Crossover - Cliffton/Meeting of Breccan & Finbar: Not So Divine: Chapter 3
This is a crossover fanfiction of my The Meeting of Breccan & Finbar and n3m3sis43's Cliffton universes.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2
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Egan's nanoblaster shot hits me in the chest. Right over my fucking heart. Everything goes black. Except everything doesn't fucking go black. The shot hits me but I stay sitting up. Feel a weird electric whoosh, but that's fucking it. I should be fucking dead. But I'm not. Instead, I'm still fucking here. After being hit with a nanoblaster on the kill setting.
I stare down at my chest. My clothes aren't even fucking damaged. I don't want to look, but I bet my skin isn't, either. The. Fuck?
“Believe me now?” Egan asks.
“The fuck?” I sputter. Can't fucking think right now.
Damn his know-it-all expression. He says, “Could a mortal survive that? I don't think so.”
Calla smirks. “Looks like I can laser you with impunity now.”
This - this cannot be fucking happening. Impossible. Fucking impossible.
I stammer, “There's got to be some other explanation.”
“Like the lighting?” Calla laughs.
Can't blame the lighting anymore, can I? Fuck. This is just impossible.
“You can fucking fix this, right?” I ask.
Wes breathes, “But why would you want to? You're a god; that's amazing. And you're so beautiful now. I bet your butt is amazing!”
I glare at him. “My original butt was fucking fine, thanks.”
He blushes. “Oh no, I didn't mean to insult your original butt. But now your butt is divine.”
“Not fucking divine,” I grumble.
Calla laughs again. “Technically, it is.”
Don't wanna deal with this shit. Want to pretend like this isn't fucking happening. Can't do that, though. Not when Kalen speaks up.
“So, what are we going to do about Egan here?” he asks.
Calla doubles over with laughter. Didn't know she could fucking do that. She says, “Teach him how to use the bathroom? He's mortal now, right? Do gods ever learn how to go potty?”
Egan turns bright fucking red. “I - I know how,” he stammers.
Gotta fucking admit, his reaction is funny.
Less funny is the huge fucking noise. Like a fucking explosion. The fuck? The house better not be damaged. It sounded like it happened somewhere nearby. The security system announces over my neurovision implant, warning, intruder outside the house. Not fucking now. Wes' eyes widen. Guess he got the message, too.
I leap out of my chair. Wes follows suit.
“Hey, where are you going?” Kalen wonders. I ignore him.
I get my implant to show me a picture of the intruder. A woman. Not very tall or very big, either. Fuck, she should have been caught in the net. Instead, she appears to have fucking cut the HyperRope. If that happened, she should be captured by the backup robots. Instead, she's fucking fighting them off. With a fucking knife. The fuck?
I snatch the nanoblaster from Egan. Ignore his protest of “Hey!” Better to be fucking armed dealing with this shit. Can't believe this is fucking happening.
When I get to the front door, I take a deep breath to brace myself. Forget I don't fucking need to breathe. Trying to makes things worse. Let's hope this fucking intruder won't be too much more trouble. I hold the nanoblaster in front of me and open the door. The woman is still fucking fight the backup robots. Like she was powered by magic. Humans shouldn't have that kind of fucking endurance.
She spots us. Calls out before I can fucking say anything. “I'm looking for someone named Egan. Sources told me he would be here.”
The fuck?
“That god is in major trouble,” she says. “It would be in your best interest not to hide him from me.”
How the fuck does she know Egan and know he's a fucking god? Was a fucking god. Better invite her into the house. The woman should be at the mercy of the security robots. She's not. Not even fucking close. Destroyed at least one of them. Going to be expensive as hell to replace.
I call off the robots.
“Come inside,” I say. “We have Egan.”
The woman notices my stupid fucking eyes. Doesn't seem surprised in the least by them. “I guess the other gods figured out how to get through the blocks Egan placed without causing problems?”
The fuck? I have no fucking idea what she's talking about.
She comes inside, and I remember to ask for her fucking name. “So what's your name, anyway?”
“I'm Maris. And you are?”
“Devin,” I tell her. “Egan's downstairs. I suppose I should take you to him, and maybe you can explain this mess.”
Wes had hung back while I dealt with the intruder. He joins us now, his eyes wide.
“I'm Wes. So you know Egan? How? Are you a god, too? But your eyes aren't purple!” he says.
Maris fucking snorts, much like Calla always does. “Know him? Yeah, unfortunately I fucking know him. And I'm no god, thankfully.”
“Then how did you fight off all those robots?” Wes wonders.
“Just regular mortal magic.”
Fucking magic? The fuck? No such thing as magic.
Wes' eyes get even fucking wider. “Magic? You can do magic?”
“No such thing,” I mutter.
That gets Maris' attention. “You're a god and say there's no such thing as magic? Damn, your kind is even more messed up than I thought.”
