Don't Want You
This is Part Fifteen in a series. Trigger warning for rape.
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen
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I hadn't slept at all the rest of the night, not after I stood up to Egan. Energy coursed through me, and I thought I might almost be able to get my magic back, just by willing it. Yes, I knew that was silliness, but I had never, ever felt so confident in my life. It was the strangest feeling, to think I could stand up to somebody as powerful as Egan and get away with it.
Enough of me realized Egan only backed away because Nico was there. Egan knew from experience the other god could overpower him, and I don't think he wanted to risk another humiliation by pushing Nico too far. While I understood Egan would be angry enough to retaliate at a later date, I couldn't make myself truly absorb this fact. I enjoyed my new found confidence too much.
I sat on the couch in the living room, reading a book about ancient apocalyptic prophecies I had found. This tome claimed there were forces that could challenge the gods themselves and destroy the universe, which seemed preposterous even if it were an entertaining read.
Maris walked into the room. “Wow, did Egan get the small half of the cookie or something? He's been sulking in his room all day.”
I felt my cheeks heat up, ever so slightly. “That's my fault.”
She looked curious. “Oh, how so?”
“I stood up to him, rejected him firmly and finally,” I muttered as I closed my book.
“And he didn't...get too angry or anything?” she asked, like she couldn't believe it.
I said, “Egan was angry. I could tell by how his lips thinned and eyes hardened, but he's not bothering me.”
Her forehead creased in worry. “I would - just be careful, Breccan. Egan isn't likely to take rejection lightly.”
“He did say I shouldn't stand up to him, but I - couldn't take being under his thumb anymore.” It had just become too much.
“Don't be alone with him,” Maris warned.
“I have no intention of ever being alone with him,” I said.
Luckily, if Maris' statement about Egan's sulking in his room were true, the god seemed like he didn't want to be alone with me, either.
She muttered, “I'll try to be on the lookout, but I can't be everywhere.”
Maris left the sitting room, and at that moment, Finbar entered. I realized I hadn't actually seen him for at least a couple days. He didn't look at me, and I couldn't immediately bring myself to talk to him. The tension in the room rose dramatically with both of us in here. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore.
“I'm sorry, Finbar,” I muttered, still avoiding his eyes.
If I could stand up to Egan, maybe I could make amends with Finbar, somehow.
He didn't even seem to hear my words at first. Slowly, he turned towards me, actually looked at me. I had to meet his eyes, then. I flinched at the strange intensity of his shadowy gaze. Finbar seemed as if he couldn't believe what I had said.
“You're sorry?” he asked.
I nodded. “I am.”
“That's nice, I suppose,” he said quietly. “But how long will your being sorry last until you go back to Egan?”
The accusation startled me. My eyes stung, and my voice cracked. “I don't plan to go to back to him, ever.”
Finbar's shadows darkened as they swirled about him. “You might not plan to, but will you actually be able to stay away? How strong are you really, Breccan?”
I was stronger than he thought. Wasn't I? I had to be. Egan couldn't win; I wouldn't let him. I rose from the couch and stood up to my full height. My body trembled, but I ignored that.
“You don't have to believe me, Finbar, but I'm not letting Egan win,” I managed, voice shaking.
His stare was cold enough to send a chill down my spine. “That's good because I don't believe you.”
With that, he left the sitting room. I was alone again.
* * *
I stayed up late reading that night reading the apocalypse book, beccause, again, sleep didn't come easily. Since I already was in the sitting room, I stayed there after lighting a candle to read by.
Some of the events depicted as leading up to creatures called the God Eaters destroying everything oddly paralleled events in my own life, including references to a Shadow Man. That couldn't mean someone like Finbar, could it? He had been told he was a Chosen One, but that had been a lie of Egan's. Still, I shivered as I read. Despite being foolishly frightened, I couldn't put the book down.
A floorboard creaked, and I dropped my book. My heart hammered, then I laughed to myself. Did I truly think God Eaters or anything else like that were going to come for me? I chided myself for being silly, but I decided to head up to my room to sleep, anyway.
“I knew you were naïve enough to stay down here, all alone.”
My heart stopped. I would know that voice anywhere. It was Egan, his tone colder than the Frozen Wastelands up north.
I shivered as I stood up, book and candle in hand. Deliberately, I did not face towards the god. Trying to act naturally, I attempted to walk around him, but Egan blocked me. How could I let myself get caught with him?
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked in that deadly-cold voice.
“I'm just going to sleep,” I mumbled.
Egan's voice changed to a falsely friendly tone. It terrified me even more. “And you're going to sleep all alone?
If I wanted to get out of here, I would have to face towards him. Slowly, I turned around as I tried to make my way out of there. Still, Egan blocked me.
His violet eyes flashed. “You don't want any - company?”
