Cliffton Fanfiction: Intractable - Chapter 3
If you want to read the previous chapters in this fanfic about Devin's mental instability, they are linked below.
1 | 2
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Why the fuck does the Home for the Intractably Insane even have a Family Visiting Day? Nobody’s gonna visit us -- my ma’s not gonna bother to come see me. I’m sure she’s glad to be fucking rid of me.
Still, everyone has to go to the fucking “lounge” to wait for their parents to show up. And stay here for a whole hour. So stupid. Not everyone’s even here, either -- don’t know how some of them manage to get out of it. Couches are all an ugly brownish puke color. Chairs are the same stupid yellow ones from Group. Can’t fucking lounge in a place like this. Vid selection sucks, too. No monster vids because of our “fragile mental health.” Monster vids won’t make us any crazier. They ever stop think we’re fucking crazy in the first place because we’re bored?
Well, Alex and Nem aren’t bored. They’re too busy fucking “hiding” in the supply closet. Nem managed to hack the lock, somehow. Don’t wanna think about the kind of trouble they’ll be in if they’re caught. Nem ended up in here in the first place because he tried to hack something, though he won’t say what. All he said was that he wasn’t trying to spy on a girl because he “wasn’t interested in that.” Know how that is.
A girl approaches me -- name’s Rose. She’s fucking pregnant. Young. Unmarried. Like my ma was. I shiver when she appears -- don’t like thinking about my ma.
“I could have been married,” she murmurs. Fucking stares at me.
“Go away,” I mutter.
“I didn’t want to marry the father,” she says, still staring. The fuck does this have to do with me?
“I said go away, “ I hiss. Cross my arms over my chest. Glare at Rose.
“I was a fool to sleep with him. He got me pregnant and refused to sign for an abortion. Said it was my duty as an ‘Agreeable Woman’ to marry him and have his child. Told me that if we got married right away nobody would care about the due date. I punched him when he refused to sign and so I’m here,” she sighs. Fucking tears in her eyes.
Before I can say anything else, Rose drifts away. I sigh in relief. I’m a private fucking person. Don’t want people in my space.
I wonder if there’s anything to fucking do here, at all. Glance around -- spot a puzzle sitting on an unoccupied table. Don’t like puzzles much, but I’m that fucking bored. Sit down at the table and look at what the puzzle is -- it’s a picture of a house. A fancy house -- a fucking mansion, like rich people have. Of course. Not like any of us crazies ever had a house like that -- rich people don’t end up here.
Start taking the pieces out of the box when Eric appears by my table. He’s smiling, a mischievous glint in his lovely eyes. “I have an idea,” he murmurs.
“What is it?” I ask as I arrange my pieces, looking for the edges.
“A challenge,” he says, smiling.
“What kind of challenge, dude?” I mutter. Gotta admit, I’m kinda fucking curious now.
“A puzzle war. You do a puzzle, I do a puzzle. Whoever finishes first wins. How about it?” he asks. Eyes are fucking begging me to agree.
Not like I got anything better to do, so I nod. “Let’s do it.”
Eric sits down at the next table over. Opens his own puzzle -- a picture of a fucking glowing hedge maze. The fuck kinda puzzle is that? Don’t like glowing shit. Eric’s puzzle gives me the creeps -- don’t say anything, though. Don’t wanna ruin his fun -- his grin just keeps getting bigger. Instead, I concentrate on my pieces.
“Ready to go?” he asks. I can fucking feel his anticipation.
“Ready,” I say.
“And go,” he shouts.
We go. I scramble to keep up with Eric -- he’s moving fast as anything. His arms fly back and forth. Never knew he was so fucking into puzzles. Hard to remember to concentrate on my own puzzle -- too easy to watch him.
I should tell him how I fucking feel now -- before I lose my nerve. Got this feeling I should say something sooner than later.
“Hey -- hey, Eric?” I say. Fucking hesitant. And my voice cracks.
He doesn’t hear me. Keeps working on his puzzle, like I’m not even there.
Gotta ignore the clenching in my gut. Can’t lose lose my nerve now. “Eric? It’s -- it’s fucking important,” I say.
