The Mephisto Waltz
Title: The Mephisto Waltz
Length: about 4300 words
Rating: NC-17 for extreme adult content.
Summary: It is the anniversary of Frabjous Day, and Mirana can no longer keep her inner darkness in check.
Warnings: Not a warning, but "malice" abounds.
The forest, dark and gloomy, expanded before her, even as her eyes struggled to get used to the dark.
Things flew past her, dark and tremulous, waft-like, and left a tiny tendril of smoke in their wake-the only indication that they were real, and not imagined. Mirana pressed on, her focus on the clearing beyond the trees. But as her steps drew her closer, the unrelenting shadows pushed back, creating a chasm between her and the clearing beyond. A figure stood in the open space, beckoning her to the light, to the one whose goodness could never be called into doubt. But then something-a thing-a cold wraith-like form loomed in front of her, separating her from the one beyond. It drew her in and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into an all too familiar dance. And then the voice, foul and intrusive, dripping with honey…
“…I’m waiting. Sooner or later, you will slip up, and I will be there…”
Mirana shot up in bed, and for a moment, looked around like a crazed harpy. But there was nothing out of the ordinary; she was alone and in her own bed. She lay back down and closed her eyes. Alone? Again? Mirana lifted a hand and wiped at her eyes.
“I won’t do this, not today.” She wished for a sympathetic embrace-a woman’s embrace; a particular woman, blonde wavy hair, soft brown eyes-but there was no one to comfort her.
*****
The late morning was sunny and pleasant, the first day of spring were it was actually warm outside. The first of the spring flowers were blooming and rocking horse flies flitted in and about the swaying limbs of trees. It was more than the warmth that caused them to do so, but the day’s anniversary. Frabjous Day. The first anniversary of that joyous day was upon them, and, in all of Underland, celebrations and festivals would be celebrated.
Marmoreal was in chaos, as the preparations for the evening festivities were well underway. People were everywhere, either helping to decorate the great hall or offering suggestions for where certain items, like the Armor of Underland, should be placed. Mirana ducked her head inside the great hall and watched as four knights lifted the armor and placed it next to the banquet table, near her chair. The Queen shivered slightly, as a malevolent sensation unfettered itself from her careful self-control, and coiled its way to the surface.
Marmoreal’s chaos was pale compared to what its Queen was suffering. The darkness, so well hidden-untapped, unexploited-festered in her soul, like a shadowy spot in the blackest night. When all was well, it was not difficult to simply let it hover on the edge, taunting like a trickster, only to send it away without its fulfillment. It was a dangerous dance, but one that up until now was one she could move through.
The armor was not where she wanted it, but she was in no mood to go into the hall itself and make herself known. She turned away from the scene and followed the main passageway until she reached the Great Foyer. A small passageway for servants led from the right side of the foyer and she followed it; it led to several smaller rooms for linens, tableware, and other such things, and a dressing room, for dignitaries.
She entered that room, and closed the wooden door behind her, and then collapsed on it. A year-a whole year-since Alice had left her, to attend to the world above, and she had not heard from her. Not one word, not even a note, not even from one of the many spies sent to track the young girl, and everything she did.
Mirana was not herself, she realized, but was full of sorrow, because after a whole year, she could no longer keep it inside, away from all, even herself. A moan escaped her lips, despite her best effort to suppress it, and she bent over in reaction to it, bringing her arms to her sides. A sob escaped her lips and she squeezed her eyes shut, but it did not work, the tears escaped, even though she hated herself for such weakness-and the darkness was at the door, as well, and knocking rather loudly.
She felt a stirring beside her, and looked up, wiping at her eyes. “Is that you, Chess?”
The cat materialized a good few feet from her, and floated in the air. “Yes, my Queen.”
Mirana stood to full height, and waved off her weakness. “Don’t you have work to do, preparing for the night?” The blackness now pleaded with her, but she wrenched it deeper.
“I did, your Majesty. But now have more important things to do.”
“What things?”
Chessur sighed. “Mirana, how can I help?”
She berated herself, for being so transparent, but decided on the honest answer. “I don’t know, Chess. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, pretending that nothing is wrong.”
The cat nodded. “It is Alice.” It was more of a statement, and not a question.
“I can’t have my subjects seeing me like this-weak, and good for nothing.” And, she realized, not only weak, but dangerous.
“No one else has suspected, I’ve seen to that, except maybe Tarrant. He’s in love with her, too.” Chessur floated over to his Queen.
“I’m not in love with her!” As soon as the words escaped her mouth, she regretted it.
Chessur grinned, and caressed his monarch’s cheek with his tail. “Don’t be petulant, Mirana, it is unbecoming a Queen.”
Mirana looked at the cat. “Do you think people would notice if I don’t show up tonight?”
“Yes, my Queen, they would notice.” The cat could feel the pain rolling off his Queen. “That you did not attend the morning festival is already starting to cause a stir.”
The Queen nodded. “Fine. I will show up, make my speech, then leave. That ought to satisfy them.” She reached for the door handle. “I’ll be in my chamber, should you need me.”
Chessur watched as Mirana left the room, shoulders slumped, and resigned to grief. He made a decision that he knew he would never regret.
The Cheshire cat was agitated, and angry. Instead of flitting through the air, as he usually did, he strode into the small building with a purpose, his gait heavy. He reached a certain door and slammed it open with a mighty shove, and then flattened his ears.
“Alice Kingsleigh! I will not stand for it, not one minute longer!”
Alice closed the ledger she was scribbling in and stood up immediately. “Chessur, what are you doing here? Its not your appointed time.”
The cat jumped onto the desk then closed the distance between them. He reached out with his paw and backhanded the young woman, then stood back.