A chill ran down my spine, far colder than the chill I had experienced earlier with Finbar. I couldn't let Egan see my fear.
“No, I don't,” I said.
“That's too bad,” he murmured. “I know I could use some company.”
The way he looked at me filled me with disgust as well as fear.
“Then find someone else, if you're so damn lonely,” I spat.
Egan raised an eyebrow. “Cursing now, are you? It doesn't suit you very well.”
I hissed, “You and your insistence on what suits me and doesn't. You know nothing, Egan, about how mortals work. I am the only one who decides what suits me.”
His manner and the disgust it inspired gave me more odd confidence. The god repulsed me enough I simply couldn't let him push me around anymore.
Egan took a step towards me; we were now inches apart. He lifted a hand and gently stroked my cheek. The touch sent that old lightning-like sensation through me, but it was far different that before. Instead of enticing me, it horrified me. My sense of disgust redoubled.
“Come on, don't you feel that?” he murmured.
“I do,” I said.
He thought to trap me with his godly power, but it wouldn't work anymore. Without thinking, I took the candle still in my hand and smashed it into the side of Egan's face. The candle itself fell from its holder. Its flame went out. The holder remained in my hand. For a moment, I froze there.
“Aah!” Egan yelled.
He stumbled backwards. I ducked around him. I ran out of there.
“Nico! Maris!” I screamed.
I hoped they would wake up. I expected Egan to pursue. I ran for the stairs.
My foot hit the first step. I dropped the candle holder and heard it clatter. Something grabbed at my leg. I fell onto my face. I felt Egan's hand around my ankle, cold and horrible. Desperately, I kicked at him. He was too strong.
“Your escape attempt was cute, but I won't have any of that,” he purred.
Egan leaned over me. I shuddered at the closeness, feeling his body against mine. My heart pounded; I was trapped.
He whispered in my ear, “Now, are you sure you don't want any company?”
I turned my face to look at Egan, knowing exactly what he planned to do. His eyes glittered, even in the dark.
My throat nearly closed up. “Don't - want you,” I managed.
He smirked, his eyes still glittering with a sickening anticipation. “Maybe I can change your mind. Just give me a chance to show you how fun I can be.”
I shuddered and tried to squirm away despite knowing it was futile. He had me pinned. Egan yanked down my trousers. I shivered at both the sudden exposure and his lustful, predatory look. Egan's eyes coldly pierced my soul, and I had to look away.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried my best to block out the pain.
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written for 500themes prompt #4 - "Dancing with the Devil"
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen
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I hadn't slept at all the rest of the night, not after I stood up to Egan. Energy coursed through me, and I thought I might almost be able to get my magic back, just by willing it. Yes, I knew that was silliness, but I had never, ever felt so confident in my life. It was the strangest feeling, to think I could stand up to somebody as powerful as Egan and get away with it.
Enough of me realized Egan only backed away because Nico was there. Egan knew from experience the other god could overpower him, and I don't think he wanted to risk another humiliation by pushing Nico too far. While I understood Egan would be angry enough to retaliate at a later date, I couldn't make myself truly absorb this fact. I enjoyed my new found confidence too much.
I sat on the couch in the living room, reading a book about ancient apocalyptic prophecies I had found. This tome claimed there were forces that could challenge the gods themselves and destroy the universe, which seemed preposterous even if it were an entertaining read.
Maris walked into the room. “Wow, did Egan get the small half of the cookie or something? He's been sulking in his room all day.”
I felt my cheeks heat up, ever so slightly. “That's my fault.”
She looked curious. “Oh, how so?”
“I stood up to him, rejected him firmly and finally,” I muttered as I closed my book.
“And he didn't...get too angry or anything?” she asked, like she couldn't believe it.
I said, “Egan was angry. I could tell by how his lips thinned and eyes hardened, but he's not bothering me.”
Her forehead creased in worry. “I would - just be careful, Breccan. Egan isn't likely to take rejection lightly.”
“He did say I shouldn't stand up to him, but I - couldn't take being under his thumb anymore.” It had just become too much.
“Don't be alone with him,” Maris warned.
“I have no intention of ever being alone with him,” I said.
Luckily, if Maris' statement about Egan's sulking in his room were true, the god seemed like he didn't want to be alone with me, either.
She muttered, “I'll try to be on the lookout, but I can't be everywhere.”
Maris left the sitting room, and at that moment, Finbar entered. I realized I hadn't actually seen him for at least a couple days. He didn't look at me, and I couldn't immediately bring myself to talk to him. The tension in the room rose dramatically with both of us in here. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore.
“I'm sorry, Finbar,” I muttered, still avoiding his eyes.
If I could stand up to Egan, maybe I could make amends with Finbar, somehow.
He didn't even seem to hear my words at first. Slowly, he turned towards me, actually looked at me. I had to meet his eyes, then. I flinched at the strange intensity of his shadowy gaze. Finbar seemed as if he couldn't believe what I had said.
