Necessary
Warning: NSFW, plus trigger warning for dubcon
This is Part Six in a series.
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five
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Dawn was starting to break in the forest. The rising sun did nothing to make our surroundings any less strange. It was simply a new kind of distortion, one that made me feel as if I were hallucinating. The colors became more consistently bright, but they, somehow, weren't colors as I knew them in the regular world. The shades of everything just weren't quite as they should be.
Finbar let go of my hand and leaned against a large tree. He yawned. “I think we should stop now. I'm too tired even to think.”
My poor roommate looked utterly exhausted; his shadows seemed as sleepy as he did. I wished Finbar would take my hand back; this place was simply too unsettling. In my haste to get us to relative safety, I hadn't actually thought about how we would need to rest sometime.
I agreed, “Okay, we can stop now. This place is as good as any. I'll take the first watch; you need sleep more than I do.”
He murmured, “Thank you. Just wake me up when you get too tired.” Without another word, he curled up by the tree, using his pack as a pillow. In barely an instant, he fell asleep.
I brushed a stray hair off his face. Even during that small contact, Finbar's skin felt terribly cold. I didn't mind too much, though. He was still beautiful to me, despite the shadows crawling about him. I was unable to resist leaning down and kissing him gently on the forehead. If I were not mistaken, Finbar smiled at that. I smiled back before taking a seat by the tree next to his.
Scanning the path, I didn't see anything. I hoped this watch would pass as uneventfully as our journey inside the forest had so far.
Turns out, I shouldn't have hoped for that because the moment after I wished for an uneventful watch, a glowing ball of whitish light materialized on the path. I jumped up and drew my dagger. My heart thudded. How was such a knife going to do anything against an adversary of pure light?
A faint voice echoed in my mind, Put down your weapon.
The voice, in spite of its low volume, was too compelling to resist. I dropped my dagger and stammered, “Take me if you must, but please don't hurt Finbar.”
While I didn't want to die, I would much rather the strange thing take me instead of my dear roommate.
Even more quietly than before, the voice replied inside my head, I have no intention of harming either of you.
That didn't comfort me too much because a ball of talking whitish light wasn't something I encountered every day. I couldn't predict what it would do and didn't know if it would truly refrain from hurting me and Finbar. Whatever it was, my feet were firmly stuck to the ground because of it. I had no choice but to hope the thing was as trustworthy as it said.
Something odd occurred to me: Finbar still slept soundly. He didn't so much as shift in his sleep, despite the brightness emanating from the light-creature. Perhaps the forest had caused me to lose my mind. This thing might be nothing but a hallucination, but, somehow, I could tell it was real.
I was about to ask it what it wanted when it transformed. No longer did the being take the shape of a ball of whitish light. Instead, the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my entire life stood before me. I gasped. My heart stopped, and I knew. I knew what he was, though I couldn't believe it.
This man was one of the gods.
His piercing violet eyes gave it away. They drew me in while terrifying me with the way they seemed to see directly into my soul. I wanted desperately to hide myself, though that was, of course, beyond impossible. Nobody could hide from such perfection. Though he wasn't a ball of light anymore, he seemed to glow anyway, especially his long, luminous, pale golden-blond hair. His skin was a perfect light tan, with not a single mark on it. I saw no flaws in his features.
Taller even than Finbar, I felt so small before him, though that wasn't because of his height or his body with just the right amount of muscle. It was because of everything about him. I tried to look away but couldn't. My heart thudded in my chest, and I wondered how I was even able to keep breathing. I thought I might die.
While I was frozen completely still, the god wasn't. He stepped forward, reaching out and touching me lightly on the shoulder. If I thought I might die before, that was nothing compared to now. Something like lightning flashed through my body, hot and crackling and utterly strange. I struggled to breathe.
His voice sounded in my mind, stronger this time, There is no need to fear me.
I actually snorted. The following laughter was much higher-pitched and more uneven than my usual. The absurdity of the god's statement broke through my silence. I protested, “No need to fear you? Someone as small as I encountering a being of such perfection?”
He didn't remove his hand. That lightning sensation continued, though less intense than earlier. His voice sounded again, But I mean you no harm.
I couldn't help answering, “You are still terrifying for a mere mortal.”
The god's voice was almost regretful the next time he spoke, which boggled my mind. I am truly sorry if I frighten you. I don't mean to do so. You are not one who needs to worry; Breccan, you have a good soul.
He knew my name? I should have expected he would, but the fact he had such knowledge still served to make me even more terrified. What did he want with me, especially now that I was no longer a mage? The gods granted power to those who were able to keep their vows: men had to stay celibate and women had to remain childless. I had broken my vow, and yet this god said I had no reason to fear him?
I squeaked, “A good soul? But I broke my vow. Wh-what do you want with me?”
The god actually sighed within my head. That was unfortunate considering the situation, but it has nothing to do with the goodness of your soul. You are still decent and loyal, and your partner will need that in the coming storm.
The unexpected and unbelievable compliment threw me, but not as much as the statement about a “coming storm.” I wondered, “Coming storm? What exactly is going on?” My fear grew worse because he sounded deadly serious and almost nervous himself. What could make a god nervous? Nothing good, I knew.
He answered, Dark things are on the horizon.
That didn't tell me anything, but it did scare me. “What kind of dark things?”
The god still hadn't removed his hand from my shoulder. The feeling of lightning had shifted into a more subtle, though no less disconcerting, warmth. Mentions of “dark things” had distracted me from it somewhat, but the sensation was entirely too close to what I felt when Finbar touched me. I didn't like that I was capable of feeling anything like it from someone other than my roommate.