“I'm not a -” I stop myself before I finish that fucking sentence. Get the feeling Maris already thinks I'm nuts. Don't need to look any worse. This day fucking sucks.
“Not a god? Then what are you?” Her eyes fucking twinkle. Like she thinks I'm funny.
“But you are a god,” Wes says.
Not fucking helping, Wes.
We reach the meeting room and enter. Everyone else is still fucking there. Egan recognizes Maris immediately.
“Maris!” he yelps. He startles. Falls off his fucking chair.
Calla bursts into laughter. “Not so divine now, are you?”
Egan crawls back onto his chair. He's bright fucking red. Maris, Wes and I just stand there. Then, Maris notices something's not right with Egan.
She starts laughing. Fucking doubles over. “They already did it, didn't they? Made you mortal. Can't escape fate, buddy.”
He straightens himself. Tries to look intimidating. Fucking fails. His face is still red. “My unfortunate condition is an accident, Maris. Ask Devin, who's standing next to you. He knows all about it.”
Are you going to make me fucking explain it, Egan? Don't wanna fucking do that. Not sure how to fucking do that. I take my seat. Wes and Maris sit down, too. I still don't fucking say anything.
Calla does, though. “Devin and Egan were engaged in a certain physical activity in Devin's attic lab. See, he lives here. And he was an ordinary mortal until an accident because of said activities caused Egan's divine power to switch over to him. Nope, Devin wasn't a god originally.”
Maris takes a good look at me. Makes my fucking skin crawl. Do not enjoy that.
She says, “You are dressed rather oddly for a god. And I would believe that story. After all, it's pretty much the reason Egan's in trouble with me. He felt entitled to a pretty mortal from my realm, and did some very bad things to make sure he kept him. I could easily see Egan's desires leading to the loss of his power. He's not exactly thoughtful when it comes to sex.”
Calla fucking smirks. “Neither is Princess here.”
I hiss, “Don't fucking call me Princess.”
Maris' face becomes dead serious. “If that's the case, we have a real fucking problem.”
Didn't we have one of those already?
“Stealing divine power is a religious crime of the highest order where I'm from,” she explains.
Crime? The fuck?
I retort, “It was a fucking accident. I didn't 'steal' Egan's power. I don't even fucking want it.”
Her face doesn't soften at all. “That may be, but you still took his power. The rules won't care if it was an accident or not.”
Fuck no, I'm not answering for a crime I didn't even fucking know was a crime. Didn't do anything wrong. Not going to inter-dimensional jail or whatever.
I say, “That's fucking stupid.”
Maris sighs. “Rules are rules. Technically, I should bring you back along with Egan here.”
Wes cries, “You can't take Devin!”
Egan asks, “Is there really any reason to take me back without my power? It seems a waste of effort, in my opinion.”
Calla snorts. “Don't think your opinion counts for much.”
His face reddens again. Not a good fucking color on him.
Maris stares at Egan. “Don't think you're getting out of your punishment. Not after what you did to Breccan and Finbar.”
With how fucking serious she looks, I don't think I'm getting out of my punishment, either. The punishment I don't fucking deserve.
She turns to look at me. “Despite your questionable taste in men, you seem innocent enough. There might be a way you don't have to come back with me.”
Well, I'd like to fucking hear it, then!
I ask, “And what would that be?”
“If we can figure out a way to switch Egan's power from you back to him, I won't have to apprehend you,” Maris says.
“Yes, let's get me back the power that belongs to me, please,” Egan mutters.
This fucking god bullshit is more trouble than it's worth. Would love to give it back to Egan. And get him to go the fuck away. That too. This day has been fucking spectacular.
“So, how do we give Egan's power back to him?” Gotta be a simple way to do that, right?
“No idea,” Maris says. “I don't actually know much about how things work around here. We would have to research it.”
Wes pipes up. “I'm good at research!”
“So, you're saying if we can find some way to give Egan back his powers, you won't fucking arrest me?” I refuse to be fucking arrested.
She nods. “If we can figure that out, I won't bother with you. It's Egan who matters to me. There's just one important thing.”
Do not fucking like her tone. Why do I think I'm gonna hate what she has to say next?
Maris says, “I need a place to stay. Don't have any money that this place will accept, so can't stay at a hotel. I'll need to stay here in your house. So will Egan; I have to keep an eye on him.”
Fucking knew it. Last thing we need is more people in the house. Fucking crowded enough here. But what choice do I have? Other option is inter-dimensional arrest. Not fucking having that. No way.
I sigh. “Fine, I accept. You two can stay here.”
Don't know how we're going to fucking fit them. No idea how the fuck I'm going to get out of this mess. Things have gone to shit. Total fucking shit. Just want everything back to fucking normal. Let's hope this research reveals something, and quick. Don't know what I'll fucking do if we can't find a good solution.
