(no subject)
It's been a while since I've written anything, but so many changes have taken place. Here I am again, trying to reclaim my life. So far, it's worked. It's been three weeks since overdosed. Yes, that's right. It's out in the open. I tried to kill myself. I usually don't talk about this kind of stuff because I don't feel it's anybody's business. However I have so much pride in the transformation I have made over the past month, that I wanted to share it. That, and I'm tired of pushing everyone away. I just want to shout from the rooftops, "I am happy!" For the first time in years, I am happy! I feel so good. I'm asking for help, taking my bipolar meds, talking to my family, saying I love you, hugging, laughing, crying...I'm breathing. I have even quit drinking and doing drugs. I'm taking it day by day and things aren't perfect and never will be, but I'm accepting that. I'm not done recovering and I realize at any point I could relapse, but I made a promise to my family and to myself that I will never get off my meds again and that I would learn to love myself. I'll never be the person I was in college, no matter how much I miss her. But I can be the person I want to be--the funny, outgoing, House-obsessed, family-loving woman who adores life.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but it's about today. It's like that old expression: "It is the journey, not the destination."
Sober
by Pink
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
Ah, the sun is blindin'
I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath
'Cause what's the use?
Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
But I, I am fallin'
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober
When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad
'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry 'never again'
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend, oh, oh
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but it's about today. It's like that old expression: "It is the journey, not the destination."
Sober
by Pink
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
Ah, the sun is blindin'
I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath
'Cause what's the use?
Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
But I, I am fallin'
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober
When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad
'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry 'never again'
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend, oh, oh
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?