He told me, That would be difficult to communicate as we are now. I have been dramatically weakened fighting the evil already, and I cannot easily talk without physical contact. Trying to describe the threat would be nearly impossible without further intimacy. The short version is Finbar is needed to fight the enemy, and you're needed to support him.
I barely managed to say, “What?” His words made no sense. The only things that truly registered were my extreme inability to be useful as a support to anyone and the decidedly odd inflection he used when speaking Finbar's name.
His voice, still spoken inside my mind, was solemn. Finbar is what you humans would call a Chosen One, fated to fight the evil. He cannot do this alone, though. He needs you.
I objected, “But I am completely useless!” Fate couldn't possibly want me for something so important.
You are not useless, the god said. No, you do not have your magic anymore, which is unfortunate for multiple reasons, but you still have your character. You are one of the few people who will not reject Finbar because we lead him to be corrupted by the shadows.
His kind did that to Finbar? If I weren't so scared, I would be overcome with anger. It wasn't right what happened to my partner. With significant effort, I managed to glance at Finbar; he continued to sleep peacefully. I shivered a little, though I couldn't tell if it were from fear or from the chilly breeze.
You are angry, the god said. Believe me, it is terrible what my fellows had to do to him, and I don't blame you for your feelings. It pained me to be involved in it. Unfortunately, the fate of the world rests on his shoulders, and he had to be corrupted in order to become powerful enough to save everyone.
He sounded genuinely remorseful. His violet eyes almost seemed like tears would fall from them, and I couldn't stay too angry, though I wanted to. I sensed the seriousness behind the god's words and understood Finbar's corruption was necessary, but I didn't like it at all.
Of all things, I asked, “Do you have a name or are you just a nameless force manipulating us mortals?”
I'm Egan. He smiled, like he was flattered I cared to ask his name. Egan's smile was as uncomfortably beautiful as the rest of him. He said, Perhaps we should move away from your partner and go somewhere more private to finish discussing things.
“Why?” I wondered.
Trust me on this. And don't worry about him. He won't wake up. That much I can assure, though I cannot talk to him through his shadows right now. Egan finally removed his hand from my shoulder. I was ashamed to say I almost missed the warmth of it. He then grabbed my hand, and I nearly gasped at the return of the lightning-like sensation. It felt too good.
I followed him off the path. Somehow, when guided by Egan, the trees seemed to move for us. There was enough space to walk, and we actually arrived soon at a clearing covered in lush grass. I could see a bright blue cloudless sky. The air in this space smelled surprisingly fresh and springlike; it was almost intoxicating.
Egan, still holding my hand, smiled at me again. You like this, don't you? His face turned serious. I really am not well, and I don't know that I can talk much more, unless... Much to my surprise, Egan blushed ever so slightly.
I wanted to know what in the hells he was going on about. I stared him in his too-lovely eyes. “Unless what?”
He answered, Unless we have greater physical intimacy. The closer we get, the more my energy will be restored and the more I can tell you. Also, such contact will increase the chances of establishing a strong enough connection between us so that I would be able to guide you once you leave this forest.
For the longest time, my mind couldn't process what Egan had said. Eventually, I spluttered, “You cannot be serious.” The fact of the matter was, if I hadn't developed romantic feelings for Finbar, I would have little problem doing what Egan wanted. He was terribly attractive, but I had developed feelings for my roommate.
I insisted, “I won't be unfaithful.” He may have been a god, but it would still count as cheating.
Egan responded, I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't have good reason. I know you want to do everything you can to support your partner, and, as paradoxical as it seems, this would be supporting him. Finbar has a difficult road ahead, and if you want to help him, you need to help me.
I knew he spoke the truth. I agreed, “Okay, but we get to stop whenever I say so.”
He nodded. That I can accept.
My stomach twisted. Shamefully, a large part of me looked forward to trying things with Egan. He let go of my hand, and, again, I missed the warmth from it. I didn't have much time to miss it, though, because he reached out and touched my cheek before gently pulling my face to his. Our lips met, and I nearly fainted from the rush of feeling.
It was nothing like human.
I gasped as Egan wrapped me in his arms. For several moments, I couldn't move, the crackling warmth was too much. It ran through my body, and I felt I might float away as my heart fluttered. My body craved more even as my mind told me this was wrong.
Despite myself, I moaned softly against Egan's lips. The warmth only intensified the longer we kissed. Finally, I was able to move, but I didn't pull away. Instead, I embraced Egan and pressed myself closer to him. Want consumed me. I hated myself for it, even as ran a hand through his hair, which was as soft as it was luminous. I hated myself even more when I opened my mouth and pushed my tongue towards his.
The way he kissed with his tongue was inhumanly perfect. It sent shivers of pleasures down my spine. They were so intense I wavered on my feet. My legs didn't feel like they could hold me up, and I felt a telltale ache between them. Part of me had hoped I wouldn't be able to respond physically to Egan, but my body had other ideas.
I felt the smile in his words. I see you're enjoying yourself.
I broke the kiss to protest weakly, “I am not.” My voice came out strangled, and the lie was obvious.
Egan tried to reassure me, There isn't anything wrong with enjoying yourself. It's better if you do.
He resumed kissing me, more passionately than before. I gasped, because I didn't think it could get any better, but it could. Egan seemed to know exactly what to do, and I really thought I might fall over if he weren't holding me so tightly. Managing to break the kiss, I said as much, telling him, “I-I don't think I can stand up for much longer.”