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written for the hc_bingo prompt "Humiliation"
Chapter 1, Chapter 2
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Egan's nanoblaster shot hits me in the chest. Right over my fucking heart. Everything goes black. Except everything doesn't fucking go black. The shot hits me but I stay sitting up. Feel a weird electric whoosh, but that's fucking it. I should be fucking dead. But I'm not. Instead, I'm still fucking here. After being hit with a nanoblaster on the kill setting.
I stare down at my chest. My clothes aren't even fucking damaged. I don't want to look, but I bet my skin isn't, either. The. Fuck?
“Believe me now?” Egan asks.
“The fuck?” I sputter. Can't fucking think right now.
Damn his know-it-all expression. He says, “Could a mortal survive that? I don't think so.”
Calla smirks. “Looks like I can laser you with impunity now.”
This - this cannot be fucking happening. Impossible. Fucking impossible.
I stammer, “There's got to be some other explanation.”
“Like the lighting?” Calla laughs.
Can't blame the lighting anymore, can I? Fuck. This is just impossible.
“You can fucking fix this, right?” I ask.
Wes breathes, “But why would you want to? You're a god; that's amazing. And you're so beautiful now. I bet your butt is amazing!”
I glare at him. “My original butt was fucking fine, thanks.”
He blushes. “Oh no, I didn't mean to insult your original butt. But now your butt is divine.”
“Not fucking divine,” I grumble.
Calla laughs again. “Technically, it is.”
Don't wanna deal with this shit. Want to pretend like this isn't fucking happening. Can't do that, though. Not when Kalen speaks up.
“So, what are we going to do about Egan here?” he asks.
Calla doubles over with laughter. Didn't know she could fucking do that. She says, “Teach him how to use the bathroom? He's mortal now, right? Do gods ever learn how to go potty?”
Egan turns bright fucking red. “I - I know how,” he stammers.
Gotta fucking admit, his reaction is funny.
Less funny is the huge fucking noise. Like a fucking explosion. The fuck? The house better not be damaged. It sounded like it happened somewhere nearby. The security system announces over my neurovision implant, warning, intruder outside the house. Not fucking now. Wes' eyes widen. Guess he got the message, too.
I leap out of my chair. Wes follows suit.
“Hey, where are you going?” Kalen wonders. I ignore him.
I get my implant to show me a picture of the intruder. A woman. Not very tall or very big, either. Fuck, she should have been caught in the net. Instead, she appears to have fucking cut the HyperRope. If that happened, she should be captured by the backup robots. Instead, she's fucking fighting them off. With a fucking knife. The fuck?
I snatch the nanoblaster from Egan. Ignore his protest of “Hey!” Better to be fucking armed dealing with this shit. Can't believe this is fucking happening.
When I get to the front door, I take a deep breath to brace myself. Forget I don't fucking need to breathe. Trying to makes things worse. Let's hope this fucking intruder won't be too much more trouble. I hold the nanoblaster in front of me and open the door. The woman is still fucking fight the backup robots. Like she was powered by magic. Humans shouldn't have that kind of fucking endurance.
She spots us. Calls out before I can fucking say anything. “I'm looking for someone named Egan. Sources told me he would be here.”
The fuck?
“That god is in major trouble,” she says. “It would be in your best interest not to hide him from me.”
How the fuck does she know Egan and know he's a fucking god? Was a fucking god. Better invite her into the house. The woman should be at the mercy of the security robots. She's not. Not even fucking close. Destroyed at least one of them. Going to be expensive as hell to replace.
I call off the robots.
“Come inside,” I say. “We have Egan.”
The woman notices my stupid fucking eyes. Doesn't seem surprised in the least by them. “I guess the other gods figured out how to get through the blocks Egan placed without causing problems?”
The fuck? I have no fucking idea what she's talking about.
She comes inside, and I remember to ask for her fucking name. “So what's your name, anyway?”
“I'm Maris. And you are?”
“Devin,” I tell her. “Egan's downstairs. I suppose I should take you to him, and maybe you can explain this mess.”
Wes had hung back while I dealt with the intruder. He joins us now, his eyes wide.
“I'm Wes. So you know Egan? How? Are you a god, too? But your eyes aren't purple!” he says.
Maris fucking snorts, much like Calla always does. “Know him? Yeah, unfortunately I fucking know him. And I'm no god, thankfully.”
“Then how did you fight off all those robots?” Wes wonders.
“Just regular mortal magic.”
Fucking magic? The fuck? No such thing as magic.
Wes' eyes get even fucking wider. “Magic? You can do magic?”
“No such thing,” I mutter.
That gets Maris' attention. “You're a god and say there's no such thing as magic? Damn, your kind is even more messed up than I thought.”
