The Heart Never Lies [1/?]
Author: alicefactor
Title: The Heart Never Lies
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: ichigo/ishida, suggested ichigo/renji
Word Count: 2,160
Warnings: m-preg, angsty, suggestive
Notes: Thank you my beautiful betas! bronzetigress & slavetosuicide ! I owe this all to them. I put a lot of effort into it and I hope you enjoy this fic, there's probably going to be around 6 parts. Enjoy the Ichigo / Ishida angst.
COMMUNITY DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.
THE HEART NEVER LIES.
Word Count: 2,106
Through the clearing mist walked a lanky figure, head held low. The clearly-defined figure was coming towards a second, who was crouched in the small alleyway. The second of the two unidentified figures sat with its head between its legs and was shaking slightly. The first figure stood before the second, which raised its head and took the first’s hand. Both people stayed like that for a moment, one hand clasped to the other, until both were standing. As the second person stood he was seen to be a bit taller than the first, bundled well into a jacket and clad in jeans. The first figure was dressed in a abnormally white outfit; a shawl of white over a matching shirt and tight white pants with boots all accented in blue. He had glasses on the bridge of his nose; they slipped off as he looked towards the ground.
All that could be heard in the alley was the sweet tinkle of the eyewear hitting the ground.
[one mother earlier]
Licking his lips, Ichigo leaned in. His body had been yearning for this friction. Hands moved against each other fluidly, traveling towards the regions which he knew were forbidden. It happened swiftly, with little difficulty and much guilt, but it was done. Ichigo left the motel room clean. He’d made sure not a speck was out of order as he exited the place which he was ashamed to see when driving past during the day, because it was where twice, yes twice, he had cheated. Where was the justification or the reasoning? It wasn’t anywhere, and that’s what sent him on a guilt trip.
Ichigo returned home to his loving fiancé who had prepared a dinner prepared just perfect in the apartment with the perfect setting. A kiss on the cheek was all Uryuu received and he didn’t mind, though he did miss the more ravenous nights when his lover would return with some cheesy gift and then spend time with him, letting the food get cold and their bodies warm.
“How was your father?” the home maker asked, his voice attentive and curious.
Father… yeah, right. “Fine. The girls say hello.” Ichigo grinned and pushed away the sarcastic voice of his conscience saying to him ‘As does Renji’. That would give him away, and that was the last thing Ichigo needed. He was going to quit Renji like a cigarette. He didn’t love him, he didn’t need him, the man was just something to fill the craving.
“Good.” Uryuu smiled and sat them down at the table for dinner. It was unnaturally silent with minimal glances, and it worried Uryuu.
After dinner Uryuu, Uryuu cleaned up while Ichigo paced their bedroom trying to think of anything besides Renji, anything other than how wild and free he felt outside of his neat orderly life with Uryuu. He was frustrated because he loved his fiancé. Really, he did. But that damned pride of Uryuu’s stopped them from progressing from where they were. He wanted to talk about marriage and babies, but Ichigo still wanted to be a teenager and live like one.
Once he was done cleaning up after them, Uryuu joined his lover in the bedroom, popping a pill before settling onto the bed. He beckoned Ichigo to join him, smiling when he did. Uryuu had his fiancé make love to him and was blind to the lack of interest that Ichigo had. He assumed the other knew that he was on fertility drugs, but recently they’d been losing touch and Uryuu felt his chest fall a bit at the thought before his eyes closed into a fitful sleep next to his lover.
Morning brought a promising day. Uryuu tidied up the room only to find a match box in Ichigo’s coat, and felt a tensing feeling well up. He left it on the night stand where Ichigo would find it when he woke. Uryuu got dressed in his school uniform and left. It wasn’t unusual for Ichigo to skip now and then, and he assumed if Ichigo wasn’t going to wake up on time he might skip.
“Bastard,” Ichigo muttered, getting out of bed knowing he was about two hours late for school. Just as he was about to stand, he looked over at the small end table and saw the matchbox. What was Uryuu even doing looking through my coat pockets? The feeling of getting caught was not one that he wanted to experience. Haphazardly, he threw on his school uniform and joined his class and slid into the façade of 'everything is fine'. He was too young to have proposed to Uryuu. Way too young… but it wasn’t like he could take his proposal back; not when Uryuu Uryuu was so proud of it, so easily able to show off to their friends and gossip with the girls. Ugh.
After lunch, Ichigo grabbed Renji, pulling him into a closet. It was quick, and heated, but exactly what he needed. Renji sat in class afterwards with a big grin, and Ichigo was relieved to have a bit of stress relief, though the guilt soon hit him like a brick when Uryuu grabbed his hand walking back home. Gulping, he glanced sideways at his lover.
“Why did you have a match box from a motel in your coat?” The question was swift.
“Because I stayed there for a bit--”
“Why?” The question pressed rapidly past Uryuu’s lips; he felt suspicious asking.
“Because, damn it, isn’t that enough?” The orange haired-boy strutted faster, leaving Uryuu confused behind him. Ichigo started in a run towards their apartment.
“KUROSA-!” Uryuu screamed, running after the other with a frown. “Fuck, why are you running away?” he asked, tackling the other to the ground. “Tell me, damn it!” he said, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. “You’ve been… distant and I can’t seem to get you to love me anymore,” he said softly getting off Ichigo.
