered.
“You’re not dull,” he said, holding his coffee cup tight in order to keep himself from reaching out to Breccan. Physical contact from him would bring the man no comfort.
“Every last mortal man in the world seems to think so, what with all the ‘success’ I’ve had,” he said, taking a sip of coffee.
Nico bit his lip -- he wondered if he should explain why the poor man might attract very much unwanted attention from more than one god, yet not be able to find so much as a single mortal lover.
“They’re all wrong -- you’re too sweet to be dull,” Nico said.
Breccan just stared into his coffee, his eyes shining with tears. Nico knew his explanation wouldn’t bring any happiness, but he didn’t think he could keep quiet any longer.
“Did you know human souls differ in what might be called their shape and their brightness?” Nico said.
“Excuse me?” Breccan turned to him, eyebrows slightly raised. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with why you have so much romantic trouble,” Nico sighed.
“My soul must be as dull as I am,” he muttered, bitterness lacing his voice.
While he tried to collect his thoughts, Nico took a sip of his coffee. He breathed in the rich aroma, hoping for some kind of inspiration. This was not an easy topic.
“No,” he said, “your soul isn’t dull. Quite the opposite.”
Disbelief radiated from Breccan as the man looked at Nico. Yet, he stayed quiet, as if waiting for the god to finish his explanation.
“Soul brightness isn’t like physical brightness, and it has nothing to do with how ‘good’ a person is,” Nico said. “When humans talk, their souls take note of each other. It’s why sometimes you’ll just get a bad feeling about someone -- if they have a bad soul, your own soul might notice.”
“Really?” Breccan murmured.
Nico nodded. “Brighter souls can...read as less ‘human’ than souls of more usual brightness. An especially brightly souled mortal is sometimes called a brightsoul -- these types have romantic difficulty because they register as ‘human but not,’ unconsciously disturbing their fellows.”
“Are you saying I’m not human?” he muttered, looking horrified at the idea.
“You’re absolutely human,” he said. “You just...appear odd to other mortals in a way they can’t articulate or understand. It’s...worse for you because your soul’s shape is also unusual. Combined, the brightness and shape of your soul make you too strange for other mortals to see as a romantic partner.”
Or even as a friend, Nico thought -- he knew Breccan had few friends. Even their other human companions didn’t seem to want to get too close to him.
“If I’m so repulsive, why --” Breccan choked on his words. “-- did I attract the attention of more than one god?”
Wincing, Nico remembered Egan and everything he’d done to Breccan. “The...same unusual soul qualities that make humans dislike you make you...attractive to my kind. We -- don’t communicate soul-to-soul like humans do, not having a soul in the same way, but we do subconsciously sense mortals’ souls,” he said.
A long silence filled the air, adding oppressive weight to the atmosphere. Nico worried Breccan might leave, but the man finally spoke. “How do you know this?” he murmured.
“When I resurrected you,” Nico muttered, feeling his face burn. “I -- had to look directly at your soul.”
Breccan’s own face flushed. “And you saw its...brightness and strange shape?”
“I did.” Nico nodded. Breccan’s soul had mesmerized him with its beauty, but he didn’t mention that. He wanted to tell the man he wasn’t as unlovable as he feared, strange soul or no, but Breccan sought a mortal partner -- something he could never have. Nico wished Breccan could give him a chance, though he didn’t deserve one after all the evil he’d done. It didn’t help that most people believed gods incapable of anything like love, and Nico had to agree most of them were incapable. Still, he felt enough love for Breccan to hurt whatever he had in place of a soul.
“Do you know why I’m like this?” Breccan muttered, staring at the ceiling.
“Just random chance,” Nico said.
“What rotten luck I have, to be so unlovable. You know…” He looked at Nico with those shining gray eyes. “...I think I always knew something was strange about me. It must have been why I became a mage, so I wouldn’t feel desire for love I could never have. Even my parents didn’t care much for me. But I’m not a mage anymore, not after Egan.”
Despair gathered around Breccan like a physical thing. Nico could barely imagine what he must be feeling, to anticipate a life without any real affection. The ex-mage was young yet, and he had many years ahead of him to descend into ever-darker loneliness. More than anything, Nico wished he could save him from such a fate, but, even with all his power, he could offer only himself -- and Breccan wouldn’t want that.
“I’m here -- as a friend, at least,” Nico murmured.
“You’re about the only real friend I have,” Breccan sighed, sipping his coffee.
Nico would be there for Breccan as much as he could. He would keep his love to himself, in order not to alienate the man and make him lose his only friend. It might be painful for Nico to suppress his feelings, but it was no more than he deserved. This time, he would do the right thing.
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As Nico entered the living room with his cup of coffee, he saw the room already had an occupant. Breccan sat on the couch, sipping from his own coffee. Gloom settled around the redheaded man, and Nico didn’t know if he should approach or drink his coffee in the kitchen.
Breccan spotted Nico standing in the doorway and staring. “You can join me,” he muttered, “though I won’t be very good company, I’m afraid.”
If he had an invitation of sorts, Nico was happy to join the man. He always wanted to spend time with his friend, even if he knew Breccan would never feel the way he did.
“Why not?” Nico murmured as he took a seat on the couch.
The man let out a long, sad sigh and glanced at the ceiling. “I attended a matchmaking party last night,” he muttered.