Alice staggered back a bit then reached up to touch her face. “What was that for?”
“I will no longer allow you to hurt the Queen, Alice. I told you a whole month ago that Mirana needed you and still-” A growl escaped him and he crouched down.
Alice turned away from him. “I told you, I couldn’t.”
Chessur pounced and Alice landed flat on her back, on the floor. The cat sat on her chest and bent his head to look at her. “You, young woman, are being cruel. I never would have suspected such deliberate behavior from you, until now.” He leaned in so close that his nose touched hers. “Go to her, Alice. I know, deep down inside, that you want to.” But before he vanished, he twisted the knife some more. “You have lost your muchness, again.”
Alice let out a long breath, but did not get up. She continued to lie on the wooden floor trying to collect her thoughts. After awhile she brought her hand up to wipe away a tear.
“I’m so sorry, Mirana, but-“ She sat up, momentarily unsure as to why she could not return to Underland.
“My dear Alice, whatever are you doing on the floor?”
Alice looked up and into the concerned face of Lord Ascot, standing in the doorway. “Nothing, sir, I was just stretching my back.” She got up and brushed the dust off her trousers, then sat back in the chair. “May I help you with something, sir?”
Lord Ascot hung up his walking stick, along with his coat, and then sat down opposite Alice, on the other side of the desk. “Are you all right, my dear?”
Alice forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
Ascot continued to look at his protégé. The young woman did not look well, in fact, ever since her return from China, she had seemed distracted, her focus somewhere else, and not on the company. “I wonder if you are.”
“Sir?”
Ascot offered the young woman a small smile. “Alice, my dear, I was very close to your father, and, up until the day he died, was his best friend. He trusted me and I him. One day he asked me, if anything were ever to happen to him, to look after you if the need ever arose. Well, sad to say, it did. I don’t think he ever anticipated dying so young, but he made me promise anyway. I would be remiss, as his best friend, to not seeing that you were completely happy.”
Alice could feel her heart crack, as she tried to keep up the charade. “I’m not sure what you mean?”
“Alice, now tell me the truth. Are you happy, dear girl?”
The young woman could feel her façade breaking, and struggled not to cry. She lowered her head. “No, sir, I’m not-not completely.”
“I gave you a once in a lifetime opportunity to spread the company into foreign lands, and see the world beyond England. And now I’m doing if for you again, I’m declaring a redundancy to your position in the company.”
Alice looked up, and expected to see an angry Lord Ascot, but he was smiling. “You are letting me go?”
“And happily, dear girl. I know you will find your happiness elsewhere, as I know it is not here. You are, after all, the daughter of Charles Kingsleigh, are you not?” He got up and collected his things. “Is there anything else I can do for you, young lady?”
“My wages, sir. Will you see they get to my mother-and, may I have the use of your carriage?”
Ascot tipped his hat. “Of course.” He left.
Alice stood at the threshold, one foot in reality and the other standing in the rabbit hole, knowing that this was the point of no return. Once fully inside she would fall rapidly through a maze of dreams and disjointed memories, only to land on that place that would be her reality forever. She sat on the edge of the hole and dangled her feet, suddenly overwhelmed by an unwanted melancholy. It wasn’t as if she absolutely hated her world, she didn’t. Her heart told her that she bore no ill will towards her family, even though they continuously failed to know or understand who she really was.
And then there was that other consideration-Mirana of Marmoreal. Alice felt her heart clench just thinking about the other woman. Alice knew she loved her. In fact, had fallen in love with her with only knowing her a few days. It delighted and shocked her at the same time. But, with accepting the verity of it, Alice felt relieved as well. There would be no more subterfuge, no more pretending to like young men as she had been taught to. Her uniqueness had finally found a name, and that name was Mirana. Her Mirana, her White Queen, the woman she knew she would sacrifice her life for, if the moment ever arose.
Alice removed her coat and neatly folded it, laying it on the ground beside the hole. She then removed the necklace her mother gave her on her engagement day, and placed it on her coat. With a final glance to add to her memories, Alice fell, deliberately, to her destiny.
Chessur materialized just as Alice plopped into the hole and watched as the young woman fell. “I’ll take you to Marmoreal, but that’s the end of it.”
The White Queen sat in front of her mirror and tried to find the energy needed to prepare for the festivities. Actually, it was far too soon to even begin, as it was still early afternoon, but she could not allow herself a moment of free time. Free time would mean thinking about Alice, and those memories were far too heavy to bear at the moment. The inner voice, the one that could no longer be denied, snickered at her, and mocked. You are weak.
“No, I am not!” She shot to her feet, and began pacing her room. “I’ve kept you inside all this time!”
Dance with me again, but this time, I will lead…
The monarch cringed. “No, no more.”
A vile chuckling, sickening and sweet. But I want to come out and play.
Mirana stopped pacing, and sat down on her bed. “I won’t let you have me.”
I have had you, many times; I tear at the fabric of your soul every day, stealing your goodness.
The White Queen fought with her inner demon, but her sorrow interfered with her resolve, and she could feel herself succumbing to it. Please, embrace me; you’ll feel much better when you do.
Mirana lifted her hands to cradle her aching head. “No, no, no…”
The chuckling grew louder, more maniacal, tottering on madness. She left you.
She left you.
She left you.
She left you.
The Queen could not stop the tears from flowing. “Oh, Alice, why did you leave me…”
Will you let me comfort you?
Mirana looked up, and through her tears, saw the face of Alice Kingsleigh, hovering over her, offering her a smile of encouragement. “Alice, it that you?”
Of course, it is, Mirana. Let me comfort you-embrace you.