“I do, I love you. That's why I put that bloody ring on your finger, but--”
“But what? Tell me.” Uryuu bit his lip. “Just… tell me, please. I want to fix this, I’ll understand.”
“No, you won’t.” Ichigo looked sideways at the sunset reflection on the all-too-familiar canal. “I-I cheated. I love you so much. I don’t even know why, but I--” he stammered, trying to justify himself as both of them stood up.
Moments later, Ichigo found himself on the ground again, as the Quincy had decked him in the jaw, blubbering. “What? Why? With who? Rukia?!,” The Quincy felt his heart squeezing tightly. Why? he asked in his thoughts to anyone who would listen. Instead, when he looked down at… at whomever Ichigo considered himself to be anymore… Covering his ears, he sprinted back to their apartment, locking the door behind him, and leaning back against it, heart pounding like a hammer.
Ichigo walked back, taking his sweet time meandering the longest way possible, and he sat outside the apartment. He should have lied. Anything to keep up the lies that he had so delicately been skating on. The ice had collapsed on the frozen surface of his affairs and he knew it was never going to be the same. He only looked up when Uryuu opened the door, sobbing, and tossed a little container at him then shut the door, evidently locking it.
After getting home, Uryuu had paced back and forth, in between rushing to the bathroom and puking several times. It was only when he saw the container with his pregnancy test sitting in it, the indicator section showing a positive blue, he thought he might have the baby through his mouth. Taking the test stick, he angrily tossed it at Ichigo through the door before going back to crying. Not only was his fiancé cheating, but he was pregnant. Just fucking great. He changed into pajamas and laid on the couch crying the rest of the night away.
Waking up with a chill due to the window being wide open, Uryuu saw a light coming from their bedroom. Grabbing a baseball bat, he approached the bedroom only to see Ichigo passed out, still in his school clothes, Ichigo had the birth control test in one hand. Unsanitary… Nice going, Ichigo. Don’t even think about the fact I peed on that.
Ichigo knew he’d probably get smacked for getting into the apartment through the window but he’d be damned if he was going to sleep outside in the cold. Waking up to the feeling of eyes on him, he turned to see Uryuu sitting next to him on the bed. There was an oppressive sense of ‘What now?’ hanging in the air. And neither of them knew the answer to that. It frightened Ichigo and he didn’t make a move to say anything, but he was shocked when Uryuu opened his mouth.
“I got pregnant,” he said first, and that wasn’t the shocking part. His lips contorted into somewhat of a frown. “Fuck you. I’m pissed. You made a commitment,” he said, the words not stinging enough quite yet. “So I’m leaving. I got an offer a while back to study in the States for a few months, and I decided I’m going to take the offer."
“Wait--” Ichigo grabbed his… ex-lovers hand. “You’re carrying our baby. You can’t--” He stumbled over his word choice before putting a hand on the other’s arm. “I love you and I’m sorry--”
“Sorry isn’t enough. Putting all the pieces together, this has gone on long enough. I can’t be around you, I just fucking can’t. You screwed up. You screwed up and I’m not going to listen to your excuses because my pride won’t let me. I’m already ashamed to have let this slip by me. Sorry and all the excuses in the world can’t get me to forgive you. You dug yourself your own grave,” Uryuu shot before rising to his feet. “I’m leaving in a few days. When I come back we’ll deal with…” He gestured to his stomach. “I don’t know if I can do it on my own,” he added for good measure. He hoped these words were enough to show Ichigo how serious he was, how hurt he was, and most of all how much Ichigo should wish he was dead.
It was a lot to process for the father of their unborn child. “I DIDN--”He stopped himself. He knew yelling wouldn’t help. Taking a deep breath, he began again, “Don’t run away from me, don’t hurt--”He ran after the other down the hall, grabbing Uryuu's arm harshly.
“DON’T FUCKING LECTURE ME ON HURTING,” he said slapping Ichigo across the face. “I told you I was going to try fertility. You nodded and we had that talk. You said ‘okay’. You’re the one who had sex without a fucking condom, you’re the fucker who told me you loved me, that you wanted me,” he said, slapping the other again and leaving sizable red welts on his face. “So-so don’t talk to me about hurt. I’m leaving. I’ll come back. If you’re lucky we’ll talk face to face, but right now just looking at you-I can’t,” he said sternly before pivoting away.
“Whatever!” Ichigo called after his fiancé. “You told me there was only like a 40 percent chance it’d work,” he said after the other, who was angrily stomping away. “I love you. But your orderly way, your neat bathrooms, the fact you hate half the things I do is… was too much! The first time I got together to cheat on you was after our fight over the apartment. You remember? Nothing was good enough. I was never good enough for you.” He screamed after the raven-haired boy furiously, his hands finding themselves at the wall creating a slight indentation of impact. “Fuck you, fuck the bastard you have--” Ichigo paused, eyes widening in realization before his tone grew regretful. “I-I didn’t just mean that. God, Uryuu, I didn’t just mean to say that. Fuck, I love you- and that baby,” he said, biting his lip.
[3 days later]
The sun was high in a cloudless sky by the time Uryuu was done packing. The three days between their fight and now it had felt like eternity for him. They should have been giddy about the baby and planning things out, but… they weren’t. They hadn't spoken a word to each other. He had packed a closet’s worth and was standing at the apartment door. His hand shaking before the knob, and his eyes were screwed tightly shut.
[a/n:] please comment! i would love some feedback, anything is great! let's keep this fic-boat afloat.