Sorry, guys.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I last updated. You haven't missed much. Lots of whiney homesickness, stomach sickness, crappy papers/midterms, boring trip to Normandy/Brittany, completely broke...
But also springtime! AND DISASTER BIKE!! :D
To summarize my misery, here's an email I wrote to my aunt:
It's not even that I don't like Paris. I could probably live here and be very, very happy. For me, I think it's mostly the length of time that I'm here that is frustrating. If I were only here a couple of months, it would be just a big fun vacation. If I were here for a year (or even just six months), I would probably get more involved - join clubs and stuff like that. Right now, though, since I only have two months left (2 weeks of which will be spent on spring break), there's no point in me joining anything, because I'll be leaving so soon. And because I'm not involved in anything, I'm bored out of my mind a lot of the time. If I lived here and had a job and got involved with my church and joined organizations and whatever, I'd probably really enjoy it - there would, obviously, be an adjustment period, but that happens any time you move. But now I just feel useless. I went from having classes, working, doing research, biking 100 miles a week, being in band, and having friends/a boyfriend to...having classes (that I don't particularly like).
It's especially frustrating because I can't afford to go out and do crazyfun things all the time. The people who seem to be enjoying themselves the most are the ones who are treating this like an extended vacation (which I couldn't do anyway because I actually enjoy working, to some extent). They're the ones who can afford to travel almost every weekend, go out ALL the time (which isn't something I'd want to do, anyway...clubs don't really appeal to me), and who like to do touristy things (expensive and generally not that interesting). The girl who is living at my homestay with me, Oby, also doesn't have a lot of money, and she feels the same way. One kid was telling her that it's up to her to take advantage of opportunities and make her study abroad experience great. That kid also spent 720 euros on train/plane tickets for his travels this semester (not including hostels, meals, souvenirs, etc!!). Easy for him to say, haha.
So yeah, this homesickness isn't the homesickness I remember from the 2nd year I went to camp or when I moved to Indiana/Arizona...it's more like, I'm just done. I'm ready to go back to my real life. It's not so much sad as...exasperated, I guess. I feel terrible because I know I'll miss Paris and be sad to leave the city (public transportation in LA will drive me INSANE and the lack of affordable, delicious, high-quality cheese/chocolate will be so sad!). But yeah. I mostly just feel trapped right now. 59 days!
Now it's 50 days.
Biking here is amazing, though. Very glad I got the bike.
I saw The Lion King musical the other night. It was really cool. It would have been cooler if I had eaten dinner before and not afterward at 11:30, though. But yeah. The costumes were AMAZING.
Today is the first day of spring break, so that's neat, I guess. I have lots of stuff to do before I leave, and I'm a little anxious, but yeah. It should be good.
I'm looking forward to the time at the monastery, but I'm a little afraid, I must admit. My spiritual life hasn't been very strong lately, and...I dunno. I'm afraid of what I'll hear. What if I don't feel anything? What if I feel like I'm just talking to the ceiling the whole time? What if I hear something I don't want to?
Geoff asked in his last letter what the difference between mental and spiritual faith is. Well, not in those words, but like...I'd said that my faith had felt more intellectual/mental than spiritual, and he didn't understand a difference. That's so weird to me. I have to figure out how I'll explain it.
I had a dream last night that I was going on a trip with ACCENT. We were on the metro, and the guy came around to check our tickets, but I couldn't find mine. I started crying. I don't think he even cared if I found it or not. Eventually I did, right before we got off the train. Then we went to some medieval underground place. Later I was in a park reading my Bible when I saw Indu. She was surreptitiously also reading a Bible. I tried to approach her, but she ran away. I eventually caught up with her. I had an epiphany, but I've forgotten it...
I feel like I should have a lot to say, and I do...but it's too much. So I will end this here.
But also springtime! AND DISASTER BIKE!! :D
To summarize my misery, here's an email I wrote to my aunt:
It's not even that I don't like Paris. I could probably live here and be very, very happy. For me, I think it's mostly the length of time that I'm here that is frustrating. If I were only here a couple of months, it would be just a big fun vacation. If I were here for a year (or even just six months), I would probably get more involved - join clubs and stuff like that. Right now, though, since I only have two months left (2 weeks of which will be spent on spring break), there's no point in me joining anything, because I'll be leaving so soon. And because I'm not involved in anything, I'm bored out of my mind a lot of the time. If I lived here and had a job and got involved with my church and joined organizations and whatever, I'd probably really enjoy it - there would, obviously, be an adjustment period, but that happens any time you move. But now I just feel useless. I went from having classes, working, doing research, biking 100 miles a week, being in band, and having friends/a boyfriend to...having classes (that I don't particularly like).
It's especially frustrating because I can't afford to go out and do crazyfun things all the time. The people who seem to be enjoying themselves the most are the ones who are treating this like an extended vacation (which I couldn't do anyway because I actually enjoy working, to some extent). They're the ones who can afford to travel almost every weekend, go out ALL the time (which isn't something I'd want to do, anyway...clubs don't really appeal to me), and who like to do touristy things (expensive and generally not that interesting). The girl who is living at my homestay with me, Oby, also doesn't have a lot of money, and she feels the same way. One kid was telling her that it's up to her to take advantage of opportunities and make her study abroad experience great. That kid also spent 720 euros on train/plane tickets for his travels this semester (not including hostels, meals, souvenirs, etc!!). Easy for him to say, haha.
So yeah, this homesickness isn't the homesickness I remember from the 2nd year I went to camp or when I moved to Indiana/Arizona...it's more like, I'm just done. I'm ready to go back to my real life. It's not so much sad as...exasperated, I guess. I feel terrible because I know I'll miss Paris and be sad to leave the city (public transportation in LA will drive me INSANE and the lack of affordable, delicious, high-quality cheese/chocolate will be so sad!). But yeah. I mostly just feel trapped right now. 59 days!
Now it's 50 days.
Biking here is amazing, though. Very glad I got the bike.
I saw The Lion King musical the other night. It was really cool. It would have been cooler if I had eaten dinner before and not afterward at 11:30, though. But yeah. The costumes were AMAZING.
Today is the first day of spring break, so that's neat, I guess. I have lots of stuff to do before I leave, and I'm a little anxious, but yeah. It should be good.
I'm looking forward to the time at the monastery, but I'm a little afraid, I must admit. My spiritual life hasn't been very strong lately, and...I dunno. I'm afraid of what I'll hear. What if I don't feel anything? What if I feel like I'm just talking to the ceiling the whole time? What if I hear something I don't want to?
Geoff asked in his last letter what the difference between mental and spiritual faith is. Well, not in those words, but like...I'd said that my faith had felt more intellectual/mental than spiritual, and he didn't understand a difference. That's so weird to me. I have to figure out how I'll explain it.
I had a dream last night that I was going on a trip with ACCENT. We were on the metro, and the guy came around to check our tickets, but I couldn't find mine. I started crying. I don't think he even cared if I found it or not. Eventually I did, right before we got off the train. Then we went to some medieval underground place. Later I was in a park reading my Bible when I saw Indu. She was surreptitiously also reading a Bible. I tried to approach her, but she ran away. I eventually caught up with her. I had an epiphany, but I've forgotten it...
I feel like I should have a lot to say, and I do...but it's too much. So I will end this here.