I hate that I only use this to vent
I shouldn't be writing on here when I have work to do, but I'm just such a depressing fuck lately. I can't stand the way I'm behaving; it's just the result of school related stress and my parents' expectations. Don't they have any faith in me at all? Then again, I shouldn't speak as I have no faith in myself either. I try to hold up my accomplishments: I'm a published author of acculturation issues in immigrant populations, I won psych prizes for my work, my adviser thinks that I'm an amazing student with wonderful grades and an even better personality, I have a boyfriend and loving friends. I kinda have it all (except my parents' acceptance, but shouldn't I just forget about that?)
Lately, I've just been trying to escape my life, or rather just myself. I want to be anyone and anything else. I spend most of my free time watching anime and pretending to be characters. It's such shit. Why aren't I proud of myself? Why can't I think of myself as anything but worthless?
I need to stop waiting for the day when my parents will turn around and be proud of me. I need to find a way to sustain my own happiness and figure myself out without being influenced by their desires.
But mostly, I need to finish this stupid reflection paper and go to bed.
Lately, I've just been trying to escape my life, or rather just myself. I want to be anyone and anything else. I spend most of my free time watching anime and pretending to be characters. It's such shit. Why aren't I proud of myself? Why can't I think of myself as anything but worthless?
I need to stop waiting for the day when my parents will turn around and be proud of me. I need to find a way to sustain my own happiness and figure myself out without being influenced by their desires.
But mostly, I need to finish this stupid reflection paper and go to bed.