“Oh, Alice…” And the coldness wrapped itself around her heart, the embrace weaving its venom inside her. She shivered then gasped rather loudly. When her eyes opened, they were as black as her soul.
Tarrant hurried down the corridor that led from the Great Hall to the royal kitchen, with Nivens in tow. “Yes, yes. I’ve seen to all the plans and everything is splendid.”
McTwisp didn’t share the Hatter’s confidence. “But we must get approval from the Queen!”
“Nonsense! All the preparations are complete. But I must find out if the cakes are ready!”
“Tarrant!”
The hatter halted abruptly, and turned to the rabbit. “What is it? You know I’m quite busy at the moment.”
“Tarrant, have you seen her Majesty?”
The hatter shook his head. “No, I have not. I would wager that our dear Queen is in her Chamber, preparing herself for tonight.”
“I’m not…not quite as certain as you, dear hatter. I have this…this…”
Tarrant grabbed the rabbit by the waistcoat. “Spit it out, you rummy old cove!”
Both turned abruptly at the sound of cookware hitting the marble floor, and then a scream. They looked to each before running in the direction of Marmoreal’s kitchen.
Alice walked into the Throne room just as she had one year ago. But this time, she was not a hesitant, naïve young girl, but a young woman with a purpose, and a certainty that she had returned to stay. Chessur appeared next to her and swiped her with his tail.
“Glad to be back, love?”
Alice smiled. “Yes, I am. I finally feel like I’m home.”
“Shall I take you to the White Queen?”
“I don’t know. Should I surprise her at the banquet, or go to her now?”
“Considering her Majesty’s…” Chessur did not finish his statement, but stopped at the sound of someone screaming.
Alice gasped as well, and without hesitation, ran in the direction of the horrible wail.
Tarrant arrived to a kitchen that was in shambles, cookware was strewn all about the room, food everywhere, and standing at the sink, Mirana, a feral look on her face, and a knife pressed at Thackery’s throat. The hatter looked around to see if anyone else was in the room, but the rest of the cooking staff was nowhere to be seen. He took a cautious step into the room.
“Your Majesty?”
Mirana looked up, her eyes black, her pallor shallow, and devoid of compassion. “Yes, Tarrant?” Her grip on the March hare tightened, but the knife remained steady.
The hatter took a deep breath. “Now, Mirana, you know you can trust me. I won’t hurt you…”
The White Queen giggled. “Hurt me? Oh, my dear hatter, there is nothing you could ever do to me that would be worse than this.”
Nivens eased in front of the hatter. “Worse than what, your Majesty?”
Mirana lowered the knife from the hare’s throat and waved it at herself. “This… this pain. I do it to myself…” She fell silent, and then looked at the terrified hare in her hand. “Maybe if I kill this, it will all go away.”
Tarrant took another step closer to his Queen. “What of your vows, your Majesty?” He regretted the question immediately, as Mirana brought the knife back up to Thackery’s throat.
“You think you can trick me, you insolent fool!”
Chessur appeared next to the hatter. The vision before him startled him to the point where he landed at Tarrant’s feet, unable to float. “Your Majesty…”
“Put Thackery down, Mirana.” The voice was cool and calm, and all turned to look at the source of it, Alice. She stepped past Tarrant, and stopped only a few feet away from her White Queen.
Thackery fell to the floor as Mirana’s arms fell to her sides, but she did not let go of the knife. The March hare scurried over to Tarrant, who gingerly picked him up, as he continued to stare at Mirana.
The White Queen glowered, and lashed out in anger. “Is this some sort of hoax?”
Alice didn’t flinch, and continued to offer her Queen her level gaze. “Everyone get out, now.”
Tarrant hesitated, at once both relieved and surprised to see Alice. “Are you sure?”
The young champion nodded but did not turn around. “Yes, it will be alright, and please close the door behind you.”
Chessur tried to speak, but was cut off by Alice’s soft command. “No matter what you hear, or what you think you hear; no one is to re-open the door, understand?”
She was rewarded by the sound of shuffling feet, and the click of the door as it closed.
Mirana continued to glare at her champion, fighting with herself, trying to hold on to the last thread of sanity within her. She turned abruptly around to face the sink. “You must leave.” The words wrenched out, as the darkness seemed to grow.
“Look at me, Mirana.” Alice tried to keep her voice steady.
There was a chuckle, but it was devoid of amusement. “You want me to turn around?”
Alice fought her desire to wrap her arms around her Queen. “Please?”
“Oh, all right.” The White Queen whirled around and backhanded Alice, sending the young woman back a few steps. As Alice lifted her hand to her cheek, the monarch rushed at her, and spun her around.
Mirana grabbed the girl and brought the knife up to her throat. She hissed in Alice’s ear. “I know what you are. You’re not real-I conjured you up!”
For the first time since entering the room, Alice felt a tinge of fear. She slowly brought a hand up and held the arm that drew the knife. “No, my Queen. I am real, very real.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“Can’t you feel your arm around me, my Queen? The warmth under your hand?” Alice loosened her hold on Mirana’s arm, and began to stroke it with her fingers. “Feel my fingers, Mirana.”
The White Queen did, in fact, feel the silky warmth under her arms, but instead of bringing relief and comfort, it ignited the sinister presence within. Her head fell back as a menacing chuckle emanated from her mouth. She tightened her hold around the girl and lifted her up, dragging the young champion to a table. She threw Alice against it and bent her over. “Shall I make you mine?”
Alice gasped as she tried to inhale, and feared that one of her ribs might be cracked. “Please, my Queen, don’t do this. Let me help you.” A trickle of fear laced her voice, and Mirana heard it.
The monarch settled behind the young woman splayed in front of her, and pressed herself onto the prone figure. “Are you afraid?”