Turns to me. Smiles. “I see what you’re doing -- trying to distract me. Very devious, but it won’t work, Devin. And you really shouldn’t curse so much,” he murmurs. Goes right back to his puzzle.
Wanna say how I’ll curse if I want to but don’t think he would even listen. I lose my fucking nerve. Can’t tell him now. Feel my eyes sting -- not gonna cry here. I can’t let myself do that. I turn back to my puzzle. Can’t fucking concentrate on it, so I watch Eric. He’s so lovely, and I’ll never be able to tell him. Guess I don’t deserve him if I can’t even get the words out when it’s important. Fucking pathetic, Devin. You’re so fucking pathetic.
I know I don’t deserve Eric, not even as a friend. Not when I let him -- the boy sitting at the table next to mine isn’t fucking real, is he? He’s imaginary -- a hallucination. I let the real one die when it should have been me.
Glance over at the table where imaginary Eric sits. He stops what he’s doing to look at me, sadness in his eyes. “It’s okay, Devin,” he whispers.
“Not -- not fucking okay,” I mutter. Can’t look him in the eye, even if he’s not real.
He shakes his head. “You did nothing wrong,” he says.
The fuck? Of course I did wrong. Can’t fucking breathe right. Room’s got no air -- need to get out here. Look at the clock -- we have twenty minutes before we can leave.
“Of course I did wrong. I let you --” I can’t even say out loud what I did. Choke on my fucking words.
Eric shakes his head again. “You didn’t ‘let’ me die, and I won’t argue about this,” he says. He gives me one last sad look. Then he fucking vanishes, along with the table and his puzzle.
Now I’m all alone. Don’t fucking like this. Even if he was imaginary, I want him to come back. So fucking lonely in this place when Eric’s not here. Nobody to talk to -- the doctors don’t give a shit about us. They think we’re all hopeless cases. I realize something -- I can’t fucking stay in this place. Don’t mean the lounge -- mean the whole fucking Home for the Intractably Insane.
I’m gonna fucking escape. Don’t care what it takes -- I will get away from here.
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next chapter
1 | 2
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Why the fuck does the Home for the Intractably Insane even have a Family Visiting Day? Nobody’s gonna visit us -- my ma’s not gonna bother to come see me. I’m sure she’s glad to be fucking rid of me.
Still, everyone has to go to the fucking “lounge” to wait for their parents to show up. And stay here for a whole hour. So stupid. Not everyone’s even here, either -- don’t know how some of them manage to get out of it. Couches are all an ugly brownish puke color. Chairs are the same stupid yellow ones from Group. Can’t fucking lounge in a place like this. Vid selection sucks, too. No monster vids because of our “fragile mental health.” Monster vids won’t make us any crazier. They ever stop think we’re fucking crazy in the first place because we’re bored?
Well, Alex and Nem aren’t bored. They’re too busy fucking “hiding” in the supply closet. Nem managed to hack the lock, somehow. Don’t wanna think about the kind of trouble they’ll be in if they’re caught. Nem ended up in here in the first place because he tried to hack something, though he won’t say what. All he said was that he wasn’t trying to spy on a girl because he “wasn’t interested in that.” Know how that is.
A girl approaches me -- name’s Rose. She’s fucking pregnant. Young. Unmarried. Like my ma was. I shiver when she appears -- don’t like thinking about my ma.
“I could have been married,” she murmurs. Fucking stares at me.
“Go away,” I mutter.
“I didn’t want to marry the father,” she says, still staring. The fuck does this have to do with me?
“I said go away, “ I hiss. Cross my arms over my chest. Glare at Rose.
“I was a fool to sleep with him. He got me pregnant and refused to sign for an abortion. Said it was my duty as an ‘Agreeable Woman’ to marry him and have his child. Told me that if we got married right away nobody would care about the due date. I punched him when he refused to sign and so I’m here,” she sighs. Fucking tears in her eyes.
Before I can say anything else, Rose drifts away. I sigh in relief. I’m a private fucking person. Don’t want people in my space.