“I'm not a -” I stop myself before I finish that fucking sentence. Get the feeling Maris already thinks I'm nuts. Don't need to look any worse. This day fucking sucks.
“Not a god? Then what are you?” Her eyes fucking twinkle. Like she thinks I'm funny.
“But you are a god,” Wes says.
Not fucking helping, Wes.
We reach the meeting room and enter. Everyone else is still fucking there. Egan recognizes Maris immediately.
“Maris!” he yelps. He startles. Falls off his fucking chair.
Calla bursts into laughter. “Not so divine now, are you?”
Egan crawls back onto his chair. He's bright fucking red. Maris, Wes and I just stand there. Then, Maris notices something's not right with Egan.
She starts laughing. Fucking doubles over. “They already did it, didn't they? Made you mortal. Can't escape fate, buddy.”
He straightens himself. Tries to look intimidating. Fucking fails. His face is still red. “My unfortunate condition is an accident, Maris. Ask Devin, who's standing next to you. He knows all about it.”
Are you going to make me fucking explain it, Egan? Don't wanna fucking do that. Not sure how to fucking do that. I take my seat. Wes and Maris sit down, too. I still don't fucking say anything.
Calla does, though. “Devin and Egan were engaged in a certain physical activity in Devin's attic lab. See, he lives here. And he was an ordinary mortal until an accident because of said activities caused Egan's divine power to switch over to him. Nope, Devin wasn't a god originally.”
Maris takes a good look at me. Makes my fucking skin crawl. Do not enjoy that.
She says, “You are dressed rather oddly for a god. And I would believe that story. After all, it's pretty much the reason Egan's in trouble with me. He felt entitled to a pretty mortal from my realm, and did some very bad things to make sure he kept him. I could easily see Egan's desires leading to the loss of his power. He's not exactly thoughtful when it comes to sex.”
Calla fucking smirks. “Neither is Princess here.”
I hiss, “Don't fucking call me Princess.”
Maris' face becomes dead serious. “If that's the case, we have a real fucking problem.”
Didn't we have one of those already?
“Stealing divine power is a religious crime of the highest order where I'm from,” she explains.
Crime? The fuck?
I retort, “It was a fucking accident. I didn't 'steal' Egan's power. I don't even fucking want it.”
Her face doesn't soften at all. “That may be, but you still took his power. The rules won't care if it was an accident or not.”
Fuck no, I'm not answering for a crime I didn't even fucking know was a crime. Didn't do anything wrong. Not going to inter-dimensional jail or whatever.
I say, “That's fucking stupid.”
Maris sighs. “Rules are rules. Technically, I should bring you back along with Egan here.”
Wes cries, “You can't take Devin!”
Egan asks, “Is there really any reason to take me back without my power? It seems a waste of effort, in my opinion.”
Calla snorts. “Don't think your opinion counts for much.”
His face reddens again. Not a good fucking color on him.
Maris stares at Egan. “Don't think you're getting out of your punishment. Not after what you did to Breccan and Finbar.”
With how fucking serious she looks, I don't think I'm getting out of my punishment, either. The punishment I don't fucking deserve.
She turns to look at me. “Despite your questionable taste in men, you seem innocent enough. There might be a way you don't have to come back with me.”
Well, I'd like to fucking hear it, then!
I ask, “And what would that be?”
“If we can figure out a way to switch Egan's power from you back to him, I won't have to apprehend you,” Maris says.
“Yes, let's get me back the power that belongs to me, please,” Egan mutters.
This fucking god bullshit is more trouble than it's worth. Would love to give it back to Egan. And get him to go the fuck away. That too. This day has been fucking spectacular.
“So, how do we give Egan's power back to him?” Gotta be a simple way to do that, right?
“No idea,” Maris says. “I don't actually know much about how things work around here. We would have to research it.”
Wes pipes up. “I'm good at research!”
“So, you're saying if we can find some way to give Egan back his powers, you won't fucking arrest me?” I refuse to be fucking arrested.
She nods. “If we can figure that out, I won't bother with you. It's Egan who matters to me. There's just one important thing.”
Do not fucking like her tone. Why do I think I'm gonna hate what she has to say next?
Maris says, “I need a place to stay. Don't have any money that this place will accept, so can't stay at a hotel. I'll need to stay here in your house. So will Egan; I have to keep an eye on him.”
Fucking knew it. Last thing we need is more people in the house. Fucking crowded enough here. But what choice do I have? Other option is inter-dimensional arrest. Not fucking having that. No way.
I sigh. “Fine, I accept. You two can stay here.”
Don't know how we're going to fucking fit them. No idea how the fuck I'm going to get out of this mess. Things have gone to shit. Total fucking shit. Just want everything back to fucking normal. Let's hope this research reveals something, and quick. Don't know what I'll fucking do if we can't find a good solution.
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written for the hc_bingo prompt "Humiliation"