Egan teased, It's that good, huh?
Perhaps mentioning I nearly couldn't stand wasn't the wisest thing to do, because Egan took it as a hint to push me onto the ground. He lay himself on top of me. Briefly, I flashed back to when Finbar had done something similar, but I couldn't even hold an image of my real partner in my mind. Egan was too overwhelming, and I silently cursed myself for how much I wanted him.
Sorry Finbar, I thought.
The overwhelming pleasure only got worse as Egan left my lips and began kissing me on my neck. He teased me with his tongue, flicking it back and forth in such a way I had to grab the grass in order not to arch my back. It didn't work, and, as I arched, I let out an all-too-satisfied sigh. Egan unfastened my traveling cloak, which fell off my shoulders. He pushed it out of the way. I felt so exposed, even though my shirt had long sleeves.
He stopped kissing to smile at me, violet eyes twinkling as they saw right through to my soul. From that expression on his face, he knew how much I wanted him. I stared back, my breathing already unsteady. Egan traced his fingers over my shirt, sending tingles through my body, though he didn't even touch bare skin.
I stopped breathing for a moment when he reached the waist of my trousers. As Egan started undoing them, I wished I wanted to object. I didn't. He exposed me, leaving me utterly naked from the waist down, and I quivered. My entire self tensed as Egan grabbed my length. Slowly, ever so slowly, he stroked me. His fingers moved lightly up and down, and bursts of that lightning-like pleasure traveled from my dick to the rest of me. It wasn't enough.
Egan grinned wickedly. If you want my mouth on your cock, you're going to have to ask.
There was no way I would ask him for anything like that. He continued to tease me, and the desire for more grew nearly unbearable. Still, I wasn't going to ask. Egan smirked as he removed his hand from my arousal entirely, instead dancing his fingers over my shirt. It made me ache so badly. He then glided his fingers along my collarbone before kissing me on the lips, just briefly. After that, he stopped touching me at all, and I couldn't take it.
I gasped, “Please.”
With the lightest of touches on my cheek, Egan's smirk grew even bigger. Please what?
I begged, “Please suck my dick.”
He looked so triumphant as he said, Of course.
Egan took me in his mouth. He went shallowly at first, teasing my tip with his tongue. I moaned as he went deeper, sliding along my length with expert motion. Egan looked up at me with those inhuman eyes of his. They nearly glowed with his obvious sense of victory over me, as I had clearly, and shamefully given in. I closed my own eyes so as not to feel the god look into my soul anymore.
He increased the pace and the pressure, and I felt I might break. The tension inside me built and built and built. It was so wrong to receive such perfection from Egan, when he shouldn't have even been my lover in the first place.
All too soon, I broke. White light flashed behind my closed eyes. The tension turned to a wave of incredible pleasure than ran from my tip all the way up my chest and down my legs. I shivered as I came inside Egan's mouth. He smiled while he swallowed everything, even squeezing me to assure he got it all. It was an impossibly wonderful sensation. After I went soft and was too spent even to speak, Egan crawled up beside me on the grass. He lay his head on my shoulder and stroked my cheek.
Egan murmured, That was lovely.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't disagree.
It felt like hours before I recovered from the strange foggy aftereffect of what I did with him. When I got my mind back, I realized I had my arms around Egan like this had been something normal. Worse, I didn't really want to let him go. He felt strangely comfortable lying there. What was going to happen now?
The god, of course, had an answer. I feel much better now. That would probably be enough for me. I have adequate strength back, but we had such fun, didn't we? Truth be told, I don't think you are completely satisfied, yet. There is more we could try, if you want. Besides, my strength is nowhere near fully returned, and the chances of establishing a connection outside this forest increase if you're willing to go further. It would really make more sense to continue.
I blushed at Egan's suggestion. If I understood him correctly, it was something I hadn't tried yet with Finbar. I couldn't, but as he wriggled slightly in my arms, I felt that particular ache begin to return. I sighed. Why was I even considering going there? There was something broken inside me.
I asked Egan, “It would really help you if we did more?”
He nodded. It would. While I do have some strength now, I definitely could use more. I know how much you care about your partner and how conflicted you are, but you've already crossed one line and enjoyed it. Crossing another would only serve to improve my ability to help the both of you.
Egan wriggled more deliberately and smirked at my physical reaction. That damned ache got worse, and I burned with shame even as I thought about giving into my desire. The god did have a point, that this would, in fact, help him. Still, it felt wrong.
Without meaning to, I found myself saying, “I want to try this, but you'll take it slowly, won't you?”
He grinned, and his eyes twinkled triumphantly. Don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing. It will feel good, I promise. Egan kissed me lightly on the lips, and, from that little action, I felt the lightning-like sensation return.
Slowly, I let go of him. I shouldn't have embraced him in the first place. My stomach clenched with nervousness, but, sadly, that was nothing compared to the excitement and anticipation I felt. Egan slid off me, gliding one hand along my cheek as he did so. Once he was completely off, he smiled and grabbed the edges of my shirt.
Egan instructed, Come on, lift your arms. You don't need to be wearing this right now.
After doing as he told me, my body was left entirely exposed. I noticed how Egan was still completely clothed, which didn't seem fair. He didn't go to remove anything of his, opting instead to spend many moments staring at me with a predatory expression on his face. It was both uncomfortable and flattering.
He grabbed my legs and pried them apart. I'll start with just one finger.
