Choose Me
This is Part Twenty Four in The Meeting of Breccan & Finbar. It's possibly NSFW.
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Isabel spotted us. “You know, it's considered rather rude to watch.”
She arched her back and moaned. The two of them didn't so much as pause in what they were doing. Even though Nico and I stood there, frozen to the ground, they continued to make rather passionate love to one another out in the open. Isabel made noises I had never heard outside of an intimate encounter, and Finbar had a ridiculous smirk on his face.
“If you don't want people watching, you should have gone to one of your rooms, not started something on the couch,” Nico said.
Still, they didn't stop. Isabel moaned again and muttered, “As if you have any right to comment on proper sexual conduct.”
Her current behavior struck me as wrong, but she did have a point there.
“We should find that book and go,” I mumbled.
Luckily, it was on a nearby bookshelf and didn't take much finding, though the search process took longer than it would have because Isabel and Finbar distracted me. Looking at the book made me feel an odd pang in my chest. I remembered how Isabel couldn't read. It was wrong of me to point that out, though I hadn't thought I was doing her any harm.
By the time I found the book, Nico had turned away from the two of them. He was shaking, with tears shining in his eyes.
I walked over to him. “We should go take this back to Maris,” I whispered. I put an arm around Nico's waist and was about to guide him back towards the library entrance when I realized I had no idea how to get back in.
“I'm sorry, Isabel, for telling everyone you couldn't read,” I said.
She laughed. “I got you back for that one, didn't I?”
Finbar grunted, “And now she's got me, better than you ever did, Breccan.”
What was I supposed to say to that?
The air shimmered, and Maris appeared in the sitting room. “How long does it take you to find one fucking - what the fuck?” She had spotted Isabel and Finbar. “Apparently some people are unaware that my house has multiple rooms. With doors on them, even.”
“Fine,” Isabel grumbled. “We'll get a room, but it's not like those two weren't enjoying the show.”
My cheeks burned. I was not enjoying watching my ex-partner make love to someone else and, worse, look like he enjoyed it more than he ever had with me. Should I have ever been with Finbar in the first place? My eyes stung, and my throat closed up.
I started to shake. A strangled sob escaped me, then another, and another. I hardly noticed when Nico guided me up the stairs to our room. Collapsing on the bed, I let the the sobs overtake me. Watching Finbar like that hurt so much. I curled into a ball while Nico sat beside me. He clearly didn't know what to do; neither did I, for that matter. Why did I cry? I had driven Finbar and me apart by not fighting Egan hard enough.
The worst part was how happy he looked with Isabel. Did I ever give him that much happiness? We hardly even had a chance to make love. I thought I couldn't measure up to his new lover, being weak where she was strong. With nothing to offer, why would Finbar even think about me except as an embarrassing mistake or failure?
“I - I have nothing to give,” I sobbed.
“What are you talking about?” Nico asked, lightly placing a hand upon my back
“No - strength. N-nothing,” I moaned.
He said, “I don't understand.”
I curled up tighter. “Not - hard to understand. Who would want me?”
“Are you seriously asking who would want you?” Nico huffed. “Do I not count?”
“That's not what I meant,” I said.
“Then what did you mean?” he asked.
My stomach knotted, a sort of guilt forming there. I truly didn't mean to dismiss Nico's feelings, even if they weren't at the level a human would have, yet. Taking a few shaky deep breaths, I tried to get my sobs to stop so I could speak properly and explain.
I murmured, “I meant - I was wondering why Finbar would - would even choose me in the first place. I wondered why anyone would choose me, even you.”
Nico said, “I really have to tell you? You care, for one. About me. Most people don't. They wouldn't bother to see me as a person, as opposed to a - thing of either great evil or great power, or both. I don't - don't want that. You'll give me a chance, even after everything that's happened to you. You're sweet as anything. Do I have to say more?”
I didn't know how to respond to that. My sobs redoubled. Nico removed his hand and positioned himself so he was lying beside me.
