response #1 to challenge "seasons"
Station 16 ficlets list
1) "Nothing To Lose"
2) "The World Is Made of This"
3) "Identity"
4) "The Dead Next Door"
5) "Surfacing"
6) "Crossing the Line"
7) "The Rescue Paradox"
8) "Compass"
9) "Her Final Guardian"
And now, to resume our story --
"The Thaw"
Nadia found a crocus in the snow yesterday. She knelt down, ignoring the chill and the chafing wind against her cheeks, to stroke the pale-green leaves. It felt as though she were willing the flower to bloom into life.
That night, she wanted to tell Jack about the crocus, but she couldn't. It's not that she doesn't think he'd understand; Nadia is one of the very few people in the world who realizes that Jack would understand that, the need to see a new living thing. Her fear is that he might understand too much.
She is on the side of life. She is willing to fight for it, to die for it - and, perhaps most dangerous of all, to hope for it.
Jack - in every other way as courageous a man as she has ever known - cannot face the torment of hope.
So Nadia says nothing that night or early the next morning. She eats breakfast with Jack in their room; the ration bars are flavorless, but they're used to them. Jack leans against the wall, and she leans against him. She relishes the simplicity of it, the comfort.
Then, when Jack goes for his day's work, patrolling the far south border, Nadia doesn't go to the health center as dictated by the Station 16 duty roster. She goes to Kendall instead.
"You're sure?" The avid light in Kendall's eyes reveals that he wouldn't hear denial or second-guessing, not now, not even if she meant it. That's all right. Nadia is resolved.
"Yes. Let's do it now."
Before Jack returns remains unspoken.
They come to her room; the infirmary would be the right place, if they feared this would hurt her, but instead they're afraid this will kill her. Nadia is being given the chance to die in her bed. She pulls the blanket over her and turns her head so that she can smell Jack's scent upon the pillowcase. "Now," she says, holding out her arm.
The needle slides in, the green liquid flows into her with a jolt, and reality splinters into -
Sydney in Sevogda, the child within her though unseen, all the numbers clicking away overhead like a clock, and as Nadia watches the hands spin it is no longer a clock but a compass, west by southwest, ice and land and sea and then an island, welling green in her vision and blotting out everything else, even light -
Nadia doesn't know when she passes out. She only knows that when she comes to, Jack is there, holding her hand. He sponges off her forehead, and when their eyes meet, he doesn't say a word.
She was ready for his anger. She wasn't prepared to see how deeply she hurt him.
"You know I had to," she says. "If I hadn't used the serum -"
"Shh." Jack squeezes her hand tighter, as if holding her in place. "Save your strength."
Soon she will leave Station 16. Nadia wishes she knew if Jack will come with her.
1) "Nothing To Lose"
2) "The World Is Made of This"
3) "Identity"
4) "The Dead Next Door"
5) "Surfacing"
6) "Crossing the Line"
7) "The Rescue Paradox"
8) "Compass"
9) "Her Final Guardian"
And now, to resume our story --
"The Thaw"
Nadia found a crocus in the snow yesterday. She knelt down, ignoring the chill and the chafing wind against her cheeks, to stroke the pale-green leaves. It felt as though she were willing the flower to bloom into life.
That night, she wanted to tell Jack about the crocus, but she couldn't. It's not that she doesn't think he'd understand; Nadia is one of the very few people in the world who realizes that Jack would understand that, the need to see a new living thing. Her fear is that he might understand too much.
She is on the side of life. She is willing to fight for it, to die for it - and, perhaps most dangerous of all, to hope for it.
Jack - in every other way as courageous a man as she has ever known - cannot face the torment of hope.
So Nadia says nothing that night or early the next morning. She eats breakfast with Jack in their room; the ration bars are flavorless, but they're used to them. Jack leans against the wall, and she leans against him. She relishes the simplicity of it, the comfort.
Then, when Jack goes for his day's work, patrolling the far south border, Nadia doesn't go to the health center as dictated by the Station 16 duty roster. She goes to Kendall instead.
"You're sure?" The avid light in Kendall's eyes reveals that he wouldn't hear denial or second-guessing, not now, not even if she meant it. That's all right. Nadia is resolved.
"Yes. Let's do it now."
Before Jack returns remains unspoken.
They come to her room; the infirmary would be the right place, if they feared this would hurt her, but instead they're afraid this will kill her. Nadia is being given the chance to die in her bed. She pulls the blanket over her and turns her head so that she can smell Jack's scent upon the pillowcase. "Now," she says, holding out her arm.
The needle slides in, the green liquid flows into her with a jolt, and reality splinters into -
Sydney in Sevogda, the child within her though unseen, all the numbers clicking away overhead like a clock, and as Nadia watches the hands spin it is no longer a clock but a compass, west by southwest, ice and land and sea and then an island, welling green in her vision and blotting out everything else, even light -
Nadia doesn't know when she passes out. She only knows that when she comes to, Jack is there, holding her hand. He sponges off her forehead, and when their eyes meet, he doesn't say a word.
She was ready for his anger. She wasn't prepared to see how deeply she hurt him.
"You know I had to," she says. "If I hadn't used the serum -"
"Shh." Jack squeezes her hand tighter, as if holding her in place. "Save your strength."
Soon she will leave Station 16. Nadia wishes she knew if Jack will come with her.