Alice closed her eyes. “Yes, but I’m not afraid of you, my Queen. I could never be afraid of you because I know you love me just as much as I love you. I know that I should have never left you when I did, and I want to tell you I’m sorry for doing so. My mind was confused as to what I needed. I thought I was destined to follow in my father’s footsteps, and continue his dream.” Alice could feel the body above her shift slightly. “But I was wrong.”
Mirana inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. For the briefest of moments a flare of white light pierced the darkness within. “Wrong?”
Alice drew strength, her inner resolve steady. “Yes, my Queen, I was wrong to leave you, and that’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid of loosing you, Mirana. I’m afraid that I may have come back too late, that all we did feel for each other might be lost forever.”
“Lost?” A flare of self-doubt as the darkness receded some more.
“I do not fear what you may do to me, as I know that you are suffering your inner turmoil. You could never to do anything to make me hate you, my Queen. You must understand that I will not hate you, even if you rape me.” Alice shivered slightly, her love for the Queen flourishing beyond any of her doubts or current fears.
The White Queen recoiled, as Alice’s words-and love-penetrated into her soul, beyond the blackness. “Lost…”
“Yes, my Queen. Lost, because I was a fool. I love you, yet I fear at this moment that it may not be enough. But I will never stop loving you. Now that I am here I know that my love for you is endless. Nothing can ever separate me from my feelings for you, they will remain forever, even beyond the end of time.”
The knife fell to the floor as the White Queen took a step back. She clutched at her head and staggered back some more. “What… Alice?”
Alice winched as she lifted herself from the table. Grunting, she stretched and turned around. Mirana was on the marble floor, clutching her head. The young champion knelt before her Queen. “Mirana?”
The White Queen lowered her head. “Please, go.” It was a whisper.
When Mirana looked up, the darkness was gone, but replaced by a confusion that broke Alice’s heart. “No, I’m never leaving you, Mirana. You are my Queen-and my beloved-as I am your Champion, returned to you at last.”
“Alice, is this…real?” Mirana reached out to touch Alice, but stopped as Alice flinched slightly.
Alice, her muchness recovered, reached out to her White Queen and enveloped her into her arms, feeling how frail the Queen had become. Her anchored emotions poured out of her, and she began to cry. “I love you, I love you.”
Mirana wrapped her arms around her Champion, and as Alice’s tears fell onto her neck, she was finally washed clean from all her inner mayhem and filth. “Oh, Alice-it is you, it is you…” She broke down, and wept.
Tarrant, who had stayed at the door and was listening, let out a ragged breath and collapsed against the wall, sliding down it, as he could no longer stand. “Thank you, Alice, thank you…”
*****
Alice walked out of Mirana’s bathing chamber, wrapped in a soft cotton robe, using a towel to dry her hair. She stopped at the foot of her Queen’s bed and smiled. “How are you feeling?”
Mirana was in her own robe, sitting up against soft pillows, a cup of tea in her hands. She looked up into her Champion’s eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
Her Champion smiled even brighter and threw the towel on the floor. She climbed onto the bed and sat in front of her Queen. “Yes, you do. As much as I deserve you.”
The Queen had yet to offer the young woman a smile. “I almost took your-“
Alice reached out and placed a finger on Mirana’s lips. “No, Mirana, I know that you have danced with the devil, but let us not dwell on evil. I did not return to Underland to reside in darkness.”
The monarch smiled somewhat at the feel of Alice’s soft skin. “You came back for me?”
Alice took the cup from Mirana’s hands and placed it on the night table. She took her Queen’s hands into her own. “I’m in love with you, my Queen. I knew I loved you as I put on the Armor of Underland to face the Jabberwock. I do not know if I ever could have faced that thing had my heart not belonged to you. You are worth fighting for, Mirana.” She brought her monarch’s hands up to her lips and kissed them.
Her Queen closed her eyes briefly, as the warmth from Alice’s hands percolated within her, closing her inner wounds. “I’m in love with you, too, my sweet Alice. I did not want to be, but I could not help it. You were-and are-so light and pure that my heart did not stand a chance. I am yours.” She reached forward and drew Alice to her, enveloping her Champion in her arms. “I love you.”
Alice sighed and scooted closer to her beloved. “Do you want to attend the celebration?”
Mirana opened her eyes. “I don’t know. Do you?”
The Champion looked up to her Queen. “Do you?” She chuckled. “Only if you want to.”
Mirana thought for a moment. “Would it be so terribly rude if we did not attend?”
Alice smiled. “Some may think so, but not those who love you.”
The White Queen returned her Champion’s smile. “Then let us be still, and enjoy each others company.”
Alice sat back. “I would like to remove my housecoat.”
Mirana tilted her head. “Then by all means… oh, oh…” She blushed. “Please do.”
Alice’s eyes never wavered as she continued to stare at her Queen, removing the garment and throwing it on the marble floor. She smirked, and extended her hand. “My Queen?”
The Queen blushed again as she removed her own dressing gown and gave it to her Champion. Alice threw it on the ground and sat back again, her eyes misting over. “You are so beautiful. May I kiss you, my Queen?”
Mirana nodded and Alice moved to within inches, and then slowly placed her lips on her beloveds. Alice parted her lips and slowly ran her tongue over Mirana’s lips, silently begging for entrance. Mirana moaned as Alice’s tongue entered her, and she put her hand on the back of her Alice’s head, pulling her closer. The kiss was sweet and loving, uniting their hearts as one, binding them forever.
Alice pulled back as the need for air became too much. “I love you.”
The Queen caressed her Champion’s cheek. “I love you. Come in bed?”
Alice nodded and crawled into the bed beside her Queen and wrapped her arms around her. They fell asleep quickly, and floated together in the land of dreams.