“You're sorry?” he asked.
I nodded. “I am.”
“That's nice, I suppose,” he said quietly. “But how long will your being sorry last until you go back to Egan?”
The accusation startled me. My eyes stung, and my voice cracked. “I don't plan to go to back to him, ever.”
Finbar's shadows darkened as they swirled about him. “You might not plan to, but will you actually be able to stay away? How strong are you really, Breccan?”
I was stronger than he thought. Wasn't I? I had to be. Egan couldn't win; I wouldn't let him. I rose from the couch and stood up to my full height. My body trembled, but I ignored that.
“You don't have to believe me, Finbar, but I'm not letting Egan win,” I managed, voice shaking.
His stare was cold enough to send a chill down my spine. “That's good because I don't believe you.”
With that, he left the sitting room. I was alone again.
* * *
I stayed up late reading that night reading the apocalypse book, beccause, again, sleep didn't come easily. Since I already was in the sitting room, I stayed there after lighting a candle to read by.
Some of the events depicted as leading up to creatures called the God Eaters destroying everything oddly paralleled events in my own life, including references to a Shadow Man. That couldn't mean someone like Finbar, could it? He had been told he was a Chosen One, but that had been a lie of Egan's. Still, I shivered as I read. Despite being foolishly frightened, I couldn't put the book down.
A floorboard creaked, and I dropped my book. My heart hammered, then I laughed to myself. Did I truly think God Eaters or anything else like that were going to come for me? I chided myself for being silly, but I decided to head up to my room to sleep, anyway.
“I knew you were naïve enough to stay down here, all alone.”
My heart stopped. I would know that voice anywhere. It was Egan, his tone colder than the Frozen Wastelands up north.
I shivered as I stood up, book and candle in hand. Deliberately, I did not face towards the god. Trying to act naturally, I attempted to walk around him, but Egan blocked me. How could I let myself get caught with him?
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked in that deadly-cold voice.
“I'm just going to sleep,” I mumbled.
Egan's voice changed to a falsely friendly tone. It terrified me even more. “And you're going to sleep all alone?
If I wanted to get out of here, I would have to face towards him. Slowly, I turned around as I tried to make my way out of there. Still, Egan blocked me.
His violet eyes flashed. “You don't want any - company?”
A chill ran down my spine, far colder than the chill I had experienced earlier with Finbar. I couldn't let Egan see my fear.
“No, I don't,” I said.
“That's too bad,” he murmured. “I know I could use some company.”
The way he looked at me filled me with disgust as well as fear.
“Then find someone else, if you're so damn lonely,” I spat.
Egan raised an eyebrow. “Cursing now, are you? It doesn't suit you very well.”
I hissed, “You and your insistence on what suits me and doesn't. You know nothing, Egan, about how mortals work. I am the only one who decides what suits me.”
His manner and the disgust it inspired gave me more odd confidence. The god repulsed me enough I simply couldn't let him push me around anymore.
Egan took a step towards me; we were now inches apart. He lifted a hand and gently stroked my cheek. The touch sent that old lightning-like sensation through me, but it was far different that before. Instead of enticing me, it horrified me. My sense of disgust redoubled.
“Come on, don't you feel that?” he murmured.
“I do,” I said.
He thought to trap me with his godly power, but it wouldn't work anymore. Without thinking, I took the candle still in my hand and smashed it into the side of Egan's face. The candle itself fell from its holder. Its flame went out. The holder remained in my hand. For a moment, I froze there.
“Aah!” Egan yelled.
He stumbled backwards. I ducked around him. I ran out of there.
“Nico! Maris!” I screamed.
I hoped they would wake up. I expected Egan to pursue. I ran for the stairs.
My foot hit the first step. I dropped the candle holder and heard it clatter. Something grabbed at my leg. I fell onto my face. I felt Egan's hand around my ankle, cold and horrible. Desperately, I kicked at him. He was too strong.
“Your escape attempt was cute, but I won't have any of that,” he purred.
Egan leaned over me. I shuddered at the closeness, feeling his body against mine. My heart pounded; I was trapped.
He whispered in my ear, “Now, are you sure you don't want any company?”
I turned my face to look at Egan, knowing exactly what he planned to do. His eyes glittered, even in the dark.
My throat nearly closed up. “Don't - want you,” I managed.
He smirked, his eyes still glittering with a sickening anticipation. “Maybe I can change your mind. Just give me a chance to show you how fun I can be.”
I shuddered and tried to squirm away despite knowing it was futile. He had me pinned. Egan yanked down my trousers. I shivered at both the sudden exposure and his lustful, predatory look. Egan's eyes coldly pierced my soul, and I had to look away.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried my best to block out the pain.
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written for 500themes prompt #4 - "Dancing with the Devil"