(no subject)

[alicenxtc]

so here comes another random bitch rant from me. why is is the only time i seem to chat on lj, is when i have nothing but negative things to say? i just want all of you to know, that im not a depressing person i dont think. i've just been having a really shitty time lately and not been dealing too well. so im fucking depressed again. since i havent gotten my lazy ass up and gotten into school, i am now un-insured. no fucking healthcare. this ordinarely wouldn't mean that much to me, but without insurance, i have no medication. this wouldnt be that big of a deal, but now i can no longer get any of my anti-depressants. its been a couple weeks since i've been off them, and i ahte to say it but im a complete fucking trainwreck. i've been advoiding everyone because im afraid i might get all bi-polar on them, and i DO NOT want anyone to see me acting like that, manic, or depressive. now, my other half - tina is REALLY fuckuing pissed off at me, she like ripped me a new one on the phone today. im at the point now where i dont really care anymore if everyone is mad at me, its probably for the best that everyone advoid me. im under too much pressure from my parents to get a job or get the fuck out. i know i need a job, but i dont want my baby in a day care. i want her with me. i try to stay in a good mood and keep all my feelings inside because i know no one wants to hear about my problems. everyone has their own problems to deal with. i fucking need my medication, im crying at the slightest thing, and all i want is my brain to slow the fuck down and stop over-analyzing everything. i feel like im giong to snap and kill something, but i can't, ive got to keep it all together. for christ sakes, i've got a 5 month old beautiful baby girl to take care of. i dont want her to have a mom who is two steps away from ending up in the halfway house for the third time now. im turning into a major hermit. i'd much rather stay at home now then hang out with anyone. im pissing my life awayand i need to find some sort of outlet for all this, but im having trouble doing it by myself. i just have no fucking clue what to do..........

peace, love, and sanity to all
jen