Length: about 4300 words
Rating: NC-17 for extreme adult content.
Summary: It is the anniversary of Frabjous Day, and Mirana can no longer keep her inner darkness in check.
Warnings: Not a warning, but "malice" abounds.
The forest, dark and gloomy, expanded before her, even as her eyes struggled to get used to the dark.
Things flew past her, dark and tremulous, waft-like, and left a tiny tendril of smoke in their wake-the only indication that they were real, and not imagined. Mirana pressed on, her focus on the clearing beyond the trees. But as her steps drew her closer, the unrelenting shadows pushed back, creating a chasm between her and the clearing beyond. A figure stood in the open space, beckoning her to the light, to the one whose goodness could never be called into doubt. But then something-a thing-a cold wraith-like form loomed in front of her, separating her from the one beyond. It drew her in and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into an all too familiar dance. And then the voice, foul and intrusive, dripping with honey…
“…I’m waiting. Sooner or later, you will slip up, and I will be there…”
Mirana shot up in bed, and for a moment, looked around like a crazed harpy. But there was nothing out of the ordinary; she was alone and in her own bed. She lay back down and closed her eyes. Alone? Again? Mirana lifted a hand and wiped at her eyes.
“I won’t do this, not today.” She wished for a sympathetic embrace-a woman’s embrace; a particular woman, blonde wavy hair, soft brown eyes-but there was no one to comfort her.
*****
The late morning was sunny and pleasant, the first day of spring were it was actually warm outside. The first of the spring flowers were blooming and rocking horse flies flitted in and about the swaying limbs of trees. It was more than the warmth that caused them to do so, but the day’s anniversary. Frabjous Day. The first anniversary of that joyous day was upon them, and, in all of Underland, celebrations and festivals would be celebrated.
Marmoreal was in chaos, as the preparations for the evening festivities were well underway. People were everywhere, either helping to decorate the great hall or offering suggestions for where certain items, like the Armor of Underland, should be placed. Mirana ducked her head inside the great hall and watched as four knights lifted the armor and placed it next to the banquet table, near her chair. The Queen shivered slightly, as a malevolent sensation unfettered itself from her careful self-control, and coiled its way to the surface.
Marmoreal’s chaos was pale compared to what its Queen was suffering. The darkness, so well hidden-untapped, unexploited-festered in her soul, like a shadowy spot in the blackest night. When all was well, it was not difficult to simply let it hover on the edge, taunting like a trickster, only to send it away without its fulfillment. It was a dangerous dance, but one that up until now was one she could move through.
The armor was not where she wanted it, but she was in no mood to go into the hall itself and make herself known. She turned away from the scene and followed the main passageway until she reached the Great Foyer. A small passageway for servants led from the right side of the foyer and she followed it; it led to several smaller rooms for linens, tableware, and other such things, and a dressing room, for dignitaries.
She entered that room, and closed the wooden door behind her, and then collapsed on it. A year-a whole year-since Alice had left her, to attend to the world above, and she had not heard from her. Not one word, not even a note, not even from one of the many spies sent to track the young girl, and everything she did.
Mirana was not herself, she realized, but was full of sorrow, because after a whole year, she could no longer keep it inside, away from all, even herself. A moan escaped her lips, despite her best effort to suppress it, and she bent over in reaction to it, bringing her arms to her sides. A sob escaped her lips and she squeezed her eyes shut, but it did not work, the tears escaped, even though she hated herself for such weakness-and the darkness was at the door, as well, and knocking rather loudly.
She felt a stirring beside her, and looked up, wiping at her eyes. “Is that you, Chess?”
The cat materialized a good few feet from her, and floated in the air. “Yes, my Queen.”
Mirana stood to full height, and waved off her weakness. “Don’t you have work to do, preparing for the night?” The blackness now pleaded with her, but she wrenched it deeper.
“I did, your Majesty. But now have more important things to do.”
“What things?”
Chessur sighed. “Mirana, how can I help?”
She berated herself, for being so transparent, but decided on the honest answer. “I don’t know, Chess. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, pretending that nothing is wrong.”
The cat nodded. “It is Alice.” It was more of a statement, and not a question.
“I can’t have my subjects seeing me like this-weak, and good for nothing.” And, she realized, not only weak, but dangerous.
“No one else has suspected, I’ve seen to that, except maybe Tarrant. He’s in love with her, too.” Chessur floated over to his Queen.
“I’m not in love with her!” As soon as the words escaped her mouth, she regretted it.
Chessur grinned, and caressed his monarch’s cheek with his tail. “Don’t be petulant, Mirana, it is unbecoming a Queen.”
Mirana looked at the cat. “Do you think people would notice if I don’t show up tonight?”
“Yes, my Queen, they would notice.” The cat could feel the pain rolling off his Queen. “That you did not attend the morning festival is already starting to cause a stir.”
The Queen nodded. “Fine. I will show up, make my speech, then leave. That ought to satisfy them.” She reached for the door handle. “I’ll be in my chamber, should you need me.”
Chessur watched as Mirana left the room, shoulders slumped, and resigned to grief. He made a decision that he knew he would never regret.
The Cheshire cat was agitated, and angry. Instead of flitting through the air, as he usually did, he strode into the small building with a purpose, his gait heavy. He reached a certain door and slammed it open with a mighty shove, and then flattened his ears.
“Alice Kingsleigh! I will not stand for it, not one minute longer!”
Alice closed the ledger she was scribbling in and stood up immediately. “Chessur, what are you doing here? Its not your appointed time.”
The cat jumped onto the desk then closed the distance between them. He reached out with his paw and backhanded the young woman, then stood back.
Alice staggered back a bit then reached up to touch her face. “What was that for?”