Trying not to tense too much, I worried about about how painful this might be. I figured at least I could tell him to stop if I didn't like what he was doing. Egan pressed his finger, now glistening with some unknown substance, against my entrance. His eyes stared into mine as he pushed it inside me.
I gasped. The utterly unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me. For a couple moments I hurt, but that quickly went away. My breathing became harder, as did I. Egan's eyes never left mine as he slid his finger back and forth. I did tense, but it wasn't out of nervousness. While I was still afraid, pleasure trumped fear.
Egan said, You look so cute like that.
He continued to move his finger inside me. The god was right; he knew exactly what he was doing. His actions made me want more, so very badly.
Like this, don't you? I think you're ready for another. Egan slipped a second finger inside me before I could say anything.
I felt stretched and full as he moved them, but I didn't feel full enough. Suddenly, Egan took his fingers out of me. I had no warning he was about to stop. The ensuing emptiness made me whimper, much to my embarrassment. I shouldn't even want any part of Egan inside me. What I should want had no bearing on me at the moment because I desperately craved more than just his fingers. I couldn't help wondering: was he going to make me ask for that, too? I had the strength not to beg. I could stop this. Right?
Egan ran a finger along my chest and smirked. Is that enough for you?
In response to his question, I said nothing. It wasn't enough, but I didn't want him to know that. He leaned down and kissed me, sticking his tongue into my mouth. I eagerly met it with my own, but this wasn't enough either. Too soon, and he stopped the kiss. Egan touched the side of my face almost tenderly.
His words weren't tender, though. I could stop now, but I can tell you don't want me to. That said, if you want more, you'll have to be polite and ask me for it.
He sat beside me, a serenely patient expression on his face. Egan was going to make me ask. This gave me a way out. If I didn't ask, we could end it here. That should be possible.
It wasn't possible.
Within moments, my desire won out and I broke down. “Please.”
Egan looked positively delighted. Please what, exactly? What do you want me to do?
This was too much. I stared into his piercing eyes and implored him, “Please, take me. Please.”
I would be happy to. Instantly, he was naked from the waist down. How did Egan do that? My heart stopped for a moment. Revealed like that, he was even more painfully gorgeous. He saw how I stared in wonder and simply smiled at me. Silently, he pulled my legs farther apart. Egan straddled me and positioned himself.
He pushed inside me. I thought I might explode; the feeling was wondrous and perfectly full. My ache became an insistent need as Egan thrust. I reached for myself, but he pinned my arms to the ground. I struggled at first. He shot me an expression that told me I would have no chance of overpowering him, so let him hold me down. It felt better that way, actually. Egan's eyes sparkled. Damn, he was beautiful.
My need kept building. Egan sped up his thrusting, while never letting my arms go. The way he worked me, the way he hit me in the exact right spot, I didn't have to help him. His expression was of deep pleasure, and I'm sure I had a similar one on my face. This felt beyond amazing and should be have been impossible. It truly wasn't human to feel such things. Then again, Egan was a god.
Just as the need became too much to bear, I went over the edge. Like before, light flashed behind my eyes. Seemingly endless of waves of bliss flowed through me. I moaned with the delight of it all, and my orgasm was enough to push Egan over his own edge. I felt him climax and heard him sigh with satisfaction before he slid out of me.
For the longest time after that, I floated. The act had left me exhausted in the most pleasurable way possible. Egan slid up beside me and pulled me onto his chest. I rested in his embrace, feeling more peaceful than I should have.
After what felt like hours, Egan murmured, I want to thank you for a wonderful time. I hope you enjoyed yourself.
I admitted, “Yes, I did. You are quite...skilled.”
I had enjoyed myself very much; that was the problem. Guilt knotted my stomach as I thought of Finbar. Even though I did it with good reason, I had betrayed him.
Egan smiled. Why, thank you. I'm glad you think so.
I mumbled, “I should probably get back to Finbar.” Without waiting for an answer, I removed myself from Egan's arms and began gathering my clothes. As I dressed, he watched me with an appreciative expression.
Once I was full clothed, he pointed out, You know, you'll need my help to get back to your dear partner. Otherwise, you will get lost if a path opens for you at all. I could keep you here. I won't, but I could.
He wasn't touching me, yet his voice rang perfectly clear in my brain. Egan seemed decidedly stronger, and, if possible, also even brighter and more gorgeous than before our intimate encounter. I felt sick because a part of me hoped me would keep me here.
Egan stood up; when he got to his feet, he was full clothed again. I realized I had never seen his bare chest, and I almost wanted to ask him to remove his shirt, just this once. That much, at least, I restrained myself from doing. Egan offered me his hand, and I took it. He lead me away from the clearing and back towards Finbar.
Too soon, and we had returned to the path. My roommate still slept. Though he was corrupted with shadows, he was far purer than I felt.
Egan turned to look at me. I'll leave you two alone. Finbar here isn't ready to know about me or his fate. I would like you to keep those a secret until the right time. You can do that, right?
I asked, “And when is the 'right time' going to be?”
He replied, You'll just know. Anyway, I must be going. I'll be in contact with you later. Farewell, my dear. Before he left, he grabbed me and kissed me full on the mouth. Involuntarily, I opened it to admit his tongue. Despite everything, Egan's touch felt amazing.
As we kissed, he vanished. I startled slightly, but it didn't surprise me that much. At the moment of Egan's disappearance, Finbar stirred. My partner, my real one, opened his eyes. What was I going to say? I didn't know, but it broke my heart just to look at him. I dearly wished there were some way to make things right, but I knew there wasn't.