I wonder if there’s anything to fucking do here, at all. Glance around -- spot a puzzle sitting on an unoccupied table. Don’t like puzzles much, but I’m that fucking bored. Sit down at the table and look at what the puzzle is -- it’s a picture of a house. A fancy house -- a fucking mansion, like rich people have. Of course. Not like any of us crazies ever had a house like that -- rich people don’t end up here.
Start taking the pieces out of the box when Eric appears by my table. He’s smiling, a mischievous glint in his lovely eyes. “I have an idea,” he murmurs.
“What is it?” I ask as I arrange my pieces, looking for the edges.
“A challenge,” he says, smiling.
“What kind of challenge, dude?” I mutter. Gotta admit, I’m kinda fucking curious now.
“A puzzle war. You do a puzzle, I do a puzzle. Whoever finishes first wins. How about it?” he asks. Eyes are fucking begging me to agree.
Not like I got anything better to do, so I nod. “Let’s do it.”
Eric sits down at the next table over. Opens his own puzzle -- a picture of a fucking glowing hedge maze. The fuck kinda puzzle is that? Don’t like glowing shit. Eric’s puzzle gives me the creeps -- don’t say anything, though. Don’t wanna ruin his fun -- his grin just keeps getting bigger. Instead, I concentrate on my pieces.
“Ready to go?” he asks. I can fucking feel his anticipation.
“Ready,” I say.
“And go,” he shouts.
We go. I scramble to keep up with Eric -- he’s moving fast as anything. His arms fly back and forth. Never knew he was so fucking into puzzles. Hard to remember to concentrate on my own puzzle -- too easy to watch him.
I should tell him how I fucking feel now -- before I lose my nerve. Got this feeling I should say something sooner than later.
“Hey -- hey, Eric?” I say. Fucking hesitant. And my voice cracks.
He doesn’t hear me. Keeps working on his puzzle, like I’m not even there.
Gotta ignore the clenching in my gut. Can’t lose lose my nerve now. “Eric? It’s -- it’s fucking important,” I say.
Turns to me. Smiles. “I see what you’re doing -- trying to distract me. Very devious, but it won’t work, Devin. And you really shouldn’t curse so much,” he murmurs. Goes right back to his puzzle.
Wanna say how I’ll curse if I want to but don’t think he would even listen. I lose my fucking nerve. Can’t tell him now. Feel my eyes sting -- not gonna cry here. I can’t let myself do that. I turn back to my puzzle. Can’t fucking concentrate on it, so I watch Eric. He’s so lovely, and I’ll never be able to tell him. Guess I don’t deserve him if I can’t even get the words out when it’s important. Fucking pathetic, Devin. You’re so fucking pathetic.
I know I don’t deserve Eric, not even as a friend. Not when I let him -- the boy sitting at the table next to mine isn’t fucking real, is he? He’s imaginary -- a hallucination. I let the real one die when it should have been me.
Glance over at the table where imaginary Eric sits. He stops what he’s doing to look at me, sadness in his eyes. “It’s okay, Devin,” he whispers.
“Not -- not fucking okay,” I mutter. Can’t look him in the eye, even if he’s not real.
He shakes his head. “You did nothing wrong,” he says.
The fuck? Of course I did wrong. Can’t fucking breathe right. Room’s got no air -- need to get out here. Look at the clock -- we have twenty minutes before we can leave.
“Of course I did wrong. I let you --” I can’t even say out loud what I did. Choke on my fucking words.
Eric shakes his head again. “You didn’t ‘let’ me die, and I won’t argue about this,” he says. He gives me one last sad look. Then he fucking vanishes, along with the table and his puzzle.
Now I’m all alone. Don’t fucking like this. Even if he was imaginary, I want him to come back. So fucking lonely in this place when Eric’s not here. Nobody to talk to -- the doctors don’t give a shit about us. They think we’re all hopeless cases. I realize something -- I can’t fucking stay in this place. Don’t mean the lounge -- mean the whole fucking Home for the Intractably Insane.
I’m gonna fucking escape. Don’t care what it takes -- I will get away from here.
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