All He Sees

[alice_alaizabel]

Summary: Severus Snape never saw Harry Potter.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Severus Snape, Harry Potter
Word count: 187

Comments

[xicarus_complex]

I really enjoyed this. There were a couple technical errors and I'm not sure the last line was entirely necessary because you'd established the point so well theretofore, but it's very well-written. I liked the unrelenting focus on the similarities between Harry and his father, and the utter refusal to acknowledge that there's more to an individual than his looks and his history. You capture the tragedy in a lovely way and I found the fifth paragraph particularly bittersweet because Lily's eyes seem like an opportunity to see, if not the boy, then a part of him that even Snape can see as worthy of admiration and yet he can only see his own failures. Great work!

[alice_alaizabel]

Looking back, I think you're right about the last line. I think (again, this was written a couple of years ago) that I put it in to mirror the first line. Probably not going to remove it now, but if I was writing it up again, I wouldn't include it.

I'm finding these reviews you're leaving really helpful, because they're on fics I wrote years ago. I'm able to see the comments you leave and think "well, I don't do that anymore, so that's really nice to know I've improved" or "I still do that, must keep an eye on it."

[xicarus_complex]

I don't usually leave constructive criticism on years-old fic, but I'm glad you've found my comments helpful :). I figured you'd probably put it in to mirror the first line and I think a sense of symmetry can be very effective, but in this case, I think I was unsure of the reason for it. However, I thought it was excellent anyway and I doubt I'd change anything less than a few months old, at least not right away. (I'm a bit of a procrastinator :P).

[alice_alaizabel]

You think you're a procrastinator; two and half years it's taken me to finish the expansion for Fairytale, and it's not like it's a long fic. It's about two/three thousand words all together - it's embarrassing.

On a side note, I love your icon. I've seen it around a couple of times, and it's awesome. It's such a common mistake, but one that drives me absolutely mad. When I was thirteen or fourteen and first starting writing fanfiction (in a word document which I still write in) I was always doing it. And when I look back at that stuff now, it's not the dull plots or the appalling Mary Sues that annoys me the most, it's the BAD GRAMMAR!

Fandom has made me a stickler for grammar, so it's not all bad. Although it really used to annoy my friends at school, because I'd glance over at their work and go "no, you need a comma there." Or, the worst of all "for this there, it's their. For that there, it's they're. And for this there, it's there."

[xicarus_complex]

I'm a little embarrassed to admit how much unfinished fic I have on my hard drive and my fanfiction.net account, but generally I didn't post anything I needed to finish--at least not any time soon :P.

Thank you. It's gankable, if you'd like it; just credit tehlobster :3. I think your icons are fantastic as well; I see them often and I always think they're supremely adorable! Unsurprisingly, I'm a stickler for grammar, too, and I've been one since age eleven or twelve, but I tended to overuse commas in my older fic. It was a symptom of a chronic problem with run-on sentences and I suspect it's left a mark on my writing even now.

Fandom (mostly fanficrants actually made me more tolerant of dubious grammar, though in real life more than fiction. I still irritate my friends with my pedantry, but I think they're used to it by now :P.

[alice_alaizabel]

I generally only write short oneshots - the type I can write in one go - because I have absolutely no follow through. I am incapable of finishing anything I start.

I overuse semicolons. And dashes.

My icons are all from Kawaii Not. It's a brilliant site, and it's free ^__^

[xicarus_complex]

I've started to write one-shots, but unfortunately I still have some longer plot bunnies (or plot hares, haha) I'd like to finish. Or possibly start. I suspect I overuse semicolons and especially dashes as well, but I've been overusing commas a lot longer :P.

Thank you! I'll check it out :3.