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written for 500themes prompt #146 - "A Song of Sweet Forgiveness"
This is Part Six in a series.
Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five
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Dawn was starting to break in the forest. The rising sun did nothing to make our surroundings any less strange. It was simply a new kind of distortion, one that made me feel as if I were hallucinating. The colors became more consistently bright, but they, somehow, weren't colors as I knew them in the regular world. The shades of everything just weren't quite as they should be.
Finbar let go of my hand and leaned against a large tree. He yawned. “I think we should stop now. I'm too tired even to think.”
My poor roommate looked utterly exhausted; his shadows seemed as sleepy as he did. I wished Finbar would take my hand back; this place was simply too unsettling. In my haste to get us to relative safety, I hadn't actually thought about how we would need to rest sometime.
I agreed, “Okay, we can stop now. This place is as good as any. I'll take the first watch; you need sleep more than I do.”
He murmured, “Thank you. Just wake me up when you get too tired.” Without another word, he curled up by the tree, using his pack as a pillow. In barely an instant, he fell asleep.
I brushed a stray hair off his face. Even during that small contact, Finbar's skin felt terribly cold. I didn't mind too much, though. He was still beautiful to me, despite the shadows crawling about him. I was unable to resist leaning down and kissing him gently on the forehead. If I were not mistaken, Finbar smiled at that. I smiled back before taking a seat by the tree next to his.
Scanning the path, I didn't see anything. I hoped this watch would pass as uneventfully as our journey inside the forest had so far.
Turns out, I shouldn't have hoped for that because the moment after I wished for an uneventful watch, a glowing ball of whitish light materialized on the path. I jumped up and drew my dagger. My heart thudded. How was such a knife going to do anything against an adversary of pure light?
A faint voice echoed in my mind, Put down your weapon.
The voice, in spite of its low volume, was too compelling to resist. I dropped my dagger and stammered, “Take me if you must, but please don't hurt Finbar.”
While I didn't want to die, I would much rather the strange thing take me instead of my dear roommate.
Even more quietly than before, the voice replied inside my head, I have no intention of harming either of you.
That didn't comfort me too much because a ball of talking whitish light wasn't something I encountered every day. I couldn't predict what it would do and didn't know if it would truly refrain from hurting me and Finbar. Whatever it was, my feet were firmly stuck to the ground because of it. I had no choice but to hope the thing was as trustworthy as it said.
Something odd occurred to me: Finbar still slept soundly. He didn't so much as shift in his sleep, despite the brightness emanating from the light-creature. Perhaps the forest had caused me to lose my mind. This thing might be nothing but a hallucination, but, somehow, I could tell it was real.
I was about to ask it what it wanted when it transformed. No longer did the being take the shape of a ball of whitish light. Instead, the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my entire life stood before me. I gasped. My heart stopped, and I knew. I knew what he was, though I couldn't believe it.
This man was one of the gods.
His piercing violet eyes gave it away. They drew me in while terrifying me with the way they seemed to see directly into my soul. I wanted desperately to hide myself, though that was, of course, beyond impossible. Nobody could hide from such perfection. Though he wasn't a ball of light anymore, he seemed to glow anyway, especially his long, luminous, pale golden-blond hair. His skin was a perfect light tan, with not a single mark on it. I saw no flaws in his features.
Taller even than Finbar, I felt so small before him, though that wasn't because of his height or his body with just the right amount of muscle. It was because of everything about him. I tried to look away but couldn't. My heart thudded in my chest, and I wondered how I was even able to keep breathing. I thought I might die.
While I was frozen completely still, the god wasn't. He stepped forward, reaching out and touching me lightly on the shoulder. If I thought I might die before, that was nothing compared to now. Something like lightning flashed through my body, hot and crackling and utterly strange. I struggled to breathe.
His voice sounded in my mind, stronger this time, There is no need to fear me.
I actually snorted. The following laughter was much higher-pitched and more uneven than my usual. The absurdity of the god's statement broke through my silence. I protested, “No need to fear you? Someone as small as I encountering a being of such perfection?”
He didn't remove his hand. That lightning sensation continued, though less intense than earlier. His voice sounded again, But I mean you no harm.
I couldn't help answering, “You are still terrifying for a mere mortal.”
The god's voice was almost regretful the next time he spoke, which boggled my mind. I am truly sorry if I frighten you. I don't mean to do so. You are not one who needs to worry; Breccan, you have a good soul.
He knew my name? I should have expected he would, but the fact he had such knowledge still served to make me even more terrified. What did he want with me, especially now that I was no longer a mage? The gods granted power to those who were able to keep their vows: men had to stay celibate and women had to remain childless. I had broken my vow, and yet this god said I had no reason to fear him?
I squeaked, “A good soul? But I broke my vow. Wh-what do you want with me?”
The god actually sighed within my head. That was unfortunate considering the situation, but it has nothing to do with the goodness of your soul. You are still decent and loyal, and your partner will need that in the coming storm.
The unexpected and unbelievable compliment threw me, but not as much as the statement about a “coming storm.” I wondered, “Coming storm? What exactly is going on?” My fear grew worse because he sounded deadly serious and almost nervous himself. What could make a god nervous? Nothing good, I knew.
He answered, Dark things are on the horizon.
That didn't tell me anything, but it did scare me. “What kind of dark things?”
The god still hadn't removed his hand from my shoulder. The feeling of lightning had shifted into a more subtle, though no less disconcerting, warmth. Mentions of “dark things” had distracted me from it somewhat, but the sensation was entirely too close to what I felt when Finbar touched me. I didn't like that I was capable of feeling anything like it from someone other than my roommate.
