Today is the day...
It is currently 5 am and I am wide awake and have been for about the last hour... I can't seem to sleep. Last night I was worried about my cell phone reception... I didn't have any and Ben might try calling me from Chicago. I have some now, but I am still awake. I keep thinking about what might become of my life after today. My life could change forever after this day and I can honestly tell you that I am so okay with that! I would love nothing more and to be Mrs. Aitken. I would love nothing more than to fall asleep next to Ben everyday and wake up next to him everyday. I am completely in love with Ben and he tells me the same.
So why I am I so scared/anxious/nervous? I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to start planning another wedding to have it all just taken away from me again.. This time it feels different though. This time I don't feel like I am going to get my heart ripped out and stomped on. This has felt right from the begin... from the very first day we got back in contact it felt right, so very right. Things just seemed to click between us. I think I am just worrying too much. I think I am letting Satan get me down which I should.
Ben has been nothing but great to me. He tells me in every letter and email how much he loves me and can't wait to start planning our future together. He has been really supportive about my decision to go through the temple to take out my endowments too. He wants so much to be there the day it happens, which will hopefully be pretty soon! I start temple prep classes soon!
Today is also the day I move in to my parents place! I am excited! My room looks so great! I will have to post pictures!!
Well I'd better go try and sleep some more... I have a long day ahead of me