“I will no longer allow you to hurt the Queen, Alice. I told you a whole month ago that Mirana needed you and still-” A growl escaped him and he crouched down.
Alice turned away from him. “I told you, I couldn’t.”
Chessur pounced and Alice landed flat on her back, on the floor. The cat sat on her chest and bent his head to look at her. “You, young woman, are being cruel. I never would have suspected such deliberate behavior from you, until now.” He leaned in so close that his nose touched hers. “Go to her, Alice. I know, deep down inside, that you want to.” But before he vanished, he twisted the knife some more. “You have lost your muchness, again.”
Alice let out a long breath, but did not get up. She continued to lie on the wooden floor trying to collect her thoughts. After awhile she brought her hand up to wipe away a tear.
“I’m so sorry, Mirana, but-“ She sat up, momentarily unsure as to why she could not return to Underland.
“My dear Alice, whatever are you doing on the floor?”
Alice looked up and into the concerned face of Lord Ascot, standing in the doorway. “Nothing, sir, I was just stretching my back.” She got up and brushed the dust off her trousers, then sat back in the chair. “May I help you with something, sir?”
Lord Ascot hung up his walking stick, along with his coat, and then sat down opposite Alice, on the other side of the desk. “Are you all right, my dear?”
Alice forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
Ascot continued to look at his protégé. The young woman did not look well, in fact, ever since her return from China, she had seemed distracted, her focus somewhere else, and not on the company. “I wonder if you are.”
“Sir?”
Ascot offered the young woman a small smile. “Alice, my dear, I was very close to your father, and, up until the day he died, was his best friend. He trusted me and I him. One day he asked me, if anything were ever to happen to him, to look after you if the need ever arose. Well, sad to say, it did. I don’t think he ever anticipated dying so young, but he made me promise anyway. I would be remiss, as his best friend, to not seeing that you were completely happy.”
Alice could feel her heart crack, as she tried to keep up the charade. “I’m not sure what you mean?”
“Alice, now tell me the truth. Are you happy, dear girl?”
The young woman could feel her façade breaking, and struggled not to cry. She lowered her head. “No, sir, I’m not-not completely.”
“I gave you a once in a lifetime opportunity to spread the company into foreign lands, and see the world beyond England. And now I’m doing if for you again, I’m declaring a redundancy to your position in the company.”
Alice looked up, and expected to see an angry Lord Ascot, but he was smiling. “You are letting me go?”
“And happily, dear girl. I know you will find your happiness elsewhere, as I know it is not here. You are, after all, the daughter of Charles Kingsleigh, are you not?” He got up and collected his things. “Is there anything else I can do for you, young lady?”
“My wages, sir. Will you see they get to my mother-and, may I have the use of your carriage?”
Ascot tipped his hat. “Of course.” He left.
Alice stood at the threshold, one foot in reality and the other standing in the rabbit hole, knowing that this was the point of no return. Once fully inside she would fall rapidly through a maze of dreams and disjointed memories, only to land on that place that would be her reality forever. She sat on the edge of the hole and dangled her feet, suddenly overwhelmed by an unwanted melancholy. It wasn’t as if she absolutely hated her world, she didn’t. Her heart told her that she bore no ill will towards her family, even though they continuously failed to know or understand who she really was.
And then there was that other consideration-Mirana of Marmoreal. Alice felt her heart clench just thinking about the other woman. Alice knew she loved her. In fact, had fallen in love with her with only knowing her a few days. It delighted and shocked her at the same time. But, with accepting the verity of it, Alice felt relieved as well. There would be no more subterfuge, no more pretending to like young men as she had been taught to. Her uniqueness had finally found a name, and that name was Mirana. Her Mirana, her White Queen, the woman she knew she would sacrifice her life for, if the moment ever arose.
Alice removed her coat and neatly folded it, laying it on the ground beside the hole. She then removed the necklace her mother gave her on her engagement day, and placed it on her coat. With a final glance to add to her memories, Alice fell, deliberately, to her destiny.
Chessur materialized just as Alice plopped into the hole and watched as the young woman fell. “I’ll take you to Marmoreal, but that’s the end of it.”
The White Queen sat in front of her mirror and tried to find the energy needed to prepare for the festivities. Actually, it was far too soon to even begin, as it was still early afternoon, but she could not allow herself a moment of free time. Free time would mean thinking about Alice, and those memories were far too heavy to bear at the moment. The inner voice, the one that could no longer be denied, snickered at her, and mocked. You are weak.
“No, I am not!” She shot to her feet, and began pacing her room. “I’ve kept you inside all this time!”
Dance with me again, but this time, I will lead…
The monarch cringed. “No, no more.”
A vile chuckling, sickening and sweet. But I want to come out and play.
Mirana stopped pacing, and sat down on her bed. “I won’t let you have me.”
I have had you, many times; I tear at the fabric of your soul every day, stealing your goodness.
The White Queen fought with her inner demon, but her sorrow interfered with her resolve, and she could feel herself succumbing to it. Please, embrace me; you’ll feel much better when you do.
Mirana lifted her hands to cradle her aching head. “No, no, no…”
The chuckling grew louder, more maniacal, tottering on madness. She left you.
She left you.
She left you.
She left you.
The Queen could not stop the tears from flowing. “Oh, Alice, why did you leave me…”
Will you let me comfort you?
Mirana looked up, and through her tears, saw the face of Alice Kingsleigh, hovering over her, offering her a smile of encouragement. “Alice, it that you?”
Of course, it is, Mirana. Let me comfort you-embrace you.
“Oh, Alice…” And the coldness wrapped itself around her heart, the embrace weaving its venom inside her. She shivered then gasped rather loudly. When her eyes opened, they were as black as her soul.
