(no subject)
my fingernails are shorter than they have been in years. i'd told myself a million times how biting them couldn't make the impatience go away forever but with a million things piling onto each other you hardly realize you're even doing it. i find myself doing it most often in my old worn in cushiony chair i keep in my living room area. i've had it for years and it's one of the few constants i have that can really make me feel comfortable. when i want to sit with a cup of tea and do nothing but read, or watch a movie, or just have a nice cry to release frustrations, that chair is the best place to be. i don't care about having the most fashionable items, but something that makes anywhere feel like home.
despite all that babble i spent the night before last lounging on my floor with a familiar face. chris is busy so often with his band that we've not had a lot of time for each other lately, but we vow to make time as much as we can. he went with me to the golden globes and squeezed my hand as i saw a glimmer of hope for the show, not me, slip away. he came over unexpectedly the other night, food in one hand, bag in the next. he never travels lightly for even a night. we camped out on the floor and talked about as much as we could. his hopes for some sort of break, mine for some miracle to save people who have worked hard on something they believed in. we talked about our future and laughed about our marriage talks as his fingers found their way into my hair and i buried my face in his neck. i sometimes wonder if i could be completely in love with him, but it isn't that easy in life. we've been as close as any friends could be and i've never come away from it wanting more. the exaggerations of me pressuring him into marriage are just that. we've got an understanding and a friendship very rarely equaled, and i don't want to change that. i just think that sometimes it would be so easy.
laying with him i found myself dreaming of someone else. wondering what they were doing and the thoughts on their mind. somewhere deep inside me hoping that maybe they spared a thought or two on me now and then. i woke up mumbling a name and i was mildly mocked for the entire morning. the dreams are fading and normally i'd regret it but i think it's a doing me a great deal of good.
people are doing this survey and i'd be mildly interested if i associated with more people. trust me, i see it as myself missing out.
despite all that babble i spent the night before last lounging on my floor with a familiar face. chris is busy so often with his band that we've not had a lot of time for each other lately, but we vow to make time as much as we can. he went with me to the golden globes and squeezed my hand as i saw a glimmer of hope for the show, not me, slip away. he came over unexpectedly the other night, food in one hand, bag in the next. he never travels lightly for even a night. we camped out on the floor and talked about as much as we could. his hopes for some sort of break, mine for some miracle to save people who have worked hard on something they believed in. we talked about our future and laughed about our marriage talks as his fingers found their way into my hair and i buried my face in his neck. i sometimes wonder if i could be completely in love with him, but it isn't that easy in life. we've been as close as any friends could be and i've never come away from it wanting more. the exaggerations of me pressuring him into marriage are just that. we've got an understanding and a friendship very rarely equaled, and i don't want to change that. i just think that sometimes it would be so easy.
laying with him i found myself dreaming of someone else. wondering what they were doing and the thoughts on their mind. somewhere deep inside me hoping that maybe they spared a thought or two on me now and then. i woke up mumbling a name and i was mildly mocked for the entire morning. the dreams are fading and normally i'd regret it but i think it's a doing me a great deal of good.
people are doing this survey and i'd be mildly interested if i associated with more people. trust me, i see it as myself missing out.