Gotta love work emails ....Part.1
Perth Barbies:
Floreat Barbie:This princess Barbie is only sold at DJ's or Myer. She comes with an assortment of LV handbags, Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Ellenbrook Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Toyota minivan and matching tracksuit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming mobile phone sold separately.
Balga Barbie: This recently paroled former "Adult Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, hunting knife, Kingswood with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Crawley Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Volvo. Included are a Dome travel cup, credit cards, French pedicure and exclusive gym membership. Also available for this set are Real Estate Magnate Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Rockingham Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own jeans two sizes too small, oversized Holden t-shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bundy & Coke and Cold Chisel CD set. She can spit over 5m and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her custom Torana separately and get a 'Bad Bitch' bumper sticker absolutely free. Also available in single mother variety with matching lycra/flannelette shirt outfit for her visits to the local shopping centre.
Peppermint Grove Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini, jimmy Choo slides and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at her custom, 2,000m² house. Shallow Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail Bait Skipper. Valium prescription recommended.
Gosnells Barbie: This Winnie blue smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Rockingham Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a caravan.
Fremantle Hippy Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". May not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Fremantle Hippy Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free. Bonus John Butler CD with every purchase.
Mt Lawley Barbie: This white-blonde peroxided babe is posed elegantly sipping your choice of a margarita or a sugar-less archers. Supplied with dangly earings, manicured hands and lots of gold jewlery to match the gold rolex on the equally manicured wrist of metrosexual Ken. For when his current pink polo shirt is sadly at the dry cleaners we supply an optional outfit, skillfully created to adorably match Barbies outfits. These two are each others biggest accessories, thus are NOT sold seperately.
Midland Barbie:This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a MultiRider and Centrelink card. Parole Ken and his XF Falconwere available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
South Perth Barbie: With frosted blonde hair and a French manicure, she's perfect in everyway. We don't know where Ken is because he's always away 'on business' or 'golfing' possibly with East Perth Barbie.
East Perth Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simplyadding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts
Western Suburbs Exam:
1. Melissa is celebrating her 21st in two months time and wants to have a big party in the backyard of her Mosman Park house. Will she be able to convince her father to pay for:
a) a marquee and dance floor over the pool b) $2000 worth of Tooheys Extra Dry and Bacardi Breezers c) the DJ from Club Bay View d) all of the above
2. Paula, Lisa and Samantha are lining up at the Red Sea. If they don't know the name of the bouncer at the door, will they still have to pay to get in?
3. How many spotlights does Wazza's 1982 WB ute need to have
affixed to the rollbar before he gets pulled over by Claremont
police after the OBH closes on a Sunday night ? a) 8 b) 11 c) 16
4. Steve is a first year student at UWA and wants to shed his geeky image. Will he be cooler if he joins Leisure or the Manics? Does it matter that the majority of Manics and Leisure members are geeks anyway?
5. If the door bitch guarding the staircase at the Red Rock on Thursdays lets one person past every 43 minutes, how many people will be allowed upstairs in one night?
6. Michael, a first year UWA Agriculture student, doesn't like the taste of rum. How many Ag shows can he attend before he is found out?
a) 15 b) 4 c) 30 seconds after he arrives at the first Welcome Back Sundowner
7. What is the average age of the clientele at the Sapphire Bar on Friday nights? a) 43 b) 44 c) 46
8. If Jessica wants to get photos of 18th in the Perth Weekly should she?:
a) Re-schedule her party to a different night to avoid a clash with the MLC ball
b) Get Daddy to ring up the editor and a demand a photographer turn up
c) Invite the Claremont football team
d) Invite Basil Zempilas
9. James wants to celebrate his 23rd birthday upstairs at the Red Rock. Which theme for the party should he choose?
a) 70s b) disco c) Boogie Nights
10. Lisa's parents bought her a 2003 VW Golf cabriolet as a graduation present. Will a Bad Girl or Pornstar sticker make the car look tougher?
11. David, 17, has 'borrowed' his father's 5.7 litre Commodore Statesman government car. If he crashes it into a tree on Stirling Highway and his father is a Supreme Court judge, how many headlines will David make in the week's newspapers?
12. Tim has a spare $200 and wants to take drugs for the first
time this weekend at CBV. What should he buy from Gino, the drug
dealer?
a) a quarter ounce of leaf
b) a bag of speed (5% pure)
c) two hits of smack (98% pure)
d) a baggie containing Omo, sugar and rat poison
13. Gemma, 24, of Peppermint Grove, won a 1972 VW Beetle at the Red Rock last summer. How many more Sundays will she have to park it out the front of the Cott Hotel with a "For Sale $5200" sign on the windscreen before she sells it? How long before she drops the asking price to a reasonable amount?
14. Rick is finishing his TEE exams next week and is looking forward to Schoolies. Will he pick up more girls if he goes to Rottnest Island, where he can stay on his friend-of-a-family's 52 foot Bertram moored in Thompson Bay, or should he put a P plate on his parent's Landcruiser and drive down to the family's two storey holiday house in Eagle Bay, Dunsborough?
15. Is there a positive correlation between the amount of alcohol consumed at the Red Rock/CBV and goods you can shoplift from Fresh Provisions?
a)Yes b)Yes
16. Could the security guard at Fresh Provisions fight his way out of a wet paper bag?
a)No b)No
17. If Emma snogged one of the Fremantle Dockers last Friday night and last night a West Coast Eagle bought her a drink, is she a hot chick or just a football slut?