Tarrant hurried down the corridor that led from the Great Hall to the royal kitchen, with Nivens in tow. “Yes, yes. I’ve seen to all the plans and everything is splendid.”
McTwisp didn’t share the Hatter’s confidence. “But we must get approval from the Queen!”
“Nonsense! All the preparations are complete. But I must find out if the cakes are ready!”
“Tarrant!”
The hatter halted abruptly, and turned to the rabbit. “What is it? You know I’m quite busy at the moment.”
“Tarrant, have you seen her Majesty?”
The hatter shook his head. “No, I have not. I would wager that our dear Queen is in her Chamber, preparing herself for tonight.”
“I’m not…not quite as certain as you, dear hatter. I have this…this…”
Tarrant grabbed the rabbit by the waistcoat. “Spit it out, you rummy old cove!”
Both turned abruptly at the sound of cookware hitting the marble floor, and then a scream. They looked to each before running in the direction of Marmoreal’s kitchen.
Alice walked into the Throne room just as she had one year ago. But this time, she was not a hesitant, naïve young girl, but a young woman with a purpose, and a certainty that she had returned to stay. Chessur appeared next to her and swiped her with his tail.
“Glad to be back, love?”
Alice smiled. “Yes, I am. I finally feel like I’m home.”
“Shall I take you to the White Queen?”
“I don’t know. Should I surprise her at the banquet, or go to her now?”
“Considering her Majesty’s…” Chessur did not finish his statement, but stopped at the sound of someone screaming.
Alice gasped as well, and without hesitation, ran in the direction of the horrible wail.
Tarrant arrived to a kitchen that was in shambles, cookware was strewn all about the room, food everywhere, and standing at the sink, Mirana, a feral look on her face, and a knife pressed at Thackery’s throat. The hatter looked around to see if anyone else was in the room, but the rest of the cooking staff was nowhere to be seen. He took a cautious step into the room.
“Your Majesty?”
Mirana looked up, her eyes black, her pallor shallow, and devoid of compassion. “Yes, Tarrant?” Her grip on the March hare tightened, but the knife remained steady.
The hatter took a deep breath. “Now, Mirana, you know you can trust me. I won’t hurt you…”
The White Queen giggled. “Hurt me? Oh, my dear hatter, there is nothing you could ever do to me that would be worse than this.”
Nivens eased in front of the hatter. “Worse than what, your Majesty?”
Mirana lowered the knife from the hare’s throat and waved it at herself. “This… this pain. I do it to myself…” She fell silent, and then looked at the terrified hare in her hand. “Maybe if I kill this, it will all go away.”
Tarrant took another step closer to his Queen. “What of your vows, your Majesty?” He regretted the question immediately, as Mirana brought the knife back up to Thackery’s throat.
“You think you can trick me, you insolent fool!”
Chessur appeared next to the hatter. The vision before him startled him to the point where he landed at Tarrant’s feet, unable to float. “Your Majesty…”
“Put Thackery down, Mirana.” The voice was cool and calm, and all turned to look at the source of it, Alice. She stepped past Tarrant, and stopped only a few feet away from her White Queen.
Thackery fell to the floor as Mirana’s arms fell to her sides, but she did not let go of the knife. The March hare scurried over to Tarrant, who gingerly picked him up, as he continued to stare at Mirana.
The White Queen glowered, and lashed out in anger. “Is this some sort of hoax?”
Alice didn’t flinch, and continued to offer her Queen her level gaze. “Everyone get out, now.”
Tarrant hesitated, at once both relieved and surprised to see Alice. “Are you sure?”
The young champion nodded but did not turn around. “Yes, it will be alright, and please close the door behind you.”
Chessur tried to speak, but was cut off by Alice’s soft command. “No matter what you hear, or what you think you hear; no one is to re-open the door, understand?”
She was rewarded by the sound of shuffling feet, and the click of the door as it closed.
Mirana continued to glare at her champion, fighting with herself, trying to hold on to the last thread of sanity within her. She turned abruptly around to face the sink. “You must leave.” The words wrenched out, as the darkness seemed to grow.
“Look at me, Mirana.” Alice tried to keep her voice steady.
There was a chuckle, but it was devoid of amusement. “You want me to turn around?”
Alice fought her desire to wrap her arms around her Queen. “Please?”
“Oh, all right.” The White Queen whirled around and backhanded Alice, sending the young woman back a few steps. As Alice lifted her hand to her cheek, the monarch rushed at her, and spun her around.
Mirana grabbed the girl and brought the knife up to her throat. She hissed in Alice’s ear. “I know what you are. You’re not real-I conjured you up!”
For the first time since entering the room, Alice felt a tinge of fear. She slowly brought a hand up and held the arm that drew the knife. “No, my Queen. I am real, very real.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“Can’t you feel your arm around me, my Queen? The warmth under your hand?” Alice loosened her hold on Mirana’s arm, and began to stroke it with her fingers. “Feel my fingers, Mirana.”
The White Queen did, in fact, feel the silky warmth under her arms, but instead of bringing relief and comfort, it ignited the sinister presence within. Her head fell back as a menacing chuckle emanated from her mouth. She tightened her hold around the girl and lifted her up, dragging the young champion to a table. She threw Alice against it and bent her over. “Shall I make you mine?”
Alice gasped as she tried to inhale, and feared that one of her ribs might be cracked. “Please, my Queen, don’t do this. Let me help you.” A trickle of fear laced her voice, and Mirana heard it.
The monarch settled behind the young woman splayed in front of her, and pressed herself onto the prone figure. “Are you afraid?”