Nico’s eyes widened -- he hadn’t expected Breccan to go to such a gathering, or, perhaps he just didn’t want to think of the man going to things like that. While Nico had done all he could to assure Breccan the freedom to chose his own partner, he didn’t like the idea of seeing him with someone else. As much as he hated the thought, Nico would never put another “claim” on Breccan -- as a god, he had the power to “claim” any human he wanted and assure no other mortals would want them. It was an evil power, and Nico refused to use it. After what he’d learned about Breccan, though, he knew it wouldn’t matter.
“It didn’t go well?” Nico said, already knowing the answer.
Breccan shook his head. “Not so much as a single offer to dance at the party itself and certainly no invitations to spend time together afterwards. I even got up the courage to ask a few men to dance, and every last one of them said no. So many colorful decorations and people at the party, and I had to be the dullest thing there,” he muttered.
“You’re not dull,” he said, holding his coffee cup tight in order to keep himself from reaching out to Breccan. Physical contact from him would bring the man no comfort.
“Every last mortal man in the world seems to think so, what with all the ‘success’ I’ve had,” he said, taking a sip of coffee.
Nico bit his lip -- he wondered if he should explain why the poor man might attract very much unwanted attention from more than one god, yet not be able to find so much as a single mortal lover.
“They’re all wrong -- you’re too sweet to be dull,” Nico said.
Breccan just stared into his coffee, his eyes shining with tears. Nico knew his explanation wouldn’t bring any happiness, but he didn’t think he could keep quiet any longer.
“Did you know human souls differ in what might be called their shape and their brightness?” Nico said.
“Excuse me?” Breccan turned to him, eyebrows slightly raised. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with why you have so much romantic trouble,” Nico sighed.
“My soul must be as dull as I am,” he muttered, bitterness lacing his voice.
While he tried to collect his thoughts, Nico took a sip of his coffee. He breathed in the rich aroma, hoping for some kind of inspiration. This was not an easy topic.
“No,” he said, “your soul isn’t dull. Quite the opposite.”
Disbelief radiated from Breccan as the man looked at Nico. Yet, he stayed quiet, as if waiting for the god to finish his explanation.
“Soul brightness isn’t like physical brightness, and it has nothing to do with how ‘good’ a person is,” Nico said. “When humans talk, their souls take note of each other. It’s why sometimes you’ll just get a bad feeling about someone -- if they have a bad soul, your own soul might notice.”
“Really?” Breccan murmured.
Nico nodded. “Brighter souls can...read as less ‘human’ than souls of more usual brightness. An especially brightly souled mortal is sometimes called a brightsoul -- these types have romantic difficulty because they register as ‘human but not,’ unconsciously disturbing their fellows.”
“Are you saying I’m not human?” he muttered, looking horrified at the idea.
“You’re absolutely human,” he said. “You just...appear odd to other mortals in a way they can’t articulate or understand. It’s...worse for you because your soul’s shape is also unusual. Combined, the brightness and shape of your soul make you too strange for other mortals to see as a romantic partner.”
Or even as a friend, Nico thought -- he knew Breccan had few friends. Even their other human companions didn’t seem to want to get too close to him.
“If I’m so repulsive, why --” Breccan choked on his words. “-- did I attract the attention of more than one god?”
Wincing, Nico remembered Egan and everything he’d done to Breccan. “The...same unusual soul qualities that make humans dislike you make you...attractive to my kind. We -- don’t communicate soul-to-soul like humans do, not having a soul in the same way, but we do subconsciously sense mortals’ souls,” he said.
A long silence filled the air, adding oppressive weight to the atmosphere. Nico worried Breccan might leave, but the man finally spoke. “How do you know this?” he murmured.
“When I resurrected you,” Nico muttered, feeling his face burn. “I -- had to look directly at your soul.”
Breccan’s own face flushed. “And you saw its...brightness and strange shape?”
“I did.” Nico nodded. Breccan’s soul had mesmerized him with its beauty, but he didn’t mention that. He wanted to tell the man he wasn’t as unlovable as he feared, strange soul or no, but Breccan sought a mortal partner -- something he could never have. Nico wished Breccan could give him a chance, though he didn’t deserve one after all the evil he’d done. It didn’t help that most people believed gods incapable of anything like love, and Nico had to agree most of them were incapable. Still, he felt enough love for Breccan to hurt whatever he had in place of a soul.
“Do you know why I’m like this?” Breccan muttered, staring at the ceiling.
“Just random chance,” Nico said.
“What rotten luck I have, to be so unlovable. You know…” He looked at Nico with those shining gray eyes. “...I think I always knew something was strange about me. It must have been why I became a mage, so I wouldn’t feel desire for love I could never have. Even my parents didn’t care much for me. But I’m not a mage anymore, not after Egan.”
Despair gathered around Breccan like a physical thing. Nico could barely imagine what he must be feeling, to anticipate a life without any real affection. The ex-mage was young yet, and he had many years ahead of him to descend into ever-darker loneliness. More than anything, Nico wished he could save him from such a fate, but, even with all his power, he could offer only himself -- and Breccan wouldn’t want that.
“I’m here -- as a friend, at least,” Nico murmured.
“You’re about the only real friend I have,” Breccan sighed, sipping his coffee.
Nico would be there for Breccan as much as he could. He would keep his love to himself, in order not to alienate the man and make him lose his only friend. It might be painful for Nico to suppress his feelings, but it was no more than he deserved. This time, he would do the right thing.