It's hard to recreate such an individual gait...
I'm sorry if I sounded a bit self pitying last time I wrote properly. I didn't mean to be, I think I'm just a bit fed up. With a lot of stuff. Whilst in a way I can see that it's probably for the best that me and Matt aren't together anymore, it doesn't make living without him any less weird. Two years is a long time, and it's almost like I've forgotten how to live without him there. From very early on in our relationship, we were really serious and spending all our time together, something which we tried to stop doing later on, but hell we were practically living together after about a month. And because I didn't have the most normal of university experiences with lots of friends, most of our socialising was together. I think alot of people, maybe even us sometimes, assumed we'd be together forever, marriage, kids, the works. He was my best friend and my boyfriend all in one. And now it's weird, you get so used to someone's habits and ways, them not being there doesn't make sense. Life seems to follow a different path everyday without them. It's not necessarily a bad path, just different and feels a bit odd.
Sorry if this all sounds a bit flowery and stupid, but it's the only way I can describe it. I know things will get better as I get used to the new way of life because I did last time, when at the beginning of second year I realised life was ok and actually quite fun. However, you never forget somethings, do you. I'd be lying if I said that in my nostalgic daydreams of being 18, Tom didn't feature at all, of course he does, even though I was so messed up afterwards. Likewise, university memories are always going to contain Matt, and hopefully with time they'll become less painful to remember. It's just getting there, to that point where it doesn't hurt to remember anymore.
It's times like at the moment that I wish I didn't live alone. Well, sort of, I like the peace and quiet, and the ability to just wallow a bit, but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to talk to. But I'm a funny person to live with and I'm fussy about housemates. Can't please me really!
I miss Huddersfield as well at the moment, I had to go last night for a big ol' pointless meeting, and everytime I drive up there and see it on the horizon, my heart just lifts. I don't know if it's because I have some good memories there or what. It just feels like home. This isn't to say I'm not happy in Barnsley, I am, it's a very underrated, friendly place to live, but I just feel like my heart is in Huddersfield. Is that weird?? I can't really explain it, I just love it so much. =)
So in the rest of my life.... well I went home to Leicester last weekend for a Big Night Out. Oh dear. The snakebite was probably a bad idea. Do not EVER kiss boys the same age as your little sister. Fuckedyblaahaosdjodfjgfd. Bad times. At least he'll have a good story to tell his mates. =S
Whilst at home I also fixed (with dad) my wing mirror so I can now overtake on the motorway without nearly killing myself. Woop woop! I have also booked my car in at Halfords to have a new stereo (which actually works) fitted a week on Saturday. Yaaay! I am literally so excited about that one! =D It has an MP3 connector and a CD player and a radio and (most importantly) it was reduced to less than half price in the sale. =D
I made soup the other day. It was immense, maybe a little too much ginger but still quite tasty. And each portion has something rediculous like 6 portions of veg in, so I am veg-ilicious! I am trying sooo hard to be healthy, but it's hard and today I slipped and had lasagne, chips and salad from the sarni shop at lunch. =S But it was only a little portion and I had a big couscous salad for dinner. =D And loooots of Activia at the moment. I don't know if it's actually any better for you than normal natural yogurt, but if I don't feel less bloated in 2 weeks I'm going to get my money back. Hahaha!
Right, I'm going to stop wittering now. I'm actually feeling a bit better now. I'm orf to write a report for the Church magazine about what Rainbows has done in the past year. =S
xxx
Sorry if this all sounds a bit flowery and stupid, but it's the only way I can describe it. I know things will get better as I get used to the new way of life because I did last time, when at the beginning of second year I realised life was ok and actually quite fun. However, you never forget somethings, do you. I'd be lying if I said that in my nostalgic daydreams of being 18, Tom didn't feature at all, of course he does, even though I was so messed up afterwards. Likewise, university memories are always going to contain Matt, and hopefully with time they'll become less painful to remember. It's just getting there, to that point where it doesn't hurt to remember anymore.
It's times like at the moment that I wish I didn't live alone. Well, sort of, I like the peace and quiet, and the ability to just wallow a bit, but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to talk to. But I'm a funny person to live with and I'm fussy about housemates. Can't please me really!
I miss Huddersfield as well at the moment, I had to go last night for a big ol' pointless meeting, and everytime I drive up there and see it on the horizon, my heart just lifts. I don't know if it's because I have some good memories there or what. It just feels like home. This isn't to say I'm not happy in Barnsley, I am, it's a very underrated, friendly place to live, but I just feel like my heart is in Huddersfield. Is that weird?? I can't really explain it, I just love it so much. =)
So in the rest of my life.... well I went home to Leicester last weekend for a Big Night Out. Oh dear. The snakebite was probably a bad idea. Do not EVER kiss boys the same age as your little sister. Fuckedyblaahaosdjodfjgfd. Bad times. At least he'll have a good story to tell his mates. =S
Whilst at home I also fixed (with dad) my wing mirror so I can now overtake on the motorway without nearly killing myself. Woop woop! I have also booked my car in at Halfords to have a new stereo (which actually works) fitted a week on Saturday. Yaaay! I am literally so excited about that one! =D It has an MP3 connector and a CD player and a radio and (most importantly) it was reduced to less than half price in the sale. =D
I made soup the other day. It was immense, maybe a little too much ginger but still quite tasty. And each portion has something rediculous like 6 portions of veg in, so I am veg-ilicious! I am trying sooo hard to be healthy, but it's hard and today I slipped and had lasagne, chips and salad from the sarni shop at lunch. =S But it was only a little portion and I had a big couscous salad for dinner. =D And loooots of Activia at the moment. I don't know if it's actually any better for you than normal natural yogurt, but if I don't feel less bloated in 2 weeks I'm going to get my money back. Hahaha!
Right, I'm going to stop wittering now. I'm actually feeling a bit better now. I'm orf to write a report for the Church magazine about what Rainbows has done in the past year. =S
xxx