Alice closed her eyes. “Yes, but I’m not afraid of you, my Queen. I could never be afraid of you because I know you love me just as much as I love you. I know that I should have never left you when I did, and I want to tell you I’m sorry for doing so. My mind was confused as to what I needed. I thought I was destined to follow in my father’s footsteps, and continue his dream.” Alice could feel the body above her shift slightly. “But I was wrong.”
Mirana inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. For the briefest of moments a flare of white light pierced the darkness within. “Wrong?”
Alice drew strength, her inner resolve steady. “Yes, my Queen, I was wrong to leave you, and that’s why I’m afraid. I’m afraid of loosing you, Mirana. I’m afraid that I may have come back too late, that all we did feel for each other might be lost forever.”
“Lost?” A flare of self-doubt as the darkness receded some more.
“I do not fear what you may do to me, as I know that you are suffering your inner turmoil. You could never to do anything to make me hate you, my Queen. You must understand that I will not hate you, even if you rape me.” Alice shivered slightly, her love for the Queen flourishing beyond any of her doubts or current fears.
The White Queen recoiled, as Alice’s words-and love-penetrated into her soul, beyond the blackness. “Lost…”
“Yes, my Queen. Lost, because I was a fool. I love you, yet I fear at this moment that it may not be enough. But I will never stop loving you. Now that I am here I know that my love for you is endless. Nothing can ever separate me from my feelings for you, they will remain forever, even beyond the end of time.”
The knife fell to the floor as the White Queen took a step back. She clutched at her head and staggered back some more. “What… Alice?”
Alice winched as she lifted herself from the table. Grunting, she stretched and turned around. Mirana was on the marble floor, clutching her head. The young champion knelt before her Queen. “Mirana?”
The White Queen lowered her head. “Please, go.” It was a whisper.
When Mirana looked up, the darkness was gone, but replaced by a confusion that broke Alice’s heart. “No, I’m never leaving you, Mirana. You are my Queen-and my beloved-as I am your Champion, returned to you at last.”
“Alice, is this…real?” Mirana reached out to touch Alice, but stopped as Alice flinched slightly.
Alice, her muchness recovered, reached out to her White Queen and enveloped her into her arms, feeling how frail the Queen had become. Her anchored emotions poured out of her, and she began to cry. “I love you, I love you.”
Mirana wrapped her arms around her Champion, and as Alice’s tears fell onto her neck, she was finally washed clean from all her inner mayhem and filth. “Oh, Alice-it is you, it is you…” She broke down, and wept.
Tarrant, who had stayed at the door and was listening, let out a ragged breath and collapsed against the wall, sliding down it, as he could no longer stand. “Thank you, Alice, thank you…”
*****
Alice walked out of Mirana’s bathing chamber, wrapped in a soft cotton robe, using a towel to dry her hair. She stopped at the foot of her Queen’s bed and smiled. “How are you feeling?”
Mirana was in her own robe, sitting up against soft pillows, a cup of tea in her hands. She looked up into her Champion’s eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
Her Champion smiled even brighter and threw the towel on the floor. She climbed onto the bed and sat in front of her Queen. “Yes, you do. As much as I deserve you.”
The Queen had yet to offer the young woman a smile. “I almost took your-“
Alice reached out and placed a finger on Mirana’s lips. “No, Mirana, I know that you have danced with the devil, but let us not dwell on evil. I did not return to Underland to reside in darkness.”
The monarch smiled somewhat at the feel of Alice’s soft skin. “You came back for me?”
Alice took the cup from Mirana’s hands and placed it on the night table. She took her Queen’s hands into her own. “I’m in love with you, my Queen. I knew I loved you as I put on the Armor of Underland to face the Jabberwock. I do not know if I ever could have faced that thing had my heart not belonged to you. You are worth fighting for, Mirana.” She brought her monarch’s hands up to her lips and kissed them.
Her Queen closed her eyes briefly, as the warmth from Alice’s hands percolated within her, closing her inner wounds. “I’m in love with you, too, my sweet Alice. I did not want to be, but I could not help it. You were-and are-so light and pure that my heart did not stand a chance. I am yours.” She reached forward and drew Alice to her, enveloping her Champion in her arms. “I love you.”
Alice sighed and scooted closer to her beloved. “Do you want to attend the celebration?”
Mirana opened her eyes. “I don’t know. Do you?”
The Champion looked up to her Queen. “Do you?” She chuckled. “Only if you want to.”
Mirana thought for a moment. “Would it be so terribly rude if we did not attend?”
Alice smiled. “Some may think so, but not those who love you.”
The White Queen returned her Champion’s smile. “Then let us be still, and enjoy each others company.”
Alice sat back. “I would like to remove my housecoat.”
Mirana tilted her head. “Then by all means… oh, oh…” She blushed. “Please do.”
Alice’s eyes never wavered as she continued to stare at her Queen, removing the garment and throwing it on the marble floor. She smirked, and extended her hand. “My Queen?”
The Queen blushed again as she removed her own dressing gown and gave it to her Champion. Alice threw it on the ground and sat back again, her eyes misting over. “You are so beautiful. May I kiss you, my Queen?”
Mirana nodded and Alice moved to within inches, and then slowly placed her lips on her beloveds. Alice parted her lips and slowly ran her tongue over Mirana’s lips, silently begging for entrance. Mirana moaned as Alice’s tongue entered her, and she put her hand on the back of her Alice’s head, pulling her closer. The kiss was sweet and loving, uniting their hearts as one, binding them forever.
Alice pulled back as the need for air became too much. “I love you.”
The Queen caressed her Champion’s cheek. “I love you. Come in bed?”
Alice nodded and crawled into the bed beside her Queen and wrapped her arms around her. They fell asleep quickly, and floated together in the land of dreams.