“Come on, it's no good for you to be all curled up like that,” he murmured.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I slowly uncurled. I didn't stop sobbing, though. It was so bad I couldn't even speak, not that I would have anything to say if I could. What was there to say? Despite Nico's words, I had trouble believing in my own worth when the image of Isabel and Finbar flashed through my mind.
Finally, I managed, “You really think I'm worth something?”
“You're worth more than something; you're worth everything,” Nico said.
* * *
The next day, I sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and wondering how things had gotten to where they were.
“I'm not going to apologize for Isabel.”
I looked up at the sound of the voice. It was Finbar, wearing a scowl.
“Why bother telling me that?” I asked.
He said, “In case you were wondering if I were feeling bad or anything, I'm not. I don't want you having the delusion that guilt is eating at me. You don't get that comfort.”
Blankly, I stared up at him. Finbar's words hardly made any sense. “Excuse me?”
“I'm done with you. Don't harbor any romantic notions that we'll reconcile once I realize I was using Isabel out of jealousy,” he muttered.
“Well, I wasn't really thinking that before, but I am now,” I said.
Finbar hissed, “Think what you want. I am done with your spineless self.”
His eyes shined with tears even as he tried to glare at me.
“I hope you have a happy life,” he muttered.
The tears began to fall from his eyes, then. He even shook slightly and gripped the edge of the table.
I said, “I hope you have a happy life, too.” What could I say in this situation?
Finbar let go of the table and turned on his heel. “I will. Without you.”
He exited the room, leaving me utterly confused. I couldn't get the idea that he only slept with Isabel to make me jealous out of my head. Did he want me back or did he just want me to feel awful and full of regret? I had no idea which it was. Either way, I knew we couldn't be together, not if that was how Finbar treated me.
I knew I had been awful to him, and he had been awful to me in turn. It wouldn't work if such bad behavior was how Finbar and I dealt with our problems with each other, would it? I didn't think so. The realization hurt my heart, but I couldn't deny its truth.
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written for 500themes prompt #362 - "Like Shattered Glass"
next chapter
previous chapter
---------
Isabel spotted us. “You know, it's considered rather rude to watch.”
She arched her back and moaned. The two of them didn't so much as pause in what they were doing. Even though Nico and I stood there, frozen to the ground, they continued to make rather passionate love to one another out in the open. Isabel made noises I had never heard outside of an intimate encounter, and Finbar had a ridiculous smirk on his face.
“If you don't want people watching, you should have gone to one of your rooms, not started something on the couch,” Nico said.
Still, they didn't stop. Isabel moaned again and muttered, “As if you have any right to comment on proper sexual conduct.”
Her current behavior struck me as wrong, but she did have a point there.
“We should find that book and go,” I mumbled.
Luckily, it was on a nearby bookshelf and didn't take much finding, though the search process took longer than it would have because Isabel and Finbar distracted me. Looking at the book made me feel an odd pang in my chest. I remembered how Isabel couldn't read. It was wrong of me to point that out, though I hadn't thought I was doing her any harm.
By the time I found the book, Nico had turned away from the two of them. He was shaking, with tears shining in his eyes.
I walked over to him. “We should go take this back to Maris,” I whispered. I put an arm around Nico's waist and was about to guide him back towards the library entrance when I realized I had no idea how to get back in.
“I'm sorry, Isabel, for telling everyone you couldn't read,” I said.
She laughed. “I got you back for that one, didn't I?”
Finbar grunted, “And now she's got me, better than you ever did, Breccan.”
What was I supposed to say to that?
The air shimmered, and Maris appeared in the sitting room. “How long does it take you to find one fucking - what the fuck?” She had spotted Isabel and Finbar. “Apparently some people are unaware that my house has multiple rooms. With doors on them, even.”
“Fine,” Isabel grumbled. “We'll get a room, but it's not like those two weren't enjoying the show.”
My cheeks burned. I was not enjoying watching my ex-partner make love to someone else and, worse, look like he enjoyed it more than he ever had with me. Should I have ever been with Finbar in the first place? My eyes stung, and my throat closed up.
