001. Maastricht, Treaty of.
I can't believe I'm feeling this way. I have major second thoughts about posting this, but I suppose nothing else cures teenage wangst urges like posting. I mean, we were never anything more than friends. I never expected us to be anything more than friends. Oh, who am I kidding? If that were true, I would not be feeling this painful, unexplained, awkward twinge of jealousy. Perhaps there was always some latent interest on my part, because our relationship always seemed like it was only a step away from being, well, a RELATIONSHIP. Or perhaps it's their laughable awkwardness, mousiness, and future-schoolmarminess of the girl and how I could have easily beaten her out if only I had pounced when I had the chance, because I am to her what any supermodel is to me. Or how generally awkward they are as a couple. Or maybe it's not about him, or even about her; just an expression of my own feelings of romantic inadequacy.
In other news, I am still not speaking to J. Whatever they tell me, contempt for other does not equal pure awesomeness in my book. It's probably a subconscious effort on my part to punish him, though a poor and pitiful one. The loss of my company, for him, supposedly as "purely awesome" as he is, must not be much of a loss.
Whatever. This is lame, and it's nonsense. I am, quite seriously, counting the days until I outgrow it.