On the 9th day of eHarmony, Dr. Warren gave to me....
Hey! If you haven't heard (I guess the operative word here would be READ)....I joined eHarmony last Saturday 7/12.
The first several days I was getting a steady stream of matches - some interesting, many not. I was on "stage 2" with one guy and then after a pause of 2 days he closed me with the "pursuing another relationship" response. Damn.
Then last Friday I was matched with this guy that seriously sounds like my soulmate on paper. Sure, he could be a total nutcase in real life, or just not stand up to the mental picture I've created but he seems amazingly cool and compatible. In less than 24 hours we catapulted to "stage 3".
And then I think I blew it.
At stage 3 you are supposed to send your open-ended questions that either you construct or you use their pre-constructed, yet thought-provoking examples. I knew that I wanted to ask him at least one or two personal questions tailored to him. But I must say that progressing to stage 3 so quickly gave me that "commitment phobia" that I didn't think I would have. I started worrying about it actually working out - about it transforming my life and was I ready for that.... Yes, I went a little overanalytical and I panicked.
So, I wanted to cool a bit and really think about what I wanted to say. He seems like such a great guy that I wanted what I had to say to be meaningful. Right now, my hopes were pinned on this guy as none of my other matches seem to come up with anything more interesting than being thankful "for my health" or enjoying "hanging out with friends". Have you ever known someone to HATE hanging out with friends?
I also had my sisters on Saturday and was busy with my friend Alex on Sunday morning so I didn't send my Stage 3 questions til Sunday afternoon. I also updated my pictures to include fresh photos. However, so far, no response yet from Stage 3 guy. I'm so bummed.
The funny thing with the online dating structure at eHarmony is that you have no way of knowing what's going on, why they aren't responding. I guess in a way it's the same in "real life" but at least you probably have their number and you can let them know that you are hoping to hear from them. Right now, he could be thinking:
1) She made me wait 2 days - so maybe she wants to slow down - or screw her I'm making her wait too!
2) My life is so busy I don't have time to check my eHarmony every day - or something has come up that has prevented me from checking it.
3) I am pursuing other hot chicks and will get back to her eventually.
4) She's my "just in case" person if this other girl I'm dating doesn't work out.
Ack! The waiting is killing me. You'd think with all the other crap in my life that I wouldn't have time to think about why I haven't heard from him. Now the suspense is just adding to my stress level so that I started feeling even worse today. I've been feeling like my chest is tight and beating quickly. I also have these weird electrical sensations (not pain) that kind of flicker in my chest. I'm telling myself it's stress - because I'd rather not think it's something more serious - and I am under a lot of stress.
My trying to keep upbeat is not working well enough to prevent my physical symptoms. So what happens is that I'm now looking at this eHarmony thing and thinking that it's too stressful. I'm trying to limit myself to checking it once a day but like with email I can't help feeling like hitting the refresh button to see if anything has changed.
I'm now channeling all this anxiety on you.....enjoy.
The first several days I was getting a steady stream of matches - some interesting, many not. I was on "stage 2" with one guy and then after a pause of 2 days he closed me with the "pursuing another relationship" response. Damn.
Then last Friday I was matched with this guy that seriously sounds like my soulmate on paper. Sure, he could be a total nutcase in real life, or just not stand up to the mental picture I've created but he seems amazingly cool and compatible. In less than 24 hours we catapulted to "stage 3".
And then I think I blew it.
At stage 3 you are supposed to send your open-ended questions that either you construct or you use their pre-constructed, yet thought-provoking examples. I knew that I wanted to ask him at least one or two personal questions tailored to him. But I must say that progressing to stage 3 so quickly gave me that "commitment phobia" that I didn't think I would have. I started worrying about it actually working out - about it transforming my life and was I ready for that.... Yes, I went a little overanalytical and I panicked.
So, I wanted to cool a bit and really think about what I wanted to say. He seems like such a great guy that I wanted what I had to say to be meaningful. Right now, my hopes were pinned on this guy as none of my other matches seem to come up with anything more interesting than being thankful "for my health" or enjoying "hanging out with friends". Have you ever known someone to HATE hanging out with friends?
I also had my sisters on Saturday and was busy with my friend Alex on Sunday morning so I didn't send my Stage 3 questions til Sunday afternoon. I also updated my pictures to include fresh photos. However, so far, no response yet from Stage 3 guy. I'm so bummed.
The funny thing with the online dating structure at eHarmony is that you have no way of knowing what's going on, why they aren't responding. I guess in a way it's the same in "real life" but at least you probably have their number and you can let them know that you are hoping to hear from them. Right now, he could be thinking:
1) She made me wait 2 days - so maybe she wants to slow down - or screw her I'm making her wait too!
2) My life is so busy I don't have time to check my eHarmony every day - or something has come up that has prevented me from checking it.
3) I am pursuing other hot chicks and will get back to her eventually.
4) She's my "just in case" person if this other girl I'm dating doesn't work out.
Ack! The waiting is killing me. You'd think with all the other crap in my life that I wouldn't have time to think about why I haven't heard from him. Now the suspense is just adding to my stress level so that I started feeling even worse today. I've been feeling like my chest is tight and beating quickly. I also have these weird electrical sensations (not pain) that kind of flicker in my chest. I'm telling myself it's stress - because I'd rather not think it's something more serious - and I am under a lot of stress.
My trying to keep upbeat is not working well enough to prevent my physical symptoms. So what happens is that I'm now looking at this eHarmony thing and thinking that it's too stressful. I'm trying to limit myself to checking it once a day but like with email I can't help feeling like hitting the refresh button to see if anything has changed.
I'm now channeling all this anxiety on you.....enjoy.