I started to shake. A strangled sob escaped me, then another, and another. I hardly noticed when Nico guided me up the stairs to our room. Collapsing on the bed, I let the the sobs overtake me. Watching Finbar like that hurt so much. I curled into a ball while Nico sat beside me. He clearly didn't know what to do; neither did I, for that matter. Why did I cry? I had driven Finbar and me apart by not fighting Egan hard enough.
The worst part was how happy he looked with Isabel. Did I ever give him that much happiness? We hardly even had a chance to make love. I thought I couldn't measure up to his new lover, being weak where she was strong. With nothing to offer, why would Finbar even think about me except as an embarrassing mistake or failure?
“I - I have nothing to give,” I sobbed.
“What are you talking about?” Nico asked, lightly placing a hand upon my back
“No - strength. N-nothing,” I moaned.
He said, “I don't understand.”
I curled up tighter. “Not - hard to understand. Who would want me?”
“Are you seriously asking who would want you?” Nico huffed. “Do I not count?”
“That's not what I meant,” I said.
“Then what did you mean?” he asked.
My stomach knotted, a sort of guilt forming there. I truly didn't mean to dismiss Nico's feelings, even if they weren't at the level a human would have, yet. Taking a few shaky deep breaths, I tried to get my sobs to stop so I could speak properly and explain.
I murmured, “I meant - I was wondering why Finbar would - would even choose me in the first place. I wondered why anyone would choose me, even you.”
Nico said, “I really have to tell you? You care, for one. About me. Most people don't. They wouldn't bother to see me as a person, as opposed to a - thing of either great evil or great power, or both. I don't - don't want that. You'll give me a chance, even after everything that's happened to you. You're sweet as anything. Do I have to say more?”
I didn't know how to respond to that. My sobs redoubled. Nico removed his hand and positioned himself so he was lying beside me.
“Come on, it's no good for you to be all curled up like that,” he murmured.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I slowly uncurled. I didn't stop sobbing, though. It was so bad I couldn't even speak, not that I would have anything to say if I could. What was there to say? Despite Nico's words, I had trouble believing in my own worth when the image of Isabel and Finbar flashed through my mind.
Finally, I managed, “You really think I'm worth something?”
“You're worth more than something; you're worth everything,” Nico said.
* * *
The next day, I sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and wondering how things had gotten to where they were.
“I'm not going to apologize for Isabel.”
I looked up at the sound of the voice. It was Finbar, wearing a scowl.
“Why bother telling me that?” I asked.
He said, “In case you were wondering if I were feeling bad or anything, I'm not. I don't want you having the delusion that guilt is eating at me. You don't get that comfort.”
Blankly, I stared up at him. Finbar's words hardly made any sense. “Excuse me?”
“I'm done with you. Don't harbor any romantic notions that we'll reconcile once I realize I was using Isabel out of jealousy,” he muttered.
“Well, I wasn't really thinking that before, but I am now,” I said.
Finbar hissed, “Think what you want. I am done with your spineless self.”
His eyes shined with tears even as he tried to glare at me.
“I hope you have a happy life,” he muttered.
The tears began to fall from his eyes, then. He even shook slightly and gripped the edge of the table.
I said, “I hope you have a happy life, too.” What could I say in this situation?
Finbar let go of the table and turned on his heel. “I will. Without you.”
He exited the room, leaving me utterly confused. I couldn't get the idea that he only slept with Isabel to make me jealous out of my head. Did he want me back or did he just want me to feel awful and full of regret? I had no idea which it was. Either way, I knew we couldn't be together, not if that was how Finbar treated me.
I knew I had been awful to him, and he had been awful to me in turn. It wouldn't work if such bad behavior was how Finbar and I dealt with our problems with each other, would it? I didn't think so. The realization hurt my heart, but I couldn't deny its truth.
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written for 500themes prompt #362 - "Like Shattered Glass"
next chapter