Camp NaNo: The Church and Its Orbs - Chapter 3

[alien_writings]

I'm rewriting my Gemma story, which is tentatively titled The Church and Its Orbs. This is the second chapter. The previous chapters are linked below.
Prologue | 1 | 2

---------The next day, Lila and I sit next to each other in homeroom, waiting and wondering what will happen to Morning Prayer. Hazel and Trixie, through the in-school broadcast

Comments

[theun4givables]

This is a great way to introduce the Sweetheart Flower tradition -- schools are always pulling that sort of dumb shit all the time.

I have to wonder, though -- is having the whole part rehashing everything about Hazel and Trixie necessary? We already know everything about that -- bringing it up again and announcing what they did publicly like that doesn't seem like a very Churchly thing to do. It also doesn't really seem to add much to the story or move it much along, either.

You can still keep Ruby and Marguerite doing the school announcements in the morning -- and maybe a brief aside that Hazel and Trixie have commited a grievous sin against the Church and leaving it at that. After all, the reader already knows what they supposedly did. It would great a bit more suspense, too, and tension for the reader. Because what if the rumors WEREN'T true? etc etc.

[alien_writings]

The scandal rehashing part was weak.

I'm glad you liked the (deliberately) stupid Sweetheart Flower thing. Why do I think that particular tradition is going to end badly for Gemma? Now I'm wondering if some guy gives Gemma a flower when Lila wishes that same guy would have given her one, heh. Lila seems like the type who might flip out over that. There's also probably also a lot of "I hope Kai gives me a flower" hysteria among the girls (who like guys), and well...He might give one to Wren to keep up appearances.

[theun4givables]

Wren might accept it though because she at least understands that Kai can't just give the flower to who he'd really want to.

And of course it would end badly for Gemma. I wouldn't expect anything different. :)

[pixiebelle]

I agree that the Sweetheart Flower tradition is very true to live... My school had something with flowers and whatnot for Valentine's Day... I never got one, but I agree it seems very plausible.

[pixiebelle]

This line here was awesome!!!

"Remember, if purple orbs can fall so far, you can, too".

I agree with the rehashing bit, but the line above was good and hope it stays. I already said I liked the Sweetheart Flower tradition!

[alien_writings]

That line will stay when I edit this bit. It's ominous, isn't it? The Sweetheart Flower thing might be where Gemma (finally) shows her violent side, if she does indeed get a flower from an unwanted suitor. She's way less abrasive, violent and angry in this version -- it's kind of odd, actually. So it might not be still in character for her to try and stab an unwanted suitor with her Sweetheart Flower. We'll see what happens, lol.