He told me, That would be difficult to communicate as we are now. I have been dramatically weakened fighting the evil already, and I cannot easily talk without physical contact. Trying to describe the threat would be nearly impossible without further intimacy. The short version is Finbar is needed to fight the enemy, and you're needed to support him.
I barely managed to say, “What?” His words made no sense. The only things that truly registered were my extreme inability to be useful as a support to anyone and the decidedly odd inflection he used when speaking Finbar's name.
His voice, still spoken inside my mind, was solemn. Finbar is what you humans would call a Chosen One, fated to fight the evil. He cannot do this alone, though. He needs you.
I objected, “But I am completely useless!” Fate couldn't possibly want me for something so important.
You are not useless, the god said. No, you do not have your magic anymore, which is unfortunate for multiple reasons, but you still have your character. You are one of the few people who will not reject Finbar because we lead him to be corrupted by the shadows.
His kind did that to Finbar? If I weren't so scared, I would be overcome with anger. It wasn't right what happened to my partner. With significant effort, I managed to glance at Finbar; he continued to sleep peacefully. I shivered a little, though I couldn't tell if it were from fear or from the chilly breeze.
You are angry, the god said. Believe me, it is terrible what my fellows had to do to him, and I don't blame you for your feelings. It pained me to be involved in it. Unfortunately, the fate of the world rests on his shoulders, and he had to be corrupted in order to become powerful enough to save everyone.
He sounded genuinely remorseful. His violet eyes almost seemed like tears would fall from them, and I couldn't stay too angry, though I wanted to. I sensed the seriousness behind the god's words and understood Finbar's corruption was necessary, but I didn't like it at all.
Of all things, I asked, “Do you have a name or are you just a nameless force manipulating us mortals?”
I'm Egan. He smiled, like he was flattered I cared to ask his name. Egan's smile was as uncomfortably beautiful as the rest of him. He said, Perhaps we should move away from your partner and go somewhere more private to finish discussing things.
“Why?” I wondered.
Trust me on this. And don't worry about him. He won't wake up. That much I can assure, though I cannot talk to him through his shadows right now. Egan finally removed his hand from my shoulder. I was ashamed to say I almost missed the warmth of it. He then grabbed my hand, and I nearly gasped at the return of the lightning-like sensation. It felt too good.
I followed him off the path. Somehow, when guided by Egan, the trees seemed to move for us. There was enough space to walk, and we actually arrived soon at a clearing covered in lush grass. I could see a bright blue cloudless sky. The air in this space smelled surprisingly fresh and springlike; it was almost intoxicating.
Egan, still holding my hand, smiled at me again. You like this, don't you? His face turned serious. I really am not well, and I don't know that I can talk much more, unless... Much to my surprise, Egan blushed ever so slightly.
I wanted to know what in the hells he was going on about. I stared him in his too-lovely eyes. “Unless what?”
He answered, Unless we have greater physical intimacy. The closer we get, the more my energy will be restored and the more I can tell you. Also, such contact will increase the chances of establishing a strong enough connection between us so that I would be able to guide you once you leave this forest.
For the longest time, my mind couldn't process what Egan had said. Eventually, I spluttered, “You cannot be serious.” The fact of the matter was, if I hadn't developed romantic feelings for Finbar, I would have little problem doing what Egan wanted. He was terribly attractive, but I had developed feelings for my roommate.
I insisted, “I won't be unfaithful.” He may have been a god, but it would still count as cheating.
Egan responded, I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't have good reason. I know you want to do everything you can to support your partner, and, as paradoxical as it seems, this would be supporting him. Finbar has a difficult road ahead, and if you want to help him, you need to help me.
I knew he spoke the truth. I agreed, “Okay, but we get to stop whenever I say so.”
He nodded. That I can accept.
My stomach twisted. Shamefully, a large part of me looked forward to trying things with Egan. He let go of my hand, and, again, I missed the warmth from it. I didn't have much time to miss it, though, because he reached out and touched my cheek before gently pulling my face to his. Our lips met, and I nearly fainted from the rush of feeling.
It was nothing like human.
I gasped as Egan wrapped me in his arms. For several moments, I couldn't move, the crackling warmth was too much. It ran through my body, and I felt I might float away as my heart fluttered. My body craved more even as my mind told me this was wrong.
Despite myself, I moaned softly against Egan's lips. The warmth only intensified the longer we kissed. Finally, I was able to move, but I didn't pull away. Instead, I embraced Egan and pressed myself closer to him. Want consumed me. I hated myself for it, even as ran a hand through his hair, which was as soft as it was luminous. I hated myself even more when I opened my mouth and pushed my tongue towards his.
The way he kissed with his tongue was inhumanly perfect. It sent shivers of pleasures down my spine. They were so intense I wavered on my feet. My legs didn't feel like they could hold me up, and I felt a telltale ache between them. Part of me had hoped I wouldn't be able to respond physically to Egan, but my body had other ideas.
I felt the smile in his words. I see you're enjoying yourself.
I broke the kiss to protest weakly, “I am not.” My voice came out strangled, and the lie was obvious.
Egan tried to reassure me, There isn't anything wrong with enjoying yourself. It's better if you do.
He resumed kissing me, more passionately than before. I gasped, because I didn't think it could get any better, but it could. Egan seemed to know exactly what to do, and I really thought I might fall over if he weren't holding me so tightly. Managing to break the kiss, I said as much, telling him, “I-I don't think I can stand up for much longer.”
