i'm lost at sea.. the radio is jammin but they won't find me. i swear its for the best..
christmas is so soon. i can't wait. i love it. i'm like 5 years old when it comes to christmas. so lets see what has been goin on since the last update.. .... well.. went to the city on saturday. it was cool. i never went to see the tree before. and the ice rink. and rats in the subway. so it was a night of firsts.. hehe. it was hella fun tho. i had a good time despite all of the fucking drama that went on. that always goes on. i'm getting sick of it lately which in return causes me to be a bitch to people cus i'm just tired of hearing about the same shit everyday. i have my own shit to deal with and the repetativeness of what goes on with people around me is getting old. i dunno but in the same respect i feel bad for getting annoyed about it cus i want them to kno that they can come to me with anything so its kind of a lose lose situation. i can't speak for other people and sometimes i feel like i'm put into the situation where i kind of have to think about what other people are feeling to satisfy someone else's curiosity. weird. i hate how feelings come between friendships. i feel like sometimes i'm given the choice of either dating somone or not talking to them or hanging out with them. i feel like it's one or the other. together or nothing at all and it sucks. i just don't kno what to think because i feel like a hypocrit because i say one thing and then other things hurt even tho i shouldn't let it get to me because it's my decision. it's shitty. i kno that it's confusing but i def try not to lead anyone on. it just seems like if there is no possibility of being together then the friendship is lost. soo that kind of sucks. i don't like to be put in that sort of a situation. i kno it's confusing but pushing away a friendship isn't cool either. things use to be so normal and i don't understand why they can't be now.
plus being treated like a piece of ass while the feelings for someone else is put on hold. i mean you probably don't realise you do it but you do not that i want anything from you. but it sucks to think that i'm looked at in that way.
i'm really happy that the groups that i'm hanging out with are finally starting to be able to hang out together. it really means a lot. tho it's uncomfortable at times, it's also really nice that everyone can be together. my work christmas party is on sunday. i'm excited...... we always have a good time. annd i'm going shopping tomorrow which is cool.. but for now i'm gonna go cus i'm mad tired and i have to get up really early annd i hate it.
xo