scarlett letter
I push people away, or never let them close enough to warrant pushing, and then I wonder why I'm alone ninety percent of the time. I wonder why, when I go to talk to my friends, we have nothing to say to each other.
Alone on the weekend. I guess this is the last step down. It's pathetic how I cling to something that isn't there. I used to worry that I'd miss The Circle when it all came to a final head, but The Circle kind of ostracized me first. Not suddenly and not in an obvious way, and maybe not even on purpose. We all know the likely outcome and there's no point in putting time into something (someone) that probably won't be around much longer.
This is why I don't ever update any more. Who wants to read this? I just drag everyone down. I know misery is supposed to love company, but I'm not of that mind. My pity parties are VIP only and I'm the only one on the list. If one of my really close friends is down, I don't care how much they complain and cry and talk about whatever's bothering them over and over. It never occurs to me to be irritated. But someone I'm not that close to? Don't tell me your problems, I'm not a damn therapist. A perfect example of such a situation happened to me not too long ago and I quit a job over it. I can't stand drama queens, immaturity in the workplace, and "my problems my problems my probems" from someone I'm not even sure I like yet. And I think I'm teetering on that edge with many people, so I want to keep the suicidal outbursts to a minimum.
I'm just tired of being sad all the time. No messy details no one wants to read and I don't want to write - just that brief summation.
Alone on the weekend. I guess this is the last step down. It's pathetic how I cling to something that isn't there. I used to worry that I'd miss The Circle when it all came to a final head, but The Circle kind of ostracized me first. Not suddenly and not in an obvious way, and maybe not even on purpose. We all know the likely outcome and there's no point in putting time into something (someone) that probably won't be around much longer.
This is why I don't ever update any more. Who wants to read this? I just drag everyone down. I know misery is supposed to love company, but I'm not of that mind. My pity parties are VIP only and I'm the only one on the list. If one of my really close friends is down, I don't care how much they complain and cry and talk about whatever's bothering them over and over. It never occurs to me to be irritated. But someone I'm not that close to? Don't tell me your problems, I'm not a damn therapist. A perfect example of such a situation happened to me not too long ago and I quit a job over it. I can't stand drama queens, immaturity in the workplace, and "my problems my problems my probems" from someone I'm not even sure I like yet. And I think I'm teetering on that edge with many people, so I want to keep the suicidal outbursts to a minimum.
I'm just tired of being sad all the time. No messy details no one wants to read and I don't want to write - just that brief summation.