Egan teased, It's that good, huh?
Perhaps mentioning I nearly couldn't stand wasn't the wisest thing to do, because Egan took it as a hint to push me onto the ground. He lay himself on top of me. Briefly, I flashed back to when Finbar had done something similar, but I couldn't even hold an image of my real partner in my mind. Egan was too overwhelming, and I silently cursed myself for how much I wanted him.
Sorry Finbar, I thought.
The overwhelming pleasure only got worse as Egan left my lips and began kissing me on my neck. He teased me with his tongue, flicking it back and forth in such a way I had to grab the grass in order not to arch my back. It didn't work, and, as I arched, I let out an all-too-satisfied sigh. Egan unfastened my traveling cloak, which fell off my shoulders. He pushed it out of the way. I felt so exposed, even though my shirt had long sleeves.
He stopped kissing to smile at me, violet eyes twinkling as they saw right through to my soul. From that expression on his face, he knew how much I wanted him. I stared back, my breathing already unsteady. Egan traced his fingers over my shirt, sending tingles through my body, though he didn't even touch bare skin.
I stopped breathing for a moment when he reached the waist of my trousers. As Egan started undoing them, I wished I wanted to object. I didn't. He exposed me, leaving me utterly naked from the waist down, and I quivered. My entire self tensed as Egan grabbed my length. Slowly, ever so slowly, he stroked me. His fingers moved lightly up and down, and bursts of that lightning-like pleasure traveled from my dick to the rest of me. It wasn't enough.
Egan grinned wickedly. If you want my mouth on your cock, you're going to have to ask.
There was no way I would ask him for anything like that. He continued to tease me, and the desire for more grew nearly unbearable. Still, I wasn't going to ask. Egan smirked as he removed his hand from my arousal entirely, instead dancing his fingers over my shirt. It made me ache so badly. He then glided his fingers along my collarbone before kissing me on the lips, just briefly. After that, he stopped touching me at all, and I couldn't take it.
I gasped, “Please.”
With the lightest of touches on my cheek, Egan's smirk grew even bigger. Please what?
I begged, “Please suck my dick.”
He looked so triumphant as he said, Of course.
Egan took me in his mouth. He went shallowly at first, teasing my tip with his tongue. I moaned as he went deeper, sliding along my length with expert motion. Egan looked up at me with those inhuman eyes of his. They nearly glowed with his obvious sense of victory over me, as I had clearly, and shamefully given in. I closed my own eyes so as not to feel the god look into my soul anymore.
He increased the pace and the pressure, and I felt I might break. The tension inside me built and built and built. It was so wrong to receive such perfection from Egan, when he shouldn't have even been my lover in the first place.
All too soon, I broke. White light flashed behind my closed eyes. The tension turned to a wave of incredible pleasure than ran from my tip all the way up my chest and down my legs. I shivered as I came inside Egan's mouth. He smiled while he swallowed everything, even squeezing me to assure he got it all. It was an impossibly wonderful sensation. After I went soft and was too spent even to speak, Egan crawled up beside me on the grass. He lay his head on my shoulder and stroked my cheek.
Egan murmured, That was lovely.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't disagree.
It felt like hours before I recovered from the strange foggy aftereffect of what I did with him. When I got my mind back, I realized I had my arms around Egan like this had been something normal. Worse, I didn't really want to let him go. He felt strangely comfortable lying there. What was going to happen now?
The god, of course, had an answer. I feel much better now. That would probably be enough for me. I have adequate strength back, but we had such fun, didn't we? Truth be told, I don't think you are completely satisfied, yet. There is more we could try, if you want. Besides, my strength is nowhere near fully returned, and the chances of establishing a connection outside this forest increase if you're willing to go further. It would really make more sense to continue.
I blushed at Egan's suggestion. If I understood him correctly, it was something I hadn't tried yet with Finbar. I couldn't, but as he wriggled slightly in my arms, I felt that particular ache begin to return. I sighed. Why was I even considering going there? There was something broken inside me.
I asked Egan, “It would really help you if we did more?”
He nodded. It would. While I do have some strength now, I definitely could use more. I know how much you care about your partner and how conflicted you are, but you've already crossed one line and enjoyed it. Crossing another would only serve to improve my ability to help the both of you.
Egan wriggled more deliberately and smirked at my physical reaction. That damned ache got worse, and I burned with shame even as I thought about giving into my desire. The god did have a point, that this would, in fact, help him. Still, it felt wrong.
Without meaning to, I found myself saying, “I want to try this, but you'll take it slowly, won't you?”
He grinned, and his eyes twinkled triumphantly. Don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing. It will feel good, I promise. Egan kissed me lightly on the lips, and, from that little action, I felt the lightning-like sensation return.
Slowly, I let go of him. I shouldn't have embraced him in the first place. My stomach clenched with nervousness, but, sadly, that was nothing compared to the excitement and anticipation I felt. Egan slid off me, gliding one hand along my cheek as he did so. Once he was completely off, he smiled and grabbed the edges of my shirt.
Egan instructed, Come on, lift your arms. You don't need to be wearing this right now.
After doing as he told me, my body was left entirely exposed. I noticed how Egan was still completely clothed, which didn't seem fair. He didn't go to remove anything of his, opting instead to spend many moments staring at me with a predatory expression on his face. It was both uncomfortable and flattering.
He grabbed my legs and pried them apart. I'll start with just one finger.
Trying not to tense too much, I worried about about how painful this might be. I figured at least I could tell him to stop if I didn't like what he was doing. Egan pressed his finger, now glistening with some unknown substance, against my entrance. His eyes stared into mine as he pushed it inside me.
I gasped. The utterly unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me. For a couple moments I hurt, but that quickly went away. My breathing became harder, as did I. Egan's eyes never left mine as he slid his finger back and forth. I did tense, but it wasn't out of nervousness. While I was still afraid, pleasure trumped fear.
Egan said, You look so cute like that.
He continued to move his finger inside me. The god was right; he knew exactly what he was doing. His actions made me want more, so very badly.
Like this, don't you? I think you're ready for another. Egan slipped a second finger inside me before I could say anything.
I felt stretched and full as he moved them, but I didn't feel full enough. Suddenly, Egan took his fingers out of me. I had no warning he was about to stop. The ensuing emptiness made me whimper, much to my embarrassment. I shouldn't even want any part of Egan inside me. What I should want had no bearing on me at the moment because I desperately craved more than just his fingers. I couldn't help wondering: was he going to make me ask for that, too? I had the strength not to beg. I could stop this. Right?
Egan ran a finger along my chest and smirked. Is that enough for you?
In response to his question, I said nothing. It wasn't enough, but I didn't want him to know that. He leaned down and kissed me, sticking his tongue into my mouth. I eagerly met it with my own, but this wasn't enough either. Too soon, and he stopped the kiss. Egan touched the side of my face almost tenderly.
His words weren't tender, though. I could stop now, but I can tell you don't want me to. That said, if you want more, you'll have to be polite and ask me for it.
He sat beside me, a serenely patient expression on his face. Egan was going to make me ask. This gave me a way out. If I didn't ask, we could end it here. That should be possible.
It wasn't possible.
Within moments, my desire won out and I broke down. “Please.”
Egan looked positively delighted. Please what, exactly? What do you want me to do?
This was too much. I stared into his piercing eyes and implored him, “Please, take me. Please.”
I would be happy to. Instantly, he was naked from the waist down. How did Egan do that? My heart stopped for a moment. Revealed like that, he was even more painfully gorgeous. He saw how I stared in wonder and simply smiled at me. Silently, he pulled my legs farther apart. Egan straddled me and positioned himself.
He pushed inside me. I thought I might explode; the feeling was wondrous and perfectly full. My ache became an insistent need as Egan thrust. I reached for myself, but he pinned my arms to the ground. I struggled at first. He shot me an expression that told me I would have no chance of overpowering him, so let him hold me down. It felt better that way, actually. Egan's eyes sparkled. Damn, he was beautiful.
My need kept building. Egan sped up his thrusting, while never letting my arms go. The way he worked me, the way he hit me in the exact right spot, I didn't have to help him. His expression was of deep pleasure, and I'm sure I had a similar one on my face. This felt beyond amazing and should be have been impossible. It truly wasn't human to feel such things. Then again, Egan was a god.
Just as the need became too much to bear, I went over the edge. Like before, light flashed behind my eyes. Seemingly endless of waves of bliss flowed through me. I moaned with the delight of it all, and my orgasm was enough to push Egan over his own edge. I felt him climax and heard him sigh with satisfaction before he slid out of me.
For the longest time after that, I floated. The act had left me exhausted in the most pleasurable way possible. Egan slid up beside me and pulled me onto his chest. I rested in his embrace, feeling more peaceful than I should have.
After what felt like hours, Egan murmured, I want to thank you for a wonderful time. I hope you enjoyed yourself.
I admitted, “Yes, I did. You are quite...skilled.”
I had enjoyed myself very much; that was the problem. Guilt knotted my stomach as I thought of Finbar. Even though I did it with good reason, I had betrayed him.
Egan smiled. Why, thank you. I'm glad you think so.
I mumbled, “I should probably get back to Finbar.” Without waiting for an answer, I removed myself from Egan's arms and began gathering my clothes. As I dressed, he watched me with an appreciative expression.
Once I was full clothed, he pointed out, You know, you'll need my help to get back to your dear partner. Otherwise, you will get lost if a path opens for you at all. I could keep you here. I won't, but I could.
He wasn't touching me, yet his voice rang perfectly clear in my brain. Egan seemed decidedly stronger, and, if possible, also even brighter and more gorgeous than before our intimate encounter. I felt sick because a part of me hoped me would keep me here.
Egan stood up; when he got to his feet, he was full clothed again. I realized I had never seen his bare chest, and I almost wanted to ask him to remove his shirt, just this once. That much, at least, I restrained myself from doing. Egan offered me his hand, and I took it. He lead me away from the clearing and back towards Finbar.
Too soon, and we had returned to the path. My roommate still slept. Though he was corrupted with shadows, he was far purer than I felt.
Egan turned to look at me. I'll leave you two alone. Finbar here isn't ready to know about me or his fate. I would like you to keep those a secret until the right time. You can do that, right?
I asked, “And when is the 'right time' going to be?”
He replied, You'll just know. Anyway, I must be going. I'll be in contact with you later. Farewell, my dear. Before he left, he grabbed me and kissed me full on the mouth. Involuntarily, I opened it to admit his tongue. Despite everything, Egan's touch felt amazing.
As we kissed, he vanished. I startled slightly, but it didn't surprise me that much. At the moment of Egan's disappearance, Finbar stirred. My partner, my real one, opened his eyes. What was I going to say? I didn't know, but it broke my heart just to look at him. I dearly wished there were some way to make things right, but I knew there wasn't.
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written for 500themes prompt #146 - "A Song of Sweet Forgiveness"